Category Archives: Paxton

August 28, 2015 · 9:40 AM

Fifteen Years

Paxton turns fifteen today. I woke up in a panic yesterday, because I’d remembered that I’d made slideshows for the other three this year, so that meant that I needed to make one for Paxton too. And it wasn’t that I didn’t want to…. I love doing it.

But it positively guts me.

My mama heart drowns in nostalgia. I mean seriously, how’d I get so lucky?

Paxton at fifteen. What can I say that I haven’t already said so many times before? He remains one of the strongest, kindest, funniest, most truly loyal and steady teenagers I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. And his genuineness and integrity? This guy has more of it in his little finger at 15 than I had when I was twice his age. He’s awesome, and I’m so glad that I get to be his mom.

Have the happiest of birthdays, Paxton. Thank you for being so perfectly and simply you.

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August 28, 2014 · 8:17 AM

Fourteen Years

This guy turns 14 today.

Since I’ve written about the kids on their birthdays every year for awhile now, I know so much of it’s already been said: the horrific pregnancy; the perfect birth story; the non-stop screaming for the first 3 years of his life; the level-headed calm (which came later) that is so, so beyond his years; the wonderfully sarcastic smart-ass sense of humor.

Today though, I’m thinking of 14 year old me, and 14 year old Paxton. They don’t compare.

I was lost at 14. Scared of everything. I had no self-confidence, making me too susceptible to peer pressure, and I had no earthly idea who I was or what I stood for. Those were things I didn’t reconcile until I was in my 30’s.

Not Paxton.

He KNOWS who he is. At 14! He is one of the most authentic people I know, hands down.

He is kind, and loyal, and steady, and true to himself and true to his friends.

In two weeks he’s getting on an airplane all by himself (making him the first of all four kids to fly), and headed to Michigan for a couple weeks to visit a good friend. In typical Paxton fashion, he’s honest about the fact that he’s a bit nervous at the prospect of traveling alone … but also very, very excited. I’m thrilled for him that he’s getting to do this, and have no doubt that he is going to handle it beautifully.

He’s 14 going on 30: One foot still firmly in teen-hood, and another in a place of maturity and self-awareness that I didn’t even know existed when I was 14.

I admire him, not just because he’s my son…. but also for the boy that he is, and the man that he is becoming.

Happy, happy birthday Paxton. Once again, I’m so glad I get to be your mom. Your cupcakes will be ready by the time you get up.

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August 28, 2013 · 8:15 PM

Teens. And then there were two.

Today is Paxton’s birthday.

I love my kids’ birthdays, because they give me a chance to unabashedly wallow in nostalgia… to re-live every last little detail of the day I met them. That goes for all my kids, but Paxton’s birth especially was just so.. so.. perfect. It really was perfect. I was 8 centimeters dilated by the time we got to the hospital, he was born less than half an hour later, and he was put straight up on my chest. None of this weighing, checking, wrapping business. Just me, my husband, and our baby. It was lovely.

And then he started screaming. Oh the screaming! Even the nurses commented on his “healthy lungs.” I remember the one time I let them convince me to take him to the nursery for awhile so I could rest (I would make a difference choice now), I could hear him wailing – loudly – the entire length of the hall as they wheeled him back to us. “Oh you’ve got a night owl here!” the nurse told us with a wink.

She wasn’t kidding.

He barely slept for the next 3 years, and he displayed exactly two emotions: utter glee and goofiness, and really pissed off. There was seldom anything in between. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and while it exhausted me at times, I loved that about him. He was passionate, and strong, and confident, and so uniquely different from his big brother.

The ironic part? That boy, the one who screamed for the first quarter of his life, is now the most laid-back teenager you’d ever hope to meet. That’s right, today Paxton turns 13, officially making me the mother of two teenagers.

I wrote about having teenagers a couple months ago, and while the response was mostly positive, it made a few (vocal) people cranky. It seems that daring to have a good relationship with your teens – and then having the audacity to write about it – comes across as a personal affront to some people. I’ve learned that a subset of the people who read my blog only want me to be honest when it comes to the messy, and ugly, and difficult. They’d rather celebrate my failures than my happiness, because it makes them feel better. What a sad commentary. And you know what? I’m not going to apologize for having a good relationship with my teens. I’m not. Because I do have a good relationship with my teens. I do love having teens. And THAT is something that’s worth celebrating. There are awesome and notable things about all ages, for sure, but there’s just something really… cool about teenagers. They’re fun (in an entirely different way than playing cars and coloring with the little ones is fun). They’re interesting. They have great perspectives.

