Category Archives: blogging

December 29, 2015 · 2:27 PM

2015 Top Ten Posts

It’s somehow four days after Christmas, and nearly the new year. Christmas was lovely and very low-key. And now, as I look forward to 2016 (and this year, more than ever, I am REALLY looking forward to a new year) I’m taking the few minutes to put 2015 – at least the blog version of it – to bed, and revisiting my most-read posts of the year. Once again, I gleefully broke the cardinal rule of blogging and didn’t stick to one specific niche. In addition to parenting and unschooling, the following list contains posts pertaining to faith, food, and.. yoga pants. And still you guys keep reading!

Here are my most read and shared posts from this year, from least to most amount of views:

10. I love God. I love my husband. And I still wear yoga pants in public. – No matter what we choose to wear in public, we have GOT to stop victim blaming.

9. Instead of Punishment: Where To Start – This is a question I get asked a lot, and while it’s not something that can be answered in one post, my hope was that this would at least be a jumping-off point.

8. How I Learned To Read: Four Unschooled Kids, Four Stories – Another question I get asked a lot! If you don’t teach them, how will they learn to read?? The fact is, it is different for everyone, but yes, they’ll all learn! These are my kids’ – very different – stories.

7. I Won’t Throw Stones… Unless You’re LGBT – It kind of breaks my heart that I need to keep writing about this, but as long as it continues to be an issue (and so far, it is continuing to be an issue) I won’t keep quiet about it.

6. 12 Ways To Raise Children That Are Generous And Kind – Lists are my favorite.

5. To My Fellow Christians, After The Supreme Court Ruling – See number 7. This post ticked a lot of people off, and while that isn’t the most comfortable thing for me (I’m not someone who enjoys conflict. At all), an angry response just makes it all the more likely that I’ll write about it again in the future. This is a conversation that needs to be ongoing.

4. Food Freedom, And Why I Stopped Using The Phrase, “Clean Eating” – Eat the cookie. Enjoy your food. Listen to your body.

3. Dear Parents, Don’t Be Assholes – I’m kind of embarrassed that this is on the list. Not because I don’t completely stand by it, but because while if you’re good friends with me in my 3D life, you’ve likely heard me say a word like “asshole”, I’ve mostly made it a point not to write it on my blog. Let alone in a title. In a post that’s been shared thousands of times. 🙂 But sometimes it needs to be said, and the overall message – BE NICE TO YOUR KIDS! – stands.

2. Silly Christians, Cups Are For Coffee – I’m kind of embarrassed that this is here too, just because it was no more than a really big rant. Still, I’m honored that you read my rants.

1. Six Things My Kids Are Allowed To Say To Adults – Another list, and one that really resonated. This post actually became my second most-viewed post of all the time. (The first is this one – also a list 🙂 ) Thank you, for reading and sharing!!

And finally, these are the four posts that while written prior to this year, still grabbed people’s attention enough to put them back in the top ten for this year:

Why My Kids Will Never Be Socialized

I stole your stuff. Now I’m holding it for ransom

My Promise To My Children

I Don’t Care Where Your Kids Go To School

Thanks as always for sticking around and reading and sharing and commenting on my posts!! Best wishes for a healthy and happy 2016.

xoxo

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January 2, 2015 · 12:15 PM

2014 Top Ten

I love looking back at my year of blogging.

2014 was a bit of a strange one, in that I didn’t spend as much time posting as I had in years’ past. Life sort of went in a different direction for awhile there. Still, it is heartwarming and encouraging to see that you guys still show up, and you still read what I have to say, no matter how fickle I may be with my writing. And 2014 holds the distinction of my most-viewed blog post EVER, so thank you for that! You’re still reading and sharing older posts too, which is very cool – My Promise to My Children, Just Wait Till Your Kids Are Teens, Why My Kids Will Never Be Socialized, and Entitlement are all posts from previous years that are continuing to be shared enough to make it into the top ten most-read posts for 2014.

Here are the top ten new posts from 2014, from most to least amount of views:

1. 5 (Alternative) Reasons Modern-Day Parenting Is In Crisis – I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You guys really respond when I write rebuttals to mainstream parenting articles. While I will forever have mixed feelings about these (one criticism that particularly stung in the past year was that “it’s the easiest thing in the world to critique someone’s else’s work when you don’t have any original thoughts of your own” ) overall I am happy to be a voice for the other side, and I’m glad I wrote this. A follow-up to this post made the list as well, at number 10.

