Category Archives: christian unschooling

2012 Top Ten

What a year for parenting. Between Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, there was no shortage of avenues for crazy ideas. Laptop-shooting dads, public shamings on Facebook, and negative and anti-kid “pins” were all the rage this year.

As I went through my stats for the year to get this post together, I realized that once again my most read pieces were those that responded to these popular trends.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  On the one hand, it makes sense…. these are things that people are thinking about, and talking about, and are just generally in the public’s consciousness.  On the other, it bothers me.  Bothers me because they’re also the posts that garner me the most negative attention, the most “Why don’t you stop judging everyone else and worry about your own family” kind of comments.   It was not too long ago that I was told I should stop picking on everyone.

That’s not who I am, and it’s not what this blog is.

Still, there were things that I think needed to be said, and with few exceptions I don’t regret saying them.   I do imagine the blog going in a bit of a different direction in 2013, both as a conscious decision and just because I’ve gone in a different direction.    As an authentic extension of myself, this space is a growing, changing, fluid organism.  And thank God for that.

Here are my most read posts for the year, in order of most to least views:

Not My Idea of a Hero:  My response to Tommy Jordan, the man who gained his 15 minutes of fame when the video of him shooting bullets through his daughter’s laptop went viral on YouTube.   I took a lot of flack on this one… for “judging” him, and for not respecting him and his decisions as a parent.   But the man took a gun, shot it through his daughter’s property, and used fear, intimidation, and public ridicule as a way to discipline.  I stand by this one.

I stole your stuff.  Now I’m holding it for ransom:  My take on the popular Pinterest idea of collecting your kids’ things that were left lying around, putting them in a big bin, and then having them do chores to earn them back.   A lot of negative responses to this too (people hold very tightly to their treasured pins :)), especially to my use of the word, “steal.”  But in my house, my childrens’ things are their own, and taking something that doesn’t belong to you is stealing.  I stand by this one too.

Dear Chick Fil A, I Love You But:  Dan Cathy, the CEO of Chick Fil A, made a public statement about gay marriage and what he called traditional family values.  People boycotted, people supported him, and everyone went crazy.  The brouhaha on both sides of this issue was just too much to ignore, so I had to say my piece.  My only regret on this one?  That I wasn’t brave enough to say how I really felt about homosexuality.  That I hid behind hypotheticals and political correctness and the same “traditional family values” that had started the whole thing.   What I didn’t do was come right out and say that yes, I’m a Christian who absolutely loves God and loves Jesus…. and doesn’t happen to think that homosexuality is a sin.  I didn’t say that I think that the way homosexuals have been treated in the name of Christianity is absolutely abhorrent, and I didn’t say that I think something needs to change in a HUGE way in this country (and that that change should not involve denying gay individuals the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts.)  I didn’t share that I too was once an adamant “It’s a sin, but…” Christian, or the journey that it took for me to feel otherwise, or the years of researching on my own, trying to find out what the Bible actually did and did not say, or my gratitude for people like John Shore, and other Christians who were brave enough to question the status quo – and write about it – long before me.   So there it is.   And in 2013, I won’t shy away from talking about it anymore.

Mom’s Rules and Is it Okay to Let Your Child Cry?  and The Problem with Facebook Parenting:    I don’t want to keep repeating myself, so I’ll comment on these all together.  Some things are worth taking a stand about.  The way children are treated is one of them.

Unschooling, Christianity & Other Misconceptions and The Five Rs for New Homeschoolers and Unschooling:  Don’t You Worry That They’ll Miss Something?   I’m glad these made the list.  I’m in a season right now of not wanting to really talk about unschooling so much as just LIVE it.  I know that people are still out there looking for information and reassurance though, and I’d love to think that they’re able to find some of that in some of my past posts…. if nothing else, as a jumping off point for further research.

The Boy Named Johnny:  About an awesome, energetic, different kid in Everett’s cub scout troop.  I’m glad this made the list too, especially in light of the Connecticut school shootings, and the attention being paid to the fact that the shooter had Asperger’s.  I think it’s an important conversation to be had.