But I digress.

So Paxton is thirteen. And as I said, ridiculously laid-back. He’s also funny, and kind, and a gifted writer, and a kick-ass guitar player. He’s by far the biggest introvert of all four kids, which means that 1) he’s most at home when he’s in his little man-cave on his computer, and 2) I can relate to him in a way that I can’t relate to the others. We’re often joking about venturing out where “all the people are,” and I know he gets it. He’s also inherited from me the clumsiness that comes from a long line of Vogels… although I prefer to think of it as “spatially creative.” The similarity ends there though, as he loves computers, video games, math, and brain teas-y type puzzles … the kind of things that make my brain explode. He’s a loyal friend (like, fiercely loyal), a patient big brother, and honestly has a stronger sense of self at 13 than I ever had until I was in my 30’s. He knows who he is, and is not afraid of it.

He’s one of my favorite people on this planet to hang out with, chat with, and laugh with. He’s made me a better mother, a better person, and a better friend.

Paxton, you’re awesome, and I’m so glad I get to be your mom.

Love, Mom

P.S. Sorry your cupcakes sank.

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April 9, 2013 · 9:57 AM

Unschooling, According to the Kids

Yesterday, I took the opportunity to have a chat with all four of the kids about unschooling. I wanted to be able to share their words, their thoughts, and their perspectives. What follows is just a portion of the awesome conversation that unfolded. Bold words are mine, and responses are from Spencer (16), Paxton (12), Everett (almost 9) and Tegan (5)

What is unschooling?

Everett: It’s learning what you want, in the way that you want to learn it.

Paxton: It’s hard to explain. Being autodidactic. That’s unschooling.

Spencer: Unschoolers can learn what they want, when they want.

Paxton: They’re not forced to go with the “system”

What is the best part of unschooling?

Tegan: Playing, and playing tag, and playing dolls, and all sorts of fun stuff. Okay… Playing.

Everett: I like all of it.

Paxton: Having the freedom to be able to do what you want, when you want.

Spencer: Being able to set your own schedule.

Are there any negatives to unschooling?

Paxton: Not that I can think of, no.

Everett: No. I like everything about it.

Spencer: Nope.

Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on anything by not going to school?

Tegan: I do! Like story time.

Paxton: Well I might be missing out on opportunities to make a few friends…

Everett: Yeah

Paxton: But I’m okay with that because I’m an introvert, and that’s what homeschooling groups are for anyway.

Spencer: Absolutely not

Which leads me to my next question. Do you feel like you have enough opportunities to be around other kids/make friends?

Paxton: Yes

Spencer: Yes

Everett: Yeah

Tegan: Mmm hmmm.

How do you know you’re learning if you’re not tested?

Tegan: Well, I know I’m learning because everybody tells me that I’m learning every day

Paxton: Because it’s a fact. You learn something new every day whether you realize it or not.

Spencer: Just because I know more stuff than I used to know

Paxton: Over time, you just realize that you know more and can do better

Everett: Even in school, the teachers can’t really know if you’re learning, because they’re not inside your head

Spencer: Yeah, that’s a good point. You could get an A on one test, or you could get an F, even if you know the answers.

Right, some people just don’t test well.

Everett: So the teachers can’t always know, because they’re not you

Some people think that unschoolers will only learn things that are easy for them, and will not ever challenge themselves. So do you learn things that are difficult, or do you just go for easy things that you know you’ll do well?

Spencer: I like a challenge!

Paxton: Yeah, if it’s too easy, it’s no fun. If it’s too hard, it’s no fun.

Everett: And if at school, if you were doing something hard that you didn’t want to do and were forced to do it… you couldn’t take a break and do something easy for awhile when you wanted to. With unschooling, you can put the harder thing down for awhile, and do an easier thing.

Paxton: Absolutely. I’m going into programming games in Python, and that’s learning like millions and millions of lines of code. It’s not exactly an easy thing to do.

But you have the motivation to do it because…

Paxton: Because that’s something I want to do for a career.

Do you think you’ll ever want to try to go to traditional school?

Spencer: No

Paxton: Unless it’s necessary for what I want to do with my coding, no.

Everett: I might eventually want to go, just to try it out to see, but I’m happy being unschooled.

Spencer: There’s so many advantages to unschooling.

Do you think unschooling would work for any child?

Paxton: Not necessarily… some people might be more inclined to want to go to school.

Everett: Yeah

What would you say to a parent who says, “Unschooling would never work for us because my kid would just sit and watch TV all day, and would never learn anything?”

