Category Archives: Christmas

November 29, 2012 · 1:39 PM

Expectations

For the past three years, the end of November has meant two things: I’d 1) be furiously and joyously and manically finishing up my 50,000 word novel for NaNoWriMo, and 2) be going all gangbusters on the house, setting up the tree, getting out the decorations, hanging the stockings, and stringing up the advent calendar, painstakingly filled with 25 carefully planned out activities to do with the kids.

This year, I decided against Nano about 5 days in, just a couple of days before my surgery. In hindsight, I’m very glad I made the decision when I did, because I would have been forced to make it anyway. Even now, three weeks later, typing for any great length of time is still painful and exhausting.

And as for Christmas preparations? We have no tree. Our decorations are still safely abiding in their boxes in the garage. We haven’t bought one present for the kids. I haven’t planned a single advent activity. And if I can be totally honest, just the thought of doing any of the above is, well…. painful and exhausting.

I don’t know what I was expecting when I signed on the dotted line for this surgery, I really don’t. I just so very badly wanted to be better, wanted this 7 month ordeal to be over. But it’s so much easier to tell you what I did NOT expect:

I didn’t expect the pain to be this bad, and this persistent. As it turns out, knowing intellectually that I was facing a 3+ month total recovery time is a very, very different thing than to feel the stark reality of the pain and frustration of week three, knowing that I still have several more weeks (and possibly months) to go.

I didn’t expect to need powerful narcotics, beyond a day or two. Again, I’m at three weeks. The one night I tried to sleep without Percoset, I woke up in tears.

I didn’t expect to be so incapacitated. I don’t know why I didn’t, because the past several months have shown me very clearly how instrumental our shoulders are in our day-to-day tasks. But I didn’t. I can dress myself (with some pain), shower (with some pain), brush my teeth (with some pain), and as of a few days ago, drive (with some pain). But five minutes ago I had to call in the 12 year old to open a can for me, because the can opener was just too much. There are multiple can opener-esque scenarios throughout the day, and it frustrates me. Which brings me to:

I didn’t expect to be so frustrated. With the pain, with the situation, with myself, with the need to just HURRY UP AND BE PATIENT ALREADY.

I didn’t expect the big black dog of depression, who’s once again been flirting with me for months now, to not just embrace me but engulf me… to suffocate me… to consume me… like an unwelcome old friend who won’t take “no” for answer. A friend whose presence is so familiar and so easy that I’ve let myself fall deep, deep into its depths before I even realized it’s happened. Because there’s a sick kind of safety in the darkness, and because it’s just too damn much work to take that first step to start climbing my way out.

But. (And may I just say, thank God for buts?)

I expect that the pain will lessen, and God-willing, eventually go away completely. I’ve learned that healing is very much a one step forward, two steps back process. I can’t compare to yesterday, but I can compare to two and a half weeks ago. Just because today is a bad day, doesn’t mean tomorrow will be a bad day too.

I expect that I’ll eventually be able to rest without the aid of any prescriptions.

I expect that with time I’ll be able to open cans again. And do a downward dog. And pick up my daughter. And be even stronger than before.

I expect that my current frustration will teach me great lessons, and that if I allow myself to feel it, that it too will go away.

I expect that I will take that step, and the one after that, and the one after that, until there’s not so much darkness. And I expect that if I rest in the presence of where I am – fully rest, and lean, and breathe – instead of fighting, that it won’t seem so hard. I expect that if I allow myself to feel how I feel – without letting it define me – that the promise of something better will find me, and meet me halfway.

Finally, I expect that this coming month, and the Christmas holiday in general, will be different than years past…. but that different is okay, even good. This is a season of great growth and learning to be sure. If the past three weeks are any indication, the lesson is HUGE. And that’s better than a perfectly executed advent calendar any day.

4 Comments

Filed under about me, being happy with what is, Christmas, learning, life, update

December 8, 2011 · 5:50 PM

Christmas, presents, and why I want to be like Carrie Bradshaw

I’ve never been very good at fitting in with one group. Never has this been more clear to me than it has been since the advent of Facebook, where I can SEE right there in black and white just how very different my friends are.