And a bonus number 11:

When is it Okay to Judge?:   When I saw this was in the number 11 spot, I knew I had to include it.  Please read it, especially if any of the above posts make you want to call me judgmental.  🙂

Love you all, and I can’t wait to see what 2013 brings.

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High School Taught Me I Was a Failure

I got pretty good grades in high school. Sometimes I got really good grades. I was your average A/B student. I took (and did well in) honors and advanced placement classes, and my extracurricular schedule was nicely padded with sports and clubs and all those other things that colleges like to see. I didn’t dislike school, nor did I love it. School was a necessary evil.  It was a place to go in between writing and drawing and daydreaming. It was place to be told what to do and how to do it. It was like a game to me, and it was a game that I felt I generally played well.

My teachers didn’t agree.

Read the rest over on Christian Unschooling.

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Jesus Was an Unschooler

Sometimes the objections are loud and brazen: “Unschooling as a Christian is a SIN!” Sometimes they are cautious and confused, a quietly whispered, “Isn’t that… you know… unbiblical?”

Either way, they both stem from the same place: Fear. Fear and a basic misunderstanding of what the Bible does and does not have to say about education. The fact is, the Bible has lots to say about how we should conduct ourselves our Christians, lots to say about how we treat others….. and not so much to say about how we learn the three R’s.

And when we do look to the Bible for those answers? Like most answers, we need not look further than Jesus himself. And while he of course never had children of his own …

Jesus was an unschooler…

[Hop over to Christian Unschooling to read the rest]

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A Day in the Life: Going With the Flow

“Can you describe a typical unschooling day for me?”

The question is almost always filled with both curiosity and sincerity. It’s one of the first things those new to the concept of unschooling want to know.

What do you mean when you say, “unschooling?”

What does it look like in your house?

What’s a typical day like?

Or the slightly more straightforward: “What exactly do you do all day?”

The answer – to all of the above – is it depends…………

(Hop on over to Christian Unschooling to keep reading.)

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Unschooling, Christianity, and Other Misconceptions

 

I don’t pay too much attention to anti-unschooling articles.   For one thing, unschoolers make up a small percentage of homeschoolers, which are already just a tiny (but growing) fraction of the general population.  It’s not for everyone.  It’s not for most people.  I get that.  It’s also difficult for a lot of people to understand, and people tend to fear or mock what they don’t understand.

I’m happy with my decision to unschool.  I’m confident in my decision to unschool.  I don’t read a lot of negatively slanted unschooling pieces because I don’t want to give it my energy…. energy that could be much better spent making my life – and that of my kids – full and fun and interesting and happy.

Every now and then though, one slides under my radar.  One that’s so full of both its own self-importance and myriads of misconceptions that it nearly begs me to ignore it.  I wrestle with indecision.  “I really shouldn’t.   I shouldn’t.  Oh… but I’m gonna.”

I don’t like it when people who don’t understand unschooling try to tell others why they shouldn’t unschool.  And I really don’t like it when people who don’t understand unschooling specifically tell Christians that they shouldn’t unschool.  Understand it FIRST, and then write about it.

I could sit here and talk to some experts and write an article about, say, the wrong way to reconcile a 941.   Don’t know what that is?  Oh don’t worry.  I’ll explain it to you, in broad strokes and with sweeping generalizations.  But until I understand it (beyond the fact that it has something to do with quarterly taxes) I will be first one to tell you that I’m not in a position to be advising on its procedure.  I will send you right to my husband who will tell you everything you need to know, without disparaging anyone in the process.

And so it is with unschooling.  It’s one thing to say, “You know what?  I’ve done the research, and unschooling isn’t for me.  This is why.”  It’s another thing entirely to warn of unschooling’s dangers when you haven’t yet grasped what unschooling means.

This article, written by Grace Howard, starts out by telling us how us Christian parents should be “concerned” by unschooling.  (Emphasis is mine)

But unschooling’s philosophy of education differs substantially from traditional homeschooling, and should pose some concerns for Christian parents.

