The other day, someone told me I should write a post about vaccinations, and what led us to our decision to opt out. “You’re crazy,” I responded, “I”m not that brave!” Regardless of how carefully I choose my words, it’s a topic that’s likely to get more heated than anything else I write about. And it’s one thing to feel good and confident about your own choices, but quite another to open yourself up to the ire of the majority of people who’ve chosen differently.
I had a similar reaction when, a few months ago, someone asked why I’d never written a post about circumcision, if I feel as strongly about it as I do. I’ve only mentioned it in passing, and while most people know where I stand on the issue, it’s not something I’ve ever written about in detail. “No way. Way too scary.” You think vaccine discussions get heated? Nothing compared to the circumcision debates I’ve seen.
I don’t want to say never though. Both are useful discussions, and ones that I think a lot of people could benefit from hearing. Maybe one day, when I’m feeling particularly confident, I’ll put something together.
I don’t however, ever plan to write about politics (today excepted), and this is why:
I was completely apathetic about anything political until I was in my late twenties. It was all too complicated, and it made people crazy, and it was just easier to rest in my ignorance. Didn’t understand it, didn’t care that I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t tell you the difference between a democrat or republican, and I only had vague ideas about being liberal or conservative (I’m not proud of any of this, by the way. People should not be apathetic to what’s going on in their country.)
The first time I voted in a presidential election was in 2000, the year that Bush ran against Gore. As the election grew closer, I still knew nothing about.. well, anything.. so I decided it was time I learned. I didn’t want to be ignorant anymore. I spent hours researching candidates and studying their platforms. I asked myself – for the first time in my life really – how I felt about the things I was reading. I took little online quizzes that asked questions about key issues and matched me up with who I most closely aligned. I took notes. I read voraciously. I thought about little else.
And I voted. I found the whole thing to be incredibly empowering, and I’d wished I’d done it sooner.
Sometime during the whole election period, I was talking to a friend on the phone, and she asked me how I was voting. I didn’t want to tell her… partly because I hadn’t told anyone yet, and partly because I assumed (correctly as it turned out) that she was voting for the other candidate, and I didn’t want to get into a whole “thing” when I was feeling pretty darn good about the fact that I was even voting at all. The fact that I’d made my own informed decision, and that I wasn’t following my parents or my husband or the media. That for the first time in my life, I’d done the research, and I’d come to learn and appreciate and embrace what I thought.
“Oh come on, we’re friends, just tell me!” Her voice was light and teasing on the surface, but she wasn’t going to let it go.
So eventually I told her. And she snorted. She laughed at me. “Oh God, I wouldn’t vote for him if you put a gun to my head!!! Are you serious?”
It was a light bulb moment for me: Too many people get mean when they talk about politics. People who are perfectly nice ordinarily suddenly lose control of their senses and can’t help but involuntarily lash out at those who disagree. I don’t like it. And it’s not about having strong opinions (I LOVE strong opinions). It’s not about believing something different from me (If I stand for nothing else, it’s for freedom) It’s not even about being obnoxiously verbose about whatever your particular cause is (Um, I’m a blogger. Enough said) It’s about being mean. It’s about attacking a whole other group of people just because they don’t agree with you.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen it as strongly illustrated as I have this past week on Facebook. My news feed’s been all aflutter with people posting about Occupy Wall Street, and in many many cases I’ve felt … disgusted. Yes, I’m disgusted. People feel strongly about this – on both sides – and I get that. I get sharing information and pictures and news articles. I get sharing your opinion. I do. What I don’t get is the need to be cruel, the need to degrade an entire group of people because they feel differently than you. Because they’re liberal. Or conservative. Or in the 99%. Or the 1%. I don’t get the need to be mean about it. I think the saddest part to me is seeing fellow Christians suddenly acting in a decidedly un-Christian manner, hurling insults, subscribing to sweeping and hateful generalizations, and making distasteful jokes… all because they need to prove how right they are. How kind. How Christlike. I see both sides, lumping everyone who disagrees together, making assumptions, attacking innocent people, attacking each other. I see people being really hateful in the name of standing up for what they believe in, and it makes me sad. I want no part of it. I don’t care if I agree or disagree or if you make a good point or a lousy point. If you’re being mean, I don’t want to hear your point.
**Big, huge disclaimer here: I’m not in any way saying that everyone’s being mean. They’re not. I’ve read a lot of interesting things from both sides of the issue. I’ve enjoyed some thoughtful and respectful discussions, and appreciated gleaning some new information. But. There’s too much hate, and too much meanness. It brings out a really ugly side of too many people, one I’d really rather not see.**
So that’s why I will continue to remain silent about Wall Street, and about the 2000 election, and about politics in general. Yes, I have opinions like everyone else, and I’m more than happy to talk about them with people I trust. But not with Facebook. Not with the general public. Not on my blog. If you want to talk to me about politics (or about vaccinations or about circumcision or about overpriced coffee drinks) send me a message and we’ll talk! The only caveat is that you have to be nice.