I have friends who are Christians, friends who are Atheists, and every other religious flavor in between. I have friends who are unschoolers, and friends who are strong supporters of the public school system. I have friends who are extremely liberal, and friends who are very conservative. Friends who… well, you get the idea. A lot of different opinions.

And I learn from, and appreciate, each and every one of them.

One of the things that I love most about blogging is that (provided that you’re doing something at least a little bit right) it really does become a community … one in which people can come and gather just as they are, differences and all. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve been needing that. Because the amount of division I’ve been seeing lately is making me crazy. Christmas season – which most people would agree should be a time of family, fellowship, and goodwill – seems to bring out an odd side of a lot of different folks.

It’s like December 1st hits, and it’s time to Deck the Halls! Time to shop! Time to be merry! Time to …. squabble like little children. I don’t think I ever see people sweating the small stuff quite as much as I do at Christmas time.

In one corner is the “It’s MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holidays” crowd, which has grown tenfold since I posted about it.

In another is the “Christmas is too commercialized/secular/greedy/materialistic/just plain wrong these days” group.

There are those who let themselves get swept away into the “Christmas is just so STRESSFUL” train.

Some decide to do away with the tree and the presents and the lights altogether, in order to focus on other things.

Then there are the people who take personal offense to any or all of the above, and/or people who let themselves feel guilty because they shopped at Walmart, didn’t hand make their gifts, and didn’t use eco-friendly recycled freshwater stream Martha Stewart biodegradable toilet paper gift wrap.

My head hurts.

I want to say as sort of a general, blanket statement that you are the one creating your Christmas experience. It doesn’t have to be stressful. It doesn’t have to be commercialized. It doesn’t have to be materialistic. And for that matter, it doesn’t have to be homemade either. Decorate, don’t decorate. Give gifts, don’t give gifts. It’s all the same to me. But please don’t think it has to be either/or. When I recently asked on my Facebook page if you thought there was something wrong with gift giving at Christmas, one thing I saw come up again and again was that Christmas should be about giving to others, not about getting lots of stuff. And absolutely, I agree! But why should giving to someone outside your own family hold precedence over giving amongst yourselves? Why not do both? Why would there ever be something wrong with giving a heartfelt gift to a spouse or a child or a parent, whether it’s Christmas, or a birthday, or a Tuesday? And yes, ~~almost everything~~ ~~most~~ much of what we give are not needs, but wants. We live in a ridiculously abundant world, to be sure. If you’re reading this right now, it means you have internet, or a smart phone, or access to a public library… all of which are far, FAR more than many, many people around the world are privileged enough to have. But is it wrong to have them?

A couple of months ago I got a new phone that does amazing things. It’s like a robot. I don’t need it, but I’m happy and thankful that I have it. Is it more important than God or my health or my kids or my relationships or giving to others? Of course not. It’s a luxury. And the few presents we’ve gotten our kids for Christmas are luxuries too… luxuries that I’m happy and excited and thankful to be able to give them. Giving them doesn’t mean we don’t give to those outside the family though. It doesn’t mean it’s the most important part of our celebration. It doesn’t mean we don’t remember the true meaning of Christmas, and it doesn’t mean we’re greedy and materialistic (two other words I’ve recently seen a lot of). To me, greed and materialism mean putting ‘things’ ahead of people. And if you’re giving with the spirit of… well, giving… isn’t that the opposite of greed and materialism? It shouldn’t matter then if the gift is a gift of time, or a picture, or a good deed, or a homemade bauble, or yes, even a mass produced something or other from a big bad department store. If the giver is giving sincerely, in love, shouldn’t the old adage, “it’s the thought that counts,” still ring true, no matter how little OR how much something does or doesn’t cost?

I was watching the movie “Sex in the City” yesterday, and there was a scene about halfway through that completely (and surprisingly) made me all leaky-eyed. Jennifer Hudson’s character gives a small gift to Carrie, and Carrie graciously accepts it before going into her room and returning with a gift of her own, something extravagant that she knew she would really love. Just watch.

