The kids and I got into a car accident today.
I’ve had little “incidents” before, but this was the first, bonafide, real-deal car accident. And it was terrifying. We were on our way to my sister’s house to swim (after a three hour long doctor’s appt, one of many appointments we’ve had this week, just because that’s been the way our life’s been going lately), and about three minutes from the house, this happened:
It was one of those things that somehow happened in a fraction of a millisecond, and in slow-motion all at the same time. There was nothing I could have done to stop it from happening.
Now, the police officer at the scene very clearly deemed the other driver at fault. But I’m not sure how this all works – and I watch too much TV – so I’m not sure if I’m supposed to give details. Suffice it to say that there was an accident that involved another car, and my car was totaled.
As is so often the case when anything scary happens, I’m finding myself replaying it over and over in my mind. The second it happened, the fear in the kids’ voices, Tegan’s terrified tears, the relief in realizing we appeared to be okay, the long aftermath of phone calls and questions and insurance and tow trucks…..
Several minutes after it happened, I was introduced to one of the passengers in the other car when she came over to yell at me. Is it really strange that that moment was just as traumatic as the accident itself? I know intellectually that she’d been scared too, and I know intellectually that it’s normal to react in a less-than-positive way when you’re in that situation. But in the moment, I thought of none of that. I was busy thinking about my children, the fact that they could have been seriously injured, the fact that I could have been seriously injured. Getting yelled at and accused (for something that was not my fault) set me over the edge. But she was gone as quickly as she had arrived. She said her piece and left me standing there with the kids, and then we all convened with the cop for statements and exchanging of information.
I said nothing from that point on, except to answer the officer’s questions. The only thing I knew to do, largely for self-preservation, was to keep quiet while it all got sorted out. I’m pretty sure that I was operating on adrenaline for the whole exchange, because it wasn’t until much much later, when I was safely in my sister’s car after mine had gotten towed, that I started to shake.
You know how people say they are “shaken up” after accidents? I now have first-hand knowledge.
It’s about 8 hours later, and I’ve let myself get more and more worked up about it as the hours have passed. I’m a little bit scared to go to bed, because I’m fairly certain I’ll have nightmares (and/or not sleep at all. Six of one, half dozen of the other) I am so, so, thankful that it wasn’t worse. So thankful! Not just for us, but for the other car as well. I’m so thankful we were wearing seat belts. I’m so thankful that it happened when it did instead of a few seconds earlier, when it would have been much much serious. I’m so thankful for insurance.
And right now, I’m thankful for Mister Rogers, whose words popped into my mind like a healing balm for my wounded and stressed out soul:
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
Those helpers are the ones I’ll be thinking of when I go to sleep.
~ The woman who called 911
~ The young men who witnessed the accident, were so sweet to my kids, and stood and waited with us until the cops came, to make sure they could give him their statement of what they saw
~ The doctor who happened to be driving by and stopped to see if we were all okay
~ The man in the Quik Trip who brought us out cold bottles of water while we waited
~ My sister, who got right in her car and came down to pick us all up
It was an unpleasant, scary situation to be sure. And big deal, I was yelled at by one single person….
Because I was helped by so many more.
Grateful you are here to tell us this story and that it is without tragedy. So very grateful for the helpers. May your children somehow remember them over the awful sound effects of a crash. And may the what-ifs soon fade from your mind. You’ll be sore today. An ever present reminder of what took place yesterday. Take care of yourself.
You have such an awesome attitude. I would have broken down crying by the yelling, if not sooner. I’m so glad you’re all okay!
I love Mr. Rogers. What a wonderful thing to remember! He’s right. There are always helpers.
Car accidents are terrifying, and to yelled at and accused on top of it, is pretty awful. That happened to me once, and 16 years later I still sometimes think about it and what I wished I would have said. Why didn’t I stand up for myself?
But you did the right thing. You waiting for police, and you largely kept quiet, which didn’t make the situation worse.
I’m glad you’re all okay, and sorry that happened to you.
So sorry about your traumatic incident! I have been help care for my parents who were much worse off after a similar accident, so your guardian angels did well. You and your kids may remember this for along time, hopefully with less and less fear, but also as an shining example of all those helpers, as you said. I am glad you all came out unharmed.
Jen, please edit out the part about everyone being uninjured. You don’t know that, and can’t sometimes for days. But saying that publicly can leave you without coverage for the help you or your children may need.
This quote about the “helpers” is one of my favorite from Mr. Rogers. And yes, focusing on the good people and how they are there at times of tragedy can, and will, get you through.
Thank goodness for the helpers!
Never watched Mr. Rogers (after my time) but what a wonderful way to refocus your attention, especially away from that replay loop of a traumatic experience. So glad you are OK and thank you for sharing that tip.
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There really are–always helpers.
I was in a very scary accident about a year ago, and I remember the same thing:
The driver of our car, who’s first instinct was to chase after the thrown motorcyclist who’d just ruined his car, and make sure he was ok (he was injured, but not too badly, considering the circumstances). The woman who came out and offered water, tea and “Rescue Remedy” to the other passengers in our car. The random woman who started directing traffic.
And the people who didn’t know what to do, but had the sense to stay back and out of the way. I’ve got to appreciate them, too.
I did my part, by also directing traffic, but I was wearing a snarky T-shirt that said, “Too much emergency medicine prevents natural selection,” while standing next to a motorcyclist who’d just been thrown a block, while doing 70 mph in a residential area. So. I think I lose some points for that.