Two fast points right off the top:
- This is going to be long.
- This post was originally going to be about something else.
The whole thing started with Bruce Jenner. He had just done his interview with Diane Sawyer in which he discussed his transition from male to female. I didn’t watch the interview, for no other reason than I wasn’t particularly interested, but from what I understand, Bruce is happy now, after denying who he was for a long time. I’m a big champion of people following their own path, and being their own authentic selves, whoever that may be. So I say… Go Bruce.
Shortly after the interview aired, Matt Walsh posted an article in which he was being, well… Matt Walsh… calling Jenner “a sick and delusional man.”
Partially in response to Walsh, Jarrid Wilson then wrote a really lovely and grace-filled blog post, reminding us that as Christians, our job was really nothing more than to extend love and compassion to Bruce Jenner, like we would to anyone else. It always amazes me when people want to refute a call to love, but refute it they did, complete with admonitions that we have the responsibility to call people like Bruce Jenner out on their sin, and that we need to “speak the truth in love” (which, by the way, is one of the most awful things I think Christians say… right up there with “love the sinner, hate the sin.”)
So – at least in conservative Christian circles – Walsh was praised and Wilson was condemned.
Bruce Jenner IS WRONG! It’s disgusting! It’s A SIN! We need to tell him! We need to tell EVERYONE! Let’s shout it from the rooftops! The world is going to hell!
And sure, they’ll recite their “love the sinner, hate the sin” rhetoric, but make no mistake… nothing about the anti-LGBT crusade is loving. Its whole entire reason for being is to hurt and condemn: the adult equivalent of the old grade-school tactic of putting someone else down to raise yourself up.
Of course, it’s not like this is anything new. This has been going on forever. I’ve been writing about this forever. But there’s just been SO MUCH of it lately. Just a couple of days ago, I received a several-paragraphs-long email outlining in great detail how unkind and unloving I am to advocate for being more loving towards LGBT folks. (??) I’m damning them to a life in hell, she tells me, because by not calling them out on their sin, I’m taking away their opportunity for a chance of redemption, which is the most hateful thing I could possibly do.
It’s not the first time I’ve received a message of that sort – apparently writing about issues of faith seems to invite people to try to judge me/save me/throw Bible-verses-as-weapons at me – but given the current societal climate it irked me.
I’m frustrated. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. I am so indescribably tired of this unfair and hateful treatment, thinly veiled in “biblical values”, towards this one specific segment of society.
So that’s what I was going to write about. How it needed to stop. How people needed to take a step back, gain some perspective, and focus on their own sin. Think it’s a sin to be in a homosexual relationship? Don’t be in one. Think it’s a sin to have gender reassignment surgery? Don’t get it. But this constant persecution is damaging and hurtful and pretty much the opposite of anything that Jesus ever espoused.
Then something happened. And now I’m more disgusted with the culture of mainstream Christianity than I think I’ve ever, ever been.
The details are still surfacing, but it’s come to light that Josh Duggar (of the infamous 19 Kids and Counting Duggars) molested 5 young girls, four of them his siblings, over the course of 3 years when he was a teenager. His parents, though aware of the abuse, did nothing about it for over a year. When they did finally deal with it, they did so by keeping it “in house.” He was disciplined by his father. He got a “talking-to” by a police officer friend who never pressed charges (an officer who is currently serving jail time for child pornography). He met with his pastor who helped arrange some sort of supposed rehabilitation in the form of living with yet another family friend for a few months and helping him perform physical labor.
This seems as good a time as any to point out that sexual assault is a serious crime, and should be treated as such … not merely “dealt with” at home.
There are so very many things wrong with this scenario, and how it was handled, that I don’t even know where to start.
But oh how Christians are defending the Duggars!!!
Josh Duggar shouldn’t be vilified. He was just a kid.
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
He made a mistake, and he said he was sorry. Who hasn’t made mistakes as a teen?
He was just young and curious.
They dealt with it in their family, and it’s not our place to judge them.
People are being way too harsh and judgmental.
Judge not lest you be judged.
People in glass houses….
They were an inspiration before, and they’re still an inspiration now.
I’m ……. Seriously? Are you kidding me?
So, same-sex attraction is such a vile thing, such a pertinent issue to address, that people feel compelled to write to me (some random heterosexual internet stranger who just happens to believe that people have the right to love who they want to love), to warn me of its dangers….. but molestation of young children, a teenaged boy fondling the genitals of his baby sisters, is shrugged off as a teenaged “mistake”… it’s not our place to judge… how dare we cast stones at this upstanding Christian family!….. And after all he did say he was sorry……
My level of disgust is matched only by my confusion. How do you defend a child molester? How do you justify freely throwing your proverbial stones at someone because of their sexual orientation, yet demure because of a sudden sense of self-righteousness when it comes to a beloved Christian family that happens to includes a son who sexually violated children?