2. Five Words & Phrases We Need to Stop Saying About Moms and Motherhood – This one was born of straight-up frustration. It felt good to write it.

3. Phone Fear and “Real” Relationships – Our relationships – with our children, our friends, our spouses, our loved ones – are the most important thing in the world. Anything taking precedence over those relationships should be checked, for sure, but throwing out the baby with the bathwater by villifiying phones and social networking isn’t the answer… especially when those phones and social networks can sometimes be the very impetus to said relationships.

4. Hitting is Hitting is Hitting – I’ve written about it again and again and again, and I’m sure I’ll forever continue. I’m glad that these are getting read. Hitting is wrong. Full stop.

5. Ten Tips for Happier Living With Your Teenager – I’m super happy that this one made the list! I ADORE having teenagers, and am so disheartened by the negative image of teens in society at large. I think that the more positive words out there about life with teenagers, the better.

6. And They’ll Know We Are Christians by Our Arrogance, Judgment, and Intolerance – Writing about issues pertaining to faith and Christianity is scary for me (my Christian critics are mean), but I’ve been called to do it more and more. So much so that this past year I actually started a separate blog for exactly that, although I largely ignored it after just a couple of posts. I think it’s important though, so this year, it’s definitely something I’d like to write about more.

7. Giving Our Children Everything They Want… – This is the only one on the list that I actually had to look at to see what it was. A response to a mainstream parenting meme…. of which I am sure there will never be a shortage of material. Let’s stop being so afraid to tell our children, “YES.”

8. The Elephant in the Room: Do’s and Don’ts When a Friend is Depressed – This one was personal. I’m humbled and honored that it resonated.

9. I Don’t Care Where Your Kids Go To School – Homeschool. Unschool. Public school. Own your choices. Do what makes you and your children blissfully happy.

10. We ALL Need Boundaries – some thoughts on my nanny response, one week later – Sometimes there’s just too much to say for one little post or comment, and a follow-up is necessary… to either clarify, expand, or answer comments/critiques. This was one of those times.

And that’s the list, created by you, of my top ten posts of the past year.

Do you have a favorite?

Thanks as always for reading, and I can’t wait to see what 2015 holds!

An Explanation

So, last week I vanished from Facebook. For a few days I even pulled down my blog. And while I admitted that the whole thing made me incredibly sad, it also felt extremely liberating. Just the idea that I could do it – that I could walk away if I wanted to, that the option is always there – made me feel infinitely better.

It was a fairly easy decision to re-publish my blog itself, if for no other reason than the fact that keeping it down made entirely too much work for me. I was getting a ton of emails, people were asking me about individual posts, I was wanting to share things that I could no longer share, and I’d created a whole bunch of broken links all over the place. The rational thing to do was to bring it back, a whopping three days after I’d announced that it was down.

The Facebook page is another matter altogether though, and I feel at peace about taking a good long break. I never gave any sort of explanation for that…. partly because I don’t feel I owe any explanations, but also because I didn’t yet really have an explanation, other than that I knew I needed to step away.

Today though, I have an explanation, and I thought I’d share it for the people who are still wondering.

First, I’m sure there’s an appearance of something akin to a child’s playground tantrum: “That is IT. I’m taking my ball and GOING HOME!” And sure, that’s part of it. I mean, I was hurt, and frustrated, and burnt out, and had had it with everyone and everything. Given the timing of my exit, a lot of you assumed that I left because of the last couple of conversations we’d had on my wall, but that really wasn’t it. I’d been a hair’s breadth away from making this decision for months, and that just happened to be the impetus that pushed me over; not the reason itself. I was not feeling heard, and that’s really one of the worst feelings in the world, isn’t it? Don’t we all just want to be heard? I ~~verbally vomited~~ shared a little bit of that in the Things I’m Not Saying post, and while it was a very true representation of how I was feeling at the moment, in hindsight the full truth is a little bit different.

I received another email this morning wondering what had happened to the Facebook page. It wasn’t one of the sweet ones, telling me she missed me, and that she hoped everything was okay (and absolutely, I got those too, and they were appreciated.) No, she was almost…. indignant. Angry. And she wasn’t particularly nice about it. Why did I leave?! Why didn’t I tell her what was going on?! She was wanting to share a specific post, and she couldn’t find it, and what was she supposed to do now?!

