Unschooling: Don’t You Worry That They’ll Miss Something?

I recently received the following question on my Facebook page. Because this line of questioning (essentially an expression of fear) is one of the most common types of questions I hear, I decided to bring it to my blog.

We recently started trying to unschooling our kids, when I am not in panic mode and I was wondering if you ever worry about them missing something? Our oldest son is reading A Peoples History but only wishes to read a chapter a day and then proceeds to play video games or heads outside to explore. Our youngest is 10 knows his multiplication tables and how to do basic math but when I hand him his worksheet he informs me he knows how to do this without a calculator so why can’t he use a calculator now, after all his Papa is a tax man and he uses one all the time. I am afraid that they are not motivated enough to school this way. Do you ever worry about this?

There’s definitely a lot to be unpacked from these words, but I want to say first that it sounds like to me like the asker is still in her own self-described “panic mode” and not yet unschooling (and that’s okay!)  There is a period of deschooling to be done if one wants to transition to unschooling, as well as a vast amount of trust in both your children and the learning process.  If you’re still handing out worksheets and equating learning with written math problems and history books, unschooling isn’t going to work very well for you.   If unschooling is the eventual goal, it requires a total shift in thinking, and a certain amount of letting go.    Panic can be a good thing if it’s the impetus for doing the research, knowing your options, and asking the right questions… but educational decisions made out of panic are not fair to you or your child, and don’t help anyone get closer to unschooling.

As for the question, do I ever worry about my kids missing something?

No, I don’t.  For the simple reason that they WILL miss something.  Traditionally homeschooled kids will miss something too.  So will public schooled kids.  So will those who attend private school.  We all miss something.  Why?  Because there’s no one certain set of facts or skills that guarantees that a person has learned what he needs to know in order to go out and be successful in the world.  If there was, we’d all stop learning as soon as we finished school.  There’d be no compelling reason to learn anything new.  The fact is, no one (not a parent, not a teacher, not a curriculum writer) knows what another person is going to need to know for his or her own path in life.    None of us know.  80% of the most in-demand jobs of 2011 did not exist ten years ago.  Didn’t exist!  The people who are going out and getting these jobs are not the ones who learned everything they needed to know in school, but the ones who were not afraid to admit that they needed and wanted to learn something new.  The ones who were eager and confident, the ones who enjoyed learning, enjoyed trying new things, and enjoyed being challenged.

When it comes to my children’s education, my goal is not to impart a certain set of knowledge.  It would be an exercise in futility anyway, as they are the only ones in control of whether or not they learn something (Think of your own school experience, and of the required classes and tests you took, the ones whose answers you forgot immediately upon graduation – if you retained them even that long)   As John Holt says, “True learning – learning that is permanent and useful, that leads to intelligent action and further learning — can arise only out of the experience, interest, and concerns of the learner.”

No, what I want for my kids is for them to love life and love learning.  I want them to be able and confident learners, people who don’t look at learning as a chore, but as a joy.  People who recognize that learning is a life-long process, and a highly personal process, something that is going to look different for each and every individual in the world.   I don’t want them to fear learning, but rather to embrace it…. so that when they have a need or a desire to learn something new they can do so easily and naturally, in a time and a place and a fashion that makes sense for them and for their lives. 

None of us is ever done learning.  There is always more to learn.  So in that sense, we’ve all “missed” something.    And if we nurture and embrace and support our kids’ natural curiosity and love of learning,  anything that they’ve missed can, and will, be learned with ease if and when they need it.

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29 Comments

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29 Responses to Unschooling: Don’t You Worry That They’ll Miss Something?

  1. From Treena:  “Just wanted to say that I was in the exact same place as this mom about 1 year ago. It has been year of stretching, growing, and mostly learning to relax and let go (probably the biggest thing I struggle with in general!!) However, in having the courage to let go, I’ve been so amazed at what both my boys have learned. I honestly don’t even know all that they know, they spout off things to me frequently and I’ll woder where on earth did they pick that up from!! I’ve read comments and endured real-life critics who think this style of learning will produce no results. And yet, in the past year, as my son is going through “kindergarten” technically, he has learned to print and is now learning how to read. He is very interested in math and begs us to teach him math skills like odd/even numbers or how to count by 2s. He is also interested in learning how to tell time. So, I have to say, my boys have proven to me, and continue to everyday, that this philosophy does work. The key is to not push, or force, and view yourself as a co-learner along with your children, instead of a teacher.”

