Monthly Archives: October 2011
The Black and White of Spanking
Yesterday morning, I was getting a bath ready for the three-year-old. As I was adjusting the temperature of the water, I tossed several of the countless bath toys that live in the tub over to the other end, so I could get to the plug. Tegan came up behind me, sounding extremely concerned. “Stop! Stop throwing those toys!” At first I thought she was afraid it was going to hurt them in some way.
“Oh it’s okay, they’re just foam,” I told her.
“But you should stop throwing them!”
“Why?”
“Because Daddy says we shouldn’t throw.” Ah, there it was. I’m not sure what the incident she was referring to entailed, but I’m very certain that he’d asked her to stop throwing only because there was risk of damage or impalement of some sort. We talked about throwing for a minute, but I’m not concerned. I fully trust that as she grows and matures she’ll learn the nuances about throwing. Throwing balls and frisbees and wadded up paper is okay. Throwing pillows and stuffed animals is usually okay. Throwing rocks is okay if they’re thrown in a river, but not if they’re thrown at someone’s head. Certain places lend themselves to throwing: playgrounds, parks, her own house. Others, not so much: Church, the library, a dentist’s office. The socially accepted norms about throwing are filled with shades of grey, so a blanket statement of “we shouldn’t throw,” would be neither appropriate nor truthful. Of course we can throw… but sometimes we shouldn’t.
Hitting, however, is not a grey area. It’s black and white.
Hitting is wrong. Forcefully striking another person is wrong. Striking someone smaller and weaker than you is especially wrong. There’s a reason that hitting someone can land you an assault charge. Being hit is hurtful, damaging, and violating… not just to a person’s body, but to their psyche as well. We should all be able to expect personal space and safety, as well as freedom from being harmed at someone else’s hand.
Don’t agree with me? Ask yourself if you’ve taught your own children that they shouldn’t hit. Ask yourself if you’d sit idly by while your child was striking a peer. Ask yourself if you wouldn’t immediately react if your six year old were hitting a one year old. Of course you would…. because you know hitting is wrong.
Per dictionary.com:
Hit: (verb) To deal a blow or stroke to
Spanking is hitting. That makes spanking wrong in and of itself, but I want to take it a step further. Not only is spanking hitting, it is hitting someone much, much smaller and physically weaker than ourselves. Say an average toddler is 25 pounds. His mother is at least a good five or six times his size, his father possibly eight times. If you’d intervene when your child were striking a smaller child (and you would), why on earth would an adult striking a child be in any way okay? It’s not.
A child depends on his parents, more than anyone else, to keep him nurtured, safe, and protected. How frightening and confusing it must be then, when he finds himself in trouble in some way (he’s angry or frustrated or made a mistake) His feelings are big and scary and overwhelming, and he’s then physically hurt at his parent’s hand on top of it: A hand that he expects to hold him, comfort him, protect him, love him. Not hurt him. Not only does it not help the situation, it exacerbates it. It takes the pair further from a loving, connected relationship, and deeper into one of fear and mistrust.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “But I’m a Christian! I’m commanded to spank! Spanking’s biblical!”, my answer to you is no, it’s not biblical. People use a few different justifications, but the (taken out of context) scripture most often used to propogate this misconception is this one:
“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” Proverbs 13:24
The rod referred to in this scripture – as well as the other “rod” scriptures – is that used by shepherds of that time, which were used to guide and protect sheep, not hit them. And honestly, if you’re going to start pulling out old testament scriptures to justify your behaviors, then I hope you don’t ever braid your hair or wear jewelry or dresses or fancy clothes, because the old testament prohibits that too.
In any case, as Christians we are no longer supposed to be living under the old law but the new one that came with Jesus, which is one of love and freedom. I want to challenge you – seriously – to find me one scripture, any scripture, anywhere in the Bible, that even hints at the possibility that Jesus would remotely consider striking a child. If you can bring me that scripture, we can talk… otherwise there isn’t a conversation to be had. I don’t advocate against spanking in spite of being a Christian, I do so in part because of it… because to be a Christian is to aspire to be Christ-like. And Christ would never, ever, hit a child.