I literally read it as I was walking out the door. I was frustrated because I was supposed to be playing Minecraft with Tegan, and I had to postpone to go the doctor. The surgeon’s office had just called to tell me that they’d had a ton of cancellations (half of the valley is flooded right now), and if I could come in right then, they could get me a cortisone injection, as a way to sort of cross every t and dot every i before we decide that a revision surgery is the right next step. Spencer wasn’t feeling well, so I was doting on him; I felt bad for bailing on Tegan; I was off to get what I knew would be a painful injection that would render me out of commission for the rest of the day; I had a million little things to do when I got home…

and all I could think about was a stupid email from a random stranger.

I realized at some point during the 8 minute drive to the doctor’s that the issue was NOT the email. It was not the other person at all. All this time I’d made it so easy and convenient to blame others for what had been happening, when really it was my own issue all along. Somewhere along the way, I’d failed to set appropriate and healthy boundaries for myself. It wasn’t that I simply got the email (and others like it), it was that I’d allowed them to take up any space in my head. In my day. In my life.

I allowed that to happen.

Every day I went to my own Facebook page, and I’d read the comments and while I KNEW intellectually that I’m the same me no matter what; that what others say to me reflects on them, not me; that I don’t have to give any attention or weight to any negativity; that I don’t have to even blink an eye about not living up to anyone’s expectations but my own… while I knew – and KNOW – all of that wholeheartedly, I was letting it creep in. Letting it create that tiny dark spot on my day. Letting it make me tired. Letting it get me down. And over time, it all just got to me. But it was ME, and not the “haters”. People are allowed to think whatever they want about me. People are allowed to call me whatever they’d like. People are allowed to email me. People are allowed to expect too much of me.

And I’m allowed to protect me.

So that’s why I took down the Facebook page, and why it will stay down for the time being. Because of what I’ve allowed it to do to me. When I figure out what I need to do to stop the negativity from digging its way in (and to be clear, I’m not asking for advice), I’ll be back. And I’ll be glad too, because I do miss it. A lot actually. But I’d be lying if I said that it hasn’t been really really nice to go a whole week without being called names.

I’ll figure it out, and I’ll come back.

In the meantime, I’ll be nursing a shoulder and playing Minecraft with my girl. Because priorities.

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August 18, 2014 · 8:30 AM

Trying something new….

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My cat.

So, you know how everyone has their “thing” that they do to remain sane when things are chaotic around them? For some it’s running, for other’s it’s meditation, still others it may be a bath and a glass of wine.

Well, I actually was starting to like running, but I can’t currently run because of my shoulder. I do like meditation, but it’s generally coupled with yoga, and I’m currently limited there as well. Wine is nice…. but baths aren’t my thing, and they get cold too fast anyway.

But WRITING. Writing is, and always has been, my never-fail go-to. A half hour of writing – anything – is better than therapy as far as I’m concerned. So I decided, at least until I get bored with it, that I’m going to take some time every morning before the girl gets up (time I ordinarily would have spent ~~wasting time by getting annoyed with people on Facebook~~ mentally preparing for the day) and post a new blog post.

Now, this is a 99% selfish act on my part, because beside the fact that it just makes me feel better, I miss writing when I don’t do it. And I’m mainly announcing it here for accountability sake. But here’s what it means for you:

(In a list form, because you know I love lists)

1. More stream-of-consciousness writing. My brain is a strange and crowded place. The more I can get some of those random thoughts actually out, the better for everyone. For example, I just learned that you’re not supposed to leave two spaces after a period anymore. What kind of craziness is this? Apparently it was an old rule, and only applied when people were typing on manual typewriters. The writing world has since evolved, but I didn’t evolve with it. I’ve been doing it for over 30 years now, and it’s highly unlikely that I will stop. Deal with it.

2. More stuff about my kids and my family and our adventures. When I first started this blog, it was about my life. My kids. Our unschooling adventures. I had about 12 faithful readers, and I wrote about our day-to-day happenings, from the funny to the unexpected to the mundane. I miss that sometimes. No one ever made any nasty comments. I never made any conscious decisions to stop writing in that fashion and start writing about “issues”, but somewhere along the way, it just organically happened. And don’t get me wrong…. I’ll still write about issues. I just feel like I freed up a whole lot of writing time to return to some of that older stuff too. But, it also means:

3. More stuff about parenting and unschooling and responses to the current mainstream thought that’s out there. I’ve written about my love affair with sticky notes before. Well one of the things that my sticky notes are often covered with is notes about things I want to write about. Or articles I read that I wanted to respond to. Or questions I want to ask. Because of life, I barely got to half of them. But if I’m giving myself the gift of five to seven whole posts a WEEK (seriously, I’m like giddy about this) I’ll have that many more opportunities to get to them.

