There are twelve days till Christmas. I am in tears (those two thoughts are not really related).
When I started this blog… 8, 9 years ago? It was a journal. A fun little way to capture and remember the things I was doing with the kids. It was called Unschooling Chronicles back then, and it was read by mostly family and a few friends. I enjoyed it.
Over time it morphed and changed into something else… and right now, I don’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy having every word getting picked to shreds. I don’t enjoy getting told what a horrible person I am. I don’t enjoy getting called names. Again. And again. And again. AND AGAIN. I don’t enjoy getting told how I should do things differently, and say things differently, and post things differently. I don’t enjoy getting told I just need to suck it up, that’s it’s just the nature of the beast. I don’t enjoy people who don’t even know me making snap decisions about what kind of person I am, or am not.
This blog is still small according to the blogging world, tiny compared to most, and yet it’s still too big. I don’t know how people like Single Dad Laughing and Matt Walsh do it, I really don’t.
My heart is heavy and my soul is tired.
And it is so, SO easy to say, “Who cares what other people say?” (mostly said by people who don’t have their own blogs, and therefore haven’t opened themselves up to daily public criticism and don’t know what it’s like)
The past week I’ve felt like I’ve been kicked while I was down way, way too many times. It eventually caught up with me. So five minutes ago, I unpublished my TPLT Facebook page – what was once one of my very favorite things, and recently had become a boxing ring – and will be taking a good long break. I don’t know yet that I’ll unpublish my blog altogether, but for now I step away, at least from the kind of writing I’ve been doing.
For now I focus on:
My beautiful family
My sweet little cat
The advent calendar, which I FINALLY got up, a mere 10 days late
Writing for ME again.
Things that make me laugh
Working on the conference
Parties and celebrations and fun outings
You could say that I’m backing down and letting “them” win I suppose. But walking away from something that’s not serving me and is making me unhappy? That’s ME winning.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and have a safe and happy and peaceful holiday season.