Finally, if you are here as a former spanker, whether the last time you spanked was last year or last week or five minutes ago, please know that you are absolutely welcome here, without judgment and without reproach. I can give you help, support and/or resources for taking another path. I have made parenting decisions that I would now make differently, to be sure, but spanking doesn’t happen to be one of them. So I do hope that you’ll share your story, because your testimony as someone who has walked through it is far more powerful than any that I could ever give.
And while it’s true that we can’t change the past, we can learn from it. We can heal from it. And we can make better choices, starting right now.
Filed under discipline, gentle discipline, gentle parenting, spanking
Plank Pullin: The one where I want to bang my head into the wall
It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5 style.
I have a fantasy. In this fantasy, I carefully back up my blog, and then I delete the whole thing. Poof, gone from the internet forever. Then I delete my blog’s Facebook page, followed my personal page. And then I go on with my life, in my happy little non-connected bubble, never to write a single word about unschooling or parenting ever again.
And it’s not because I have privacy concerns, or because I’m burnt out, or because I particularly want to stop blogging. It’s because I find writing about what I write about to be very, very frustrating. Like, repeatedly-bang-my-head-into-the-wall frustrating. Although it’s actually not the writing so much as it is what comes afterwards. It’s always nice to get positive comments, and I’ve learned to (mostly) shrug off the negative ones. I love it when people comment who say, “You know what, I see where you’re coming from, and I understand what you’re saying… but I disagree.” No, what causes the head banging is the people who, despite my very best efforts at being clear and concise and detailed enough in my writing, COMPLETELY miss my point. The people whose comments make very clear that they don’t understand what it is I’ve just said. The people who want to argue or debate with me based on a false understanding of what unschooling or gentle parenting or freedom really is. And the fact is, I can’t have a discussion with you if we’re talking about two entirely different things. I try, repeatedly, and it just doesn’t work. It always makes me wonder if 1) I’m just a really terrible writer who can’t seem to make a whole, unified point, or 2) I’m speaking a language that only a select group of people can understand.
It makes me frustrated. It makes me grumpy. It makes me want to embody my petulant inner child, gather up my ball from the playground, and go home. They don’t understand. Last night – actually 4:00 this morning – I was tossing and turning thinking about, and very nearly woke up the husband just to complain to him. “They. don’t. get. it.” I didn’t, mind you (you’re welcome, honey) but I wanted to. It frustrates me that much.
But. The thing is, not everyone is going to get it. And I’m sure it’s very likely – certain even – that there is somewhere out there frustrated by MY lack of understanding about something.
“This Jen girl, man, she’s not hearing a word I’m saying, and it is driving me crazy.”
It’s just the way it goes. And I have to believe that I’m still writing for a reason. I have to. So I’ll remove my head from the wall, put on my big girl underwear, and deal with it.
Filed under plank pullin'
Marilyn Monroe, ultra-thin models, and my hopes for my daughter…
A few weeks ago, there was a picture going around Facebook, with a caption that read,
”F**k Society. This (with an arrow pointing to Marilyn Monroe) is more attractive than this (with an arrow pointing to an underweight girl in a bikini)”
This was this picture of Marilyn Monroe:
I was going to include a picture for the skinny girl too, but I ultimately decided against it. We all know what she looked like. She was runway-model slim. You could see her ribs, and instead of curves she was all lines and angles and elbows.
I understand that the message is supposed to be a positive one. It’s supposed to encourage us to accept our bodies, not to bow to societal pressures to chase some mythical or unhealthy ideal. It’s supposed to remind us to appreciate the beauty of what is by some considered a “larger” woman.
And absolutely, Marilyn Monroe was beautiful. Beautiful face, beautiful figure, beautiful smile. That’s not in question.
