Category Archives: writing

September 16, 2014 · 9:43 AM

Q & A – Algebra, Geometry, and Essays… Oh My

algebra

 

Every Tuesday, I’ll choose a question or two to answer here on my blog, as long as the questions last. Want to ask me about unschooling or parenting or anything else I write about (which is, uh, pretty much everything)? Send them here, or post on my Facebook page.  

Here’s today’s question, and it’s another one that I get a lot:

 

How do unschoolers learn advanced math like algebra, geometry, etc, and proper writing like essay writing, MLA format and the like? I’m starting my unschooling journey in a few months and my hubby is concerned about these things.

First, I need to start out by asking:  Do you use advanced math in your daily life?  Because I don’t.  I use very basic math and algebraic concepts for things like shopping, baking, figuring out tips, etc.  For many, many people, that’s the only math they will ever need.  Even my husband, who went into a math-related field largely because it was a strength of his and as such was always pushed as a career path, rarely uses more than the basics.

If something is a must-learn in an individual’s life, it will present itself… and along with it, an opportunity to learn it in  a real and applicable way that makes sense for the learner.  If it’s not necessary in life, and it doesn’t present itself, why would you need to learn it in the first place?

If an unschooler wants or needs (for example: for a certain chosen career path, a college plan, or just an innate desire) to learn an advanced math, there are a literally unlimited number of ways for him to do so.  There are free websites such as Khan Academy.  There are online courses.  There are family and friends and mentors.  There are college classes (lots of unschoolers choose to take classes well before they are “college age”).  There are books. There are DVDs.  There are moments of play and discovery and epiphanies with calculators and other tools.  Just try and stop an interested and engaged child from learning about math! Can’t do it.

Likewise, “proper” writing like essays is something with a very limited application that not everyone is going to want or need.  I haven’t written a proper essay since college, and I’m not ashamed at all to admit that I don’t even know what MLA format is.  I’ve made it forty years on this planet without that knowledge, and I’m doing okay.  😉  But just like with math, when or if a child (or an adult for that matter) wants to learn something writing-related, the answer is never more than a click or a Google search away.

And it’s not that I’m minimizing the importance of learning certain things, because yes – absolutely – some people are going to need to know advanced trigonometry.  Some people are going to need to know how to write a killer essay. Some people are going to need to know what MLA format is.  But what I need to know as a mom, a writer, and a yoga teacher, is going to be vastly different from what my husband needs to know as a budget and payroll director.  Which is going to be vastly different from what our oldest, who’s studying small engine repair, needs to know. Which is going to be vastly different from what our fourteen year old, who’s interested in computers, needs to know.  Etc.

No one knows what knowledge, skills, or tools are going to be useful for another person on their particular life path. And the beauty of unschooling is that you don’t have to know!  Your job as an unschooling parent isn’t to impart a certain set of “must-know” facts.  Your job as an unschooling parent is to help provide the people, places, tools, and experiences that enable them to learn what they need to know, when they need to know it.   Your job is to nurture and foster their natural and intrinsic desire to grow and learn, so that when they DO need or want to learn something – whether it’s geometry, writing an essay, or baking a cake – they can do so.  Easily, naturally, and in a way that makes sense for them.

1 Comment

Filed under math, Q and A, unschooling, writing

April 30, 2012 · 8:09 AM

Walking On Egg Shells

I hate the internet.  I mean, I love the internet.  But sometimes… I really hate it.  That has never been more true than it has the past couple of weeks.  I guess maybe I shouldn’t admit that, being a blogger, but there it is.  And it’s kind of the crux of my whole point today:  The things I shouldn’t say.

A few days ago, I saw a video going around Facebook.  It was a home video of a dad and his three kids singing Bohemian Rhapsody in their car.  We’re big Queen fans around here so I thought it was cute.  I was about to share to it, when I started skimming through some of the negative comments.  First there was horror that one of the little girls was sitting in the front seat.  Then there was something about the toddlers strap on his car seat.  That was all followed up with “What an inappropriate song to be singing with your kids!”   I thought about my own page, and how I’ve seen the same kind of comments on even the most innocuous seeming posts.  I didn’t really feel like getting into a lengthy and exhausting “thing” over a silly video.

