I want to be sad tonight. I can think of no other way to say it. For so many small, small reasons, I want to be sad.
I want to be sad because all the Krispy Kreme donuts (which we have about twice a year) were gone before I got to heat one in the microwave and experience its cloud-like goodness.
I want to be sad because we had a last-minute birthday party for Tegan and Spencer today, and we never even sang Happy Birthday, or had them blow out any candles.
I want to be sad because I didn’t get any good pictures, because for some reason even though I’ve managed to learn how to use the camera when it’s not a particularly important shot, using it under a high-pressure situation still has me completely flummoxed.
I want to be sad because I’m TIRED, oh. so. tired. because once again too many nights of not sleeping have caught up with me, and have magnified everything to larger-than-necessary proportions.
I want to be sad because I don’t understand people sometimes, and have a hard time accepting that people will continue to do passive-aggressive hurtful things instead of talking about their issues like grownups…. because people don’t respect themselves enough to do things differently.
I just really want to be sad. But I can’t.
Fourteen years ago from tonight, I was brand-new 23 year old mother. I was nursing my first child, an oh-so-tiny 5 pound little boy, with big eyes, lots of black hair, and skin he’d yet to grow into. My life changed that night. It became less about me, and more about HIM. Tonight, that little baby is a healthy and happy teenager.
He didn’t care that we didn’t sing happy birthday, or that he didn’t blow out any candles. In fact, he hasn’t stopped talking about what a great birthday he had.
I went on to have three more healthy children after that day (three more… seriously, how blessed am I?) including this one, who also claimed it was the “best birthday ever,” even though her birthday isn’t technically until Tuesday:
I can’t be sad tonight. I’m too grateful to be sad. Tonight, I’m grateful.
I’m so very blessed!
I will not sweat the small stuff…. and it’s all small stuff.