That to me is what gift giving should be about, whether it’s done on Christmas or any other of the 364 days of the year. Two people sharing a moment with each other. Two people GIVING to each other, with their whole hearts. It didn’t matter that one gift was a $14.99 DVD and one was a however much those fancy name-brand bags cost. They were both given, and accepted, with genuine warmth and happiness. That’s what I want from my gift-giving… whether I’m giving a plate of cupcakes or a pressure cooker or a Louis Vuitton handbag.

Finally, as I was deciding how to end this post, I saw the following quote on Facebook that summed up the spirit of giving more than I ever could:

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect. ~Oren Arnold.

Words to live by, for sure. And we can’t give any of the above if we’re wasting time and energy worrying about Christmas particulars that at the end of the day just shouldn’t matter.

8 Comments

Filed under Christmas, holidays, life, not sweating the small stuff, perspective

December 6, 2011 · 5:16 PM

Day Six: Regrouping

Just nineteen days till Christmas.

I was recently living some Christmases past on my blog, feeling sad about the fact that I’ve always written about our advent activities in great detail, and that this year… um… it’s not happening. I feel like we have been go, go, going for the past six days – they’ve been good days, don’t get me wrong – and there has been precious little time to catch my breath, let alone do anything silly like write a blog post or share a picture.

It was starting to catch up with me already, so today I’m doing just that: stopping to breathe, blog, and share a few pictures (and also go to the doctor when Husband gets home, because I’m finally admitting that this sinus infection is not going away on its own.)

We have been geocaching, gone out for ice cream, had a carpet picnic, and made paper snowflakes. The little ones have done craft after craft, and done it up well I might add:

Husband and the boys also spent almost an entire day this weekend building an addition to the chicken coop:

Yesterday, we joined a field trip to a railroad museum at the last minute…

… and spent the rest of the day out and about, browsing and shopping and librarying.

Which brings me to today, and my great need to regroup. I’m once again reminding myself to live in the moment, enjoy the little things, and not get caught in the hustle and bustle. Our calendar for the next two weeks is even fuller, and I intend to enjoy it. Even before my antibiotics kick in.

Happy 19 Days Till Christmas!

Leave a Comment

Filed under Christmas, family, kids, projects

November 25, 2011 · 12:27 PM

‘Happy Holidays’ and other four letter words

The cashier was pleasant and friendly. He joked around with the kids, and easily made small talk while he lovingly rang up our toothpaste and toilet paper. He carefully bagged our baubles and breakables, and he made sure to ask if we wanted the drinks we’d just grabbed from the cooler left out. He offered the three year old a sticker. He smiled amiably while he handed me my cash register receipt, and he told me to come again.

And then, he said it.

The thing that would cause me to roll my eyes and hurry home to write the store a scathing letter detailing exactly why I would be hereby boycotting their store forever.

He said, “Happy Holidays.”

In front of my children. How dare he say such a thing to me? How dare he try to take the Christ out of my Christmas? What is the matter with our stores, and our society, today?? I felt so offended and disrespected that I couldn’t even utter a word. I angrily snatched the receipt from his hand. I gathered the kids as quickly as I could, grabbed my groceries, and hightailed it out of there. I vowed never to return again.

* * * * * * * * * *

No. What I actually did was smile – sincerely – and thank him. I wished him a happy holiday as well. I got my groceries, counted my kids, and went about the rest of the day…. feeling good about a friendly and positive interaction with a kind stranger.

To be clear, I celebrate Christmas. I have celebrated Christmas all of my life. I love Christmas. But it doesn’t even begin to bother me when somebody – be it a person or a website or a store – says Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. For that matter, it wouldn’t bother me if someone mistakenly thought I was Jewish and wished me a Happy Hannukah. Why? To begin with, I take it for nothing more than it is: a hopefully sincere and friendly good wish from one person to another. They’re showing me a kindness and they’re wishing me happiness. Which really, is supposed to be the whole point of the season (and for the whole year, if we’re living the way we should aspire to be living)

More than that though, is the fact that nothing anyone else says can take away MY meaning of the holiday. Nothing anyone else says will change what I believe. Nothing anyone else says will damage my own personal walk as a Christian. “Happy Holiday” wishers are not – as so many believe – “taking the Christ out of Christmas.” The only one who can take my Christ out of my Christmas is me.