But the element of comparison leaves me a little cold, as did the many comments of agreement, and those who took it a step further by calling the thin girl “disgusting,” “hideous,” and “ugly.” Suddenly, a message of acceptance and love was turned on its head … and instead of embracing beauty in all shapes and sizes (which I’d truly like to believe was the original intent), people were banding together to bash those who are smaller. And call me crazy, but isn’t it the height of hypocrisy to champion for the acceptance of one body type, while simultaneously lambasting another?
Now, I didn’t know the other girl in the picture any more than I knew Marilyn Monroe, but I can tell you this:
She could have been that thin simply because of genetics, in which case holding her up to Marilyn Monroe and saying she was the lesser of the two is just mean. Or she could have been precluded from gaining weight due to some kind of illness, whether physical or otherwise, which would make the comparison not just mean but heartless too. She could be a victim of her own self-hatred. She could be breaking under the pressure that comes from so many people making judgments on outward appearances, and she could be disappearing under an illusion of self-control.
Either way, I’m sad for that girl. I’m sad about the state of our country’s body image in general. And I’m sad that as a society our solution to the problem is just as bad as the problem itself. Instead of declaring Marilyn attractive, and the thin girl unattractive, can we accept the inherent beauty in both? Can we just aspire to be healthy?
Right now, my daughter is only three. She still (rightly so) thinks her body is perfect and beautiful exactly the way it is. I pray that that continues.
I hope that when she looks at herself and others, she doesn’t see skinny or large, curvy or athletic. I hope that she never compares… not to each other, and not to herself. I hope that when she looks in a mirror, she feels acceptance. I hope that she still realizes that she was purposely and deliberately and uniquely created, and that she isn’t meant to look like Marilyn Monroe or the runway model or anyone but HER.
I hope that she is kind to herself, and kind to her body. I hope that she eats good foods, and finds an exercise that she loves and does regularly…. not to look a certain way, or to fit into a certain size, but to stay healthy and strong.
I hope that she respects and accepts others, no matter their size, shape, or age. I hope that she loves them even when they can’t love themselves.
I hope that she embraces differences.
I hope that she realizes that our outer appearances are just that: Just a shell. And that beneath the curvy hips or the jutting hip bones, we’re all just … people. And not all that different after all.
Filed under acceptance, body image
Gratitude 10/24
I’m a day late on this because we had another crazy weekend, but I didn’t want to miss doing it. Even if only for myself, I think it’s something I need to do. So with no further preamble, this week I’m thankful for:
52 Ways to Have a “Time-In”
Anyone who regularly reads my blog, or knows me in person, will likely know that the girl and I have been experiencing some growing pains lately. Tegan is amazing, and sweet, and energetic, and funny. I thank God every day that I get to be her mom, just as I do with her brothers. And oh, the good days are very, very good….. and the not-as-good days can be, well, hard. I am learning things I never learned with my first three. In fact, there have been many times over the past three and a half years that I’ve honestly felt that I’m a first-time parent all over again. I have been challenged to be a better parent, and a more patient parent, more than ever before.
One thing I’ve discovered this time around is the importance of re-centering and re-connecting when things are getting squirrelly. When one or both of us are out-of-sorts, when she’s tired or frustrated or overwhelmed, when that moment comes when traditional parenting advice would have you doling out some form of “discipline”…. that is the point that I know it’s time to take a deep breath, a step back, and a moment for both of us to have a break from the situation together. Rather than removing HER from the predicament and/or the room, we change course and re-gather our bearings, together. A “time-in,” if you will.
Here are 52 different things that work for us. (Why 52? Because that’s the random number that came to my head when I started typing the title. And because, why not)
1. Get wet. Water is amazing at turning a mood around. Water in a sink, in the tub, from a hose, in a kiddie pool … it all works wonders. Is it raining? Go dance in it!!
2. Play some music. The kids and I are all in love with the free music sites like Groove Shark. Favorite songs, whether playing softly in the background, or cranked to high volume, are always a great pick-me-up.
3. Go outside. Or, if you’re already outside,
4. Go inside. Sometimes all you need is a change of scenery.
5. Take a field trip. It doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy. My kids are thrilled to go to the Dollar Store. They also love going to places like PetSmart to look at the fish.
