Today was a typical unschooling day. I hesitate to use the word, “typical” (and I use it loosely) because I feel like there’s really no such thing. A typical day would depend on me, it would depend on the kids, it would depend on the season and how active we were wanting to be, it would depend on what sorts of things everyone was into at the time.

But it was a smooth day. A happy day.

Everyone slept late. There was icecream at one point. There was a “snack plate” (our home-made version of a Lunchable, with cheese and crackers and meat and fruit). There was a little bit of housekeeping and laundry washing and email answering. There was snuggling up in bed, watching iCarly, and discussing all the important things in life. There was Skypping with friends. There was reading. There was YouTube watching. There was a lot of internet research. There was trampoline jumping. There was an early evening dance class for Tegan.

It was a good day…. quiet and peaceful. I’m an introvert and a homebody, so those days are some of my very favorites.

There were however, some things that did not happen today. Things that so very many people assume are par for the course for unschoolers.  I feel like the detractors always seem to come in waves, and there’s a been a heavy tide of misconceptions floating around lately (Yikes.  Sorry for all the water metaphors.  Totally unintentional), and I wanted to address just a few.  Here then is a partial list of things that are NOT synonymous with unschooling:

No one was “left to his own devices” – People seem to have a general problem reconciling approaching education or life in any way other than the traditionally accepted format.  They truly believe that if you don’t send children to school (and/or do structured “school” at home) that the children are then just all on their own, with no help, no guidance, no partners.   Just yesterday someone used the word, “flounder.”   That it wasn’t fair for parents to just let their kids flounder with no parental guidance.  Gah.  If you take nothing else from this blog post, please take this: Unschooling parents are not leaving their kids to flounder.  We’re partnering with our children. We’re beside them.  We’re helping them.  We’re showing them.  We’re answering them.  We’re providing for them. We’re keeping them safe.  And yes, we’re guiding them (as they walk down their own path though, not ours)

No one watched TV all day – It was turned on exactly twice.  First, when I watched a couple of episodes of Friends to distract me while I was folding laundry, and later when Tegan asked me to watch an iCarly with her while she was still sleepy and waking up.  Note:  I wouldn’t care if they did watch TV all day, because I know that 1) it’s as valuable as anything else they may choose to do, and 2) any time they do do something literally all day, they get their fill and then move on to something else.  But it very rarely happens.  It’s just another option.

No one played computer games all day – Let me be clear.  And honest.  My kids spend a LOT of time on the computer.  And it’s a good thing!  This is 2015.  But computers are used for so very many different things, and in so very many different ways, which is one of the reasons that I find terms like “screen time” to be so mind-numblingly frustrating.  Yes, they play computer games, sometimes by themselves, but most often with others. They also answer emails.  Talk to friends.  Do research.  Watch YouTube videos on a wide variety of topics.  They read. They write.  They create.  The computers and the internet are huge, bottomless wells of learning. Yesterday, I overheard Everett (10 yrs) say to Tegan (not quite 7), when they were both using the computer, “Hey, how’d you learn to use an apostrophe correctly?”  And she answered, “I don’t know.  Mommy showed me.”  I’m sure I did show her at some point, but she also learned from doing, because she wanted to be able to type with her friends while she played games. Because she wanted to be able to email with her cousins back east.  Because she wanted to learn.  She wanted to be part of this world we all live in.

No one was “undisciplined” or “unparented” – Everyone was safe.  There were no forks in toasters, no playing in traffic, and no running with scissors.  When I asked for help taking out the overflowing recyclables (my shoulder’s still not quite up to the task), they gladly did it for me. When it was time for Tegan to get ready for dance, and I asked her to wash her face and brush her teeth and hair, she did, happily.  Those things just don’t happen unless they have self-discipline, and unless they have involved, invested parents.

The kids did not “run the house” – I think that people are so used to a from-the-top-down, authoritarian, “because I’m the parent and I said so” style of parenting that they mistakenly think that any alternative must mean that the kids are in charge, or that the home is “child-centric”. But it doesn’t work that way.  Our home is FAMILY-centric.  Our ultimate goal is to have a happy, healthy, cohesive home where everyone’s needs get met.  Where everyone is respected.  If something is not working (if, for example, the night owls are being too loud and infringing on the early bird’s right to a quiet, peaceful sleep environment) we address it, and we work to solve the problem in a way that’s mindful and respectful to all involved.

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And absolutely, I’m not at all saying that those things can’t or don’t happen.  Sadly, they do.  In unschooling homes and schooled homes alike.  Permissive parents exist.  Neglect exists. Abuse exists.  But let’s call those isolated cases what they are.  Let’s address those issues (and indeed, they do need to be addressed) rightfully on their own, and stop lumping them in with unschooling as if they were one and the same.

They’re not.

And as long as people keep insisting that they are, they’re missing out on truly understanding what unschooling (when done well, and done right) really is:  in short, an absolutely beautiful and amazing and joyful way to live.