And don’t misunderstand. I’m not advocating for the stoning of anyone. My point is not to publicly flog the Duggars. Actually what I think should happen now that this has been made public is that the whole family should be investigated, and that someone should ensure that the children are currently safe, and that they have received, and are currently receiving, the needed support. Based on the teachings of some of the people the Duggars follow, I don’t think it’s unlikely that there is lot more going on behind the scenes that we don’t know about. Such deviant behavior generally doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and if Josh Duggar was indeed a victim as well, he too should be receiving appropriate counseling that will address it.
What we SHOULD NOT DO is continue to sweep his crimes under the rug and excuse them as mere childhood curiosity. We should not defend this “good, Christian family” as if they’re somehow people we should emulate. We should not stand sweetly behind a philosophy of “Oh it’s not my place to judge” when it comes to something as vile and heinous as child molestation and incest.
HE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED CHILDREN. His parents knew it was happening. I’m going to judge.
Is he genuinely sorry? I don’t know. Has he been forgiven by his victims? I don’t know. Has he been forgiven by God? That’s between him and God. But I’m not going to sit here – as a Christian, as a human, as a parent of both boys and a little girl – and excuse what he did.
And the fact that the very same people who are doing the excusing are the people who have no problem standing on a soapbox in judgement of the man who works hard all day and just wants to come home and kick back with a beer and a TV show with Adam instead of Eve…. is a hypocrisy of the most disgusting kind.
You’re essentially saying:
Homosexuality = bad
Child Molestation = eh, everyone makes mistakes.
I have never been as disillusioned and disappointed with the current state of the institution of Christianity as I am right now. I love God. I Love God. I am an all-in, whole-hearted, unabashed follower of Christ (even if I never share those stupid Facebook posts that start by attempting to shame you with “99% of you won’t pass this on”……) I will always be a follower of Christ. But this? Defending the actions of a child molester, while railing out the other side of your mouth about “sick and delusional men” just because you can’t personally relate to their path? That’s something I’ll never be a part of. If I had any remaining sliver of hope that there was a place for me in the whole of American Christianity, that hope is gone.
God, save me from your followers.
well said Jen !!
abuse is forgiven, but love is punished. ???
I’m heartbroken! Jesus would never treat anyone like Christians do today. I am embarrassed to even say I am Christian. This is NOT a true representation of Christ. I didn’t even know about the duggar situation. I am appalled. I am so sad for those girls. I am so sad for the family, the children. The law should have and still should be handling that. It disgusts me. Lets leave out that the bible instructed us to stone him to death, because hand picked bible verses, not even from the mouth of God, but from Paul say homosexuality is a sin, well, it all says sexual immorality. Immorality=without morals, so acting sexually without morals, i could vomit. I am seriously devestated and by the Christian community. Seriously disgusted and ashamed.
I agree! So many Christians are at the ready to condemn the LGBT crowd, but what about Christians who commit other sins? What about people who commit other sins? Where are the pitch forks and torches for those who murder, lie, cheat, steal, molest and so much more?? I’m a Christian and I do not agree with how Christians are treating the LGBT ladies and gentlemen.
I was hoping TLC would use this opportunity to show families what To Do in a case of sibling sexual abuse, maybe help someone going through a similar time. But it seems they just want to shut it down and not address what happened. Sad for the children, hoping and praying both his younger siblings and children are safe.
Also, I love Bruce Jenner and really actually enjoy the whole Kardashian/Jenner clan. Good luck to Her!
I would like to point out that I too am an American Christian that spends most of my time shocked by others who call themselves Christian while they are spitting hate.
You are not alone in this. It makes me sad and fearful to see so much bigotry and hatred in the name of Christianity. Thank God for those who love.
Jen, I have to say you are the most unique Christian person that I ever “met!” We could all use more of your type of Christianity. The vast majority of Christians have turned me off to ppl who identify themselves as such and I really don’t care for self proclaimed Christians (who spout it all over the place) when they act so un-Christ like. They can translate the Bible to mean whatever they want it to mean – taking it as literally as “spare the rod, spoil the child” to advocate hitting their children with love. Enough of them, and their “us” vs “them” mentality. It’s OK to follow, but they do not use any judgement of the things, people, or ideas that they blindly follow.
I visited Mike Huckabee’s Facebook page after he defended that child molester. Many, many of the comments are from people would have voted for him but now will not. There is some hope!
Keep up the good work, Jen!
2 important things this post doesn’t address:
-Sin that is repented of should be treated differently to unrepentant sin (though crimes should be punished either way if a crime has been committed)
-Christian sin should be treated differently to non-christian sin (A christian should know better, and so their sin should be called out lovingly, whereas a non-christian it’s more importunate that they meet Jesus who will then show them the sin in their life that needs addressing.)