Paxton: You learn something new every day

Everett: You might think they’re not learning, but they really do learn something, whether you see it or not

Paxton: What if they’re watching shows about something they want to do as a career?

Spencer: Exactly

Paxton: Then being able to sit and watch TV all day would be a huge bonus

Paxton: I watch Mythbusters because I want to blow stuff up. Blowing stuff up is cool.

Everett: I totally agree with that

Paxton: But the science on Mythbusters is really cool

Some people that with unschooling, the kids run the house. Agree or disagree? Who do you think runs our house?

Spencer: You and Dad.

Tegan: Spencer took my answer!

Everett: I think we all run the house

Paxton: Disagree. Obviously you as the parents get the final say if an issue comes up, but it’s really pretty much a family deal around here.

Tegan: Mommy and Daddy, and everyone except the pets

Some people say that unschooling equals unparenting… that there’s no guidance, and that the kids just run around all willy nilly.

Paxton: No. Just, no.

Paxton: I mean, to an extent. You’re not strict like other parents, but there’s still guidance.

Spencer: And there’s rules…

Paxton: Not so much rules, but just general.. what’s the word…

Principles?

Paxton: Principles, yes, but something else. Just general… The word’s on the tip of my tongue. It’s two words… (he’ll think of it later)

Okay, we’ll come back to that. How do you learn to do math if you never have a math lesson?

Spencer: Just doing it in our daily life

Paxton: I use math on a daily basis… sometimes for fun, and sometimes just to figure something out.

Everett: I taught myself.

But how did you learn it?

Paxton: By doing it.

Everett: You just do it, and then you do it more, and practice and you get better…

How did you learn to read?

Spencer: Books

Everett: The same as math

Paxton: Self-taught. Autodidactic.

Spencer: Playing games, doing things on the computer…

Do you feel like you’re being sheltered from the real world?

In unison: No

You guys are giving really short answers..

Paxton: Do you want a novel for each question?

Yes (laughter) Okay, what do you think is the biggest misconception about unschooling?

Everett: That kids don’t learn anything, that they are just running around doing what they do.

Paxton: I agree with what Everett said, and also that the kids run the house. That’s not true. So not learning anything, the kids running the house deal. I’m still looking for the two words from that other question…

Do you feel like you’ll be prepared for a future career?

Spencer: Yes, because I’m already working on what I want to do for a career right now (working on small engines)

Paxton: Yes, that’s why I’m starting that Python class next week.

When you have kids, do you think you’ll send them to school or will you unschool?

Tegan: Well, I’m not going to send them to school when they’re little, but I might send them to school when they’re big

Everett: I would do what they wanted to do. If they wanted to go school, I’d let them go to school. If they wanted to be unschooled, I’d unschool

Tegan: I want to change my answer. I’d let them choose.

Paxton: I’d let them do what they want to do too, but I’d definitely try to urge unschooling

Spencer: I’d unschool

…………..

Paxton: Common sense!!! Common. Sense. Those were the two words. I don’t even remember what the question was, but common sense.

Was it the question about not having any guidance?

Paxton: Maybe… In the context of knowing what to do, and what not to do. Common sense.

Ooooh, okay, you mean you don’t have to have rules, because how you act in a household is just common sense?

Paxton: Yes!

So how did you learn to have this common sense if you didn’t have rules, weren’t punished….

Paxton: Because it’s common sense…. Like if you do something once and something bad happens, you say to yourself, “Oh I probably shouldn’t do that again.”

Let’s go back to the question about kids just watching TV or playing video games all day, because that’s a real concern for some people. Do you think that it’s an actual thing that happens, or do you think it’s a misconception?

Paxton: I think it just depends on the kid. It can happen, but it’s not a bad thing. If you think about it, a kid that’s free to choose isn’t going to play a video game or watch a TV show all day unless it’s something that they’re really interested in or passionate about.

Everett: Yesterday, I was watching a video about how educational video games could be

Do you think you get a well-rounded education being able to follow your own interests?

Everett: Well with unschooling, you’re not forced to learn about any one thing. You can learn about other things if you want to

Paxton: But do you want to? When you’re following an interest, do you learn a variety of things, or do you just learn about that one thing?

For example, basic skills…. reading, writing, math… do you feel that you get all those basic skills just by following your own interests?

Spencer: Yes

Everett: It kind of depends on what your interest is, but yes

Paxton: I definitely got my math brain from my father, but even just by learning about what I’m passionate about, I’m definitely learning a lot about math and numbers and words… how to put this together and that together and try this… engineering….

