Note: This letter is hypothetical. The incident it describes is not. This happened two days ago.
Dear Sad Old Man at the Grocery Store,
You don’t know me, but we both shopped at the same grocery store the other night. I’m sure you didn’t notice me, as your attention was clearly elsewhere, but I couldn’t help but notice you. It’s difficult not to notice someone who’s so being so unhappy and hateful… but I guess I should go back to the beginning.
I was sort of unhappy myself that night, grumbling to myself about rising prices and lack of selection. It wasn’t my normal grocery store, the trip was taking twice as long as it should have, and I was tired and just wanted to go home. I was searching for the organic half and half when I first noticed the young couple next to me. They were holding hands and laughing over what I can only assume was the kind of inside joke that only couples share. They were sweet and affectionate with each other, and very clearly in love. They reminded me of my husband and I’s early days together, the days we like to joke that were “back when we loved each other.” They made me smile.
The fact that they were a gay couple was irrelevant.
I was right behind them, pushing my overfilled cart with the wobbly wheel as we left the dairy section. We rounded the corner of the aisle to head to the registers, and that’s when I saw you coming towards us. You didn’t look at me, didn’t even glance my way, so fixated you were on the couple in front of me. You had a look of disgust on your face, and at first I told myself that it wasn’t what it appeared. But then, as you passed, you looked them up and down, shook your head, and made an audible sound of revulsion.
I was mortified, heartbroken for these two strangers who’d done nothing but come to the store to pick up a few things for dinner. I don’t care if you disagree with their lifestyle. I don’t care if you think it’s wrong. I don’t care if you don’t like it. There’s a certain way of treating people, and That’s. Not. It.
I immediately felt sad for them, this young couple that I didn’t even know. What had they ever done to you to earn such a reaction? But the more I thought about it, the more sadness I felt for you. I wondered what had happened in your life for you to carry so much hatred and prejudice. I wondered if your reaction would have been the same if your son or your brother or your best friend announced he were gay. I wondered if you’d ever had anyone in your life who’d loved you unconditionally…. someone who stood beside you, and held your hand, and told you they would always, always have your back.
I felt sorry for the small way you were living your life, and I felt sad for your lost possibilities, your missed friendships, and your true potential for a full and rich and joyful existence.
You are hurting yourself, in ways I can’t even describe, and it doesn’t have to happen. I wish love for you, and healing… from whatever it is that is making you be so hurtful to others.
And finally, I’d like to thank you. In many ways it’s people like you who make me want to try harder. To be better. To be kinder. To be more accepting. To not give up. It’s people like you who remind me why I’m raising my kids the way that I am. Kids that know how to treat people. Kids that know how to love. Kids that know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that people – gay, straight, black, white – are all deserving of compassion and kindness.
And you know what? That couple? They were still happy when they walked out of that store. You didn’t break them. And you … you were still an angry, sad old man, whose actions only made you even sadder.
I don’t care if you think it’s wrong. I don’t care if you don’t like it. There’s a certain way of treating people, and That’s. Not. It.
^^^^^^ Yep.
🙂 I felt like that needed to be addressed, because I know there are people out there whose response would be, “But I think it’s wrong” Or the Bible says it’s wrong, or whatever. And regardless, it still doesn’t give a person a right to be so unkind.
Jen, this is SO true. It doesn’t matter whether you think an action is right or wrong, you continue to treat the person with respect and dignity. I’m sure Jesus thought the woman caught in adultery was wrong, and the woman at the well who was multiply-divorced and shacking with another guy. He respected them as people and treated them accordingly. How does making disgusted faces (or trying to outlaw behaviors, for that matter) teach the love of Christ to anyone?
very well said!!!
Thank you! 🙂
BEAUTIFUL!! This made me cry! I am always so saddened by the lack of empathy that exists in our world.
Thanks 🙂 And me too…. saddened and surprised too. I like to think that we’ve come farther than this as a society, and then something reminds me that in many cases, we have not. 🙁
thanks…my partner of 19 yrs and I thank you…our little adopted boy doesn’t know it, but he thanks you…and our older children thank you, too. We are wildly crazy happy together and still are on the receiving end of those kind of looks and comments. People don’t have to agree with us – but they shouldn’t treat our children any differently and we are still one heck of a great family.
Thank you so much!
You are very welcome. <3 And I'm so sorry that you receive those kinds of looks and comment. 🙁
Well said. I will send this to my two boyfriends, Jim and Buddy. I call them my boyfriends, but actually, they are the couple. I just love them dearly for they are so kind and understanding. They do wonderful deeds in our community by taking in foster children who need loving parents. Children leave their home feeling loved, yet they are safe. They do not display their affection for each other in public or in front of the children. I have had the pleasure of having several of their foster children in my years of teaching, and each of those kids come to school happy and gain in academics. Jim and Buddy do end up adopting some of these boys because without Buddy and Jim, the boys would not have any family. So right before the boy’s 18th birthday, they are adopted to be a part of the couple’s life forever. What a blessing!
Thanks so much for sharing the story of your friends!! What a gift they are giving those kids.
I almost cried when I read this. We got looks like this all the time when I’d be out with my family growing up. The looks and scoffs weren’t the worst though, the worst was when people would either come up and directly confront my dad about their dissapproval of his lifestyle or more commonly, stand close enough that we could hear every single word and talk to each other about how unfortunate it was for me that he could legally be my adoptive father.
My dad would always pretend he didn’t hear and we’d move on to a different part of the store but I know he did and I can’t imagine how much those comments must have hurt him, all I know is how heartbreaking it was for me to hear.
If anything about this ever came up people would often remark “But I don’t think his lifestyle is right.” I know they ment to absolve themselves of their behavior with that statement, but it never made me feel any better and it never made me think any better of them.
I’m so sorry, Jenna.
What a lovely post Jen. You can take comfort in the fact that you have touched many more lives with your empathy and kindness (and are raising 4 more emissaries to send out into the world!) than that sad & unhappy man has with his. Well done!
Yeah people who judge others are bad. Good thing none of us do that. Now back to judging the shit out of this old man who clearly is awful and has never done a single good thing in is entire life since we now know everything about him and his life. Good thing we’re above judging others.
I’m pretty sure that I never said he was awful, that he never did a single good thing in his entire life, OR that I knew everything about him and his life. If you don’t like my blog, or what I write about, feel free to leave it.
Love this post! I agree wholeheartedly!
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