Everyone is talking about Kevin Spacey.  I can’t get on my computer without seeing his smiling face – which, in light of recent news, now just looks smug and leering – along with snippets of his latest official statement.  Like a lot of people, I was a fan of Kevin Spacey.  I didn’t know him personally, of course, but I always enjoyed his work.

Now his name fills me with revulsion.

So I don’t want to talk about him.  I want to talk about Anthony Rapp.

I didn’t recognize the name Anthony Rapp at first.  A quick IMDB search however, reminded me that I did very much recognize his face, largely in part because he was in one of my favorite movies of my teen-hood: Adventures in Babysitting.  He played Daryl, the goofy, obnoxious, but big hearted neighbor and best friend to Keith Coogan’s Brad.  His catchphrase was a cocky and sardonic, “Ya think?”  I really enjoyed that character, partly because he was the perfect foil to Coogan’s straight-laced Brad, partly because I have a tendency to favor the best friend, character-driven roles over the lead, and partly because Rapp just made him likeable.

He went on to act in many other projects, both on stage and screen (many of which I’ve seen), but to me he’ll always be Daryl Coopersmith.

Last week, Anthony Rapp came forward as having been sexually assaulted by Kevin Spacey when he was just 14 years old.  Spacey was 26 at the time.  In the days that followed, Kevin Spacey responded with an odd and highly, highly disconcerting “defense.”  He doesn’t remember the event at all, and it must have just been a terrible, drunken mistake. Oh, and by the way, he’s gay.  Which means…. what exactly?  That because he’s gay it’s okay that he assaulted a 14 year old kid?  That gay people are inherently pedophiles?  That gay people aren’t inherently pedophiles?   That being gay excuses him from heinous behavior?  My brain doesn’t even want to wrap itself around all the ramifications of his disgusting and harmful statements.

Dear Kevin Spacey, this has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, and everything to do with the fact that you, as a legal adult, assaulted a 14 year old.  Nobody cares that you’re gay.

The public’s response over the past week has been rightfully and overwhelmingly supportive of Anthony Rapp.  What he did in going public with his story was painful, and personal, and brave.  His voice joined the collective voices of the many, many women who have come forward as of late, to share their own stories of harassment, assault, and misconduct.  I honestly don’t remember a time when there was such a broad, glaring light shining on this issue, and it’s at once horrifying and freeing.  Freeing because people are finding strength in numbers.  People are finding unity in the rallying cries of, “me too.”

Just a couple of days ago, a male friend of mine shared his own experience of ongoing sexual harassment and physical assault in the work place.  If his story was not horrific enough, management did nothing when he finally reported it.  But wait, that’s not really true.  What they did was promote the woman who assaulted him.  And as a post script, he – like so very many of us women who have been assaulted or harassed in the workplace, on the streets, in our private lives – has been living with a heavy burden of shame.

Let it sink in a minute.

The victims, who have done nothing wrong, are feeling shame.  Multiply that shame times a million, and you have the kids.  The 8, 10, 14 year olds who carry the shame and the pain and the confusion of having been assaulted at such a young age, a weight that is often carried into adulthood.  A weight that is often never shared.  Never lifted.  Never exposed to light.

That is why what Anthony Rapp did was so important.  He is being a voice for those who are unable to do so.

I read an article yesterday that attempted to excuse Kevin Spacey.  It’s not like he had sex with him, the author maintained, he just came on to him.  First, in Rapp’s own words, Kevin Spacey put him on a bed and laid on top of him.  Laying on top of someone is not synonymous with flirting.  Second, he was a CHILD.  And third, attitudes and articles like his are exactly why people are afraid to come forward.

What Anthony Rapp did was important.

There are always those who want to say, “But he’s innocent until proven guilty!” “People are wrongfully accused all the time!”  (Again, a big reason why victims are so afraid to come forward) To them I say:

WE HAVE A VERY BIG PROBLEM.  And I hope that the light keeps shining on it, and I hope that people keep coming forward, and I hope that the sound of the collective “me too’s” continues to remind people that they are not alone, and that it is not their fault.

It is not your fault.

It is not your fault.

To Anthony Rapp, and to everyone who is coming forward … to the overwhelming amount of victims who have not come forward … to the overwhelming amount of victims who still blame themselves, who still find ways to excuse their perpetrator’s behavior:

You are brave and you are strong. It is not your fault.  I believe you.  I see you.

And I’m so very sorry.