Every Tuesday, I’ve been answering questions I’ve gotten about unschooling and gentle parenting.  I’ll return to that next week, but today I needed to write something else.  

I’ve been sharing about my life here on my blog for over 9 years now.   I’ve always sort of prided myself on the fact that I’ve been fairly transparent, and have not portrayed something that I’m not.  I’m the same person on my blog as I am in my day-to-day life as I am on Facebook as I am when I’m teaching yoga as I am when I’m at church.  I’m simply me, and I have no desire to be anything or anyone else.  It feels disingenuous to me to filter parts of myself based on who happens to be reading.

Some people don’t like social media, and/or would never have a public blog (which is of course their choice to make) in part because they value their privacy.  But that’s truly never felt like an issue for me, because I’m always in control of what I’m sharing.  I share a lot at times, but I don’t share everything.  I still have my goofy, inside jokes with my family and friends.  I still have quiet conversations with the people I trust.  I still have sacred experiences, and photos, and writings that have never left this house, virtually or otherwise.

I still have a private life.

This past week, there was some kind of breach, and a bunch of personal, nude photos of certain celebrities were accessed from personal phones/storage/accounts and shared around the internet.  There is a resulting big, global conversation going on right now…. but much of it is the wrong conversation.  I’m seeing comment after comment disparaging these girls (girls who were victimized and VIOLATED, just to be clear.)

People are allowed to have a private life.  Let me just start there.  Someone who’s famous can indeed expect to give up their anonymity.  They can expect that people are going to be interested in their lives. They can expect to be stopped at Starbucks by their fans.  I even think it’s reasonable to expect that they should be gracious and respectful with their fans, provided said fans are gracious and respectful towards them.

They should not have to expect to give up their private life.  Private lives are just that. Private.  These photos that are out there are PRIVATE PHOTOS.  There’s nothing wrong with taking private photos.  There’s nothing wrong with sharing something private with your spouse or partner.  There’s nothing wrong with being sexual. There’s nothing wrong with expecting that your own private photos, on your own private devices will remain…. private.

But there’s a hell of a lot wrong with stealing, distributing, sharing, and gawking at those photos, and then blaming the person who shot them!!

What’s happening right now is disgusting, and the people who are to blame (the ONLY people who are to blame) are the ones who committed  – and continue to commit – these acts of violation.

I don’t have any naked pictures of myself on my phone.  This is about as naked as you get:

But if I did?  If my phone was full of intimate pictures intended for myself and husband, and those pictures got stolen (please understand what has happened here… those pictures that are out there are stolen) and shared and distributed again and again?  The fault would lie not in me for taking them, but in the people who did the stealing. The people who did the sharing. The people who did the looking.

To say otherwise is to – once again – blame the victim.  Shame on anyone who is still contributing to that cycle of abuse.