Why do you write so much about mental health?

For three reasons:

1. I have dealt with (mostly un-checked) mental illness since I was in my teens, and had a few unsuccessful tries with antidepressants in my 20’s. After one too many brushes with rock bottom, I finally sought appropriate help in 2016, and was subsequently diagnosed, and began treatment for, Bipolar Disorder and anxiety. In 2018, my diagnosis was updated to include Borderline Personality Disorder. Writing about my own journey, both the challenges and the triumphs, has been hugely cathartic for me, and plays such an important role in my navigating the ups and downs of these illnesses.
2. There is still such a stigma about mental illness, and there shouldn’t be! People are suffering, and while there does seem to be a shift happening, so very many people still don’t want to talk about it. So very many people think it’s born of weakness or of character flaw. I figure if I talk about it, and talk about it openly, I’m putting one more voice out there in the world. One more voice to say it’s okay not to be okay. One more voice to say it’s nothing to be ashamed of. One more voice to say, “I’m doing this hard thing, and you can, too.” Which brings me to:
3. Connection with others is so, so important. By vulnerably sharing my own story, I invite others to be vulnerable with me as well. I always enjoy communicating – about all sorts of things – with people who read my blog, but nothing has ever felt as meaningful or important as the first time, or the twentieth time, that someone has shared with me about their mental health. Living with a mental illness can be a lonely endeavor, and finding out that there are other people who understand is a hugely powerful thing. I am deeply indebted to the people who’ve opened up to me and helped me feel less alone, and by continuing to write about it, I hope to be that person for someone else.

Do you take medication?

Yes, and I’m open about that as well. At the time of this writing, I am on three different medications. Sometimes I’ve been on more, and sometimes I’ve been on less. I have a wonderful doctor, and we work together to make sure I stay on the right cocktail. The few times I’ve tried to mess too much with my meds have ended… badly. I will be on medication for the rest of my life.

Do you/have you gone to therapy?

I went to therapy back when I was first diagnosed, and continued to go weekly for about two years. Therapy isn’t a cure, but if you go to the right therapist, it does provide invaluable healing, tools, and insight. Going to therapy, or rather doing the work that’s required if you want therapy to be successful, is HARD. It was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But it also changed my life, and I wouldn’t hesitate to go back if I felt like I needed a tune-up.

What about essential oils/kale/diet/exercise/sunshine?

All wonderful things. All things that did not cure me.

Have you tried praying about it?

Prayer is also a wonderful thing (if you believe in it), but God’s not a genie. I’ve seen far too many Christians shamed for mental illness, told that they needed to have stronger faith, or straight-out told that it was a sin. This is so, so irresponsible and dangerous, and it hurts my soul every time I see it. Christians can have mental illness too, and they need support and compassion, not judgment and condemnation.

What’s it like to live with a mental illness?

Some days are hard. Some days are very very hard. And lots of days are wonderful! It has required me to dig really deep, and do a lot of messy, uncomfortable, heart-wrenching work. BUT. And it’s a big but! I strongly believe that the same weird and squirrelly little brain that gave me bipolar also gave me creativity, and sensitivity, and a unique perspective to share with the world. If I could wave a magic wand and make it go away, would I? It may sound strange, but I wouldn’t. For better or worse, it’s part of what makes me, me. And if I help one person because of it? It’s worth it.

How does your family deal with it / Are they supportive?

My family, and the vast majority of my friends, have been incredibly supportive, understanding, and kind throughout the last four years as I’ve worked to regain my health. There have been ups and downs, to be sure, and they have remained my constant rock through both. Plus, by being open with them, it’s empowered them to be open with me as well. I am not the only one in my family with a mental illness (though that’s their story to tell, not mine), and I hope and believe that by creating an atmosphere in which mental health is talked about as freely as physical health, that they will continue to know that it is nothing to be ashamed of. That they will continue to be mindful of their own progress. That they will continue to do their own work to stay well, no matter what that may end up looking like.

I think I have depression/anxiety/bipolar/BPD/OCD/PTSD. What should I do?

Step one: Tell someone you trust. Step two: Seek help from a mental health professional and get properly diagnosed. I know that that is often easier said than done. I know. I also know that there are long waiting lists and/or financial concerns. The system is broken. Keep trying. Some people will tell you to start with your GP, but while they might be helpful when it comes to a referral, I strongly believe that they should not be allowed to prescribe psychotropic drugs. It’s just not their specialty. And had I seen a psychiatrist instead of my regular doctor during my first foray into treatment, I likely would have been correctly diagnosed and put on the right medications decades ago (bipolar requires a completely different treatment than unipolar depression). And finally, if you are feeling in any way unsafe, TELL SOMEONE. Please. Keep the numbers to crisis lines on your fridge. Call a hotline, or text 741741. And if you need to, go to the ER. Your life is valuable.

Can I tell you about my mental illness?

Of course! Disclaimer: I am not a healthcare professional. But I’ve got years of experience living with mental illness, and am always happy to talk about it with others. Sometimes just putting it out there can serve as a powerful step. You can use the contact form, or email me directly at jen at jennifermcgrail dot com, any time.

Where can I learn more?

I’ve compiled a list of online resources here.