Now, I’m not a fan of being told what to do as it is. But being told what to feel?  What to be concerned about?   All parents, Christian and otherwise, will have concerns.  Absolutely.  I’m concerned about hate.  I’m concerned about prejudice.  I am NOT concerned about when or why or how little Suzy learns long division.  Unschooling is not concerning.

Unschooling is a “radical” version of homeschooling; it gives children complete control over their subjects, schedule, and interests. If children do not want to learn science, they do not have to. If they enjoy art, literature, or computer programming, they can spend all their time pursuing that subject

If you are new to the idea of unschooling, please do not give this definition any weight.  Unschooling does not “give children complete control over their subjects, schedule, and interests.”  To understand unschooling is to recognize that life is not divided into subjects in the first place.  And having control over their own interests?  Who else but you should have control over your own interests??  Children who “do not want to learn science” or math or history or whatever the case may be, are children who have learned – most likely through school – that learning is a chore.  That learning is something that is forced upon us, rather than something that organically happens inside each one of us.  That something that is momentarily hard or uninteresting or not useful is something to be feared and avoided.  But it doesn’t work that way for unschoolers.   Unschoolers know that learning is everywhere.  Unschoolers know that they can (and will) learn science as easily and naturally as anything else.   Science, math, history, social studies… they’re all intertwined, and they’re all around us.  Unschoolers know that they learn everything they need to know, when they need to know it, as it makes sense for them in the life that’s unfolding around them.

In the most radical forms of unschooling, this freedom permeates children’s entire life: they control their bedtimes, meals, and chores

That’s fair enough I guess, for a rudimentary definition, in terms of the way most people view radical unschooling.  My children don’t have parent-imposed bedtimes… but they get plenty of sleep, are well-attuned to their own bodies, and know when they need to rest.  My children are not required to follow a parent-imposed schedule of meals… but they are healthy and strong, have a good relationship with food, and eat a cleaner and more varied diet than just about any other kids I know.  My children do not have sticker charts or compulsory chores they must attend to every day… but they all pitch in as much as the next whenever they are asked, with everything from dishes to laundry to taking out the trash, because we’re a family and we all work together.

Christian unschoolers try to meld the limit-free teaching methods of unschooling with structured biblical parenting.

They do?  This is the part that makes lots of people all kinds of uneasy, but… biblical parenting is not all that “structured.”  It’s just not.  Biblical parenting is about raising children in love.  Raising children in a way that demonstrates both your love and God’s love… love for them, and love for each other.  It’s about treating children how you’d like to be treated, and about behaving in the same truthful, authentic, honest and kind manner that you would want to pass down to the next generation.   And yes, it’s about freedom.  It is NOT about control, harsh discipline, and being in bed by 7:00 PM.

Elissa Wahl, co-author of Christian Unschooling: Growing Your Children in the Freedom of Christ, writes on her site, Christian-Unschooling.blogspot.com, that “Unschooling in my house is not unparenting….Although I am pretty radical in my educational beliefs, they do not carry over to letting the children do whatever they want, whenever, with no consequences. That would be unbiblical.”

That quote makes me sad.   I have read that book (I think it’s even on my bookshelf somewhere) and I enjoyed it.  I am absolutely certain that Ms Wahl is a lovely person, and has no doubt done good things for the unschooling community.  But when even “experts” in the unschooling community are perpetuating these misconceptions, is it any wonder that people are so confused?  Radical unschooling, whether Christian or otherwise, does not mean “letting the children do whatever they want, whenever, with no consequences.”  It’s just not a fair definition, nor is it accurate, nor is it kind.  It lends itself to the supposition that unschooled children are ignored, that they are just wildly flinging about the house, with nary a parent in sight.   Unschooling parents work with their children…. as partners, facilitators, and friends.  At its heart, unschooling is about respect.  Respect for the children, yes, but also respect for yourselves as parents.  Respect for the family. Respect for the process of living and learning together in freedom.  It is not unbiblical.  You can read my series on Christian Unschooling for more.