So I didn’t share it.

And the more I thought about it, the more ticked off (at myself!) I felt.  I was really irritated that I wouldn’t post something that I liked, on my page, just because I knew there’d be negative reactions.  But the truth is, I’ve grown tired.

Lately there has been a barrage of videos, articles, and other posts about discipline that I’ve strongly disagreed with.  I have to really weigh whether I want to opine on them though, because doing so always gets me called judgemental.  And critical.  And hypocritical.  And why can’t I just “support other parents no matter how they do things?”    That goes doubly for when I talk about spanking.  Or crying it out.  Or dads shooting their daughter’s laptops.

I can’t express my opinions about schools either, because apparently that’s not fair to teachers (and the fact that I’ve never had a disparaging thing to say about teachers is of little consequence)

I have to be careful about writing too many happy, good-day stories about the kids, because those always invite the snarky, “Oh it must be so nice to have such a perfect life” comments.

I can’t write too many downer posts either, because those bring the admonishments to get over myself and Just Focus On The Positive.

When Kirk Cameron made his remarks about homosexuality recently, I was shushed before I even began to give an opinion.  (I disagreed with him, for whatever it’s worth)  I couldn’t say it though, without getting screamed at about how unfair I was being, and how mean it was, and how he was being unnecessarily bullied.   Besides, I was told, it was too controversial of a topic anyway.  It would alienate too many readers.     I should stick to writing about parenting (as long as I’m not being judgemental) or homeschooling (as long as I don’t mention school) or stories about my kids (as long as they’re not too happy.  Or too sad.)

I don’t like walking on egg shells.  Or writing on them, as it were.  I can’t write my blog to please other people.   I learned a long time ago that living your life to try to please others is a painful lesson in futility anyway.   I don’t want this space to become some watered down version of itself simply because it’s more comfortable.  I ultimately started it for myself, and while I’m very thankful that a few people seemed to read it and pay attention, at the end of the day I’d rather have a blog that’s authentic and read by 10 than a blog that’s “safe” and read by 10,000.

I was recently unfriended and subsequently blocked by a longtime Facebook friend.  I don’t know why.  I’m not welcome or able to contact her to tell her this, but I have to thank her in all sincerity.    Getting dumped as a friend – again – painful though it was, served as an impetus to once again renew my conviction to just be me.    I can’t do anything else.  How people respond to me, to my blog, to the things I share…. that’s their business, not mine.   I will fully admit that I haven’t gotten this blogging thing all figured out yet.  Or this parenting thing.  Or this life thing.  But I can also tell you – promise you even – that what you see here will be real… the good, the bad, the ugly;  whether you agree, disagree, or just don’t care.  It’ll be messy.  That’s real life.  And that’s me.

And to prove it, here’s that Queen video that I convinced myself not to post.  Enjoy it, or not. 🙂

57 Comments

Filed under about me, blogging, Facebook, life, rant, writing

November 21, 2011 · 12:01 PM

Nano, Thanksgiving, and a Favor

 

Ten days away from the end of November, which means ten days until Nano officially ends, which means ten days until I’ve actually written 50,000 words or I haven’t.  Each time I’ve done it, it’s been a journey… this year perhaps more than any other.  I love fiction writing.  I always have.  It makes me come alive, and it inspires and entertains me.  This year though, I don’t know that my heart was really in it.

I had a kernel of a good story, but unfortunately it’s heavily buried under a steaming pile of cow manure.  Such is the case most Novembers, but that’s sort of the point of the exercise…. to just get the story out, and worry about editing, slashing and re-writing later.  This year feels different though.   I’m not sure I care enough about the story to even want to finish it, let alone clean it up later.

And right now, ten days from the finish date, I’m faced with asking myself if it would be more personally liberating to just get the rest of my 14,000 words into the computer and finish what I started, OR giving myself permission to just say, “Not this year,” peacefully calling it quits right now, and appreciating the fact that I’m secure enough in myself to be okay with not finishing what I started.