6. Dance. Tegan loves to dance. She doesn’t even need any music to dance to, but adding it to music makes it even more fun, especially when she does ballet to a rock song, or starts head-banging to a ballad.
7. Yell. Sometimes you have to let it out. Go outside, or better yet, to a secluded spot in the desert (or forest or wherever you live) and yell your little hearts out.
8. Throw something. A ball, a frisbee, a wadded up piece of paper, a rock in a river….
9. Bake something. “Can we make cookies?” is an oft-heard question around these parts. (The answer, of course, is yes.)
10. Grab a camera. The other day, Tegan was tired and grumpy, and agreed to lay down with me in my bed. I had my cell phone with me, and she was thrilled when I showed her the self-portrait feature. She was happy, and relaxed, and entertained for a good hour while we took pictures like these:
11. Watch a movie. Don’t forget the popcorn.
12. Clean something. It may sound weird, but sometimes a good sweeping, mopping, or scrubbing is fun and relaxing for both of us.
13. Play with your food. It is soothing and relaxing to run your hands through and play with dry rice or beans or a little flour. Not too long ago, I had some ground decaf coffee in the cabinet (which I don’t drink) so I spread it out on a cookie sheet, and the girl happily played, scooped and dumped to her heart’s content.
14. Yoga, meditation, or prayer. Or a little bit of all three…. whatever helps you and your child get calm and centered and connected.
15. Wii Fit. We use this a lot lately, and it’s a great way to move and have fun at the same time. If you don’t have Wii, any sort of jumping around and exercising works just as well.
16. Get your hands dirty. If you’re Tegan, get your whole body dirty.
17. Spend time with an animal. At the time of this writing, we have a dog, a rat, a tarantula, a fish, and 6 chickens. If you don’t have a pet, borrow time with someone else’s. My kids all love going to the grain store where we get our chicken feed, because they get to visit with rabbits, ferrets, baby chicks, and exotic reptiles.
18. Build something. Legoes and blocks are always fun, and if you’re feeling more adventurous grab some wood and some nails.
19. Play cards. We always have several decks – and partial decks – hanging around the house. Even the littlest kids like to just play with, sort, and fling cards. There’s Go Fish, War, and Crazy Eights. And there are a million tricks you can learn to amaze and inspire. Try this link for ideas.
20. jacksonpollock.org It’s just fun.
21. Color. Stay in the lines or not. Your choice.
22. Put on a costume. Wear it with pride.
23. Sidewalk chalk. We like to draw murals, make hopscotch boards and obstacle courses, and trace our bodies crime-scene style.
24. Drive. No need to have a destination. There’s always a whole new dynamic in the car.
25. Pull an old game from the closet. An old favorite, or the one you never want to play because it has a million pieces.
26. Do a puzzle. Don’t have a real-life one handy? Do one virtually.
27. Play in the laundry. Even the seven year old still loves it when I dump a clean basket of laundry on his head before I fold it.
28. Take something apart. My kids have taken apart everything from old VCRs to Playstations to lawn mowers.
29. Go to the library. We usually come home with dozens of books… but it’s always fun browsing and reading even if we don’t.
30. Do a science experiment. The boys have accumulated some really cool science kits and chemistry sets. But even good old baking soda and vinegar works in a pinch.
31. Have a carpet picnic. It’s a very well known fact that food tastes better when it’s eaten on a big blanket spread picnic style on the carpet. Watching the Oscars or the Super Bowl while you eat is optional.
32. Have a carpet nap. Because picnicking is tiring.
33. Look at pictures. Tegan especially loves it when I dig up pictures from my own childhood. The older, the better.
34. Call a friend. My first inclination when I’m having a rough day is to hole up in my own house, and not see, talk, or otherwise socialize with anyone else. But. Sometimes it is very helpful for me and the girl to be around a kind and trusted third party.
35. Read a book. Or two or seven. It’s kind of an obvious one, but I couldn’t leave it out. Get comfy on the couch and read, read, read.
