I’ve really struggled when it comes to talking to my kids about sex.
I mean, I’ve always been open, and honest. I’ve always used the correct terminology for body parts. I’ve always let the kids know that they can come to me with questions. But talking about sex makes me….. nervous. Uncomfortable.
The boys never really came right out and asked me “where babies come from”. And when they did ask questions heading in that direction, I (and I’m not proud of it) gave into my own discomfort, gave the least amount of information as possible, and carefully tiptoed around the issue until they were satisfied.
And then came my daughter. My wonderfully curious and outspoken and to-the-point daughter who taught me how to be a mother all over again. There is no tiptoeing around Tegan (almost 7 at the time of this writing).
So when she asked me, “How do women get pregnant?” this morning, I knew that she wouldn’t be satisfied with anything less than a real, direct answer. I knew that she deserved that real, direct answer. I also knew that she was asking exactly what it sounded like she was asking, so I wouldn’t get an “out” this time.
So, I plunged ahead, discomfort be damned.
“Well, from sex. Do you know what sex is?”
She screamed and covered her ears.
I waited. If screaming and ear-covering were indicators of going in the right direction, I was golden.
Then she separated her fingers like someone not wanting to (but wanting to) peek at a scary scene in a horror movie. But with her ears. “Tell me.”
“Do you want to know? You’re covering your ears.”
“They’re not ON my ears. They’re around my ears. Tell me.”
And so I told her. I told her that the man has something called sperm and that it fertilizes the egg in the woman when they come together. I gave her more specifics when she asked, “But HOW do they come together?” I explained how everything fit together, and I told her it was something that grown-ups did when they loved each other. She wanted to know who had sex, and why they had sex, and where they had sex, and finally… she was satisfied. She’d kept her fingers around her ears the entire time, just to be safe, and then simply said. “Okay. That is really weird.” And I thought that was the end of it, until her big brother walked into the room and she excitedly announced,
“Spencer, me and Mommy are talking about SEX! It involves penises and vaginas!!”
She is EXTREMELY pleased with her new-found information, which makes me feel like just maybe I did the whole sex-talk-thing right this time (after four tries). It also makes me wonder who might be the next recipient of her “it involves penises and vaginas” proclamations in the future.
If it’s you – or your child – I’m sorry. And, you’re welcome.
Great article!
Thank you! I have been conditioned by husband that our 4 year old is to knowledgeable about vaginas and their function. She has always known, since she asked at 2, where do babies come from, I told her we grow them in our uterus and they come out of our vagina. I also have shown her a video on facebook of the entire process from inside. This bothers my husband and we have yet to reach an agreement on how much is too much and what is age appropriate. I believe that these things do not encourage poor choices, but rather they foster a healthy relationship and understanding without the need to discover outside of us. If that made sense. I loved your article and fully support Tegan and her curiosity and your honoring her wish to know.
Thanks Chelsea. And for what it’s worth, I think if they’re old enough to ask the questions, they’re old enough to hear the answers. 🙂 Tegan too has known since she was very little where the babies grow, how they’re pushed out, etc…. this is just the first time she’s asked how they actually got there in the first place!
That is hilarious. I can relate as I just had this talk with my kids. It wasn’t as bad as I thought! They both thought it was gross, lol.
Yeah, there was definitely some thinking it was gross going on here too. Later in the day, she asked me, “But why does it have to happen like THAT???” 🙂
I am totally with you on feeling awkward. I decided to preemptively dive in and I got the book “It’s Not the Stork” for my kids (then 4 and 6) and we read it together a few times over a few weeks. And every few weeks they look through it and ask questions.
I also didn’t want to be “that” parent…since my kids were the ones to ruin Santa for all their preschool friends (doh!)…So I told them it is family discussion only, they can talk about it as much as they like with anyone who lives in our home, but that outside of the house it is inappropriate to discuss with non-family members. They seemed to be okay with that boundary.
So far I haven’t heard any complaints from any one they hang around.. 🙂
I told her the same thing… that it was for talking about at home, with family. We’ll see if she holds to that though. She definitely has a tendency to get excited – about all sorts of topics that would be nice to keep private – and share with whoever’s around. 😉
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