Combining unschooling and biblical understanding of child raising is hard, though, because unschooling grew out of the work of author John Holt, an atheist who argued that parents who exercise discipline “probably destroy as many good qualities as we develop, do at least as much harm as good.”

The more my “biblical understanding of child raising” has increased, so has my realization that it is VERY much aligned with unschooling, not opposed to it.  As for John Holt… I have been reading his books for over 15 years now, and I didn’t even know that he was an atheist until I read the above quote a week ago.  So to say that it’s hard to combine biblical parenting with his teachings on unschooling – simply because he’s an atheist – is unfair.  And interestingly, the Holt quote from above, cited as a reason NOT to unschool as a Christian sounds an awful like a verse from the Bible itself:  “Parents, don’t come down too hard on your children or you’ll crush their spirits.”  (Colossians 3:21, The Message)

Author and Patrick Henry College provost Gene Edward Veith, a proponent of classical liberal arts education, fears that unschooling’s narrow scope could make a person “very narrow and brittle….The beauty of a liberal arts education is that [students] try a bunch of different things, and see what they’re good at. In the course of that, they find what they most want to focus on, but they still have a foundation and basic understanding of a lot of different things.”

A “narrow scope”?  I almost couldn’t respond to this because I was laughing so hard.  A “narrow scope” would serve as an excellent antithesis for unschooling.   Unschoolers have the entire world as their “classroom!”  Unschoolers are living and breathing and experiencing life OUTSIDE of the narrow scope that is compulsory schooling.  As for trying a bunch of different things to see what they’re good at… my youngest son, at 7, has already tried a countless number of things that I wasn’t even exposed to until high school (or ever), despite the wonder and the beauty of my liberal arts education.

Veith believes that unschooling follows Rousseau’s philosophy of a naturally innocent and good child. Rousseau never advocated the unschooling method: He believed in removing children from their parents and placing them in the care of a tutor. But Veith says that both Rousseau and Holt defined freedom as meaning, “I’ll do whatever I want.” Veith says, “That’s not Christian freedom, that’s license and slavery. A child who is following his own impulses is not free. He’s a slave to those impulses. Freedom comes from teaching [children] “to develop self-control, self-discipline, to develop their mind and their conscience….That’s real freedom.”

Whew.  Let me first say that I believe wholeheartedly in freedom.  If you take nothing else from my blog, please take that.  I believe in freedom.  Freedom for myself, and freedom for my kids.  Freedom, by most any definition, is something to aspire to for sure:

FREEDOM:  The quality or state of being free, as in:  a: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action b:liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another :independencec: the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous <freedom from care> d:ease, facility <spoke the language with freedom> e: the quality of being frank, open, or outspoken <answered with freedom> f: improper familiarity g: boldness of conception or execution h: unrestricted use <gave him the freedom of their home>

If you’re going to define “freedom” using the slightly negative sounding, “I’ll do whatever I want,” then you’re likely to assume it means doing anything you want regardless of effect or consequence on yourself or on those around you.  And if you’re continually making poor choices and doing things that are harmful to yourself or others, then I agree with Mr Veith.  That’s not really freedom, or at least not a healthy freedom.

But to Veith, and to everyone else who is harboring this misconception:

That’s not unschooling!

Unschooling isn’t about ignoring your children while they become “slaves to their impulses”.  Unschooling is about respecting your children, and nurturing their individuality, and yes, giving them the freedom to explore and learn from and experience the world in a safe and healthy way, according to their own interests and their own timetable and their own unique path in life.   If I am imposing my will on my children, then I’m not giving them freedom.

