Category Archives: perspective

January 3, 2013 · 8:30 AM

Do-Overs

I had a bad day yesterday.

(Am I the only one who instantly hears the entire chorus to the Daniel Powter song whenever those word are uttered?)

It was one of those days when it wasn’t one really big thing went wrong, but a myriad of little things that happened in such a succession that they felt big.

The bathroom scale showed my highest all-time non-pregnant weight. I got an ugly, ugly comment on my blog. I broke my juicer when my shoulder gave out as I was putting it on the counter. Right after the juicer incident, Tegan was trying to help me pack away Christmas, and when I was out of the room took the two nutcrackers off the mantel. When I came back in, she was playing with the nutcrackers, and said she’d taken them down but that it “didn’t go so well.” Translation: something had gotten broken.

Little things.

I’m the first one to tell you that a number on a scale is NOT something you should be stressing out about. And the comment? It’s part of blogging. I’m supposed to shake it off. The ruined juicer, while not exactly helpful to our debt repayment efforts, is still just a “thing.” It can be replaced eventually. As for Tegan and the mantel: She’d accidentally knocked down about 5 of my elephants, but only two were broken. They happened to be my two favorites… the little stone one that Mike had bought me about 19 years ago, the one that started my collection; and a tiny clear glass one that I’d picked up in Bermuda. The first could be fixed with some crazy glue… but the latter was smashed beyond repair. They had more sentimental value than monetary value, but still… just things. And, interestingly, I’m supposed to be letting go of the importance of things. Here we go.

Once I’d gotten in that rut of, “I’m having a bad day” though, I couldn’t get out of it. I tried wine. I tried chocolate. I tried a tiny bit of yoga. I tried hanging out with the girl while she took a bath (which, while it didn’t exactly help, at least distracted me with happy and very important conversation about things like Adele, mermaids, and body hair)

I finally gave up, kissed everyone good night, and went to bed at 8:47, knowing that tomorrow would be another new day. Another fresh start, another chance for a do-over.

And here’s today. The scale still says the same number, but it’s okay. I’m healing. I’m working hard. Soon I’ll be able to be more physically active again.

There are no meanies on my blog.

I’m the only one up, and the house is so silent, I can hear the hum of the ceiling fan above me.

The dog is peacefully sleeping on her flattened little bed on the floor by my feet.

The sun is coming through the stained glass window on the front door, and making pretty patterns of rainbows on the french doors behind the kitchen table.

There’s a little denim mini skirt in the middle of the floor, and it makes me smile: it means a happy, healthy, energetic 4 year old girl lives here.

I have a new bag of freshly roasted coffee beans, just waiting to be ground and made into my morning cup of coffee.

Life is good.

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Filed under life, perspective

October 19, 2012 · 2:48 PM

Gratitude in the Chaos

I had a friend in highschool who was constantly chiding me for being a pessimist.  “You’re so negative,”  he’d tell me.  “Why are you such a pessimist?”

“I am not a pessimist,”  I’d answer.  “I’m a realist.  There’s a difference.”

He eventually became my boyfriend for one tragic, drama-filled month of teenaged angst, before he dumped me on Valentine’s Day.   Because I’m a saver, I’m pretty sure I still have a lunch bag full of notes he wrote me (folded in that super-awesome neat little triangle style that was so popular in the 80’s and early 90’s) in a box in a closet, alongside yearbooks, pictures, certificates, notes from friends, and other useless memorabilia.

I’ve also stored away that “pessimist” label, never to be thought of again.  I’ve learned to think positively, I’ve learned to find beauty in all things, I’ve learned to have faith, and I’ve learned to trust.   I actually have a hard time dealing with constant negativity in other people now.  I’ve hidden more than one friend on Facebook when I’ve discovered that their statuses were an inveritable stream of “My life is so terrible.  Why me?  What else can go wrong??”  Focusing on the negative certainly never helped anyone, and allowing that kind of thing into your life only serves to bring both parties further down that ladder.

Still, I’m a little freaked out by people who are too positive… the ones who are all hyper spiritual, woo woo, life is all rainbows and sunshine and unicorns.  No matter how positive you claim to be, life is messy sometimes.  Life is hard sometimes.   Life is tiring sometimes.  Life is a run-you-over, punch-you-in-the-stomach while kicking-you-in-the-teeth assault sometimes.