36. Redecorate. Hang some new pictures, rearrange the room, or draw on the windows with window markers. We got an old children’s table and chairs for free, and the girl is sprucing it up herself.
37. Laugh. Watch a goofy movie, take turns telling corny jokes, or have a silly contest.
38. Tie yourself in knots. When I was little, my dad used to put one of his big flannel shirts on my sister and I. He’d button it all up, then wrap the arms behind our backs and tie them up. We’d laugh and laugh while we rolled around and tried to escape.
39. Blow bubbles. We’ve tried a lot of different fancy bubble blowers and gadgets, but I still think the plain old, inexpensive bottles and wands work the best. And they make the girl deliriously happy.
40. Make paper snowflakes. It’s always fun, no matter what time of year it is.
41. Replicate a favorite store-bought treat at home. The internet makes it really easy to make a knock-off of your favorite confection from Jamba Juice, Starbucks, Cinnabon, or whatever strikes your and your child’s fancy.
42. Playdough. We also like clay and modeling wax, anything we can squish and mold and shape with our hands.
43. Make an indoor tent. Chairs + big sheet or blankets = great hideaway for reading, coloring, snacking, or hanging out.
44. Do nothing. Seriously. Just sit, and breathe, and relax, and BE together.
45. Write a letter. Not an email (not that emails aren’t great, too) but a letter. On paper. Or draw a picture, or make up a little package of stickers or other goodies, and mail it to a child that you love.
46. Make a big, huge, list together. Or, if you already have one, pick something that you haven’t done, and do it.
47. Go for a walk. Stop and look at trees and rocks and leaves and sticks. Let your child lead.
48. Sew something. The kids love it when I have the sewing machine out, but good old needle and thread works too. For tiny fingers, lacing with big beads is always fun.
49. Shoot a Nerf gun. We have a LOT of Nerf guns laying around our house. I’m always surprised at what a stress reliever it is when I pick one up and shoot it. For the older boys, we also have bb guns and bows and arrows.
50. Massage. Even lots of babies enjoy massages (It’s a good idea to be versed in infant massage first) You can massage your toddler, or have her give YOU a massage. Tegan loves walking up and down my back while I lay on the floor. Win/win.
51. Let them cry. No, not in the leave them alone in a room, and make them cry-it-out way. But sometimes, a person just has to cry. There have been times when I’ve done absolutely everything I can possibly think of, and the girl is just so tired or frustrated or disappointed that she just needs a good cry. So I let her know I’m there, hold her if she wants me close, and I let her cry.
And finally,
52. Break the rules. We don’t really do rules in our house. We do principles, and they generally just apply to treating ourselves, and each other, with respect. But I know a lot of people do have rules, and rather than viewing those difficult days as a time to more strictly adhere to the rules, I think the opposite is in order. Let that be the one time you have cookies before dinner, or stay up past bedtime, or jump on the couch.
“One day at a time – this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”
Filed under about me, gentle discipline, gentle parenting, mindful parenting, parenting
Plank Pullin’: My big mouth
It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5 style.
I try really hard not to gossip or complain about others. It’s not nice, of course, and I don’t like listening to other people doing it. The other day though, a situation with one individual had gotten the better of me, and I unloaded a torrent of frustrations onto a faithful friend. This person wasn’t doing anything to me personally mind you, but just – in my ever so humble opinion – being generally obnoxious to mankind as a whole. They were wrong (because, you know, everyone is supposed to be perfect all the time and never do anything unseemly). I didn’t like it, so I complained about it. I stood there and complained about it, and judged someone, and said unkind things….. and basically did all the stuff that I find so distasteful in others.
The very next day, this person did something that not only made me regret my words, but also completely and utterly proved me wrong. With a capital W. (Insert some cliched, but true, adages here about putting my foot in my mouth, or about pots and kettles and how they’re both black). I was wrong. And aside from the obvious “See, it serves you right for gossiping about someone!!“ it made me feel very small. I was judging the situation, and the person, unfairly. I was making assumptions. Funny how we have to learn the same lesson over and over and over again until we get it. This is basic stuff here, not rocket science. Even the kids know what happens when you ASSume.