In other news, I’ve spent the past 21 days working on something else as well.  Every time I felt burnt out on my story, and felt like I just couldn’t write another description or narrative or bit of dialogue, I worked on outlining – and eventually writing – a pair of e-books:  one on unschooling, and one on gentle parenting.  I am very excited about the project, and I can’t wait to share it with you all… hopefully in early 2012.

This is where the favor comes in.  One of the things I want to be sure to cover, in both books, is a good reader-friendly FAQ chapter.  I’m working with several questions I’ve gotten in comments, emails, etc, but if you have one (or two or three) that’s been burning on your mind that you’ve never seen me cover, I would love to hear from you!     Please feel free to either comment here, on Facebook, or send me an email.  And since I’m asking for favors, I would also love it if you share my blog with others (assuming you actually read and enjoy it :)).  I have gotten a couple of very nice emails the past few days from new readers, and I can’t tell you how much I love to have an excuse to procrastinate on the laundry even longer connect with all of you!  You guys are awesome.

And finally, Thanksgiving is in three days, and the holiday season is officially upon us.  I love Thanksgiving.  Love the feel, love the smells, love the food, love the laughter.  Last year, we ended up having to leave early because the little one was sick, so I’m mostly wishing for health this year  – says the person who has single handedly gone through an entire box of tissues in about 12 hours.

I wish you all a beautiful day on the 24th, whether it’s Thanksgiving for you or just another Thursday.

 

10 Comments

Filed under about me, blogging, holidays, writing

September 14, 2011 · 3:10 PM

Making Peace with a Schedule

(source)

A few weeks ago, I got an email from someone looking to flesh out the concept of unschooling a little more. One of her (paraphrased) questions was “Do you ever feel like you’re just spinning your wheels, and/or putting out fires all day?”

My answer: Yes. And when I notice it’s happening frequently, I know it’s time for something to change. More specifically, I know it’s time for me to make a change. It’s not a good thing for me OR the kids if I’m scattered all day, flitting here and there and not really present for any of it. Unschooling shouldn’t be about reacting, but about being there, right there in the moment.

Since getting all renewed and re-inspired at the conference, I have sadly realized that I really have been doing all too much wheel-spinning lately. Further, I’ve realized that I have done the same exact thing when each of my boys was Tegan’s age (3) as well. When my kids are around 3 – not quite babies anymore – I sort of have a little life crisis. They are more independent, and playing on their own more often, and needing me in very different ways than before. I start to feel that itch of wanting to take on a new hobby, or start a new business, or devote some time to a certain passion. The difference this time though is that when the boys were her age, I was either about to have another baby, or I’d just had one. So the feelings would go away, and I’d happily immerse myself once again in diapers and onesies and dimpled elbows and chubby feet and sweet smelling baby heads. This time there is no pregnancy and there is no new baby. Which is in turns heartbreakingly sad, and strangely exciting.

Lately my heightened crisis has caused me to become suddenly interested in 20,000 different things. And of course I still want to be present for my kids, and fully invested in unschooling and hands-on parenting. I want to figure out this whole “homemaker” thing, and make (and keep) a nice home for my family. I also want to have some time for myself, and some time for blogging, and some time for pursuing my own interests. As a result, I’m sorry to say, I feel I’ve been only a little bit good at all of the above. I’ve also been anxious about the new season, which is suddenly thrusting us from having zero standing weekly plans to having basketball, gymnastics, scouts, church, and bible study meetings.

And so, I’ve decided to get organized and make a plan. Instead of a zillion personal pursuits, at the moment I’m going to focus on one. And you’re reading it. This blog is my fifth baby, my heart, and my soul. I don’t know what is going to happen in the future, but for right now, this is what I need to be doing. I need to be doing it so badly that I actually made myself a schedule.

I’m not a big schedule person (in fact I sort of hate them with a passion), but I also know that they work really, really well for me. They help me focus on what I’m supposed to be focusing on, and they help my scattered brain get a little less scattered.

Here then, is my – always flexible, always subject to change – schedule:

Morning: Coffee, emails, empty the dishwasher

Rest of the day into the afternoon: Leave the computer alone (instead of checking emails/Facebook in 2 or 3 minute little bursts all the live long day). Be present and focused and available for the kids…. for playing, for projects, for questions, for reading, for talking, for hanging out.