I’m not teaching my children to develop self-control… but because they are loved and cared for by people who practice it, they are learning it.  I’m not teaching my children self-discipline, but because they are given trust and respect, because their interests are valued and taken seriously, they are learning it.  I’m not teaching my children to develop their mind and their conscience, but because they’re honored for the unique individuals that they are, because they are self-confident and feel good about themselves, because they respect themselves, respect others, and respect the process of life and learning in general… they are developing.    My job as a Christian parent isn’t to mold my children, to shape them into something of my – or even God’s – choosing.  He’s done that already.   They were each individually and uniquely and perfectly created exactly as they were for a reason.   My job is to honor that.  My job is to love them, to nurture them, and to protect them.  My job is ensure that they are happy, healthy, and learning, and that they have all the space and the resources and the support they need to follow their own individual paths.  That is freedom.

Christianity and radical unschooling do not have to be – nor should they be – mutually exclusive, despite the morass of articles such as this one that tell us otherwise.  So I’ll continue to write about it, even while recognizing that this gross misinterpretation is still so widely accepted.

It’s a shame too, because it’s a pretty great way to live.

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I CU

I CU = Intensive Care for the Christian Unschooler.

I’ve been ignoring this weekly meme for awhile now, mainly because at the time I first read about it, it felt like another thing to add to my to-do list.  I know me, and I know that if I did it even once, I’d feel the need to do it again and again (not unlike the weekly Plank Pullin’ posts, which I finally did just to “try it” and somehow continued, week after week, through some kind of force akin to compulsion.)  But I digress.  It’s still a fun idea, and this week I decided to participate because 1)  I’ve been feeling more than a little uninspired, and could use a writing prompt, and 2) I’m in desperate need of some intensive care.  So without further ado, my first I CU…

“This week we want to…” get healthy!!  Although, that’s using the word “we” loosely.  I.  I want to get healthy.  But I’m sure the kids would like it too, because it’s a whole lot more fun having a mom that’s up and about and running around, than one that’s sitting on the couch feeling miserable about the fact that she feels miserable.


“The kids are…” discovering new passions, and re-discovering old ones.  They have been making boffer swords, and have recently gotten out their guitars again.  Spencer’s still researching small engine repair, and our kitchen counters are once again taken over by disassembled Nerf gun parts.  Everett is looking forward to scouts and basketball in a couple of weeks, and the girl is excited about gymnastics.


“I am learning….”  that I’m still learning.  And that just when I think I have things figured out, I get a giant, metaphorical, “Ha ha, fooled ya,” and I realize that not only do I NOT have it figured out.. but I that I don’t even know what it was that I was supposed to be figuring out in the first place.  I’m also learning that the times when I’m experiencing the most growing pains are the times when I’m doing the most growing.


“I am struggling with…”  balance.


“This week is the first time….”  I’ve shown the movie Gremlins to the kids.  I love that they loved it.


“I am grateful…” that my caffeine withdrawal headache has finally gone away, after 3 days.  I’m grateful that my coffee beans, grinder, filters, and maker are still there – waiting – for when I’m ready to embrace them once again.


“I’m looking forward to…..”  the Good Vibrations unschooling conference, a week from tomorrow!!  It’ll be the first time we’ve been around a whole group of unschoolers in 5 years, and I cannot wait.

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Christian Unschooling, Defined

I didn’t write this (though I wish I had) but I stumbled on it today, and I thought it so beautifully and succinctly said in two paragraphs what it took me 4 whole posts to say:

“Radical Unschooling is the Trust that a child will seek out and learn what he needs to know, when he needs to know it, without coercion, without school or school type methods, in the freedom and safety of his family. Our role as parents is to facilitate and make available our time, space, money, and lives to helping them explore the world.

Radical Christian Unschooling is the Trust that not only will a child seek out and learn what he needs to know when he needs to know it, without coercion, without school or school type methods, in the freedom and safety of his family, but that God will direct the child’s path Himself. Our role as parents is to act as guides and mentors in the learning process, and to disciple our children in our Faith through our daily example of walking out our faith before their eyes.”

–Susan McGlohn

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Christian Unschooling, Part 4: That Pesky Word, "Radical"

If you’re just getting here, you might want to read 1, 2, and 3 first.