But I learned my lesson (um, again) and maybe it’ll actually stick this time.
This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger ~ James 1:19
Filed under about me, plank pullin'
Today, by the numbers
Field trip to a (free) children’s heart museum: About $10 in gas.
A nice lunch for 6 at Big Fat Greek Restaurant: $65
Redbox late fee for the movie we never even finished watching Sunday night: $1.20
Standing in line to return said movie, chatting with a bunch of people, and only discovering that the zipper on my pants was wide open AFTER I got back into my car: Priceless.
The Problem with Easy
Parenting is hard. Let me just begin with that general statement. I don’t care if you’re a stay at home parent, or work outside the home, a single parent, a co-parent, a younger parent, or an older parent. Raising another human is hard work. It’s a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week job, with no sick days and no days off. It’s hard, and anyone who tells you differently is either not doing a very good job, or lying.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise then that so much of conventional parenting advice seems to be aimed not at improving the life of the child, but at making things easier for the parent. Did you ever think about it? New moms are bombarded with information on how they should train their new child to sleep through the night … then Mom won’t have to get up with baby anymore, and she won’t be as tired. They’re given tips and fancy methods of ensuring their child is potty trained by 23 months, because they shouldn’t have to worry about fussing with diapers for a day more than 2 years. They’re advised to plan naps around their schedule, to put kids in a time-out when they “misbehave”, and to completely ignore them when they have a tantrum.
Here’s the thing: No one ever said that parenting is supposed to be convenient. It’s not. Good parenting is messy. It’s real. It’s hands-on. It’s in the middle of the night, and it’s in the middle of a crowded supermarket.
Yes, it would be easier if kids slept through the night from the get-go. But not only do very few babies naturally sleep through the night, they are not designed to do so. They have tiny bellies, and they get hungry frequently. They get lonely. They get they scared. They want the warmth and comfort of their mom. It’s our job to be there for them, to love and care for them …. day and night.
Yes, it would be easier not to change diapers for 3 years, but some children simply aren’t ready before then. It’s our job to be respectful of their needs, of their bodies, and of their individual time table.
Yes, it would be easier if we could plan our days around conveniently scheduled nap times and eating times and play times. But kids aren’t robots for us to program. They’re people. Just like us, they have their own internal mechanism telling them when they are hungry and when they are tired, and also like ours, it ebbs and flows with the changing seasons. It’s not our job to expect our kids to fit neatly into our own unchanged lives, but to remain flexible, and patient, and recognize that once we have children we need to change from a couple dynamic to a family dynamic… one in which every voice matters.
Yes, it would be easier to make a whole bunch of rules, to never have to worry about our children straying or getting hurt or getting themselves in trouble. But children need to play. They need freedom. They need parents who support them and cheer for them. Parents who help them when they need it, and give them space when they do not.
Yes, it would be easier not to deal with the tantrums and the difficult moments. It would be easier to lose our patience, to send the offending party to his or her room, and to dole out an arbitrary (and unnecessary) punishment. But doing so does not help your child OR you. It doesn’t help your relationship.
Being a mindful and conscious parent means doing just that: being there. It means being there, right there in the moment, and not taking the easy way out. It means counting to ten (or fifty or 172) so that you don’t respond in anger. It means getting down on your child’s level, and talking to him or her. It means being kind and empathetic. It means treating your child the way you yourself would like to be treated. (I don’t know about you, but I would not like to be ignored or banished to another room to when I was upset about something. I would want to be heard, and I would want to know that someone cared. ) It means apologizing when you screw up – because you will screw up – and it means standing up and being a parent even during the hard moments. The uncomfortable moments. The moments when you’re tired and cranky and oh so tempted to fall back on “easy.”