All of that to say that the past couple of weeks have been a little…

They’ve kind of been….

They haven’t really…

Well, they blew.   And because I’m neither the 16 year old pessimist nor the woo woo rose-colored-glasses-wearer, I’m both acknowledging the fact of their suckiness, and acknowledging the good that has (or will eventually) come from them.   There are reasons to be thankful, even on the bad days:

1.  My shoulder issues reached a head, I finally admitted to my physical therapist that the therapy just wasn’t working, and a whole new ball started rolling.  In the span of just over a week, I had an MRI – along with a painful arthrography –  another visit to the sports doctor, and finally a consultation with a surgeon.   Surgery is planned and scheduled for three weeks from yesterday.   It’ll mean an obvious break from yoga, rehabilitation, and a full recovery that is going to take anywhere from two to three months.

But I’m thankful that the problem is “fixable”;  that there’s every reason to believe I’ll eventually be pain-free;  and that the technology exists to do so in an outpatient, 40 minute arthroscopic surgery, rather than something more invasive.  

2.  Several weeks ago, I applied to a brand-new bible-based natural health school.  I’m always excited to add on to my education in that area, and I thought, “Cool!  A school that combines both my faith and my belief in natural health.”  I was really looking forward to it, and to getting an official answer at the beginning of October.  It never even occurred to me that I wouldn’t be accepted.  But instead of an acceptance letter, what I got was a stark reminder that I’m no longer really part of that world.  (A much longer blog post on the subject is forth-coming)  They had issues with my yoga, and my essay on the subject had not convinced them that I was not in fact a part of “the occult.”  I could either further try to justify my position and my choices with an additional 1000 word essay, answering a host of questions that were quite honestly a little insulting – both as a yoga teacher AND as a Christian – or I could withdraw my application.  I chose the latter.  So, no new school for me right now.

But I’m thankful that when given an opportunity to bend to fit and conform to someone else’s ideas of what I should and should not be, I stayed true to myself.  I know that I’m following the path that God has for me, and I don’t feel any compulsion to justify that position to someone else just because they have the power to keep me out of their school.  There are other schools.  And a chance to take another giant step into authenticity is always a good thing, even if it comes in the form of a rejection letter.

3.  And finally, Everett (8 years old at the time of this writing) is going through a personal struggle unlike any I’ve experienced with any of the other three kids.  And while it is his struggle, like any mother would tell you… seeing your children hurting is in many ways worse than feeling that hurt yourself.  I’m walking some new territory as a mom here, and “new” sometimes means terrifying.

But I’m thankful that resources exist to help, and for the knowledge that we’ll both grow stronger through the struggle.  Just like a caterpillar, sometimes growth necessitates struggle.  And though we’ll have moments of fear and discomfort and even pain, we’ll eventually make our way out of the cocoon into freedom… beautiful, and able to fly.

(Photo by frontendeveloper)

9 Comments

Filed under life, perspective, update

August 3, 2012 · 6:00 AM

The Starfish Story

 

While walking along a beach, an elderly gentleman saw someone in the distance leaning down, picking something up and throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, picking up starfish one by one and tossing each one gently back into the water.

He came closer still and called out, “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

The old man smiled, and said, “I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?”

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”

Upon hearing this, the elderly observer commented, “But, young man, do you not realise that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

The young man listened politely. Then he bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it into the back into the ocean past the breaking waves and said, “It made a difference for that one.”

 

~ Adapted from a story originally by Loren Eiseley.  Thanks to Susan from Together Walking for sharing this beautiful sentiment!

1 Comment

Filed under inspirational, life, perspective

August 2, 2012 · 6:00 AM

Dear Chick Fil A: I Love You, But…

Chick Fil A.

You’re sick to death of hearing about it.  I am too.  BELIEVE ME, I am too.  Two days ago, I vowed I would not weigh in.   Yesterday I realized I had no choice, if for no other reason than to preserve my own sanity and get it off my chest, if not off my news feed.

I am a huge proponent of respecting other people’s right to have their own opinions, and to voice those opinions as they see fit.  Let me just start there.  One of the things that has bothered me about this from the start (and there are so very many things that bother me about it) is that those of us who don’t agree with Dan Cathy’s stance are getting accused of not respecting his right to free speech.   Of course he has the right to speak.  Is anyone actually saying he doesn’t?  That’s an honest question…  I’ve read so many ugly words coming from both sides that at some point I started tuning them out.