If you want to learn about something, what do you do? What tools do you use? Who helps you?

Tegan: Well, you help me. I want to learn about going on the green slide, and driving and stuff. You help me. You’re my person.

Paxton: You’re her person

Spencer: Well, right now I’m interested in getting better at small engines, so your uncle’s been really helpful

Paxton: If I want to learn about something, my first instinct is to go to YouTube

Everett: Yeah

Paxton: Or, you know, find a book or something. Or find somebody that I know who has an interest or knowledge of that subject

Oh! Here’s a question. Some people think that unschoolers don’t use books. True?

Spencer: Wrong!

Everett: That’s totally not true

Paxton: I for one, don’t particularly enjoy doing my reading from books. But I will do a lot of research online… find articles, forums, everything on the subject that I want to learn about

Spencer: I like books. You got me that whole set of books on engine repair, and they’ve been a good resource.

Paxton: Yeah, you’re very supportive of what we want to learn about, and help us find what we need to learn more about it, and to follow the interest.

Spencer: Yes, you are

Everett: But you don’t force us to do it

Paxton: No, you just help us when we need it

So you don’t feel like I’m “hands off”, or that you’re learning on your own?

Paxton: Not at all

Everett: Because if we have an interest, you support it, and you help us research it. And even if we want to do something, and can’t figure out, “how do I do this?” we can ask you.

Do you ever feel like you’re overly encouraged? Like do you think that you’re being pushed to take certain paths?

Spencer: No

Paxton: You’re encouraging us in the areas we want to pursue.

Everett: Right, you’re not encouraging us to go into chemistry if we want to go into math.

Paxton: I feel like any job we chose would be supported

So, Spencer you want to go into engine repair and landscaping; Paxton you want to be a computer programmer. Everett, do you know what you want to do when you grow up?

Everett: Making games would be fun

Paxton: He’s said he’d like to go into sound effects

Everett: Yeah that’d be really fun job to do

Some people think that since we don’t really have rules in the house, and since the parents aren’t really the “boss”, that you’ll never learn how to respect authority. What do you think about that?

Everett: That’s not true. We learn to respect others.

Paxton: Again, it’s just common sense. There are rules everywhere, and we learn to follow them if we want to be part of… Part of…

Society?

Paxton: Yes, society. We’re respectful members of society, just not the system.

Okay, let’s talk socialization.

Paxton: I’m socially awkward

(laughter)

Paxton: No, I’m not that socially awkward. I’m not Sheldon. I know how to introduce myself, say hello, shake people’s hands….

Spencer: In school, you’re mostly just around other kids

Paxton: In the same room, all day

Everett: With kids that you might not even choose to be around. Or be friends with.

Paxton: And being out of school, we’re around people of all ages. I like being able to make friends with other people who have similar lifestyles, but if we don’t, I can adapt and still say hi and be friendly and become friends with one another.

Here’s one someone asked me the other day. How do you know that you prefer unschooling to school, if you’ve never been to school for comparison?

Spencer: We can just talk to friends that have gone to regular schools.

Paxton: Well I’ll find out next week, even though I’m not actually going to school.

Right, but it’s one class that you chose, and something that you’re interested in.

Paxton: That’s true. It’s really different than going to school for what, 7 hours a day? Being forced to learn something and do things that you may not want to do just doesn’t sound like a fun concept.

Everett: And even if there is something you do want to learn about, you can only learn about it at certain times.

Paxton: And you’re forced to learn it whether you want to at that time or not. You don’t have the freedom to do what you want, for how long you want.

Do you think that unschooling is a good option for someone who is considered “special ed”, has ADHD, etc?

Everett: I think unschooling is better than regular schooling, because they can learn at their own pace, instead of being forced to learn things in a certain way.

Paxton: I think everyone would have some sort of label if we went to school.

Spencer: I think unschooling would be the best choice, because something might be harder for them to learn in the traditional ways.

Everett: And with unschooling, you can focus on strengths

Does it bother you – or maybe this hasn’t happened to you – if someone says for example, “You’re in sixth grade, you should know this by now?”

Paxton: It doesn’t bother me, but it’s annoying.

Spencer: Yeah, when someone says that it’s like they’re boasting and rubbing it in your face

Paxton: Exactly. They’re being kind of rude.

Spencer: Like, “Ha ha, we know more than you.”

Paxton: It doesn’t bother me at all if I’m “behind” where the public schools think I should be, because everyone learns at their own pace, but I’d be pretty irritated if someone actually walked up to me and said something like that.