Being the kind of parent I want to be isn’t easy. It’s hard. Some days it’s very hard. But I don’t think something that important should be easy. It should take work, and commitment, and love, and heart, and a really good sense of humor. If you’re moving from an authoritarian style of parenting to one based on partnership I can’t tell you that there won’t be good days and bad days, and I can’t tell you that you won’t sometimes feel like you’re taking one step forward and two steps back. But I can tell you – promise you even – that it will be worth it. Good relationships with your kids (or with anyone for that matter) are always worth it.
And that is so much better than easy.
Gratitude 10/16
Another week of things to be thankful for! One week ago from yesterday, we lost my grandfather, so he still plays prominently on my gratitude list. Funny though, how even in the midst of something as large as life and death, simple pleasures still abound. Here are just a few from the past seven days.
Not quite a year ago, my grandfather moved from where he was living in Florida, to stay with my parents here in Arizona. I am so, so thankful that I and the kids got to spend that time with him the last year of his life.
Speaking of my grandfather, this bible used to be his. I have had it since 1991. The cool thing about Bibles is that they are one of those things that just get better the older they are….. marked up, highlighted, dog-eared… and very treasured.
I have been waiting for this phone to be released for months now. My one big splurge, a smart phone is something that I could live without, but something that makes my life easier – and a lot more fun. This is an Android like my last one, but the difference in technology is like the difference between the newest MacBook Air and the Commodore 64. I love this phone.
Call me a hypocrite. I absolutely believe in natural remedies and clean living, but sometimes when the insomnia has gotten the better of me (again) I turn to an over-the-counter sleep aid, knowing that it will help if only for a night or two. And this week, I am very thankful that they exist.
Office supplies make me all kinds of giddy. Dry erase markers with magnets so they can hang on my dry erase board?? ON SALE? All kinds of giddy times three.
Filed under gratitude
Things I Love
Yesterday, I was unloading the dishwasher in that ho-hum, autopilot fashion that I think most of us employ when tending to mundane tasks. Grab the cups, stack the plates, sort the silverware… Grab, grab, stack, stack, sort, sort. This mug was the last thing I took out of the top rack, and as I set it on the counter, it made me smile. This mug makes me happy – seriously, how can you not be happy when you look at the Life is Good guy?? - and I don’t use it often enough. It occurred to me as I was looking at this mug that it was one of just a very few items that I’d taken out of the dishwasher that I really loved. (My striped mugs still fall into the “love” category as well)
As I looked around the kitchen, and then the rest of the house, I started asking myself how much of what I was seeing did I love. Not what was “nice” or expensive or fancy, but what I really loved… for whatever reason. It didn’t take me long to realize, “Dang, we accumulated a lot of extra ‘stuff’ again.” It’s stifling, and suffocating, and I don’t want to live that way anymore. I want to love what’s in my house. Now granted, I know I’m not going to love everything. I don’t jump for joy every time I open a new package of q-tips or kitchen sponges, but I use them. If it’s not something I – or something else in my family – love OR use, what on earth is it doing in the house?
It’s not the first time I’ve done this either. I’ve been struck with inspiration before, determined to de-clutter and simplify…. but somehow the extra stuff creeps back in. I don’t like it. So, starting today, I’m going to purposely change that. I’m going to streamline. Simplify. I’m going to take the next week, or month, or six months or however long it takes and go through my house room by room. If it’s not loved or used, it goes. I want my home to be mindfully filled with things that make us happy, not a receptacle for so much accumulated extra stuff that we can’t even find the things we love. Thankfully the kids are all helpful and discerning when it comes to decluttering as well. They have no problem parting with old toys and clothes they no longer use, especially when they know they’re going to go to another child who will enjoy them. They always get into the project once it begins, and are excited by the new, less claustrophobia-inducing house once progress is made. Tegan, at three, tends to be more of a saver than the others, but who am I to question her love for a stick or a rock or a gum wrapper from 6 months ago? And the husband is even more supportive than the kids. Any time I’ve suggested the possibility of less stuff, it’s always been met with a resounding, “Yes. Throw it away! Get it out of the house!!”
So I’m gonna. Now. And I can’t wait.
Filed under about me, decluttering, life, perspective, simplifying