And,

4. More stuff FOR, and BY YOU. You know what my favorite day on my FB page is? Thursday. Because for the past 3 or 4 Thursdays, I’ve been asking you all to share a picture from your phone. I can’t explain how much I love this! I love seeing what you all share. I love answering your questions. I love getting your feedback. Posting more often will allow me to bring some more of that to my blog, instead of just keeping it on Facebook. I would love to do a weekly FAQ, and I would love to do a regular post about your take on some of the parenting issues that come up again and again. I get a lot of messages, and I respond to as many as I can, but I like the idea of posting and answering them publicly even more… because lots of other people share the same questions.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

At the same time I’m writing more, I’m going to be doing almost the opposite on my Facebook page. It’s not that I’m not going to keep posting, because I am. But I am going to guard the conversations much more closely. I feel like things have been on a steady downward spiral lately, and I don’t like it. I don’t like it that there is name calling. I don’t like it that people can’t be kind when they disagree. I don’t like it that some of my loyal, faithful readers who contribute SO MUCH to these conversations are getting attacked by others. I don’t like it that new people who are asking genuine questions are getting attacked by others.

I may be naive, but I like to think that people can still behave like grown-ups, even on the internet.

So the rule (the ONLY rule) is: You have to play nice. Agree, disagree, think I’m crazy, think what I post is crazy…. but BE NICE. If you think someone’s being an idiot, great! If you actually CALL them an idiot… you’ll be removed; not the idiot. Deal?

Love you all, and as always, thanks for coming along for the ride.

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March 14, 2014 · 10:59 PM

First Impressions, and The Worst Part about Blogging

A happy bird.

I realized something sort of huge tonight.

All this time, I thought that the thing I liked least about blogging was the negative comments. If you asked me, even this morning, I wouldn’t have hesitated. “The negative comments! The people who call me names, the people who call me judgmental, the people who make unfair assumptions!” And don’t get me wrong, I don’t like that part. It’s not enjoyable.

But it’s not the worst part.

Tonight I was told that I “justified judgement, arrogance, and condemnation.” Now that’s certainly not the worst thing anyone’s ever said about me (heck, it probably wouldn’t even make it into the top ten), but it still stung. Because while I can intellectually realize that what strangers say about me doesn’t matter, and that what other people think about me is none of my business, and all those other cliches that everyone likes to remind me of when I start to feel beat down by the negativity….. emotionally is another story.

Us introverted writers are a sensitive bunch.

But after I followed a dear friend’s advice and hugged a kid, hugged a cat, and had a drink (in exactly that order) I realized that I’ve been bothered by the wrong thing all along. I really didn’t care what this stranger had said about me. What I cared about was the fact that in that moment, in that blog post, to that woman…

I had failed.

When someone follows a link and comes to my blog for the first time, I have ONE chance to win them over. And I don’t mean “win them over” in a slick salesman, motivational speaker kind of way. I don’t profit in any way from my blog, and I have never written with a goal of getting more readers. But I do want to connect.

I don’t like superficiality, I’m terrible at small talk, and I’ve never been accused of being the life of the party. But if you want to have an actual conversation? I’m your girl. Which is why, when someone comes to my blog and promptly decides I’m judgmental/arrogant/a generally sucky person based on one post…. I feel like I failed. Conversation’s over before it started. “But she doesn’t even know me!” I’ll often lament to husband, who will respond with something to the effect of, “That’s right, so why would it matter?”

It matters because maybe we could have had a conversation. Maybe we could have connected in some positive way. Maybe you hated, absolutely HATED the first blog post you read by me…. but would have loved the next twenty. Maybe you would have discovered I’m not so awful after all.

I’ve carried a little metal link on my key chain for the past several years. (It was given to me by a Church of Christ minister, lest you read my story and I think that I only harbor negative memories. I don’t) It serves as a reminder that we never know when God might use us as a link for somebody else. A link to God, a link to kindness, a link to compassion.

The really great thing about blogging is that it allows me to be that link fairly often. Connecting with others and supporting each other on our journeys is sometimes the only thing that keeps me from pulling the whole thing down. I get that not everyone is here to connect, and/or thinks I’m a terrible writer or has zero interest in anything I have to say. That’s cool too, when you leave quietly and I don’t have to actually be made privy to anything I just mentioned.

Oh, but the ones who come out of the gate with the insults……

I try to give the benefit of the doubt, because their first impression of me is also my first impression of them. But, well, it’s hard to shake hands with a fist.