Okay, to expand on that… Do you think there is a certain group of things that kids should know at certain ages? Or do you think everyone should just learn at their own pace?

Spencer: Everyone should be able to learn at their own pace.

Everett: I’d say, if they want to learn it they will, no matter what age they are

Paxton: Everyone learns at their own pace, but there will be some things that will be necessary in life sooner than others. Like reading, math… that kind of thing

So do you think unschooling has provided you the environment to learn those things? Or the tools to know how to learn them when you need them?

Everett: Definitely

Paxton: Yes. It’s provided me what I need to know, what I already know… AND has given me the tools to learn more when I want to or need to.

How about this… do you think it’s important for kids to learn for example, all the state capitals, or who was president when, or the dates when certain things happened…

Spencer: It just depends on the person

Paxton: For some people, it’s really cool for them to learn about stuff like that, and for others, it’s just really frustrating and hard to remember. And if they don’t need it…

Everett: No one’s going to want to be forced to learn it

Paxton: And they’re not going to remember it anyway, if it’s not something they’re interested in

Okay, upper level math. Necessary? Not necessary?

Spencer: Not

Paxton: Yeah, unless you’re going to go into a field that requires it, you’re probably not going to need more than the basics in day to day life.

Some people worry that if kids are given too much freedom, they’re not going to make good choices. What are your thoughts on that?

Spencer: I think most kids would make good choices if they’re trusted

Paxton: I agree

Tegan: Ask me the question!

Tegan, do you know what are some good choices, and what are some not-very-good choices?

Tegan: Hitting and punching aren’t very good choices. Saying bad words isn’t a good choice.

Paxton: Oh, are we going to talk about swearing?

Did you want to?

Spencer: It’s just about knowing when

Paxton: When, where, time and place, being aware of and respectful about who’s around you

Tegan: Spanking someone isn’t a good choice.

Oh! Let’s talk about spanking. How did you learn to stay out of the street if you were never spanked?

Everett: Because you told us to. You talked to us.

Paxton: There’s no need to cause physical harm to teach someone to be safe.

Spencer: You can just say, “Don’t go in the street.” It’s pretty obvious.

Everett: Or you can say, “That wasn’t very safe. Please don’t do it again.”

Paxton: And again, it’s common sense. If you do it once, and are told not to, you don’t do it again. And then you get to a point where it’s like, “Hmm, that car is coming pretty fast. Maybe I shouldn’t jump in front of it.”

Here’s a question. We don’t require any of you to do chores, but you all pitch in when we ask anyway. Spencer, earlier I asked you to bring out the recyclables, and you did. You didn’t have to, but you did anyway. Why?

Spencer: Because the bin was overflowing, and we all use it. It needed to be done.

Everett: And it’s just the nice thing to do

Spencer: Yes!

Paxton: That’s exactly what I was going to say

Tegan, why do you brush your teeth when I ask you to, even though it’s never been something I’ve made you do?

Tegan: Because I want to keep my teeth clean and healthy.

So how have you learned to do things if they were never a requirement?

Everett: We just choose to do them

Paxton: Yeah, choose to do them, then learn from the outcome. Learn from the outcome, and decide whether or not it would be a good idea to do whatever it was again.

Along those same lines… you’re all able to set your own schedule in terms of sleep, etc. How will you adjust to having a job and having to get up early/be somewhere at a certain time?

Paxton: I’d just set an alarm, and get it done. Eventually you get into a routine, and you’d get used to it.

Everett: Yeah, you just keep doing it, and it gets easier.

Spencer: What I do when I want to adjust my schedule is just start going to bed an hour earlier each night until I get on the schedule I want.

Paxton: Yeah I’d rather just set my alarm. I’d have to force myself to do it the first few times, but then it would become a habit, and get easier. Just do it, and get it done.

At this point, I tried to ask them what they’d learned from video games, but it rabbit trailed into a very long discussion about the zombie apocalypse. They did eventually tell me that in addition to learning what to do in case of zombies, that they’d learned (and are continuing to learn) things like reading, physics, problem solving, grammar, spelling, math, cooperative play…

Paxton: If you’re exposed to anything enough, you learn from it.

Everett: In the video I was watching yesterday, the guy was talking about Minecraft and about how many different things kid can learn from it… even just from how big the blocks are, how they fall…

Paxton: Portal II is also a great game to figure out physics, puzzles, how things fit together, how to think outside the box….

Here’s something that has been pretty hotly debated lately. Do you think it’s possible to unschool part-time? For example, saying, “We unschool except for math and english?”

