Photo credit: Vijat Mohindra

Two years ago, when Miley Cyrus debuted her infamous, gyrating, Blurred Lines performance at the VMAs, I (I’m sorry to say) responded like a host of other people.  With an aghast, “What on God’s green earth did I JUST WATCH??”  I felt traumatized. For me, it was never about the overt sexuality of the performance.  It just felt so….. awkward, and forced, and embarrassing to watch.

Before I knew what had happened, I’d jumped on the “What’s become of sweet little Miley Cyrus??” bandwagon.

Sometime in the past two years though, something changed.  Besides conceding to the fact that there’s just really nothing kind, nor productive, about gossiping about the life and career of some poor young girl I don’t even know, I started looking at her in a new light.  She really is a talented singer (I love this one.  Oh and this too), but she’s also just a fellow human, growing up in the public eye, who doesn’t deserve our collective ridicule.  And maybe it’s the mom in me, or maybe it’s simply a matter of my own growing up (I’m nearing 42;  it was bound to happen eventually) but when Miley Cyrus comes on my screen now, I’m filled with both compassion and fascination.

So last night, when she returned to the VMAs as a host, I sort of held my breath as I watched all the comments rolling by calling her “trashy” and “disgusting” and “disappointing.”  When people started to lament the fact that she had so many followers, and served as such a poor role model to our nation’s girls, I actually found myself feeling saddened and defensive, and – even though I’m aware it makes no sense – a little protective.

Yeah, she’s outrageous. Yeah, she goes for the shock value.  Yeah, she swears like a trucker and is open about her drug use. But surely we have something to learn from Miley, just as we have something to learn from everyone.  Surely, she possesses admirable attributes that her detractors are just all too happy to overlook.  And as I thought about it, and as I thought about my kids (and especially my daughter, who so looks up to her favorite singers) I quickly realized that indeed she does… qualities that I’d not only be okay with, but proud of my daughter for emulating.

Here are just six of them:

1.  Always be an advocate for helping others – Miley used her position of influence to found the Happy Hippie Foundation, a non-profit dedicated to fighting the injustice faced by homeless youth, the LGTBQ youth, and other vulnerable populations. Say what you want about her methods, but she gets people’s attention.  And when she has it?  She uses her platform to work tirelessly to educate and spread awareness about this important cause.
2. Never be afraid to laugh at yourself –  Jimmy Kimmell collaborated with Miley recently to run a segment in which she disguised herself as an Australian newscaster, and did a sort of man-on-the-street collection of little interviews, asking passers-by what they thought about Miley Cyrus.  She stayed in character, was a ridiculously good sport about the whole thing, and played along as she listened to people’s uncensored opinions on everything from her family to her singing to her outfits.  She’s so true to herself, so unruffled by other people’s perceptions, that she willingly lets herself in on the joke…. even when it’s at her own expense.
3. Other people don’t get to define who you are – I can’t imagine what it must be like growing up not just in the public eye, but in the public eye as the daughter of a well-known country artist, AND as the former beloved child star, Hannah Montana. She’s got basically a whole world of people watching, and criticizing, and expecting her to be this person, or that artist, or this young adult.  A lot of people would cave to that pressure.  A lot of people have caved to that pressure, both in and out of the industry.  But Miley recognizes that other people don’t get to make her decisions.  She essentially says, “To hell with all of them”, and she just does MILEY.
4. It’s okay to make mistakes – And look, I’m not saying that the whole VMA/Blurred Lines thing was a mistake.  Maybe she’s really proud of it.  But it stands to reason if you’re going to live out your career as… boldly as Miley has been doing, that sooner or later there’s going to be some video, or picture, or sound bite or blurb that she considers a mistake.  And that’s okay! I can’t imagine her ever doing anything but completely and totally owning it.
5. It’s okay to live out loud – “Finding yourself” doesn’t have to be linear.  In fact, it’s usually NOT linear.  It’s messy.  You’re figuring things out, you’re learning who you are, what you’re about, what you stand for.  There are fits and starts.  There are mistakes (see number 4).  There are supposed to be mistakes.  It’s how we grow.  Being bold and being brave and putting yourself out there, for better or worse, is all part of the ride. When I was young, I was afraid – of everything – and when I went through those messy periods of growth I just went more inward.   And I’ll tell you what:  Stuffing things inside because you’re scared of them isn’t the healthiest way to live.  In fact, I can honestly say that I’m still recovering.  Living out loud, being unafraid and unashamed and unabashedly YOU is so important, and Miley Cyrus seems to understand that so very well.
6. Be strong in the face of criticism – I saved this one for last because it’s one I need to most work on myself.  I still wilt in the face of criticism.  Criticism makes me want to hide, preferably in my pajamas.  Under the covers.  With my cat and Netflix as my only companions.  But Miley Cyrus?  She doesn’t hide.  She takes the criticism, and the hate, and the unkind words, and the unsolicited advice, and the trash-talking from millions of people.…. and she puts on a series of wild outfits and she hosts the VMA awards (with some major aplomb I might add).  She keeps being Miley.  She keeps singing.  She keeps performing.  She keeps doing interviews.  She keeps putting herself in the public eye.

Miley Cyrus kind of rocks.  I’ll be very curious to see where her career goes over the next several years, but wherever it leads I’ll be over here in the corner, pulling for her, hoping for good things…. and standing up for a girl who’s really just trying to figure out who she is….. with a whole heck of a lot of people watching.