    • skullrose13

       @The Path Less Taken
       I really like the thought of being a “co-learner.”  It’s one of those phrases that helps me envision how unschooling would work for us. My daughter is only 10 months old, and I am just learning about all this.

  2. KimberleyYvettePrice

    Beautiful.  As I posted when I re-shared on my page, my head is telling me to stick with traditional homeschool, but my heart is leading me down the path less taken.  🙂

  3. AmyKiserSanders

    Jen, I agree with Kimberley.  Beautiful!  I have said it before, and after reading this post, I am EXCITED to say it again:  you have my endorsement, as a public school teacher and as a fellow human.  What you have described is everything that education is meant to be. 

  4. StephanieRebelWaldron

    YES!

  5. CatherineDoyle

    Wonderful Jen! I’ve just started relaxed homeschooling with my 5 year old. My heart wants to unschool but my head is just a bit too afraid to go there just yet. Your post is inspiring – thank you!

  6. Jackie

    Testing comments ….

  7. Thoughtsofamother

    Testing your new system. 😉

  8. I am new to unschooling. Maybe I missed something regarding exactly what this is all about lol. I do believe in the love of learning. However, I do think we need to master certain skills too. But I don’t know enough yet to see how this all works.

  9. Chelsie

    Well said, Jen!!
    My best friend homeschooled early on and then switched entirely to unschooling her 4 children and they’re the most amazing, well spoken, thoughtful, conscious (I could go on & on…) kids I know!! She too had worries about math & reading like many do, but still didn’t worry enough to force it on them, they could read, but didn’t choose to read independently/for fun/on their own until quite late-early teens. But now they DEVOUR books and are accomplished novelists. And it seemed to happen overnight. Her eldest daughter had never sewn anything before, had a dream one night that she could and the 1st thing she made was a renaissance costume and she went on to make many more & more complicated and beautiful than the first! There are so many stories like this…if we just trust, as you said, in our kids and in the process of learning… it unfolds as if by magic. 

  10. Thank you. Beautifully expressed.

  11. irmoony

    Does any of you have an idea how a teenager should cope with school if she absolutely loathes it, to the point of skipping several days of school and being in a nearly constant state of fury when actually going there? And of course we’re talking about a situation when the kid can’t stay at home or quit school in any other way, she just has to finish it, no way around it.

  12. Michelle

    Well said! 

  13. Pingback: winding down another school year « Moments That Won't Run Away

  14. You inspired a blog post from me.  🙂

  15. wvg

    I have the same questions too.  This is very enlightening.  Thank you. 

  16. I just had to copy this onto Word to print out to keep on hand for times when I get the edges of panic (since in-laws, etc are literally living less than 100 feet away from us). We had homeschooled in the past and I totally flubbed it, I admit that. We, after 10+ years, decided halfway thru this school year we were not happy with how our youngest was doing…Hubby is pleased with progress at home, but I find it amusing he has no clue that I’m unschooling LOL

  17. Ooh . . . I missed the original posting of this (looking at the date, I was on vacation that week) but I just wanted to stop by and say . . . love! I think this is a huge misconception among folks who aren’t familiar with homeschooling in general. There’s no way to learn”everything” we “need” to know. Schools and curriculums are not magical . . . or ideal for every child in every situation. Of course something will get “missed!” There’s so much to learn out there! But, I’m following my daughter’s lead, and she’s doing some things she would definitely NOT be doing in Kindergarten (e.g., multiplication) because she wouldn’t be “supposed” to be working on them until a few years later. Other things we take more time with (e.g., the fine motor skills necessary for tying shoes) because that’s where SHE is right now. Ah, I love this blog. Thanks so much for sharing.

  18. Virginia Revoir

    Oh my gosh, this is good!  Thank you.  I have always wanted to understand unschooling and it was never explained well.  I usually use those curriculums that schools give out for homeschoolers but it’s overwhelming and a lot of work.  It’s hard to keep my kids’ attenti0n on it.

    http://amazingsix.blogspot.com

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