Please don’t start with the circimcision debate. I am for circimcision, it is a part of my religious beliefs. I still believe in natural parenting but I cannot be a part of any “crunchy” pages without seeing an attack on circumcision. Honestly I feel like my religious beliefs are being attacked and belittled and I am just so over it.
Exactly my point. It is a highly sensitive subject, for sure. But please don’t lump me, or the people who read and comment here, into experiences you may have had on other pages. We’re not all the same. 🙂
Amen!
I’m totally cool with you not talking about vaccinations, circumcision, or any of the other standard mommy wars fodder. Not because I don’t want to hear what you think (let’s go get ice cream again and I’d love to hear all about it) but simply because “here’s my personal opinion on a super controversial subject that you’ve already read all about” is so blogging cliche and one of the (many) reasons I like your blog is because you say unique things I haven’t heard 9,000 other places.
You’re awesome. And yes, let’s get ice cream again! But surely we can think of something more interesting than circumcision and vaccinations to talk about. 🙂
I’m just honored that it was a refusal to submit to my request that made your blog page today. LOL. What blogs are you and your friend reading, because I have honestly only seen the circumcision one covered one time. That’s probably why I wouldn’t realize that the vaccinations could potentially be a hot topic? It is also something I have never seen covered.
I am ashamed to admit that I will need to go find out what’s up with Wall Street. I used to be politically savvy, but the last election period completely killed that for me. Since then I haven’t kept up on ANYTHING.
BTW – I still like my over priced coffee drinks. UGH. I wish I didn’t. I know I really shouldn’t. 🙂
I still like you even if you like over priced coffee drinks. 😉
I follow a lot of natural parenting bloggers that write about that kind of thing all the time. Which is totally cool if that’s what they want to do, but I don’t know that it’s for me.
Tread carefully when you go research Wall Street…. your head will be spinning in no time.
You are so right about the meanness. It ends up not even being about the issue anymore *at all* . . . makes me nutty. I’ve actually “unsubscribed” (stopped liking them on FB, stopped reading blog posts, etc.) from a few groups/pages I really *love* because of the debate madness. These are/were people I fundamentally *agree* with (parenting pages, political pages, whatever) but just couldn’t handle seeing them pop up in my newsfeed/e-mail with yet another round of bashing. What’s odd is that in some ways it still surprises me. Maybe I am too naive and keep wanting to believe there’s a reasonable conversation in there somewhere, but sometimes I just look at a particular thread and think yikes! When did that happen? Which is why I wrote a while back about biting my virtual tongue and not writing something if I wouldn’t say it to the person if he/she were standing in front of me. (I am thinking here both in terms of my own posts AND comments I make on other blogs/posts/stories/etc.) This is hard . . . I mean, blogging about “controversial” stuff and having a strong opinion kind of go hand-in-hand. And sometimes folks are flat-out asking for an opinion or advice! I’m sure I don’t always express things the best way. But . . . I’m trying. And failing. And then trying again. Thanks for a great read as always.
Oh yes, I can so relate to everything you’ve said here. I’ve stopped following certain pages and groups that I agree with too, just because the good tends to get overshadowed by all the arguing, name-calling, attacking, people getting offended, etc etc. I’m so glad that so far, with very exceptions, my blog and its FB page have remained peaceful, happy places. I want to keep it that way!!! 🙂
Another thought I meant to share with you. I have trained myself that when it comes to controversy, just because I think it doesn’t mean I need to say it. so far it’s worked.
Good policy to follow!! I try to follow the rule of “Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?” before I speak. I fail sometimes… but I try. 🙂
I have worked on both sides of the liberal/conservative fence, and it is interesting to me that both sides hurl insults and behave in very undiplomatic ways because it goes deeper than issues. It goes deeper than being right or wrong. Many of these issues go deep into the heart of the person and they behave the way they do because of fundamental beliefs about who they are. Their outward behaviors stem from fears and on some level, these folks feel threatened (on both sides of the fence). I had a friend who felt that he wasn’t being paid fairly at his non-profit, non-partisan politically oriented job. He felt that the government should fix wages for different types of jobs. I told him that information about the expected wages for different types of jobs was available at the local library. He didn’t like my answer and refused to speak to me again! I’m not against fair wages, so please don’t interpret me that way. I’m only pointing out that it was his fears and his beliefs about himself (his role in society, his responsibilities) that caused him to react that way. People often feel personally attacked, rather than cool-headed and reasonable. I try not to have these conversations with people, either, because most of my views are unpopular or controversial. However, it is very hard for me since I like debate because it helps me understand people better. I wish that many of the people who respond so negatively would see that their emotions are preventing them from learning and expanding their world.