2:00-4:00ish (still working on this): Take time for myself to blog, answer emails and comments, and work on other writing-related stuff, without feeling guilty about it.

4:30 Pick up our messes for the day to get ready for the evening

5:00 till whenever we go to bed: Dinner, dishes, activities, television, playing, and hanging out (and maybe I’ll check emails and Facebook somewhere in there too :)).

The idea is that when I’m with the kids, I’m WITH them. When I’m doing something for me, I’m doing something for me. And so on. It’s still very much an experiment, because honestly, it’s something I’ve never really tried before. I had grand plans to start it yesterday, but instead had an unexpected (and welcome) outing with friends we haven’t seen for 3 months.

So we started it today. I did pretty well with ignoring my computer until 2:00, although I’m thinking I’m not so great with the cold turkey thing. The kids were all 100% on board with giving me my time at 2:00… but I spent 10 minutes of it in the tub with the girl, and another 5 explaining to the 14 year old about researching “completed” listings on Ebay to help price something he wanted to sell… both of which were momentarily more important than my own needs. At the time of this writing, it is 3:00, and all four kids have settled into a happy, comfortable groove. I’ll commit myself to giving it an honest try, and a fair amount of time, and we’ll see what it brings. I’m kind of excited at the prospect though, even if it means some adjustment, for all involved.

If you’re a stay-at-home parent, do you have some sort of schedule for your day? How does it work for you?

Like the Path Less Taken on Facebook

1 Comment

Filed under about me, blogging, life, unschooling, writing

November 20, 2010 · 8:07 PM

Because I Must

There’s a scene that I keep thinking of in the movie Blast From the Past. Blast From the Blast was a very mediocre popcorn movie from 1999, which I watched when I was going through a phase of having to watch every movie Brendan Fraser ever made. It was cute but ridiculous, and it wasn’t exactly a cinematic masterpiece. He IS a good actor, but you have to watch Gods and Monsters, School Ties, or With Honors to see it. But I digress.

In the movie, Brendan Fraser is born, and grows up in, a nuclear fall-out shelter, cut off from the rest of civilization until he’s 35. There’s a scene where his father is trying to explain baseball to him, and his character doesn’t understand why the person up to bat runs to first base after he hits the ball. He keeps asking why, and his father keeps saying, “Because he must!” Later in the movie, after he’s joined the rest of the world and is able to see a live baseball game for the first time, it clicks. He finally gets it, and he excited yells out, “Oh! Because he Must!”

That is how I feel about writing. I write because I must. It’s not even something that I chose for myself. It chose me. For better or worse, there has always been something intrinsic in me that needs to create things out of words.

This is November, which means that I’ve been working on a novel for NaNoWriMo for the past three weeks. Which also means that the past 20 days have been exhausting. Fall on the floor, body aching, weary-boned exhausting. I have four kids to take care of, a Mike, a house, and 12 pets. I don’t have extra time time to write a novel in 30 days, so I have to make the extra time. And I do it simply because I must. I don’t always want to, but I have to.

One of the greatest things about homeschooling, and unschooling in particular, is that my kids have the opportunity to follow their passions right now. They don’t have to squeeze them in in between school and homework and activities. By design, their lives allow them to do whatever it is that they’re passionate about, whatever it is that they must do, almost anytime that inspiration strikes. I remember sitting in school as a kid, hiding behind my book, jotting down an idea for a short story, or a few lines of a poem, or at one point even song lyrics. I remember the frustration of having to sneak it, and the desperation of the time constraint, of trying to get it down I paper before 1) I got reprimanded, or 2) I had to go to my next class. I remember carrying ideas around for days, never getting the chance to translate them onto a page. I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to create something different for my kids, to be able to allow them the freedom to not only find what it is that they’re passionate about, but to follow it. Right now.