Another one I’m seeing a lot of is a graphic that says:  “‘I disagree’ is not equal to ‘I hate you.'”  Absolutely.  Merely disagreeing, and harboring hatred are two entirely different things.

Here’s the problem…

I’m of the opinion (and remember, Dan Cathy gets to have an opinion.  I get to have an opinion.  We all get to have an opinion) I’m of the opinion that the Bible is not nearly as black and white on the issue of homosexuality as most of my fellow Christians would have you believe.  Setting that conversation completely aside, let’s say for the sake of argument that homosexuality is wrong.  There still remains the fact that the Bible is exceedingly clear on one thing.  We are called to LOVE. 

Of course, of course!  Love the sinner, hate the sin. 

No.  No, no, no.  Love the sinner (and we’re all sinners).  Period.   I believe that that “Love the sinner, hate the sin” admonishment is one of the most hurtful and damaging phrases ever to be uttered.  If we’re actively hating something about someone else, we believe they should change.   We’re making our love conditional, and half-hearted at best.   In essence we’re saying, “I love you, but…” Can any good come after that ‘but’?   To truly and completely love, we just have to LOVE.   With no strings, and no conditions.  Think homosexuality is a sin?  So is pride.  So is arrogance.  So is gossip.  So is judgement.

Love anyway.

Chick Fil A donates money – millions of dollars worth of money – to organizations whose whole reason for existence is to fight against, and ostracize, gay individuals… including groups that link homosexuality to pedophilia, groups that feel homosexuality should be outlawed, groups that think homosexuals should be exported from our country, and groups that believe homosexuality is something that can be “prayed away.”  One of these groups is the Family Research Council, which has been designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.  I ask you, implore you, in all sincerity …. if you were homosexual, or your child or your best friend or your brother were homosexual, would any of the above groups (or the organizations such as Chick Fil A that support them) make you feel particularly loved?

I’ll be honest:  I’ve never eaten at Chick Fil A, mainly because I just don’t eat that kind of food.  And I’m certainly not going to start now, not because I simply disagree (I want to be really clear about that) but because just as it’s their right to financially support blatantly anti-gay organizations, it’s my right not to.  And yes, I’m aware that I’m likely supporting other such organizations without even knowing about it…. but when you know better, you do better.   I want my dollars to support groups that promote love, not more division.

I have seen so much righteous indignation, name-calling, and judgment from both sides of the issue.   I’ve seen well-meaning Christians proudly boasting about their support of a company that they may or may not realize gives money to a known hate group; and I’ve seen detractors casually throwing out words like bigots, and homophobes, and haters.

I’ve seen people telling Dan Cathy in no uncertain terms where to go and how to get there.  And that’s clearly not the answer here either.

These are real people … people with failings and shortcomings to be sure … but real people, who are so much more than a cause or a principle or a religious or political crusade.  And as I’ve thought about it, and pulled it apart, and boiled it down, I’ve realized that my responsibility here is no more and no less than to love.  Simply.  Fully.  Unconditionally.

And man, it’s simple in premise but not always easy in practice.  It’s hard to love people sometimes.  Sadly, often sometimes, my fellow Christians are the hardest of all.  But I honestly do want to love like Jesus loved.  I don’t ever want to fall back on “loving the sinner and hating the sin.”  I don’t want to put conditions on my love.  I don’t want to be a hypocrite.  So I will say to Dan Cathy and to others who support groups that aim to oppress, disparage, and ostracize others,  “I love you”.

And then I’ll just stop talking.

68 Comments

Filed under acceptance, bible, faith, hot topics, hypocrisy, kindness, life, perspective, rant, respect

June 9, 2012 · 1:36 PM

Blessings and Pain

This is me about a month ago, feeling pretty badass for keeping up with all the men-folk on the camping trip.   I’d just thrown that little hatchet into the tree – with amazing accuracy I might add – after only my second or third attempt.  This was after we chopped wood (or rather, attempted to chop wood in my case) with an 8 pound maul.  8 pounds is not a lot, of course, until it’s lifted overhead and forcefully struck downward again and again and again with, uh, less than proper form.  Truthfully, I was happy I escaped with all my limbs and digits.  People who tend to trip over flat surfaces probably shouldn’t be wielding heavy, sharp instruments.  But I digress.  I can’t remember if the wood-chopping and ax-throwing was before or after the mile+ hike down to the lake, from which I carried my tired 45 pound daughter all the way back to the camp, but I do remember my husband saying with a laugh, “Oh you’re going to be sore tomorrow!”