Let me say that again, rephrased:

The only one who can take your Christ out of your Christmas is you.

How do you take Christ out of Christmas? You take Christ out of Christmas every time you:

Don’t take the high road.

Are less than loving, and patient, and kind.

Gossip, complain about, and judge others.

Are slow to listen and quick to anger.

And yes…. grump and moan and cry about everyone taking Christ out of Christmas, instead of simply showing the people kindness and goodwill and grace, and letting them see through your actions that Christ cannot be taken out of your Christmas because Christ is living in you. No one can take that away from you, no matter what they believe or what they celebrate or WHY they celebrate.

And if you’re going to split hairs about who should and should not celebrate Christmas, it’s worth noting that 1) Jesus was most likely NOT born on December 25th, and 2) most of what we all do at Christmas time – even as Christians – are things we borrowed and adapted from pagan traditions, not the other way around.

Every year I hear more and more people complaining about what’s become of Christmas, how commercialized it is, how far it’s gotten from its true roots…. which very well may be true, but is making a big stink about it really the answer? If, like me, you believe in Jesus and His birth, then simply live it.

If you believe in having a simple Christmas, then have a simple Christmas. If you believe in giving, then give. If you believe in kindness, be kind. If you believe in boycotting big businesses and Black Friday sales and midnight deals, then by all means, stay home.

But don’t forget that “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.” (Emerson)

Just a couple of hours ago, I saw a Facebook photo of a group of tents set up and camped out at the entrance to a Walmart, waiting for the Black Friday sales. One of the commenters said, “People like that are nothing more than disgusting, materialistic losers.” That there is some real holiday spirit. Now I can think of about 7,253 things I’d rather do than camp out in front of a Walmart (or in line for a Twilight movie opening) but you know what? If that’s your thing, I love you just the same. I happen to think that the world is big enough for all of us, with all our beliefs and our differences and our traditions and our celebrations.

The best thing I can do to honor my God and my beliefs and my Christmas is to live my life the way I purport to want to live it, and not worry about what anyone else is, or is not, doing. There are actual problems in the world, and whether someone says “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” is not one of them.

And don’t get me wrong. Since you know that I celebrate Christmas, I would love and appreciate a “Merry Christmas” from any one of you. But I would love and appreciate a sincere “Happy Holidays” just as much (and the diehard Seinfeld fan in me would be ever indebted if you wished me a “Happy Festivus” while you were at it.)

The Christmas cards we send every year say “Peace, Joy, and Love” on them…. partly because that was the default greeting on the design we chose several years ago and it resonated with us, and partly because it just sums up the meaning of the season – and our lives – in three simple words.

I know it sounds trite, but I really do wish you peace, joy and love… whether you’re a believer, a non-believer, or even a Walmart parking lot camper.

336 Comments

Filed under about me, Christmas, faith, holidays, hot topics, perspective, religion

December 31, 2010 · 10:35 AM

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

We pulled it off.

After a rather odd and stressful week leading up to Christmas, with kids with fevers and husbands with bronchitis, and missed Christmas Eve services, and last minute trips to buy new sleeper couches … it all somehow came together. I had my lingering doubts right up until 9:00 the night before Christmas, but then it was there: that moment when all is right with the world, that moment when life is fuzzy and warm and we’re all together and the kids are happy (at the same time!) When no one’s worried about to-do lists or expectations or stresses; when life is just about the holiday, about being together, and about celebrating.

And it was good.

Christmas day was busy and fun, as were the days that followed.

And just like that, another year is over. I noticed in my online wanderings this morning that lots of bloggers were honoring the end of the year with a list of the “best of the best”, sort of a round-up of their top – or most interesting or most noticed or most read – posts for the year. Never one to miss a party (at least the virtual kind where I don’t have to actually be social and talk to people), here is mine.

Best wishes for a healthy, happy, prosperous, and peace-filled 2011.