An interesting thing that I’ve begun to notice is that the more I support them in their endeavors, the more they support me in mine. A few days ago, when I was discouraged, plagued with writer’s block, and frustrated by my out-of-control house it was Spencer who said, “Don’t quit. Finish your book….” Not because he particularly cares one way or the other whether or not I finish it, but because he knows it’s important to ME. He knows I need to do it. As a mom, it’s always a delicate balancing act to make time for your own pursuits while still putting the kids’ needs first. And they do still come first, no question about it. Which is why a one month writing spree is perfect for our family… For just thirty days I stay up too late, drink too much coffee, and enter the hazycrazywonderful fog that comes with being immersed in my own little made up world, populated by my own little made up characters.

And then November ends. I’ve fulfilled that need, we all celebrate, and then we move on to December. If November is about writing, which is in effect about me, December is the exact opposite. December is not about me. December is about the kids. December is about giving. December is about hanging the advent calendar with the 25 different activities leading up to Christmas. December is about creating wonderful memories as a family, and December is about celebrating the birth of Christ.

Every bit as vital as the part of me that was meant to write a novel this month, is the part of me that was meant to create a magical holiday experience next month. I look forward to December so much.

So in ten days, I will (God-willing) have the 50,000 words I need to happily put my novel to rest, set it aside until after the new year, and focus 100% of my undivided attention on the kids, on Christmas, and on celebrating.

Because I must.

3 Comments

Filed under Christmas, passions, writing

July 14, 2010 · 3:07 PM

Words, words, words

I love words.

Paxton’s favorite word at the moment is touché. He loves that word, and works it into the conversation as much as possible (which is surprisingly often)

The words most likely to tickle Spencer are either medical terms or cooking techniques. It’s not unusual for him to spout out a fact about a myocardial infarction, or instruct whoever’s cooking dinner to carmelize the onions.

Everett is at the beautiful age where he of course talks with more commandment of the English language than Tegan, but still occasionally, and adorably, mispronounces something. And for her part, though she has a GIANT vocabulary for a two year old, Tegan is mostly enthralled with potty words right now.

I love big words that roll on my tongue, words like mellifluous and superfluous and cacophony. I love small words too, small words with big meanings: joy, peace, grace, love.

Yes, I love words.

I’m also highly irritated by words. Good or bad, I can’t turn down my sensitivity to words. Things like Twitter and Facebook are at times akin to torture (and in fact the inspiration for this blog) to someone like me.

Though I seldom do it myself, swearing does not bother me. I’m far more likely to be offended by words like “hate” or “stupid” or racial or homophobic slurs than I am by a curse word. I find it offensive when people use the word “retarded”, or any of its derivatives, for something other than its correct usage. Crude slang terms for any female – or male for that matter – body parts tend to make my skin crawl.

But the words that make me the MOST crazy, for whatever reason, are the popular internet abbreviated words. I. cannot. stand. the word “hubby.” Or “peeps.” Or “bestie.” I don’t like the word “kiddo.” I hate it when people leave the g off the end of ‘ing’ words. (I mean really, is it too much work to say you are hanging instead of hangin???) An email address is an ADDRESS, not an “addy”, and details are DETAILS, not “deets” AAAAAAAAA!!! I never in my life called the New England Patriots the Pats, or the Boston Red Sox the BoSox.

Abbreviations and altered words bring almost near the amount of irritation I feel when someone uses the word “your” when he means “you’re”, or when they use an apostrophe when they pluralize something.

Why does something so admittedly ridiculous bother me? I have no idea. Sometimes it’s rather exhausting being me. And sadly, I seem to be passing this on to my children. None of the boys use any sort of abbreviations when they chat online (with the exception of the requisite LOL), and Spencer just told me that one of his Facebook friends frequently uses the word “kewl” instead of “cool” when he chats with her, and it drives him so crazy he almost can’t be friends with her. Ha.

I understand, Spencer. I understand.

Leave a Comment

Filed under random, writing

November 30, 2009 · 2:47 PM

Just a Big, Huge, Blog

Though I’m pretty sure it defies all laws of the time and space continuum for it to be possible, today is the last day of November. Which means that tomorrow is December 1st. Which means…. CHRISTMAS SEASON! But before I can talk about Christmas (and boy howdy, can I talk about Christmas) I have to lay November to rest.

What a November it was.