He said a mouthful.

 

As it turned out, I wasn’t sore the next day.  It took a few days.  And even then, it was barely more than an annoyance at first …. a “huh, I think I tweaked my shoulder” kind of pain.   I kept up my heavy yoga schedule (modifying here and there to work around the discomfort), kept lifting the girl, kept driving all over creation, kept doing all the things moms do.  It slowly got worse, and I did my best to ignore it.   Until I couldn’t.  And then the exchanges began:

“It hurts.”

“Then go to a doctor.”

“I don’t have a doctor.”  Because I don’t.  (Or, “I don’t like doctors”, or, “I don’t have time for a doctor”, or my favorite:  “What’s a doctor going to do??”)

“Then take a pain killer and put some ice on it.”

And then I’d be near tears, and we’d both go off in a huff because we’re stubborn like that.

Last weekend, the whole “to doctor or not to doctor” decision was taken out of my hands when a flip was suddenly switched, and the pain went from bad to blinding.  No longer confined to my shoulder, it shot down my back, into my neck, and down the entire length of my arm.  A pain so bad I couldn’t sit, couldn’t stand, couldn’t lay down, couldn’t sleep… couldn’t do anything but, well, basically rock pathetically back and forth and cry.   Off to my friendly neighborhood ER… the same familiar place that lovingly matter-of-factly saw me through my emergency endoscopy and subsequent cholecystectomy when my gall bladder had called, “when.”  The same place that had placed a kidney stent when I had hydronephrosis a year after that.  The same place that diagnosed a ruptured ovarian cyst, and the same place that had seen me through my very first, very scary, allergic reaction.

(I’m a healthy person normally, honest!)

Now, a word about emergency rooms, if I may.  They have their shortcomings when it comes to specific medical care to be sure.  And it turned out that I got some incorrect, and even dangerous, advice for this particular condition.  But.  One thing that they’re really really good at is making pain go away.  They didn’t do a single x-ray that morning.  Not an ultrasound, not an MRI, no imaging whatsoever.  But they did give me some pretty fine drugs.  Pumped full of morphine (among other things) I went home and actually SLEPT all afternoon, something I hadn’t done for days.  The next morning I went to a doctor’s office that specializes in sports medicine and physiatry, and returned the next day for an ultrasound, a diagnosis (a significantly torn rotator cuff AND bursitis, because I don’t do these things half-way) and a shot of cortisone.

So now I heal.

The blessing?  I’m sure there are many, but at the moment I see two really big ones.

#1.  It’ll make me a better yoga teacher.   When I heard the ultrasound tech say, in that too-cheery, matter-of-fact manner that ultrasound techs are required to use, “Oh look at that tear!”, what I really heard her say was, “You’re done with yoga training.”   I was devastated.   Thankfully, my devastation lasted less than 24 hours.  The next day I got a return phone call from my instructor – and one of my newest favorite people on the planet – who assured me that it’d be fine.  That I’d take these next weeks to rest and heal and work on my book-work and do what I needed to do, and that when I came to the studio for my contact hours in five weeks that they would absolutely work around the injury… whether it means simply taking it super easy, modifying the asanas, or sitting some out altogether.  I can still continue on with the rest of the class, and I can still earn my RYT by the end of July.  AND, now I’ll have a whole first-hand frame of reference and extra education about helping my students safely work around pain and/or injuries (something by the way, that is a huge factor for sending many people to yoga in the first place.  And one of the most common complaints?  Rotator cuff issues!)  My education will suddenly be deeper, richer, and a heck of a lot more personal.  That’s a blessing.