My Future Street Sweepers

Teens and Toddlers

He Who Spareth the 1/4 Inch Plumbing Supply Line

Harry Potter, Hiking Shoes, and Vacations

Condemnation

My friend is one… who take me for what I am

Discipline

It’s that time of year again, folks

Attachment Parenting: Freedom and Joy

Offensive, defined

Leave a Comment

Filed under Christmas, holidays, New Years

December 18, 2010 · 8:36 PM

The Anatomy of a Gingerbread House

This was the first year we bought one of those pre-packaged gingerbread kits, in all its hydrogenated, artificially colored glory.

Everett immediately put himself in charge.

“I’m doing something fun with my brothers and it involves CANDY!”

Sometime around here, 2 year old disappeared. She was clear across the house.

“No, I don’t have a mouth full of candy.”

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen…..

It was when I was taking pictures of the finished product that I saw the ever-widening gap on the ceiling.

Going.

Gone.

The whole thing took an hour, from box to table to mouth. And it was worth every second, and every penny.

Seven days till Christmas.

1 Comment

Filed under Christmas, projects

· 7:41 PM

Making a list, checking it twice

Last year, we decided not to send Christmas cards. I wanted to save money, I was concerned about the trees (oh the trees!!), and it seemed just another thing to stress out about during an already busy holiday season.

Not sending cards made me sad.

This year, we have twice as many things to do, as evidenced by my lack of blogs (another thing that makes me sad) but I was not going to miss my cards again. So we took some pictures, found a good deal, and cards that were printed on recycled paper, thank you very much. The kids and I visited the post office for some Christmas stamps, hit the Dollar Tree for some fun stickers to decorate them, and spent an afternoon addressing, licking, sticking and sealing.

And now it feels like Christmas.

Leave a Comment

Filed under Christmas

November 20, 2010 · 8:07 PM

Because I Must

There’s a scene that I keep thinking of in the movie Blast From the Past. Blast From the Blast was a very mediocre popcorn movie from 1999, which I watched when I was going through a phase of having to watch every movie Brendan Fraser ever made. It was cute but ridiculous, and it wasn’t exactly a cinematic masterpiece. He IS a good actor, but you have to watch Gods and Monsters, School Ties, or With Honors to see it. But I digress.

In the movie, Brendan Fraser is born, and grows up in, a nuclear fall-out shelter, cut off from the rest of civilization until he’s 35. There’s a scene where his father is trying to explain baseball to him, and his character doesn’t understand why the person up to bat runs to first base after he hits the ball. He keeps asking why, and his father keeps saying, “Because he must!” Later in the movie, after he’s joined the rest of the world and is able to see a live baseball game for the first time, it clicks. He finally gets it, and he excited yells out, “Oh! Because he Must!”

That is how I feel about writing. I write because I must. It’s not even something that I chose for myself. It chose me. For better or worse, there has always been something intrinsic in me that needs to create things out of words.

This is November, which means that I’ve been working on a novel for NaNoWriMo for the past three weeks. Which also means that the past 20 days have been exhausting. Fall on the floor, body aching, weary-boned exhausting. I have four kids to take care of, a Mike, a house, and 12 pets. I don’t have extra time time to write a novel in 30 days, so I have to make the extra time. And I do it simply because I must. I don’t always want to, but I have to.

One of the greatest things about homeschooling, and unschooling in particular, is that my kids have the opportunity to follow their passions right now. They don’t have to squeeze them in in between school and homework and activities. By design, their lives allow them to do whatever it is that they’re passionate about, whatever it is that they must do, almost anytime that inspiration strikes. I remember sitting in school as a kid, hiding behind my book, jotting down an idea for a short story, or a few lines of a poem, or at one point even song lyrics. I remember the frustration of having to sneak it, and the desperation of the time constraint, of trying to get it down I paper before 1) I got reprimanded, or 2) I had to go to my next class. I remember carrying ideas around for days, never getting the chance to translate them onto a page. I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to create something different for my kids, to be able to allow them the freedom to not only find what it is that they’re passionate about, but to follow it. Right now.