And so, I’ve nothing to do but to think of the quote from What About Bob:

You know what I do? I treat people like they’re telephones. If I meet somebody who I don’t think likes me I just say to myself ‘Bob, this one’s out of order. Just hang up and try again.”

Out of order phones. I just need to think of it – of them – as out of order phones. If for no other reason, because it’s a whole lot better than thinking that I failed.

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December 13, 2013 · 1:16 PM

Keeping It Real

A cute picture that has nothing to do with this post

There are twelve days till Christmas. I am in tears (those two thoughts are not really related).

When I started this blog… 8, 9 years ago? It was a journal. A fun little way to capture and remember the things I was doing with the kids. It was called Unschooling Chronicles back then, and it was read by mostly family and a few friends. I enjoyed it.

Over time it morphed and changed into something else… and right now, I don’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy having every word getting picked to shreds. I don’t enjoy getting told what a horrible person I am. I don’t enjoy getting called names. Again. And again. And again. AND AGAIN. I don’t enjoy getting told how I should do things differently, and say things differently, and post things differently. I don’t enjoy getting told I just need to suck it up, that’s it’s just the nature of the beast. I don’t enjoy people who don’t even know me making snap decisions about what kind of person I am, or am not.

This blog is still small according to the blogging world, tiny compared to most, and yet it’s still too big. I don’t know how people like Single Dad Laughing and Matt Walsh do it, I really don’t.

My heart is heavy and my soul is tired.

And it is so, SO easy to say, “Who cares what other people say?” (mostly said by people who don’t have their own blogs, and therefore haven’t opened themselves up to daily public criticism and don’t know what it’s like)

The past week I’ve felt like I’ve been kicked while I was down way, way too many times. It eventually caught up with me. So five minutes ago, I unpublished my TPLT Facebook page – what was once one of my very favorite things, and recently had become a boxing ring – and will be taking a good long break. I don’t know yet that I’ll unpublish my blog altogether, but for now I step away, at least from the kind of writing I’ve been doing.

For now I focus on:

My beautiful family
Christmas
My sweet little cat
The advent calendar, which I FINALLY got up, a mere 10 days late
Supportive friends
Writing for ME again.
Things that make me laugh
Yummy food
Yoga
Working on the conference
Parties and celebrations and fun outings
God

You could say that I’m backing down and letting “them” win I suppose. But walking away from something that’s not serving me and is making me unhappy? That’s ME winning.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and have a safe and happy and peaceful holiday season.

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Filed under blogging, life

May 5, 2013 · 2:20 PM

A Radical Path

Day 5, Sunday: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don’t have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member.

Just like with the quotes, I had trouble narrowing this one down. So many awesome blogs by so many awesome blogger friends! I ultimately decided that while I could wax poetic about some of the bigger blogs that you already know and love, it’d be more productive to introduce you to a blog that you might not know about yet. And if you don’t know about it yet, you’re missing out!

A few people readily came to mind (and I’m sure I’ll share them all, eventually) but for today’s post I chose Karen of A Radical Path. What makes her great? She just rocks. She’s a loyal friend, an awesome mom, and an all-around stand-up person. She’s a fellow Christian radical unschooler, and in addition to having a rather brilliantly named blog, she’s Australian and has passed on such important wisdom as sayings like “crikey” and “bloody hell.”

She writes boldly and honestly about radical unschooling and gentle parenting, and about walking this radical path we’re both on. From her “about me” on her blog:

The path through life is often broad and wide, well travelled and unquestioned.

This blog is about our journey along a more radical, less travelled path. It is about thinking differently, questioning the status quo, getting off auto pilot, breaking free from unconsidered traditions, and forging a way through a wilderness that is just waiting to be discovered! It is about daring to be different, rethinking assumptions, and facing the future with hope and courage.

Join me as we undo the laces of the smelly old shoe that doesn’t fit anyway, dip our toes in the crystal clear waters, wash away the dirt and dust, and walk (even run!) barefoot in the green grass of freedom….

If you like my blog, you will love hers. Go follow her on Facebook here. You’re welcome.

Ten Tips for New Bloggers

Day Two of the “blog every day in May” challenge: Educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at.

So many things to choose from!! Making cupcakes? Dropping my cell phone? Yoga? Losing my car keys? Doing fancy things to my fingernails? Being an insomniac? Listening? Wiping runny noses and cleaning up spilled paint and glue and oil and glitter and vomit and …..

Surely any of the above could spawn at least a dozen blog posts. But since my attention is currently on a blog challenge, all I can think about at the moment is …well, blogging.