“The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.” ~Mark Twain

I saved this post for last for a few reasons. First, in many ways it’s the most important, because it ties everything together and is at the crux of why we do what we do. It’s also one of the hardest and most frustrating to write, and the one I’ve been losing the most sleep over.

I’ve come to a disheartening realization lately. What I said in part one about feeling like I’m alone in many ways was the truth… too Christian for the unschoolers, too unschooly for the Christians. But the fact is, in some cases that feeling is self-imposed. The unschoolers I know have, as a whole, been extremely welcoming and non-judgmental. As my unschooling circle grows, I’m just more and more thankful for its presence, and proud to be part of it.

Christian homeschoolers are, sadly, not as welcoming. I’ve read, and received, a lot of harsh words from other Christians who take issue with what I’m doing, from unschooling to discipline to television habits.

The ironic thing though, is that the harshest comments actually tend to come from a segment of other Christian unschoolers, those who are quick to denounce the term “radical”. And they don’t mess around about it. Seriously. Hell hath no fury like a don’t-call-me-radical Christian unschooler scorned.

And frankly, I’m confused. They decry secular unschoolers for being “judgmental” of some of their choices as Christians, while they talk out of the other side of their mouth about how “sinful” radical unschooling is, how “stupid”, how it’s a “contradiction to the word of God,” how those kids will grow up to be wild and rude, with no discipline, no respect, no self-control.

Um. Wait… who’s judging who?

Here’s the thing:

I call myself a radical unschooler. And the reason I call myself a radical unschooler, as opposed to a garden-variety unschooler, is that I’ve taken the freedom, the respect, and the trust that I have for my children’s education, and extended it to all other areas of our life and our relationship. That does not mean that I’m like every radical unschooler you’ve ever met or read about. That does not mean that my house, and our life, looks like that of every radical unschooler you’ve ever met or read about. It seems like this should go without saying, but I’ve read too many things lately that lead me to believe that people have one – negative – stereotype of radical unschoolers, and they like to toss everyone in together.

We’re not all the same.

I feel like I need to make that distinction, because I keep hearing broad, sweeping statements like

“Radical Unschoolers let their children make ALL the decisions”
“Radical Unschoolers let their children be rude, out of control, and show no respect for other people”
“Radical Unschoolers don’t set any boundaries”

And then, inevitably, come the scriptures… how we’re commanded to “train up” our children. How we’re to chastise and discipline, and DEMAND RESPECT. How we’re to Train. Up. Our. Children. How to do anything less would be to doom them to a life of failure and a damaged relationship with God.

:::Pausing to take a deep breath:::

I want to be really clear when I say that I’m fully aware of the responsibility I have as not just a parent, but as a Christian parent, and one who is trying to raise children in Jesus’s footsteps. And I don’t subscribe to radical unschooling philosophies in spite of it….. I do so because of it. Radical unschooling makes me think about how I’m treating my children, makes me think about what I’m modeling, makes me think about what respect means, makes me think about why I make the decisions I make as a parent… whether it’s asking my daughter to hold my hand when we cross the busy street, or telling my 6 year old that sure, he can have ice cream before dinner. Jesus had a lot to say about how to treat children. Not so much about bedtimes, time-outs, and required reading.

You’re shaking your head again. But, training! But, discipline! But teaching them to respect you!

My three year old recently became enamored with the words, “thank you.” She says thank you more than anyone I know. She was never taught to say thank you, but she has learned, because her father and I say thank to her, to her brothers, to each other. We show respect to her, to her brothers, to each other. I think there’s a big confusion here between the words “teach” and “learn.” We do not have to TEACH kids to have respect and discipline for them to LEARN to have respect and discipline. I do not TEACH my kids about the Bible, and about God and Jesus. But they LEARN because it’s a part of our life. We talk about it, we answer questions about it. We live it. We breathe it.

I “train up” my children – if that’s a phrase that works for you – by fostering our relationship. By modeling discipleship. By talking to them, by guiding them, by treating them the way I would like to be treated. By treating them the way that Jesus would treat them.