And, #2.  It’s a lesson that for some reason I seem destined to learn over and over (and over and over and over) until I really get it, but this is forcing me to rest, and to learn to be okay with it!  I don’t like being told not to do yoga.  Not to do housework.  Not to pick up my daughter.  Not to do anything really physical for the next two weeks.  I don’t like it at all.  But. I. Need. It.  My doctor tells me I need it.  My body tells me I need it.   So I rest.  I learn to let others do for me.  I learn to stop running around.  I learn to honor my body and my injury.  I learn to brush my teeth with my left hand instead of my right.  In two weeks I get to start physical therapy (progress!), but for now, I just… heal.  I rest.  And rest is a blessing, too.

I’m still in a lot of pain.  As it turns out, ice and anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants only do so much when you let an injury get as bad as mine did.  I’m fairly grumpy and frustrated about it all, I’m only sleeping a few hours a night, and Netflix instant streaming is my new best friend.  But right now, today, I’ll focus on the blessings.

And then I’ll take another Valium.

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Filed under about me, life, perspective

April 27, 2012 · 8:02 AM

Where I Need to Be

“Life goes by pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” ~ Ferris Bueller

One week ago today, we were packing up our hotel room in Chicago.  Saying goodbye to our little four-day getaway, and getting ready to board a plane back to Phoenix.

It was a perfect excursion, one that I hadn’t realized how much I needed.  From the nightly Happy Hours, to the wonderful restaurants, to the walking and touring of the beautiful city… it was a literal breath of fresh air.   Everyone’s asked me what I did every day when Mike was at his conference, and the fact is, I just was.   I walked.  I nursed a huge cup of coffee at Starbucks while I watched all the passers-by.   I did yoga.  I took myself to the movies.  I sat(!)  I took a nap (if like me, you’re unfamiliar with that term, it means to lay down and voluntarily sleep.  On purpose.  In the middle of the day.)  It was an introvert’s dream vacation.  The best part though, was that both when I was alone and when I was with Mike, time just stood still.   There was no where to be, nothing to do, no one who needed us.  For four days, time stood still.

Now that we’re home, there’s no easing back into real life.  As if a switch has been flipped, it’s once again full-speed ahead.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200.  It’s basketball practices and gymnastics classes and park days and cub scouts and physical therapy appointments.   It’s life.   And I’m reminding myself – again – to breathe.  God’s got this.  I’m finding myself having to trust, more than I ever have before, that no matter where I am… whether it’s driving to another appointment, sitting in the bleachers, racing the four year old across the park, running an errand, or swirling around in the housework that just. doesn’t. end… I’m exactly where I need to be.   Right there, in that place, in that moment, in that point in time.

One week from tomorrow, I’ll add another giant helping to my plate when my yoga teacher training starts.   Right now though, I’ll breathe.  I’ll sit.

The house is quiet.  The birds are singing.  I’m exactly where I need to be.

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Filed under about me, being happy with what is, life, not sweating the small stuff, perspective, vacation

January 4, 2012 · 8:20 PM

One of those days

Do you ever have one of those days that just starts off-kilter, and the harder you try to make things right, the worse it gets?  The kind of day where one little thing sets off a chain reaction of ick, and even though you know you could stop it if you really wanted to, you let it grab you and pull you until you spiral and spiral into a vortex of unpleasantness?  The kind of day that you find yourself suddenly bursting into tears in the middle of your kitchen, not because you don’t want to wash the dishes, and not even because Adele’s Someone Like You has transported you back into that angst ridden, heart-broken teenager…. but just because you are ohsoverytired of the terrible, horrible, no-good very bad day and you want it to be over? The day that ends with 3 of your 4 kids bickering, and the 4th grumping about the house himself, and you have to admit to yourself that you played no small part in any of it?

Yeah, that kind of day.

I asked you on Facebook to tell me something happy, tell me something that would restore my faith again.  And as always, you guys delivered. 🙂  But it wasn’t until tonight, as I looked through the few pictures I snapped today (and tried not to chastise myself all over again) that I was once again reminded:

 

Her, and her three “brudders” too.   And I realize – like I realize every time I look into those big brown eyes – that there is goodness.  And beauty.  And innocence.  And light.

Yup, there really is.  Even on “those” days.

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Filed under life, perspective

December 8, 2011 · 5:50 PM

Christmas, presents, and why I want to be like Carrie Bradshaw

 

I’ve never been very good at fitting in with one group.  Never has this been more clear to me than it has been since the advent of Facebook, where I can SEE right there in black and white just how very different my friends are.