Paxton: That’s not unschooling. That’s homeschooling. If you’re forcing them to do it, even if it’s just one or two subjects, that’s homeschooling, not unschooling.

Everett: With unschooling, you should be learning what you want to learn.

Spencer: Yeah, I think if you’re going to unschool, you should unschool. Traditional homeschooling is pretty much the same as going to school, you’re just doing it at home.

So you think that you’re either an unschooler or you’re not?

Paxton: Yes, there’s not really an in-between.

What would be your response to somebody who said something like, “Oh I like the idea of unschooling, but I’d be worried that my child wouldn’t learn everything he’d need to know.” ?

Paxton: If they truly need to know something, they will learn it.

Everett: Yeah. If they really needed it, they would know it, and they would learn it.

Paxton: If something is truly a NEED to learn, the child would learn it… on his or her own, at his or her own pace, with no force.

And finally, are you going to grow up to be murderers and drug addicts and criminals?

Spencer: No

Paxton: Yes

Everett: Well, not those things. But I might be a hippie.

Paxton: HIPPIES!!

Everett: Hippies rule!!

Thank you, to the four most awesome kids I know.

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Filed under Everett, family, Paxton, Spencer, Tegan, unschooling

August 28, 2012 · 8:57 AM

12 Awesome Things

Twelve years ago today, I went into labor with my fabulous second son. It was the one labor of the four that unfolded even better than we could have planned. It was fast, quiet, and peaceful. Just us and the midwife. He had lots of red hair, and a hearty scream. I held him for a long time straight after he was born… no weighing, no scooping him away to deal with any issues, no interference. Mike cut the cord.

It doesn’t seem right that he’s only 12. In the past six months, he seems to have gone from kid to teen overnight. He’s more mature than some adults I know, his voice is as deep as his father’s, he’s about 3 inches taller than me, and most of his friends are teens. But alas, it’s true. Today Paxton turns 12. In honor of his birthday, twelve things you should know:

1. He’s funny. Oh this child. Where Spencer’s humor tends to run towards the corny, Paxton’s is dry and understated, and he has a huge penchant for sarcasm. I can joke with him in an entirely different way than I joke with the others. What can I say? He’s a smart @ss, and I love that about him.

2. He’s smart. He has his dad’s head for numbers for sure, and is able to do complex calculations in his head that I struggle with even on paper. He is amazing at just about any game he tries, and is a genius when it comes to computers. He can also carry on conversations that you’d think would be eons beyond a 12-year-old (see above about seeming older than 12) He’s our first child that was truly given the ultimate freedom to live and learn in his own way. Spencer was too, but when he was little, we were still gaining our sea legs as parents and unschoolers. By the time Paxton had come along, we fully trusted. And he has blown us away.

3. He’s adventurous. He’s always the first to fearlessly explore the giant rocks in the desert, climb to the top of the mountain, or squeeze himself into the crevasse of the cave.

4. He has a big heart. One of my favorite Paxton memories is from shortly after we moved to Arizona. Our next door neighbors were having a yard sale, and he walked over and used his own quarter to buy his then-toddler little brother a stuffed Barney that he knew he’d love. He has the same giving heart now, almost 7 years later. This is a kid that would give you the shirt off his back.

5. He’s true to who he is. I never worry that he’s going to get himself mixed up in the wrong thing, be swayed by disingenuous friends, or follow the crowd if they go against his own sense of right and wrong. He knows who he is, and he’s not afraid it. A tiny example? He doesn’t like shorts. He lives in Phoenix, and doesn’t like shorts, so he wears jeans twelve months out of the year. He is always true to who he is, in both small things and large. And I love that about him too.

6. He’s crazy. So yes, most of the time, I forget that he’s only 12. But then he plays with his 8-year-old brother. I hear the yells, and the screams, and the wild-boy shenanigans. I smile. Oh yes, he’s also still a normal and crazy and fun-loving kid.

7. He’s a homebody. Our biggest introvert by far, he is happiest when he’s home on his computer. In fact, I’d venture to say that his favorite part of the day is after midnight, when the rest of the house sleeps. He has time, peace, and quiet to himself, and he recharges. It’s something I can very much relate to, and I admire that he honors that part of himself instead of trying to fit into someone else’s ideas about what he should be doing instead.

8. He’s independent. The independence he has possessed his whole life is almost scary (in the best possible way!). From teaching himself what he wants to know, to choosing to spend time on his own, to cooking his own food, he’s been an old soul almost from the time he was born. A few months ago, he broke his ankle playing basketball. While I hated that he was hurt, I selfishly enjoyed his recovery… because it meant that for those weeks, he needed his mom again in a way he hadn’t needed me for a long time. We watched movies, we looked things up on YouTube, he practiced his card tricks. I so appreciated the extra time we spent together, just as I appreciate the fact that he’s a strong and independent kid who’s well on his way to growing up.