As for the radical unschooling misconceptions I listed above:

No loving, attentive parent truly lets their young children make all their own decisions. My daughter is still very young. She may decide that it’s a good idea to play in the middle of the 45 mph street (except she wouldn’t, because through modeling and guidance she has learned that it’s not safe) But if she did decide to go into that street, I would – as her parent – decide to keep her out of harm’s way. What if she decides not to comb her hair? Or decides not to eat her vegetables one night? Or decides to wear cowboy boots, polka dotted tights, and a princess nightgown to the grocery store? Does giving her autonomy in those areas put her in harm’s way? Does letting her make those decisions conflict with the word of God? Yes, our children get as many choices as we can possibly give them. And I get choices, and my husband gets choices. A true unschooling family operates as a working, breathing, give-and-take UNIT, not child-centered, and not parent-centered. My needs, my husbands needs, the kids needs: they all factor into the equation.

As to being rude, out of control, and disrespectful… we behave as well as we’re treated. And life is full of boundaries, whether we like it or not. There are externally imposed boundaries, and boundaries that we set ourselves without even realizing it. We set boundaries with our tone of voice, with the way we treat ourselves, and the way we treat others.

If a family has kids who are disrespectful, if the kids truly are making ALL the decisions, if there honestly are NO boundaries… maybe it has less to do with radical unschooling and more to do with that *individual* family’s choices.

I don’t begrudge anyone who isn’t a radical unschooler. Or who isn’t a homeschooler at all. That’s all part of the freedom I spoke about it in Part Two. We are free to raise our children, and educate our children, in the way we are individually led. For me, I am led to be a radical unschooler… to give my children choices and autonomy. To operate as their parent, their partner, their facilitator, and their friend. To support them and guide them as they grow and learn and follow their own paths, not mine. As a Christian, I fully believe that their path is laid out for them by someone who knows FAR better than I. I believe in that, and I trust in it. Radical? You bet. Unscriptural? Not at all.

And finally, I feel I’d be remiss if I didn’t point something out. If you’re reading this, and you’re a Christian who bristles at my using the word, “radical”, think about this: If you’re going to be more than a follow-the-rules, Sunday morning Christian; if you’re going to get out of your comfort zone; if you’re going to “walk the walk” and truly ask yourself what Jesus would do in all situations…. you’re gonna have to get radical.

Jesus was radical. The Bible is RADICAL.

Being a believer should be radical.

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Christian Unschooling, Part 3: Humble Yourself Like a Child

Have you read 1 and 2 yet?

“And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.”

Jesus had a pretty high opinion of kids. The verse directly before the one above says that “whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” The one before that says, “Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

I think of these verses every time someone questions whether or not it is biblical to unschool. I think of these before I think of those about freedom. I think of these before I think of those about parenting. I think of these before I think of those about education. Why? Because no matter what else an unschooling journey is, it begins with the children. If it were not for the children, there would be no unschooling.

(I see you shaking your head. But, but… what about the verses about discipline? What about the “training” verses? I’ll get to those, in my next – and final – post on the subject. This one is about the kids.)

I think children are wonderful (and it’s a good thing, since I have four of them :)) but even I am pretty awed by the weight of the above verses. Not only are we to welcome children in God’s name, not only are we to humble ourselves like children, not only are children the greatest in the kingdom of heaven… but we are to actually BECOME like children. Pretty strong words, don’t you think?

BECOME like children…

I know a lot of adults who could stand to become more like children. Children naturally have so many beautiful traits that are so often lost as they become adults! I don’t ever want my children to lose that certain something… that part that believes in magic, and miracles, and the goodness of others. I don’t want them to rush to grow up. I don’t want them to lose their spark, or lose their love of life, or lose their love of learning. I don’t want them to ever lose their faith.

Children are:

open
passionate
full of wonder
innately curious about the world around them
driven
humble
innocent
imaginative
joyful

They are specifically, and perfectly, and uniquely created, exactly as they are. They are not potential productive members of society… they are productive members of society right now. They are deserving of being treated with dignity and respect. They are not – as many would have you believe – second class citizens.