First, today I logged the 50,017th word of my novel, bringing it to completion – for now – and earning me all the rights, privileges and honors of being a 2009 NanoWrimo winner. What does it mean? Absolutely nothing. But it did get me this nifty little web badge, and well, I admit I got quite a thrill when I pushed “submit” that final time and saw a congratulatory fireworks display.


I learned a lot by doing the project, not the least of which is that writing 50,000 words in 30 days is a lot of writing! I missed one single day, and ended up staying up half the night catching up. I learned that despite my penchant for dabbling, for trying something new then moving on when it gets too boring (or hard or tedious or un-interesting) I can in fact see something through to completion when it’s really important to me. Yes, I threatened to quit about, oh, 23 of the 30 days, but I did not. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I learned how satisfying it was to really devote time to my own pursuit. One of the few things that gave me pause about doing it was that it meant time away from my kids. Not only did they survive the month, but they were also incredibly supportive and interested in what I was doing. I think I’ve had such a great frustration with everyone’s need to get away from their kids (and I do still have that frustration… seeing people complain about having their kids home from school for 2 whole weeks for Christmas vacation? Sad.) that I’ve overcompensated. And well… I don’t spend huge amounts of time away from my kids, and I don’t send them to school, and I don’t make them cry it out so they’ll learn to fall asleep on their own. Those things won’t change. But this past month has shown me that I can – and should– have my own interests and pursuits, and that when I do, my children will show me the same support that I’ve always tried to show them.

And while I’m on the subject of support: Paxton and Everett both had their final games of the fall season this month, and were so excited to have their grandparents, aunt, and uncle there to watch. Paxton burned it up on the pitcher’s mound…


while Everett celebrated with a pizza party with his team…

I haven’t loaded anything onto Photobucket for eons now (see my earlier mention of my quitting something when it ceases to be interesting) but I do have lots of new pictures on Facebook, including Halloween and our most recent trip to the zoo.

On a sad note, on November 22nd I said goodbye to my cat and companion of 19 years (19 years!), Zoya. I was with her when she died, and while there was some comfort in knowing that she was not alone when she passed, it was by far one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever done. I miss her like crazy, and the rawness of my heart cast more than a few clouds over the following week – which unfortunately included Mike’s vacation, and Thanksgiving, both of which were lovely in spite of everything.



And tomorrow, tomorrow we start another new month, and our official countdown to Christmas. The tree is trimmed, the stockings are hung, and the advent envelopes are loaded with twenty five cool things to do as a family.


Just like last year, I’m going to try to post daily pictures and blogs, in an effort to document my favorite month of the year. (Says my husband as he sees me blogging: “Aren’t you sick of writing? You just wrote every day for a month.” And the answer is HECK NO! I am estatic to have time for my blog once again. This is the fun stuff.)

In addition to the advent calendar in the picture above, this year we’re also doing a Jesse Tree.


One of the great things about having a strong faith in God, but not belonging to any one specific church or denomination, is that we learn from, and appreciate, customs from so many different places. I actually got the idea for the Jesse Tree from a Catholic website (I am not, nor have I ever been, Catholic) It is wonderful! Each day we’ll hang a new ornament with a different picture. The pictures all correspond to a different bible passage, starting with creation and leading up to the birth of Jesus. So far we’ve done a dove, standing for peace and harmony; an apple for Adam and Eve; and today was an ark.


I love the marrying of family fun with reflection on the season, and I am so completely excited to experience the next 25 days with the kids.

1 Comment

Filed under Christmas, family, projects, writing

October 26, 2009 · 12:58 PM

Something For Me

This blog, and in many ways my life, for the last several years has been about the children. I’m happy it’s been that way! Not in the “I’m going to knock myself out being a martyr and sacrificing everything for the sake of the kids” kind of way, but in the “I love and respect my children, I brought them into this world, they’re only young once, and right now their happiness is what’s most important” kind of way.

But I’m still me. To that end, I wanted to share why my blogging will be sparse to non-existent from now until the first of December. I’m taking some time for myself, and doing this:


I honestly can’t remember the last time I’ve been so excited about something that was strictly for myself.

1 Comment

Filed under writing