So I give you my ever so humble list of things I wish someone had told me when I first decided to start a blog.

1. Write what you know. I always HATED that advice when I was a kid writing stories. I mean, what if I wanted to write about flesh-eating zombies? And surely writers like Stephen King and Dean Koontz didn’t get famous for writing about their real-life experiences. But when it comes to blogging, I think this particularly piece of wisdom is sound. Blogging is intimate and personal, and it only works when a person is being true to themselves. Nothing turns me off from a blog faster than a person who is disingenuous. Be honest, be candid… but above all, be yourself.

2. Connect with your readers. I’ve often heard it advised that it’s a good idea to end blog posts with a question, because it engages your readers, and encourages participation. I have tried it on occasion, but it never felt right. It didn’t feel like me (see #1), so I dropped it quickly. I do however love – and see the importance in – connecting, sharing, and exchanging ideas on my Facebook page and through comments and emails. Once you have people reading what you write, you make up a whole little tribe, whether there are 5 readers or 5,000. Which is really really cool. And the tribe needs to be tended to just like any other relationship.

3. Connect with other bloggers. Speaking of tribes, I am so grateful for my fellow mom bloggers! I’ve been fortunate enough to get to know many of them, and they’ve been invaluable to me both as a blogger and as a human being. They’re a huge source of support, ideas, and inspiration. Not to mention, they’re some of the only people who are going to really get it when you get your feelings crushed by your first negative comment. When you find other blogs you love: show up, read, and comment. Share their stuff. Tell your friends. Repeat.

4. Don’t get hung up on numbers. For the first few years of this blog’s existence, I had about 13 regular readers. I loved my 13 readers, and I still do. 🙂 The times when my reach has grown, it’s been completely organic. A few kind someones appreciated something I posted, and passed it along. That’s it. I never did figure out WHY certain things “hit” and others don’t. I do know though that it doesn’t matter. A post isn’t more or less valuable just because it has been viewed by 50,000 people. Your words aren’t more or less valuable than mine just because you have half as many or ten times as many views. I personally think there’s a real danger in placing too much importance on growing your blog. In fact it almost… grieves me… when I see a previously cool and unique little blog markedly change its focus, and start doing things specifically aimed at improving numbers. The disingenuous thing I mentioned in point #1? That comes through in a major way when blogs start to write/publish/share solely to increase their numbers instead of for the love of it, and it’s often the point at which I unfollow.

5. Keep it simple. Bright colors, light text on dark background, cluttered side-bars, and lots of flashy, blingy stuff is distracting. If you want people to come back, keep it clean, simple, and easy to navigate. And for the love of all that is good and holy do NOT have music that automatically plays on your page! Yes, people can mute it (if they can figure out how) but very few people stick around long enough to do so. For real.

6. Be prepared for ugliness. I was devastated the first time I got a nasty comment on one of my posts. I was devastated the 12th time too. And the 300th time. I wish that I could say that it gets easier, but for me it hasn’t. I will say though, that while I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy that aspect of blogging, I have accepted it. It comes with the territory of “putting yourself out there”, and it’s something that I’ve learned to deal with. I know that’s it’s not about me. And it’s not about you, either. It’s just that when you write – about absolutely anything – it opens you up to criticism. To being called a terrible writer. And a terrible mother. And a terrible person. With terrible children. It opens you up to unkind words, unsolicited advice, and unwarranted hatred. I don’t say this to discourage you though, because you also need to:

7. Be prepared for beauty. It never, ever fails. I’ll be feeling misunderstood. Unheard. Discouraged and ready to quit. I’ll want to delete my whole blog, never to share a single word again. And then it comes: an exquisitely timed kind and encouraging word in the form of an email, comment or Facebook message. Often from a stranger, and always exactly what I need to hear at the exact moment that I need to hear it. Those kind messages make it all worthwhile. I know it sounds ridiculously cliched, but it’s true: knowing even one person, somewhere, is somehow touched or helped or amused or moved by something I shared is the reason I keep writing. So thank you.

8. Write regularly. Once a day, twice a week, once a month. Pick something and hold yourself to it. Daily blogging burns me out, but I’ve definitely found that if I go too long between posts, I lose my momentum, and the community that I spoke of in number two sort of gets stagnant. Posting regularly gives you a sense of routine, AND it gives your readers some consistency. One of my very favorite blogs (which has nothing to do with either unschooling or parenting) updates once a week, and I love knowing that I can count on a new post every Tuesday.

