I’m a mom.
I’m an imperfect mom. I’m a mom who makes mistakes, eats my own words, and vows to do better every. single. day. I’m a mom who, if she read back in her own blog a year (or 2 years or 5 years) ago would likely cringe in embarrassment at some of her more strongly-worded posts. I’m a mom who once thought she knew it all, and has since admitted – publicly and otherwise – that she knows nothing.
Do I have some strong opinions about how kids should be treated? Yup. Will I apologize for that? Not a chance. And while I of course would love for all my words to come across as fair and balanced and loving towards both kids and parents, when forced to take one side or another I will choose the child. Every time. And I won’t apologize for that either.
But one thing that I’m afraid often fails to come through in my more… uh.. passionate posts is that parenting is not an absolute. It’s a fluid, growing, changing, learning JOURNEY. For all of us. I’m often reminded by so many of you that parenting is not black and white, that it’s hard, and that we’re all doing the best we can. What I wish though is that it was understood that I’m just doing the best I can too! Both as a person AND as a mom. The only difference between me and any other mom reading this is that I – for reasons I’m forever questioning – have chosen to make much of my journey public. For better or worse, my imperfect, disjointed, sleep-deprived and caffeine-fueled words are there in black and white… to agree with, to disagree with. To pick apart, to ridicule.
There they are.
Have I ever regretted anything I’ve shared? Yes, I have. But I also pride myself on the fact that I haven’t removed any posts. They were part of the journey. I’m the mom I am now because of that journey. I’m the mom I am now because of the mistakes I’ve made. I’m the mom I am now because of the things I’ve learned. Warts and messiness and ugly bits and all. They make me human.
All this blog really is is my own personal journey.
The journey of a mom with four kids, each one more different than the last:
My first born, who never cried, slept 8 hours at a stretch from the time he was born, and was so continually laid back and content as a baby that I thought I had this parenting thing in the bag.
Number two, who screamed like his life depended on it every day for three years, despite how much I held, nursed, wore and carried him. Who never slept more than an hour or two at a time, and who challenged me every day to be a better parent, a more patient parent, and a parent who was willing to #1 admit that everything I thought I knew was naught, and #2 do the work I needed to do to make it better.
My youngest boy, who was one of the happiest babies I’d ever seen, but who went through some rough patches at age 6 that had me so confounded that I found myself – as a third time mother – swallowing my pride and asking for advice from other like-minded parents, for the very first time.
And my girl…. my beautiful, strong, spunky, silly girl who is literally teaching me how to be a parent all over again… who is challenging me more than I’ve ever been challenged, and is teaching me more than I ever thought possible about what kind of parent I want to be.
I know they’re not done – all four of them – teaching me what this parenting thing is all about. I know they’re not done showing me how much I can possibly love and ache and feel for another human being. I know they’re not done challenging me to be a better parent. I know they’re not done pushing me to be a better person.
And it’s a good thing. Because I know I’m not done learning.
Jen, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. It’s hard to put yourself out there, I know, but I have learned a great deal from you. Your posts have helped me to look at things in a new way, to always go back to what feels right for me (honoring my child’s perspective over everyone else’s), and you’ve inspired me to write more myself. I know I’m not the only one who appreciates the fact that you’re willing to share so much on this blog.
I’m new to your blog and I love it!! I’ve read through much of your archives and haven’t found a single post that I didn’t gain something from. I appreciate your honesty and passion. I’m a mom of 6 and I still fail and learn and grow and feel on top of things and fall and get back up and learn more and keep getting new insight and encouragement…recently from you! We’re all on a journey, and I’m thankful for like-minded people like you to share it with.
Love love love it! I cannot tell you, though I have tried, how much I have learned from you. I am glad you are not done learning because either am I. I love that we have two children who are the same age, so I can grow along with you. Thank you for sharing your words, I appreciate them.
Jen I love your honesty. I have two boys both very different but also very similar. They have taught me never to judge someone elses parenting, because as soon as it is out of my mouth one or both of my boys prove me wrong. My oldest is 17 and looking at colleges and I am very proud of the young Christian man he is becoming. My 15 year old and I, well lets just say that it will be interesting and challenging. I thank God daily for the blessing of raising these amazing people.
Stacy
I love this. Really. So right on.
We’re not the same family we were a year ago … or three years ago … for SURE. Parenting, like all of life, is definitely a journey … with curves and hills and valleys. Change should be embraced as we learn our way in this world.
And, btw, you have a BEAUTIFUL family! 😀
Seriously so true and beautiful. . . .i love that your journey is being shared. I very much enjoy reading about it and i feel a connection with your words often. Being a mom for me has been such an evolution. learning to parent alongside each of my children has been the most complete and beautiful part of my life to date.
Hi Jen. I really admire how you respond on FB to some of the criticism, especially when the commenter has taken your words out of context or clearly doesn’t understand what you have written. I have a hard time not feeling stupid when I write an opinionated piece that other people just don’t understand. Your fortitude is an inspiration. Thanks.
Thank you so much for sharing what you have. I am so grateful to be able to read you blog, and am in awe that you continue to do it (I have a lot of trouble dealing with critique of my parenting, and expressing honestly what my husband and I believe, it feels so so personal to me). We are forever aiming higher and re adjusting and changing, and I hope we always do. I’m so thankful for your sharing and your honesty, and your opinions! Thanks so much for all the help, insight and encouragement you have given my husband and I by writing this blog 🙂