I have friends who are Christians, friends who are Atheists, and every other religious flavor in between.  I have friends who are unschoolers, and friends who are strong supporters of the public school system.  I have friends who are extremely liberal, and friends who are very conservative.  Friends who… well, you get the idea.  A lot of different opinions.

And I learn from, and appreciate,  each and every one of them.

One of the things that I love most about blogging is that (provided that you’re doing something at least a little bit right) it really does become a community … one in which people can come and gather just as they are, differences and all.   And I don’t know about you, but I’ve been needing that.   Because the amount of division I’ve been seeing lately is making me crazy.  Christmas season – which most people would agree should be a time of family, fellowship, and goodwill – seems to bring out an odd side of a lot of different folks.

It’s like December 1st hits, and it’s time to Deck the Halls!  Time to shop!  Time to be merry!  Time to …. squabble like little children.   I don’t think I ever see people sweating the small stuff quite as much as I do at Christmas time.

In one corner is the “It’s MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holidays” crowd, which has grown tenfold since I posted about it.

In another is the “Christmas is too commercialized/secular/greedy/materialistic/just plain wrong these days” group.

There are those who let themselves get swept away into the “Christmas is just so STRESSFUL” train.

Some decide to do away with the tree and the presents and the lights altogether, in order to focus on other things.

Then there are the people who take personal offense to any or all of the above, and/or people who let themselves feel guilty because they shopped at Walmart, didn’t hand make their gifts, and didn’t use eco-friendly recycled freshwater stream Martha Stewart biodegradable toilet paper gift wrap.

My head hurts.

I want to say as sort of a general, blanket statement that you are the one creating your Christmas experience.  It doesn’t have to be stressful.  It doesn’t have to be commercialized.  It doesn’t have to be materialistic.   And for that matter, it doesn’t have to be homemade either.    Decorate, don’t decorate.  Give gifts, don’t give gifts.  It’s all the same to me.  But please don’t think it has to be either/or.   When I recently asked on my Facebook page if you thought there was something wrong with gift giving at Christmas, one thing I saw come up again and again was that Christmas should be about giving to others, not about getting lots of stuff.  And absolutely, I agree!  But why should giving to someone outside your own family hold precedence over giving amongst yourselves?  Why not do both?  Why would there ever be something wrong with giving a heartfelt gift to a spouse or a child or a parent, whether it’s Christmas, or a birthday, or a Tuesday?  And yes, almost everything most much of what we give are not needs, but wants.  We live in a ridiculously abundant world, to be sure.  If you’re reading this right now, it means you have internet, or a smart phone, or access to a public library… all of which are far, FAR more than many, many people around the world are privileged enough to have.   But is it wrong to have them?

A couple of months ago I got a new phone that does amazing things.  It’s like a robot.  I don’t need it, but I’m happy and thankful that I have it.  Is it more important than God or my health or my kids or my relationships or giving to others?  Of course not.  It’s a luxury.  And the few presents we’ve gotten our kids for Christmas are luxuries too… luxuries that I’m happy and excited and thankful to be able to give them.   Giving them doesn’t mean we don’t give to those outside the family though.  It doesn’t mean it’s the most important part of our celebration.  It doesn’t mean we don’t remember the true meaning of Christmas, and it doesn’t mean we’re greedy and materialistic (two other words I’ve recently seen a lot of).  To me, greed and materialism mean putting ‘things’ ahead of people.   And if you’re giving with the spirit of… well, giving… isn’t that the opposite of greed and materialism?  It shouldn’t matter then if the gift is a gift of time, or a picture, or a good deed, or a homemade bauble, or yes, even a mass produced something or other from a big bad department store.  If the giver is giving sincerely, in love, shouldn’t the old adage, “it’s the thought that counts,” still ring true, no matter how little OR how much something does or doesn’t cost?

I was watching the movie “Sex in the City” yesterday, and there was a scene about halfway through that completely (and surprisingly) made me all leaky-eyed.    Jennifer Hudson’s character gives a small gift to Carrie, and Carrie graciously accepts it before going into her room and returning with a gift of her own, something extravagant that she knew she would really love.  Just watch.

