You know how sometimes you’ll be reading a book or watching a movie, and completely relating? You’ll be nodding or smiling or even laughing, and then it suddenly takes an unexpectedly dark turn? You’re caught off guard, and not in a good way. You’re caught off guard in an uncomfortable, “Wait. What just happened?” way.

That’s exactly how I felt when I read this meme:

Stop beating yourself up for yelling at your kids. Yes, absolutely. You’re human. You’re going to slip up sometimes. You’re going to have bad days, you’re going to get mad. Self-flagellation is not helpful, but mindfulness and moving into the next moment with more gentleness is. Yelling at people we love isn’t nice, so while self-forgiveness is important, it doesn’t give you cart blanche to do it any time you feel like it.

You’re an amazing mom. You probably are. But can I be honest for a minute? Sometimes I think we do more harm than good with all the back-patting. Sometimes what we need is a wake-up call. We don’t do each other any favors if a mom says, “I can’t seem to stop yelling at my kids,” and we respond with “Oh you’re doing just fine!” rather than first empathizing and following up with tools and strategies that might help.

Your kids will be fine. Again, they probably will. I’m aiming for better than “fine”.

They know you love them. There are a million and one ways to show your kids that you love them, this much is true. There are also a million and one ways to deny it. One of the most powerful pieces of parental advice I got when I was a new mom is that with each interaction, keep in mind that your choice will either bring you and your child closer together or drive you further apart. I have never forgotten that.

But the fact is, they’re annoying AF.  (For the uninitiated, AF stands for “as f*ck) So, here’s the thing. Can kids be annoying? Can spouses and parents and best friends and co-workers be annoying? Sure. Anyone with a heartbeat can be annoying. We are complicated and fickle creatures. Sometimes people just annoy us.

But the problem with memes like this is that they speak to a much larger issue. Somewhere along the way, it became in vogue to put children down, to treat them as lesser-than, and to make “jokes” at their expense. Hey, let’s end the meme by calling kids annoying AF! Hysterical.

The way we talk about kids matters. And the fact is, kids are far too often talked about as though they are not even human. It’s normal, it’s accepted, it’s FUNNY to make fun of kids. We collectively don’t even bat an eyelash anymore.

And it’s not that I need to lighten up, and it’s not that I need to learn to take a joke. It’s just that I don’t think it’s okay to make the littlest and most vulnerable members of our society a punchline. Kids need to be protected, not ridiculed. Kids need to be loved, not disparaged.

We can do better. Yet instead of encouraging more kindness towards our kids, we’re encouraging more childism. Every time a meme like this is shared it sends the message that it’s okay. It’s okay to make fun of kids. It’s okay to treat them as lesser-than. It’s okay to put them down.

There is an epidemic of belittling our children, and THAT is annoying AF.