We have a ball python named Waldo. We named him Waldo for the late great Ralph Waldo Emerson (and also because people seemed to find the idea of being able to lament, “Where’s Waldo??” in the event of an escape side-splittingly funny.) He’s a wonderful pet. He’s playful and friendly, and loves to slither around our laps on the couch. It’s fun to watch him eat too… striking out to catch the – already dead – mouse we dangle from the tweezers, squeezing it until it’s good and dead, and then ever so slowly and deliberately swallowing it whole.
One of the coolest things about snakes though is their ability to shed their skin. I’m fascinated by this. They outgrow their old skin, it turns white and brittle and loose, and here is this new skin: beautiful, bright, and vibrant, ready to take its place. Ideally, the old skin comes off in one long complete piece… so intact that you can clearly see where the eyes once resided. Sometimes though, they have a bad, or an incomplete shed. The skin comes off in stages and pieces. When that happens, the retained skin can cause problems for the snake, so it’s important to have rough items like branches, bark, and rock in the cage so that the snake can rub against them to help snag and remove the remaining skin. That’s exactly what happened the last time Waldo shed. His cage was filled with pieces of skin of varying length, and we wondered if we’d have to do something to help. But he worked it out: he used the rough bark of his hiding log, and eventually it was all gone. He was fresh and new and shiny again.
I am a snake.
For the past several years, I’ve been on a journey to slowly shed my outgrown skin in many many facets of my life, but particularly in my walk as a Christian. For so many (So. Many.) years I was bound by rules and regulations and legalities, and as I grew and changed and evolved… it just didn’t fit anymore. I started to crave freedom and grace and freedom again, and I just wasn’t finding them in my old skin.
I am thankful, honestly thankful, for the painful church experiences of my past that started the process, that tore off that first big piece, the one that gave me the glimpse of the beauty that lay beneath. Just the taste, just the possibility of the freedom that was to come gave me hope. And those final bits of skin? The stubborn ones? Well those eventually came off too, thanks to the people I’ve encountered along the way; the ones who served as those rough logs, sloughing off the old meaning of the word, “Christian”, and replacing it with something new. Those people are the ones who helped me see who I am, who I’m not, and who I so desperately want to be.
If a Christian is someone who uses a Bible not as a source of strength or knowledge or information, but as a weapon, something from which to cherry-pick scriptures to clobber others, to prove a point, and to win an argument…
I am not a Christian.
If a Christian is someone who thinks he can say with any authority who is and who is not going to go to heaven; who arrogantly thinks he knows the status of someone else’s walk with God, let alone his salvation…
I am not a Christian.
If a Christian is someone who disparages others just because they happen to be a Democrat or a liberal or someone who voted “the wrong way” in the last election…
I am not a Christian.
If a Christian is someone who doesn’t let another Christian into their group or club or school because they’re the wrong kind of Christian, or because their beliefs or interpretations of God and the Bible may differ from their own…
I am not a Christian.
If a Christian is someone who stands as judge and jury of someone else’s lifestyle; someone who finds it appropriate to go onto someone else’s Facebook page and just tell her, point-blank: “You are not a true Christian if you XYZ”…
I am not a Christian.
And riiiiiiiiip, there it goes, the very last little thready bits of skin. Except it doesn’t hurt. It feels good. It feels freeing.
That skin didn’t fit. And it hadn’t fit for so long.
I have no anger towards those people either. No bitterness. Only gratitude. And I’ll fully admit that that wasn’t always the case. I have one faithful friend who can attest to the number of, “Have I mentioned lately how much Christians annoy me?” texts I’ve sent her over the past year. It’s only now that I can see them for what they were… just people on their own journey, people who may or may not have skin to shed of their own. How they’re living out their own personal walk is none of my business, and likewise:
No one else but me gets to decide my path for ME.
I’m free.
Does that freedom then mean that I just live my life all willy-nilly, devil-may-care, any old way, and if God doesn’t like it that’s just too damn bad? Of course not. On the contrary, as someone who does truly love God, I am always learning, always growing, always examining, always questioning. Christianity is actually a lot like yoga (which, ironically, is another area that’s garnered me the, “You can’t be a true Christian if you do that!” comments) in that you never know everything there is to know. You’re never finished learning. You’re never finished getting better. By all means, even though I’m a teacher I’m still relatively new to yoga. And even though I’ve been a Christian my whole life, I’m still very new to the idea of grace. Of real faith. Of freedom. For the first time in, well… ever… I can’t wait to learn more.
So am I a Christian? The only words that come are: “It just doesn’t matter.” I am me. I love God. And I’m okay with that answer.
I’m pretty sure God’s okay with it too.
I wholeheartedly agree. I’m right there with you. May God continue to reveal His love for you and His presence in your life as you draw close to Him.
That is beautiful, thank you.
I love this
Thank you!
Beautiful and meaningful. Thank you.
Thank you, and you’re welcome. 😉
This is beautiful Jen. Thank you!
Thank you!
This. Exactly! My relationship with my God is all I need to feel whole, other peoples opinions or judgments of that relationship are not welcome in my life anymore.
Amen!
First time I’ve ever liked anything that had the word “snake” in it! Thank you for giving voice to what is my reality, also. And good on you for having the courage not only to shed all that old skin, but also to share the journey with others. Here’s to freedom!