That to me is what gift giving should be about, whether it’s done on Christmas or any other of the 364 days of the year.  Two people sharing a moment with each other.  Two people GIVING to each other, with their whole hearts.  It didn’t matter that one gift was a $14.99 DVD and one was a however much those fancy name-brand bags cost.  They were both given, and accepted, with genuine warmth and happiness.  That’s what I want from my gift-giving… whether I’m giving a plate of cupcakes or a pressure cooker or a Louis Vuitton handbag.

Finally, as I was deciding how to end this post, I saw the following quote on Facebook that summed up the spirit of giving more than I ever could:

Christmas gift suggestions:  To your enemy, forgiveness.  To an opponent, tolerance.  To a friend, your heart.  To a customer, service.  To all, charity.  To every child, a good example.  To yourself, respect.  ~Oren Arnold.

Words to live by, for sure.  And we can’t give any of the above if we’re wasting time and energy worrying about Christmas particulars that at the end of the day just shouldn’t matter.

8 Comments

Filed under Christmas, holidays, life, not sweating the small stuff, perspective

November 25, 2011 · 12:27 PM

‘Happy Holidays’ and other four letter words

The cashier was pleasant and friendly.  He joked around with the kids, and easily made small talk while he lovingly rang up our toothpaste and toilet paper.  He carefully bagged our baubles and breakables, and he made sure to ask if we wanted the drinks we’d just grabbed from the cooler left out.  He offered the three year old a sticker.  He smiled amiably while he handed me my cash register receipt, and he told me to come again.

And then, he said it.

The thing that would cause me to roll my eyes and hurry home to write the store a scathing letter detailing exactly why I would be hereby boycotting their store forever.

He said, “Happy Holidays.”

In front of my children.  How dare he say such a thing to me?  How dare he try to take the Christ out of my Christmas?  What is the matter with our stores, and our society, today??  I felt so offended and disrespected that I couldn’t even utter a word.  I angrily snatched the receipt from his hand.  I gathered the kids as quickly as I could, grabbed my groceries, and hightailed it out of there.  I vowed never to return again.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

No.  What I actually did was smile – sincerely – and thank him.  I wished him a happy holiday as well.  I got my groceries, counted my kids, and went about the rest of the day…. feeling good about a friendly and positive interaction with a kind stranger.

To be clear, I celebrate Christmas.  I have celebrated Christmas all of my life.  I love Christmas.  But it doesn’t even begin to bother me when somebody – be it a person or a website or a store – says Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.  For that matter, it wouldn’t bother me if someone mistakenly thought I was Jewish and wished me a Happy Hannukah.  Why?  To begin with, I take it for nothing more than it is: a hopefully sincere and friendly good wish from one person to another.  They’re showing me a kindness and they’re wishing me happiness.  Which really, is supposed to be the whole point of the season (and for the whole year, if we’re living the way we should aspire to be living)

More than that though, is the fact that nothing anyone else says can take away MY meaning of the holiday.  Nothing anyone else says will change what I believe.  Nothing anyone else says will damage my own personal walk as a Christian.  “Happy Holiday” wishers are not – as so many believe – “taking the Christ out of Christmas.”   The only one who can take my Christ out of my Christmas is me.

Let me say that again, rephrased:

The only one who can take your Christ out of your Christmas is you.

How do you take Christ out of Christmas?  You take Christ out of Christmas every time you:

Don’t take the high road.

Are less than loving, and patient, and kind.

Gossip, complain about, and judge others.

Are slow to listen and quick to anger.

And yes…. grump and moan and cry about everyone taking Christ out of Christmas, instead of simply showing the people kindness and goodwill and grace, and letting them see through your actions that Christ cannot be taken out of your Christmas because Christ is living in you.  No one can take that away from you, no matter what they believe or what they celebrate or WHY they celebrate.

And if you’re going to split hairs about who should and should not celebrate Christmas, it’s worth noting that 1) Jesus was most likely NOT born on December 25th, and 2) most of what we all do at Christmas time – even as Christians – are things we borrowed and adapted from pagan traditions, not the other way around.

Every year I hear more and more people complaining about what’s become of Christmas, how commercialized it is, how far it’s gotten from its true roots…. which very well may be true, but is making a big stink about it really the answer?  If, like me, you believe in Jesus and His birth, then simply live it.