9. He’s an excellent writer. I’m biased (both as a mom and as a writer) but I love his writing style! He started a blog about gaming back in January, and while he only wrote a few posts, I loved the peek into his head.

10. He’s fun. What a blast to be around this kid. A couple weeks ago, we were all out shopping, and Tegan had tired of wearing the huge sparkly crown she’d put on before we’d left the house. It was her birthday crown, and it said something like, “I’m The Birthday Girl,” with a big number 4 on it. She handed it to me when we were at Goodwill, and I put it on Paxton’s head. He happily – and unabashedly – wore it the rest of the day, including out to dinner. Just because.

11. He’s determined. He has planned out not only his entire future gaming career, but exactly what he needs to do to get there. And I don’t doubt for a second that he can do it.

12. He’s accepting of others. I’ve saved this for last because it’s possibly my favorite one. Just as he’s true to himself, he wants others to be true to themselves as well. He accepts people exactly as they are, and he doesn’t make decisions based on superficial things. We were talking about bullying once in the car (we seem to have our deepest discussions in the car), and him, Spencer and I were discussing the news story of another gay teen who’d been so severely bullied that he’d ended up committing suicide. “I don’t understand why people are mean to gay kids,” he told me. “It wouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference to me if one of my friends was gay.” And he means that. And he lives by it. Gay, straight, black, white, rich, poor… To him, they’re all just people, and potential friends.

Happy 12th birthday, Paxton! I love you, and I’m so proud to be able to call you my son.

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Filed under birthdays, Paxton

February 4, 2012 · 12:00 PM

My Mom, by Paxton

1. What is something mom always says to do?

Do the dishes

2. What makes mom happy?

Everything

3. What makes mom sad?

Nothing

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

By saying something funny

5. What was your mom like as a child?

As wonderful and marvelous and epic as I am right now.

6. How old is your mom?

7. How tall is your mom?

5’7″

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

Eat chocolate and drink wine, because you *never* do those things

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?

I don’t know, because I’m not around

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

Blogging

11. What is your mom really good at?

Being our mom

12. What is your mom not very good at?

Being our dad

13. What does your mom do for a job?

You don’t have a job… That pays… Yet

14.What is your mom’s favorite food?

Dark chocolate

15.What makes you proud of your mom?

That you’re able to take care of four kids.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

Tweety Bird

17. What do you and your mom do together?

Quizzes like this

18. How are you and your mom the same?

We both make puns, and we both have a sarcastic streak. (Me, sarcastic?? Noooooo)

19. How are you and your mom different?

Your hair is very different than mine

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

Because you say it a lot

21. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?

Well, it’s not to park day, because you usually want to skip that. I would say, IHOP.

Did I win the quiz? What’s my prize?

2 Comments

Filed under about me, Paxton, random

January 9, 2012 · 8:13 AM

The Unschooled Gamer

Did you know what you wanted to do with your life when you were eleven?

I did. I wanted to be a writer. Sure, there were moments growing up that I also wanted to be (in no particular order): an Olympic gymnast, a hair stylist, a scientist, and a psychologist. But the one constant, the one thing that I always wanted to be – for as long as I can remember – was a writer. I never knew the exact form it would take, which meant that I navigated a frustrating college experience consisting of, “Well you should major in English. No, you want to take Journalism. Let’s try Mass Communications.” Until I finally admitted that none of them were really the right path for me, but that I still just wanted to write.

I am turning 38 tomorrow, and I am a writer. No, I don’t earn a living writing (although it does very occasionally earn me at least a little bit of money), but I am a writer. I am living out that eleven year old’s dream.

I write.

Sometimes a few people read what I have to say.

Sometimes a lot of people read what I have to say.

Sometimes people are even touched in some way by what I have to say.

Sometimes my words are for me and me alone.

But I am a writer.

Paxton, eleven years old at the time of this writing, wants to be a video game designer.

He has always wanted to be a video game designer. Why, when I know from my own experience the reality of an eleven year old’s passion, would I not take that every bit as seriously as my own writing? I don’t share his love of video games, but I have learned to appreciate them on a whole new level through his example. I can see how much he loves them. I can see how much he’s learning from them. I can see how much it all means to him.