An interesting thing that I’ve begun to notice is that the more I support them in their endeavors, the more they support me in mine. A few days ago, when I was discouraged, plagued with writer’s block, and frustrated by my out-of-control house it was Spencer who said, “Don’t quit. Finish your book….” Not because he particularly cares one way or the other whether or not I finish it, but because he knows it’s important to ME. He knows I need to do it. As a mom, it’s always a delicate balancing act to make time for your own pursuits while still putting the kids’ needs first. And they do still come first, no question about it. Which is why a one month writing spree is perfect for our family… For just thirty days I stay up too late, drink too much coffee, and enter the hazycrazywonderful fog that comes with being immersed in my own little made up world, populated by my own little made up characters.

And then November ends. I’ve fulfilled that need, we all celebrate, and then we move on to December. If November is about writing, which is in effect about me, December is the exact opposite. December is not about me. December is about the kids. December is about giving. December is about hanging the advent calendar with the 25 different activities leading up to Christmas. December is about creating wonderful memories as a family, and December is about celebrating the birth of Christ.

Every bit as vital as the part of me that was meant to write a novel this month, is the part of me that was meant to create a magical holiday experience next month. I look forward to December so much.

So in ten days, I will (God-willing) have the 50,000 words I need to happily put my novel to rest, set it aside until after the new year, and focus 100% of my undivided attention on the kids, on Christmas, and on celebrating.

Because I must.

3 Comments

Filed under Christmas, passions, writing

December 28, 2009 · 10:15 AM

Breathing

Christmas has come and gone, like it always does, in a flash of food, fun, and new toys. Christmas Eve was wonderful, and I truly think that Christmas morning was the best we’ve ever had.

There’s a scene in an episode of Friends that I love. The gang is sitting in Monica’s apartment, about to watch the video that will tell them who made a pass at whom the night that Ross and Rachel were working on Monica’s wedding invitations and ultimately conceived Emma. They were not going to watch it, and Rachel almost destroyed the tape, but in the end they decided to view it together to settle the question. Joey was so excited that they were going to watch it that he turned to Chandler, in his pure, completely childlike, Joey fashion, and simply said “I’m so happy!”

I felt like Joey on Christmas morning. Just… HAPPY. Something about experiencing the magic and excitement of Christmas through the eyes of the four children that I so deeply, deeply love. Watching Spencer shoot all his Nerf guns, seeing Tegan making tea in her new kitchen, playing Life with Paxton and Toss-Across with Everett. Hearing people chatting and laughing and just generally enjoying the day.

The house was full on Christmas day… even Julie and Getty came over with their tiny 8 week old Genevieve to visit for awhile. Mom and Dad were here, Sandi and Mitch and the kids, Barbara and Skip. It was big, noisy, and peaceful.

The day after Christmas we relaxed at home, venturing out only to buy the completion of one of Paxton’s presents – a beautiful, candy-cane baby corn snake. Yesterday was just the opposite: We left at seven in the morning to head down to Tucson. We went on a tour of the Biosphere (amazing!), went out for lunch, toured the Titan Missile facility, did a couple of caches, stopped at Denny’s for dinner, and finally arrived back home at 9:30. It was a fun day, and a full day.

This morning, we rest again. The kids have been happily playing, I’ve made a second pot of coffee, and the house is quiet. We’re recouping, relaxing, and breathing.

I’m so happy.

P.S. Pictures coming soon.

1 Comment

Filed under adventures, Christmas

December 24, 2009 · 5:01 PM

Merry Christmas

I’d let the stress get the best of me, and I don’t know why. I was feeling the pressure of getting everything done in time, and the anxiety over being being sick for the holidays. Today, one day before Christmas, it has all come together as it always does. Today has been warm, calm and peaceful. The kids have been so excited for tomorrow, and they couldn’t wait to bring over the plate of the cookies they’d made for our friends next door.

I had a moment this morning when we were all mopping the floors, off all things. We had Christmas music playing, everyone was working together, and I just felt suddenly, and blissfully, happy. I do so love the holidays. And as much as I enjoy Christmas day, with everyone visiting and the presents and food and fun, today – Christmas Eve – is by far my favorite day of the year. I love the anticipation, I love the time spent with just us and the kids, I love the traditions of watching The Santa Clause and reading ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. I love putting out the milk and cookies. Christmas Eve is sacred.