I’m honored that I was the first person to get you to like something to do with a snake, lol. Now I need to meet you in person so you can hold him too. 😀 And yes, to freedom!!
This is such a timely post for me-I have been really “transforming” into a different kind of Christian as of late. I have stopped so much of the “busy” church work that I have done in the past, stopped worrying about the expectations people have of me as a Christian, stepped back, and tried to focus more on my relationship with God. I’m not sure I’m as far ahead in the process as you, I still have some skin clinging-I bristle when I hear Christians spout off about who’s going to hell, and why I should spank my kids and punish them. Not at the gratitude phase yet…
Honestly, I couldn’t have written this same post even a month ago. It’s been a process to be sure, but it wasn’t until very recently (like literally just a couple of weeks ago) that I had this sort of “aha” moment. Someone took issue with me on FB, and told me that I wasn’t a “true Christian, and that’s that,” and though it irritated me at first, eventually it just felt….. freeing. And this post was born. 🙂
I’m glad that you’re not a Christian. 🙂
Me too.
Thank you for putting words to my thoughts/feelings. Love thus post!
Thank you 🙂
Amen!
🙂
This has been me for months now and I didn’t know it. I thought I was falling out of love with God. 🙁 My skin is definitely not completely off. I feel like im in that stage where it’s partly stuck and partially covering my eyes and I am scared and spitting mad and in attack mode for fear of some larger predator eating me unaware. Thank you for sharing.
Aw Bobbi. Have faith. I always think of the story of the footprints in the sand. Even if you feel like *you’ve* fallen away from Him, He never leaves your side.
It’s like you looked into my brain and heart… 🙂
It’s weird reading this, and remembering going through this this exact moment…and realizing that–as far as it’s possible to know somebody from reading their blog–I think we’re coming at it from different enough angles that you’re going to go someplace very different from here than I did. Do keep us updated, if it’s not too personal. It’ll be interesting to see other places where this path leads.
I have one question, is Jesus Christ the only way?
I believe the Bible says that, yes. But as far as what that looks like or how it manifests for someone else? Who knows how God chooses to reveal himself to someone else. I guess I just place it in the category of “God’s stuff”, not something that I need to try to judge or understand when it comes to another person’s life.
I totally agree. I’ve been blessed with a Mom who took me to an interesting sampling of different churches giving me a radical view of different opinions about how to be a Christian. I used to tell people, “I’m a Christian” and they’d want me to tell them my denomination. When people want to debate whether a person is a Christian or not based on their doctrine or theology, I respond simply, with Romans 10:13, “whoever shall call upon the name of The Lord shall be saved.”
Eeek I can’t get past the snaaaaake!!!
(great post though lol)
Unfortunately the term, Christian today brings with it a negative impression such as you described, or it conjures up visions of homophobes and abortion clinic bombers (neither of which I am ). This is why I don’t call myself a Christian anymore. I am a Jesus follower, plain and simple. Jesus loves everyone and while on earth considered everyone equal regardless of gender, race, religion, and even GASP!! sexual orientation or sexual identity!! I want to be like Jesus, not a Christian! And I’m pretty sure that Jesus was an unschooler too!
I prefer to say I’m a Jesus Follower. Jesus is about love, forgiveness, and nonjudgmental.
I’ve just recently found your blog and have been devouring all your posts. Love this site!
Yes, I’ve been saying that much more often lately as well!
And thanks, I’m glad to have you here. 🙂
Thank you for describing much better than I ever could have the journey that I have been going through too. It seems to have taken a chronic illness, and three kids on the autism spectrum to shake me out of my legalistic past, but I know that I am heading in the right direction.
I empathize over your frustration with Christians. As a professed Christian myself, this last decade, I took a step back and started “shedding”.
The thing is, if you are a follower of Christ and do believe He is the Savior, you are a Christian whether other Christians are “perfect” and to your liking or not. It’s just that you’re not *that kind* of Christian. . . but you won’t stop being a Christian.
Just because someone that follows Christ that professes to be a Christian doesn’t perform Christianity as you think it should be performed does it mean that you or they are not Christians. The only condition to be a Christian is to confess your sinfulness and surrender your life to making Him your Savior and authority.
I’m not saying any of this to be mean or cause trouble. But I would like to encourage those disgruntled with Christianity because you’re tired of being lumped and labelled and subjected to legalism, remember that being a Christian is rooted in that following and believing in Him. . . And there is freedom in that! Even for the Christian who is sick of the other way other Christians are representing Him.
Christians aren’t perfect and they don’t practice perfectly. We don’t call ourselves Christians because we want to associate with other people or other people groups. We call ourselves Christians and embrace our undeserved freedom He won for us because of Him and what He means to us.
Let’s don’t focus on people. Christian, non-Christian or what have you. . . we’re all sinners.
I am a Christian because of Him. And there’s nothing else that other human beings do or say that can separate me from His love or joy. . . and certainly, the behavior of other people will never make me ashamed to say, “I belong to You, Jesus. I am a Christian.”
I hope He will not be ashamed to call us His own as sometimes we are ashamed to call ourselves the spiritual brothers and sisters are sinners who call themselves Christians.
I shall not let this world make me ashamed of being a Christian.
But I shall stop and think as an individual, free in Him, and not chain myself to human doctrines that have nothing to do with Him.
I am a Christian even if other Christians do not practice it the way I think holy.