9. Don’t be afraid of trying new things. Giveaways, blog-hops, themes, reviews, videos, challenges… there are lots of cool things to try and do and play with when you need an infusion of something fresh. Sometimes they’re a hit, and sometimes they flop. 🙂

10. Take how-to advice (including this list) with a big grain of salt. So you want to put on a fake persona, never connect with anyone, do everything in the book to explode your stats, and play Milli Vanilli’s greatest hits to everyone who comes to visit your page? Go for it. It all comes back around to point number one and being yourself. When you stop being yourself and instead start following a checklist of ways to Make Your Blog Awesome, it shows. To me, a blog is about being genuine, relatable, and real. So while I like reading tips on blogging occasionally, I take it all in, see what resonates, and leave the rest. I break a lot of “rules”, and make no apologies.

As is so often the case, even when it comes to blogging: outside the box, outside the norm, and off the beaten path…. that’s where all the magic happens.

P.S. But please don’t make me listen to Milli Vanilli.

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December 18, 2012 · 6:00 AM

2012 Top Ten

What a year for parenting. Between Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, there was no shortage of avenues for crazy ideas. Laptop-shooting dads, public shamings on Facebook, and negative and anti-kid “pins” were all the rage this year.

As I went through my stats for the year to get this post together, I realized that once again my most read pieces were those that responded to these popular trends. I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, it makes sense…. these are things that people are thinking about, and talking about, and are just generally in the public’s consciousness. On the other, it bothers me. Bothers me because they’re also the posts that garner me the most negative attention, the most “Why don’t you stop judging everyone else and worry about your own family” kind of comments. It was not too long ago that I was told I should stop picking on everyone.

That’s not who I am, and it’s not what this blog is.

Still, there were things that I think needed to be said, and with few exceptions I don’t regret saying them. I do imagine the blog going in a bit of a different direction in 2013, both as a conscious decision and just because I’ve gone in a different direction. As an authentic extension of myself, this space is a growing, changing, fluid organism. And thank God for that.

Here are my most read posts for the year, in order of most to least views:

Not My Idea of a Hero: My response to Tommy Jordan, the man who gained his 15 minutes of fame when the video of him shooting bullets through his daughter’s laptop went viral on YouTube. I took a lot of flack on this one… for “judging” him, and for not respecting him and his decisions as a parent. But the man took a gun, shot it through his daughter’s property, and used fear, intimidation, and public ridicule as a way to discipline. I stand by this one.

I stole your stuff. Now I’m holding it for ransom: My take on the popular Pinterest idea of collecting your kids’ things that were left lying around, putting them in a big bin, and then having them do chores to earn them back. A lot of negative responses to this too (people hold very tightly to their treasured pins :)), especially to my use of the word, “steal.” But in my house, my childrens’ things are their own, and taking something that doesn’t belong to you is stealing. I stand by this one too.

Dear Chick Fil A, I Love You But: Dan Cathy, the CEO of Chick Fil A, made a public statement about gay marriage and what he called traditional family values. People boycotted, people supported him, and everyone went crazy. The brouhaha on both sides of this issue was just too much to ignore, so I had to say my piece. My only regret on this one? That I wasn’t brave enough to say how I really felt about homosexuality. That I hid behind hypotheticals and political correctness and the same “traditional family values” that had started the whole thing. What I didn’t do was come right out and say that yes, I’m a Christian who absolutely loves God and loves Jesus…. and doesn’t happen to think that homosexuality is a sin. I didn’t say that I think that the way homosexuals have been treated in the name of Christianity is absolutely abhorrent, and I didn’t say that I think something needs to change in a HUGE way in this country (and that that change should not involve denying gay individuals the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts.) I didn’t share that I too was once an adamant “It’s a sin, but…” Christian, or the journey that it took for me to feel otherwise, or the years of researching on my own, trying to find out what the Bible actually did and did not say, or my gratitude for people like John Shore, and other Christians who were brave enough to question the status quo – and write about it – long before me. So there it is. And in 2013, I won’t shy away from talking about it anymore.

Mom’s Rules and Is it Okay to Let Your Child Cry? and The Problem with Facebook Parenting: I don’t want to keep repeating myself, so I’ll comment on these all together. Some things are worth taking a stand about. The way children are treated is one of them.

Unschooling, Christianity & Other Misconceptions and The Five Rs for New Homeschoolers and Unschooling: Don’t You Worry That They’ll Miss Something? I’m glad these made the list. I’m in a season right now of not wanting to really talk about unschooling so much as just LIVE it. I know that people are still out there looking for information and reassurance though, and I’d love to think that they’re able to find some of that in some of my past posts…. if nothing else, as a jumping off point for further research.