I have four children. They all have their own personalities, their own interests, their own passions, their own styles of learning. They all have their own unique sense of self. They all have their own paths. I want to honor that, and honor them, the way Jesus honored children. One of the ways I choose to do that is by unschooling. By spending my days with them. By nurturing my relationship with them. By guiding them and helping them and trusting them. By giving them the freedom to live and learn in their own way at their own pace in their own time.

Unschooling (and homeschooling in general) is not right for every family. Absolutely! But I can’t help but think that no matter what educational route we choose, as parents we still have the right, and the responsibility, to love our children as fiercely as Jesus did. To respect them, to appreciate them, to honor them, exactly as they are, exactly where they are. To in fact hold them in such high regard that we view them as examples of what we ourselves want to become.

Part 4

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Christian Unschooling, Part 2: Freedom

*(This is the second part of a series. You can read the intro here if you missed it.)*

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.”

I don’t like being told what to do. I’m the person who, when told to do something, will likely want to immediately do the exact opposite, just on general principle. Lots of unnecessary rules make me uneasy. Unsolicited advice makes my skin crawl.

I was never one to march to anyone’s drum but my own.

You would think then, that I wouldn’t be a person that would subscribe to any one religion. Religions are full of rules right? To an extent you’d be correct. And I have been to churches that have been very rules-focused. There have been times in my life that I’ve inwardly rebelled against anything even remotely overtly “religious,” and to this day I’m very sensitive about feeling like I’m being preached at.

Thankfully, what I’ve come to realize is that Christianity isn’t about the rules. It’s about a relationship. It’s not about living a life of rigidity. It’s about living a life of FREEDOM. Verses like the one above tell us again and again that we’ve been set free, that we are not under a yoke of slavery.

And freedom is something I can celebrate!

Freedom to raise our children the way we see fit
Freedom to choose – or not – from any number of educational alternatives
Freedom to recognize and foster and appreciate our children’s freedoms
Freedom to walk our own paths
Freedom to treat others with kindness, respect, and humility
Freedom to learn from, and with, all the people, places, and experiences in our lives

Does that freedom mean we should just be running all willy-nilly all over the place, with no regard for other’s feelings or well-being? Does it mean that there are no consequences, no guidelines, no right and wrong?

Well that’s where the relationship comes in. You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you’ve had a fight with someone you love? That gnawing sense of general “ick” that persists until you’ve made up? That’s how I liken the feeling I have when I’ve strayed from my faith. Not because I’m “breaking rules”, not because I’m disappointing someone… but because I love God, and when you love someone you WANT to do right by them. You WANT to listen to what they have to say. You WANT to hear their message. So what’s the message, you ask?

The message (at least before all us people and churches and prideful opinions gunked it all up with complexity) is simply to love one another. To focus on the relationships, to focus on the freedom we have in Christ.

People find freedom in all kinds of places, but in my own life, that freedom comes from God. I don’t worry about tomorrow because of my faith. I don’t worry about the small stuff because of my faith. I welcome and cherish and embrace our God-given freedom, and I know that within the framework of that freedom, I won’t go wrong if I focus on the relationships… relationships with God, with my family, with everyone I come into contact with. Do I mess up every other second of every day  occasionally?  Of course!  I’m not perfect, and the person I want to emulate was.  But because of grace, and because of freedom, I can just try harder the next time.

It doesn’t make sense to me to let go and fully trust in that freedom unless it’s in all areas of my life, including that in which I raise my children.  I believe with all my heart that when we truly let go and have faith (no matter where that faith comes from) that our paths will be laid out for us.  This is where mine has led, and continues to lead, so I trust it.  I believe in it.  And I am so thankful that I have the freedom to live it.

I ultimately chose to unschool for a lot of reasons.   But allowing my kids to also live and learn in complete freedom will always be at the top of the list.

Part 3

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