If you believe in having a simple Christmas, then have a simple Christmas.   If you believe in giving, then give.  If you believe in kindness, be kind.  If you believe in boycotting big businesses and Black Friday sales and midnight deals, then by all means, stay home.

But don’t forget that “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.”  (Emerson)

Just a couple of hours ago, I saw a Facebook photo of a group of tents set up and camped out at the entrance to a Walmart, waiting for the Black Friday sales.   One of the commenters said, “People like that are nothing more than disgusting, materialistic losers.”   That there is some real holiday spirit.  Now I can think of about 7,253 things I’d rather do than camp out in front of a Walmart (or in line for a Twilight movie opening) but you know what?  If that’s your thing, I love you just the same.  I happen to think that the world is big enough for all of us, with all our beliefs and our differences and our traditions and our celebrations.

The best thing I can do to honor my God and my beliefs and my Christmas is to live my life the way I purport to want to live it, and not worry about what anyone else is, or is not, doing.  There are actual problems in the world, and whether someone says “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” is not one of them.

And don’t get me wrong.   Since you know that I celebrate Christmas, I would love and appreciate a “Merry Christmas” from any one of you.   But I would love and appreciate a sincere “Happy Holidays” just as much (and the diehard Seinfeld fan in me would be ever indebted if you wished me a “Happy Festivus” while you were at it.)

The Christmas cards we send every year say “Peace, Joy, and Love” on them…. partly because that was the default greeting on the design we chose several years ago and it resonated with us, and partly because it just sums up the meaning of the season – and our lives – in three simple words.

I know it sounds trite, but I really do wish you peace, joy and love… whether you’re a believer, a non-believer, or even a Walmart parking lot camper.

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Filed under about me, Christmas, faith, holidays, hot topics, perspective, religion

October 14, 2011 · 7:35 AM

Things I Love

Yesterday, I was unloading the dishwasher  in that ho-hum, autopilot fashion that I think most of us employ when tending to mundane tasks.  Grab the cups, stack the plates, sort the silverware…  Grab, grab, stack, stack, sort, sort.  This mug was the last thing I took out of the top rack, and as I set it on the counter, it made me smile.  This mug makes me happy  – seriously, how can you not be happy when you look at the Life is Good guy?? –  and I don’t use it often enough.  It occurred to me as I was looking at this mug that it was one of just a very few items that I’d taken out of the dishwasher that I really loved.  (My striped mugs still fall into the “love” category as well)

As I looked around the kitchen, and then the rest of the house, I started asking myself how much of what I was seeing did I love.    Not what was “nice” or expensive or fancy, but what I really loved… for whatever reason.  It didn’t take me long to realize, “Dang, we accumulated a lot of extra ‘stuff’ again.”  It’s stifling, and suffocating, and I don’t want to live that way anymore.  I want to love what’s in my house.   Now granted, I know I’m not going to love everything.  I don’t jump for joy every time I open a new package of q-tips or kitchen sponges, but I use them.  If it’s not something I – or something else in my family – love OR use, what on earth is it doing in the house?

It’s not the first time I’ve done this either.  I’ve been struck with inspiration before, determined to de-clutter and simplify…. but somehow the extra stuff creeps back in.  I don’t like it.  So, starting today, I’m going to purposely change that. I’m going to streamline.  Simplify.   I’m going to take the next week, or month, or six months or however long it takes and go through my house room by room.  If it’s not loved or used, it goes.  I want my home to be mindfully filled with things that make us happy, not a receptacle for so much accumulated extra stuff that we can’t even find the things we love.  Thankfully the kids are all helpful and discerning when it comes to decluttering as well.  They have no problem parting with old toys and clothes they no longer use, especially when they know they’re going to go to another child who will enjoy them.   They always get into the project once it begins, and are excited by the new, less claustrophobia-inducing house once progress is made.  Tegan, at three, tends to be more of a saver than the others, but who am I to question her love for a stick or a rock or a gum wrapper from 6 months ago?   And the husband is even more supportive than the kids.  Any time I’ve suggested the possibility of less stuff, it’s always been met with a resounding, “Yes.  Throw it away!  Get it out of the house!!”

So I’m gonna.  Now.  And I can’t wait.

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Filed under about me, decluttering, life, perspective, simplifying