The Boy Named Johnny: About an awesome, energetic, different kid in Everett’s cub scout troop. I’m glad this made the list too, especially in light of the Connecticut school shootings, and the attention being paid to the fact that the shooter had Asperger’s. I think it’s an important conversation to be had.

And a bonus number 11:

When is it Okay to Judge?: When I saw this was in the number 11 spot, I knew I had to include it. Please read it, especially if any of the above posts make you want to call me judgmental. 🙂

Love you all, and I can’t wait to see what 2013 brings.

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Filed under blogging, christian unschooling, discipline, gentle discipline, gentle parenting, judgement, kindness, learning, life, mindful parenting, parenting, unschooling

April 30, 2012 · 8:09 AM

Walking On Egg Shells

I hate the internet. I mean, I love the internet. But sometimes… I really hate it. That has never been more true than it has the past couple of weeks. I guess maybe I shouldn’t admit that, being a blogger, but there it is. And it’s kind of the crux of my whole point today: The things I shouldn’t say.

A few days ago, I saw a video going around Facebook. It was a home video of a dad and his three kids singing Bohemian Rhapsody in their car. We’re big Queen fans around here so I thought it was cute. I was about to share to it, when I started skimming through some of the negative comments. First there was horror that one of the little girls was sitting in the front seat. Then there was something about the toddlers strap on his car seat. That was all followed up with “What an inappropriate song to be singing with your kids!” I thought about my own page, and how I’ve seen the same kind of comments on even the most innocuous seeming posts. I didn’t really feel like getting into a lengthy and exhausting “thing” over a silly video.

So I didn’t share it.

And the more I thought about it, the more ticked off (at myself!) I felt. I was really irritated that I wouldn’t post something that I liked, on my page, just because I knew there’d be negative reactions. But the truth is, I’ve grown tired.

Lately there has been a barrage of videos, articles, and other posts about discipline that I’ve strongly disagreed with. I have to really weigh whether I want to opine on them though, because doing so always gets me called judgemental. And critical. And hypocritical. And why can’t I just “support other parents no matter how they do things?” That goes doubly for when I talk about spanking. Or crying it out. Or dads shooting their daughter’s laptops.

I can’t express my opinions about schools either, because apparently that’s not fair to teachers (and the fact that I’ve never had a disparaging thing to say about teachers is of little consequence)

I have to be careful about writing too many happy, good-day stories about the kids, because those always invite the snarky, “Oh it must be so nice to have such a perfect life” comments.

I can’t write too many downer posts either, because those bring the admonishments to get over myself and Just Focus On The Positive.

When Kirk Cameron made his remarks about homosexuality recently, I was shushed before I even began to give an opinion. (I disagreed with him, for whatever it’s worth) I couldn’t say it though, without getting screamed at about how unfair I was being, and how mean it was, and how he was being unnecessarily bullied. Besides, I was told, it was too controversial of a topic anyway. It would alienate too many readers. I should stick to writing about parenting (as long as I’m not being judgemental) or homeschooling (as long as I don’t mention school) or stories about my kids (as long as they’re not too happy. Or too sad.)

I don’t like walking on egg shells. Or writing on them, as it were. I can’t write my blog to please other people. I learned a long time ago that living your life to try to please others is a painful lesson in futility anyway. I don’t want this space to become some watered down version of itself simply because it’s more comfortable. I ultimately started it for myself, and while I’m very thankful that a few people seemed to read it and pay attention, at the end of the day I’d rather have a blog that’s authentic and read by 10 than a blog that’s “safe” and read by 10,000.

I was recently unfriended and subsequently blocked by a longtime Facebook friend. I don’t know why. I’m not welcome or able to contact her to tell her this, but I have to thank her in all sincerity. Getting dumped as a friend – again – painful though it was, served as an impetus to once again renew my conviction to just be me. I can’t do anything else. How people respond to me, to my blog, to the things I share…. that’s their business, not mine. I will fully admit that I haven’t gotten this blogging thing all figured out yet. Or this parenting thing. Or this life thing. But I can also tell you – promise you even – that what you see here will be real… the good, the bad, the ugly; whether you agree, disagree, or just don’t care. It’ll be messy. That’s real life. And that’s me.

And to prove it, here’s that Queen video that I convinced myself not to post. Enjoy it, or not. 🙂

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