Last night, prompted in part by a discussion about this article, I told Paxton, “You know what you should do? You should start a blog about video games, so that people can see what you’re doing, and see what you’re learning.”

And he answered, “I’ve been thinking about starting a blog!”

So last night, long after the rest of us had gone to bed, he did. He is now, officially, Paxton The Unschooled Gamer.

And as it turns out, he’s a writer too.

4 Comments

Filed under about me, blogging, Paxton, unschooling, video games

October 4, 2011 · 11:59 AM

Headphones and Life Lessons

Paxton (11 years old at the time of this writing) loves to save his money, and he’s very disciplined about it. If we’re going to the store, he’ll very occasionally bring a dollar or two – but never more – for a soda or something, but most of his money stays safely tucked away in his bank. He’ll save for awhile until there’s something he really wants, then he’ll happily make his purchase and go right back to saving. A few weeks ago he pre-ordered a $60 video game with his own money, and more recently he ordered a good quality pair of headphones to use when he’s on the computer. He’s always very thoughtful and deliberate about what he spends his money on, and I’ve never once seen him regret a purchase. It’s a cool thing to witness.

Yesterday, UPS came with the headphones he’s been waiting for. He was extremely excited about them, asking me daily if they shipped yet, did I have a tracking number, when would they come. He was struggling as he tried to open the packaging (one of those extremely rigid and nearly impenetrable hard plastic cases), and chatting with me while he worked… telling me how cool they were, and why he chose that particular pair. He fought with the package for several minutes, eventually claimed defeat, and asked me to help him. He’d already done most of the hard work, cutting away at the glued tabs with a pair of scissors, so I was able to force it apart with my hands. It wasn’t until a few minutes later, when he finally had them completely out of the package, when he said, in a very unfamiliar, flat voice, “The cord is cut.”

I looked to see what he was talking about. The cord that attaches them to the computer was in two pieces, completely severed. The headphones were ruined, and he hadn’t even used them yet. I asked him if he thought he’d done it with the scissors, but he didn’t think he had. We looked at the paperwork, and talked about return policies. I finally picked up the plastic packaging and looked at it more closely. I asked him where the cord had been coiled, and he showed me. It lined up exactly with the slit from his scissors, and I could immediately see where he’d cut through the plastic, through the paper cardboard… and ultimately through the cord.

He was devastated, absolutely crushed. The excitement he’d felt only minutes earlier had transformed to utter disappointment and regret, knowing that his own mistake had cost him the very thing he’d so diligently saved his money to buy.

I thought (briefly, because how long does it really take to make such a decision?) about what we would have done if it had been the husband or I. We, like Paxton, would have been sad and disappointed, and likely mad at ourselves for our carelessness… and then, assuming we could afford it, we would have ordered another pair.

So that’s exactly what did. We told him how sorry we were that it happened, and we ordered him another pair. On us. Yes, we could have told him he needed to spend his own money, or we could have told him that he needed to wait. We could have used it to “teach him a lesson.” But really, what lessons would he have learned if we’d handled it in that way? The importance of saving his money? No, wait, he’d already clearly demonstrated that he’d learned that lesson. The need to be more careful when opening that type of packaging? No, there was no doubt to anyone who’d witnessed his devastation that he’d learned that lesson as well. He learned both of those lessons all on his own, without our help.

The only additional lesson he’ll learn here from us is simply that if he has an accident – and it was just an accident – if it’s within our power to do so, we will help make it right.

18 Comments

Filed under parenting, Paxton

April 16, 2011 · 9:44 PM

Another Great Room Swap, Part One

Ever since we bought this house 4 years ago, we’ve been playing musical bedrooms (which if you’ve been around for awhile, you’ve no doubt read about) Today, prompted by a great Craigslist deal on a new bed for Everett, we began our most recent – and what I’m hoping is our last – room project. The goal is to keep everyone happy and comfortable until we can pay off our debt and see about moving out of here…. some day.

The catalyst this time was Paxton, who was no longer happy sharing with his younger siblings. Spencer, who up until today has had his own room since the last Great Room Swap, decided he’d be willing to share once again. They both stay up late and sleep all morning, making them pretty ideal roommates.

They immediately climbed into bed to play Playstation. 🙂

We worked all afternoon, and into the evening. We are not done yet (lots of piles of… stuff… still to be sorted through in the little kids’ room) but the big boys’ room is done and ready to go, save for their own personal touches. They have big plans to outfit it with a mini-fridge, turning it into their own little dorm room. 🙂

We will hopefully get finished up in Everett and Tegan’s room tomorrow, and in the meantime, everyone is going to bed happy.