I am a diehard Wiccan, just as you are a diehard Christian, but I don’t like anyone using their religion, even if it matches mine, to publicly shame, defend, or otherwise interfere in someone else’s life, period. That includes saying “I’ll pray for you!” or feel the need to “save” me when I say or do something you don’t agree with. I don’t perform a ritual or spell for you without your permission, so don’t pray for me without my permission (and by “you” I mean anyone in general, not you, Jennifer). Live your life, stay content knowing that you are doing the right thing according to your interpretation of your god or gods, and MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.
Thank you Jennifer. I love your post (even if the subject matter gets me a little riled up). 🙂
in college I had sex with my boyfriend at the time, we were not married, but we’re engaged. We had been dating over a year and thought we were in love. I was in birth cintril, but it made me violently ill. I switched to a different kind. We thought we were being careful. We were wrong. I ended up pregnant with my son. My Christian friends or do they say bullied me kicked me out if my own bible study, spread rumors about me. It was terrible. It drew me away from the church and to this day I have trouble going back. I still believe in God, but I don’t need to be judged or out Down for something that was out of love though we didn’t end up staying together.
I’m so sorry you were treated that way.
Hi Jen. I enjoyed your article and agree with your points entirely. I can’t help but wonder how someone as intelligent as you seem could still believe in God at all? It sounds to me like you’re one step away from realizing that all religions are imaginary. Thanks for your post and sharing this important message.
In what way does “I love God. I Love God. I am an all-in, whole-hearted, unabashed follower of Christ (even if I never share those stupid Facebook posts that start by attempting to shame you with “99% of you won’t pass this on”……) I will always be a follower of Christ.” sound AT ALL like someone who’s “one step away from realizing that all religions are imaginary.”?
I’ll assume from your post that you’re an atheist, and hey! Great! So am I. But there are plenty of (very intelligent) people in the scientific community who are deeply religious and I wouldn’t want to go toe-to-toe with them on Jeopardy. My being an atheist does not inherently mean my IQ is higher than someone who is not. Faith and intelligence are not related, that’s your judgmental self-righteousness talking which… isn’t that kind of what this entire post was railing against?
We had to back out of a “Christian” group because of this sort of thing…sort of. The judgmental attitudes, the stares, the whispers. So what if i want to wear a dress or a short pair of shorts. I like them! So what if my son wants to wear a shirt with cartoon skulls on it. The dumbest stuff would cause such an issue. No one was willing to help me out. It was like I was in a room with a very small bubble of women, calling themselves Christians, who would just look out into the world with pointed fingers. Yet I can’t even tell you how many times I heard, “lets tell others so they can join, anyone is welcome”. Ughh, It is so frustrating to have to deal with that. I tend to stand away from “christian” groups now because, at least in my experience, most of them turn out the same. I don’t like being around people who behave that way, who believe they are better than others or who use Jesus as their reason they are better and have some imagined authority to tell everyone else how to work, learn, raise a family, dress, act, think, love, whatever. We are supposed to be open and loving to all. Not only those we personally feel are good enough.
Hello my dear, I gave up on religion a few years ago when my long time partner died. There just don’t seem to be any answers in Christianity or any other belief system that I can see. The only meaning of life that I can see is there is no meaning to life. Just do the best that you can each day.
Rather than be silently supportive I am writing this note to stand up and be counted publically among those who agree with you. Thank you for being brave enough to speak out on this subject. And I share your sentiments even though I don’t share your religion.
I couldn’t agree with you more. Its a sad reflection on our world. I encourage you to keep writing. What you have to say is valuable and important. Much love.
I love this whole post. So well thought out and poignant. Thank you.
“A man can quench his sexual lusts with a child as young as a baby. However, he should not penetrate. Sodomizing the baby is halal (allowed by sharia). If the man penetrates and damages the child, then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however, does not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl’s sister. It is better for a girl to marry when her menstruation starts, and at her husband’s house rather than her father’s home. Any father marrying his daughter so young will have a permanent place in heaven.”
~ Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, The Supreme Leader of Iran, the Shia Grand Ayatollah, 1979-89. “Tahrirolvasyleh” fourth volume, Darol Elm, Gom, Iran, 1990
As a non-christian, I *love* the way you talk about faith and Christianity. It reminds me that faith in god is not the evilness I see perpetrated by people who claim to be good Christians. For everyone of those spiteful people contacting you with their ridiculous defense of their own bigotry, there are those – like me – who value open-minded people of faith whose compassion and love speaks on its own.
Dear Jen,
I love you. Even though we may not agree on everything. I too am all-in for Christ. I see some of the same problems in mainstream Christianity. But I love those messed up Christians. I also love Bruce Jenner. Mainly I want to encourage you that although we may not be “mainstream”, there are Christians who passionately love Jesus, passionately love people, and also passionately believe the Bible to be God’s written word. I also want to encourage you to continue to seek fellowship with other Christians, as the Lord instructed us to “Love one another”. Even those who may seem hard to love.
May you be protected by the power of God and continually surrounded by and filled with the Love of Christ, who gave His life for us. Be blessed my friend!
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