I turned 38 yesterday. I am enjoying getting older, but I especially love the realization every year that I am just a little bit (or a lot) more authentically ME than I was the year before. For someone who floated through her teens and much of her twenties with nary an opinion in her head, that’s something to be celebrated for sure.
I like to make a big deal about my birthday, but the day itself was remarkable in its unremarkableness this year. I actually stayed home most of the day. We did our nails, we painted (at first on paper, but as is usually the case, eventually on bodies), we played outside, and we did all those things that people with kids do when they’re at home. Mike was going to be late coming home from work – clearly his employer didn’t get the memo that it was my birthday, because why else would payroll fall on the most important day of the year – so we filled the late afternoon with a last-minute trip to the store. By the time we got home it was 5:30, and I was ready to sit down for the first time all day and break into my new bottle of wine. But.
Then the girl put what I can only assume was half a roll of toilet paper in the toilet, sufficiently clogging it ….. and I then spent another half an hour plunging, flushing, and mopping up the resulting overflow. Glamorous finale to my day (bonus: my bathroom is extra clean now. Happy birthday to me.)
And then it was evening. Mike made it home, and I finally got to pour my wine. Despite the fact that he was feeling lousy from the cold he’d caught from the kids, he still made me the beautiful salad I’d been craving for days, while I worked on getting the cupcakes in the oven.
We don’t always, or usually, do birthday presents for each other, but this year he’d come home with a little gift for me. I’m not kidding when I say it was the best thing he’s ever gotten me.
Now, the visual of him going into an incense-burning, bong-selling, hippie store in his serious-button-down-office-man attire just for me was almost present enough in and of itself. But that’s not why I loved it. It smells and feels really good, and is supposed to be great for keeping dreads soft and moisturized and non-frizzy… but that’s not why I loved it either. I loved it because it said something. It said:
I support you.
I have wanted to dread my hair for probably two years now, and recently decided that this would be the year I did it. Like my nose ring, my husband wasn’t super enamored with the idea in the beginning. And also like my nose ring, I would have done it regardless. But to have him fully on my side – not in a “It’s your body, do what you want” kind of way, but in a “I went out of my way to get you a present. I love you. I support you. Go, be you” kind of way – honestly means more to me than I think even he knows.
I don’t have a whole lot of people like that in my life. One of the reasons why I so love my online community is that it is truly one of a very few places where I feel that acceptance…. where I feel like I can really be me. In my online community, there are so many people who not only “get” me, but who also wouldn’t want me to be any other way. In my actual day to day life, not as many. But they’re there, and last night reminded me that I’m married to one of them.
And so, this year as my present to myself, I’m not just going to dread my hair. I’m also going to allow myself to stop wanting that support or acceptance from the people who are just honestly never going to give it…… and celebrating the heck out of the people who do.
Ahhhhh, jealous!
Well you have an open invitation to my dreading party. 🙂 Which might be as early as tomorrow. Eeeek!
You have a keeper Jen, he is truly a treasure and they are hard to find. Can’t wait to see your hair! Maybe in person this year…when we finally plan a zoo trip (or whatever)!
Thanks Mia, and yes, this year for sure!!
That is AWESOME! What a sweet and meaningful present to give you.
Good luck with the dreads–I know you’ll share a pic before long, right?!?
~~
Oh yes… there will be “before”s, “during”s, and “after”s. 🙂
You are living a beautiful life, Jen! I’m so happy for you and I love reading about your passions and musings.
As are you Lys!
You go girl! Can’t wait to help you be you!
If I haven’t yet told you enough, THANK YOU.
YAAAY! I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!
And AGAIN I couldn’t have said it better myself! I feel exactly the same way…200%.
I cannot believe ho much we have in common!
I wish i could hug you right now!
Jess
I knew you of all people would get it. 🙂
Happy Birthday! Can’t wait to see the dreads as they come along.
Thanks, I am on day 3, and so far, they are still dreads! I will have to post a pic at a week. 🙂
Oh, Jen! I love you! Mike is ten feet tall. Happy, happy birthday to you. This post made me happy.
Thank you Amy, and I love you too! Glad to make you happy. <3
Yay, I’m so excited for you. And how wonderful to have the support of your loving family.
Thank you! And yes, there is nothing else that compares to the love and support of your family.
That’s so awesome! and your right that present was AMAZING! i totally get it! Happy late birthday to you! my hubby and i don’t really get each other presents either. but for xmas he got me a pearl ring (since he’s known me ive always said that one day i wanted a pearl ring) well he got me one. i love cute boxes to put stuff in. so he also got me a box of chocolates for the fact that he knew i would love the box. and he also got me a jewelry box from the thrift store (i love vintage!) and he polished and waxed it himself back to life. i saw all these things and i thought to myself………..he totally gets me!!!! love love love 🙂
Those are all awesome gifts! Such a blessing to have a husband that knows you so well, and puts so much thought into making you happy. <3
I just discovered your blog and this is my first comment. I just turned 40 in November and my gift to myself was something I have wanted since I was 12…a nose ring. No one in my family accepted it, except for my husband and my two daughters whom I consulted beforehand. I too am realizing the power in being your authentic self despite the critical input of others.
That is awesome! Good for you for being YOU. It’s an exciting, empowering feeling to be sure.
Happy Birthday to you, in many many ways for sure!!
Reading your blog is always so inspiring. It always has been. It used to be uplifting in a parenting type of way…a place where I felt I could relate and be understood when it came to gentle and peaceful parenting, being respectful to children, etc. But it has grown to be much more than that. Along with your blog growth, a reader can FEEL your own personal growth, and with that…the reader can also grow. Every time I read about your own authenticity, I take away a piece of that and grow more of my own authenticity. You are doing wonders for many, many people out there, Jen. I mean that sincerely, from deep within me. I appreciate your honesty, your openness, and your acceptance. I strive everyday to have that conviction, and to love and appreciate people from all walks of life…for they have their story too. I have taken a different road (in regards to E and A being in school, etc) but at the very core of it…you and I are still very much alike in so many ways (which is probably why I am so drawn to you!!)
I love you, and your family. I hope you had a beautiful birthday…and I cannot WAIT to see your “during” and “after” dread pics. I love love LOVE dreads and am so happy for you that you are doing it!!!
Love,
Erika
Awwww, Erika. Thank you, sincerely. Love you guys right back! And you were one of the few who encouraged me along the way when I was working up the courage to do it…. so thank you for that, too. <3
I just got around to reading this post, and it was so lovely. I just turned 40 and I’m becoming more authentically ME every year. Becoming a parent has been such a big part of that (my son is three). Inexplicably, I’ve always wanted a pierced eyebrow and everyone has ridiculed me when I say it, even when I was younger. Now that I’m 40 the very idea is considered absurd, even by me! But why? It’s just a piece of jewelry on a body part, and if it’s what I want, I should do it. Hmm…you’ve made me think (as you always do).
Oh I have always thought that pierced eyebrows can look so pretty! There was a time when I wanted one of those, too. 🙂 I don’t anymore, for no real reason really…. but you know if I did, I’d be all over it!! What’s the worse that can happen? You change your mind and take it out? If it’s what you want, you SHOULD do it. 🙂
Thanks for the encouragement! The only thing holding me back now is that I wear glasses and I think that would just be too much metal all over my face! If I could afford it I’d do Lasik and that would solve the problem. But you’re right — if it’s what I want, I should do it. We only get one go-around on the planet, right?