I have been sitting on this post for two days now, and while I’ve certainly held onto posts for longer than that, this time I just can’t stay silent any longer. I feel sick to my stomach about this.
‘Human Barbie’ Sarah Burge Gives 7-Year-Old Daughter Breast Implant Voucher
Now, setting aside any moral or parenting issues for a moment, I have to start off by admitting a bias. Cosmetic plastic surgery in general sort of…. well, it confuses me. It seems to me that successful plastic surgery should be no different than properly applied makeup, ie: you shouldn’t be able to tell you even had it. You should look like the best version of YOU, not like a plastic caricature of Barbie someone else. So when it’s taken to the extreme and you’re walking around with a frozen, expressionless face that screams, “I had plastic surgery!” doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose?
I don’t want to judge this mother though, I really don’t. I feel sad for her. I can only imagine what kind of issues lead a woman to spend $800,000 in a quest to look like a Barbie doll. Those are not the actions of a healthy, self-accepting, well-adjusted person to be sure. But the fact is, this really isn’t about her. This is about an innocent and beautiful and perfect-the-way-she-is child who is being robbed of the most important thing a parent can give: unconditional love. This is about a child who is being told, “You’re not good enough.”
“Happy Birthday sweetheart! When you’re sixteen, you can get big boobs like Mommy.” You’re not good enough
“Come watch me get my next dozen procedures, and see what you have to look forward to.” You’re not good enough
“I’m going to help you become beautiful.” You’re not good enough
Mom is quoted in the article as saying, “Poppy begged me for a boob job, so I gave her the voucher so she can have it after she’s 16, when it’s legal” If that is in fact true, am I alone in thinking that it’s heartbreaking that a 7-year-old would be begging for a boob job? I have a 7-year-old. He thinks about video games, playing with his friends, getting ice cream from the ice cream truck, and what sport he’s going to try next. He does not think about body-altering elective surgeries.
And my little girl….
Tegan is not quite four at the time of this writing. She is strong, and funny, and intelligent, and beautiful. I love her, and more importantly she loves herself, exactly the way she is. The only thing that disturbs me more than the thought of her looking forward to a hypothetical breast-enlargement surgery a decade in the future, is the thought of knowing that it was something *I* made her think was necessary. Something that I in fact gave to her as a gift!
God knows I have my own insecurities. But I will be damned if I pass them on to my children. Having children, and especially having a girl, has pushed me to examine my own sense of self-worth and my own acceptance of my body, flaws and all. And,
(I’m going to talk about boobs for a minute, so you might want to turn away if that’s too much for you. Or if you’re my dad)
I have small boobs. Small, as in bra shopping inevitably turns into a humiliating exercise in “Yeah… you may be more comfortable in a double A”, at which point I’m directed to a tiny rack with exactly 4 styles of bras, of either the plain training bra variety, or with padding from here to Pittsburgh. But you know what? I’m perfectly okay with it. Not only am I perfectly okay with it, I’m happy. This is what I’ve been given. They suit me. They’ve nursed 4 babies. Now, I truly hope that my girl continues to accept her body, and eventually her breasts, in the same way… whether they’re big, small, or somewhere in between. And if she ever decides to change them, or enhance or nip or tuck any other aspect of her body, it will be her choice, and not a desire born out of a mother teaching her that she won’t be beautiful until she’s spent nearly a million dollars on cosmetic procedures. It won’t be because she’s learned at SEVEN that beauty is something that you buy.
This little seven-year-old girl has had the choice taken from her. She’s never had the chance to know what it’s like to accept and love her body just as it is. She’s never had the chance to know what it’s like to have her own mother accept and love her just as she is. And that’s inexcusable. She should be told, and shown, that she is perfect just the way she is. She should be told, and shown, the truth in the old adage about “beauty coming from the inside.” She should be told, and shown, that your value and worth as a human are not dependent on your outward appearance. A seven-year-old should be innocent, soaking up the world, goofing off with her friends, running around the playground, dreaming of becoming a doctor or an astronaut or a world class equestrian. She should not be dreaming of getting a big set of silicone boobs.
To this mom, I want to say that I feel for you. I do. You’re chasing after something that you’ll never grasp. You’re telling yourself day after day that you’re not good enough either, and that is undeniably sad. But it’s not about you anymore. Once you become a parent, it’s never just about you again.
Yes, you’re an adult, and you make your own decisions. Make yourself look like Barbie. Hell, make yourself look like a Squinkie. But telling your 7 year old she should aspire to do the same thing is not okay.
Jen You know I agree with you but I am going to point out that my daughter really wants to have big boobs like me and cannot wait to be like mommy.
She breastfed until just a couple months ago. She will be 6 in a couple weeks.
She says when she has big boobs like me , which she too loves and think are beautiful in a pure and innocent way, she will be able to nurse me too and make milk.
So I got a little girl that wants big boobs like mom. And it is OK and she is not feeling she is not good enough. Many kids want to be like mom and dad, or someone they admire.
Yes her mom issues are going to pass down to her daughter and yes I too agree her daughter is feeling and will always feel she is not good enough just like her mom did.
I have always said that body image on a girl is greatly connected by how she sees her mom’s relationship with her own body.
If a mother is always complaining that she looks fat or her breasts are too small or too big I guarantee the daughter will be feeling the same way .
I remember my mom complaining her nose was to round on the tip and I felt like mine was too( mine is totally different!)
Anyways just wanted to point out that wanting big boobs like mom is not as simple as it looks. It can be for a sweet reason like why my daughter wants hers to be like mine…. and that may change as she gets older.
Thank for that perspective, Alex! I hadn’t thought of it that way, but Tegan too talks about about being able to nurse her babies like me when she gets older too. She never talks about wanting them to be *big* but maybe she would if mine were bigger. 🙂
I feel so heartbroken for that little girl 🙁 So many worry about the messages we send to our girls with things like buying the pink/princess/girlie items. I don’t think any of that matters though. I think the real influence will be how we treat/talk about ourselves and our bodies AND how our spouse/significant other does as well. If we walk around fussing all the time about being fat, having a bad hair day or lathering on makeup while making statements like “I can’t go out in public without my face on” then our girls will grow up thinking they are not good enough and need to do these things to make themselves better. I grew up with a 105 lb when soaking wet mom who exercised like crazy and always sat around calling herself fat. I have memories of doing Jane Fonda (lol) workouts with her complete with the sweatbands and leg warmers. As cute as that may sound I was also the 9 yr old that refused to eat because she didn’t want to be “fat”. I was the 12 yr old who experimented with bulemia because puberty was giving me curves which I interpreted as “fat” and I was the 14 yr old who gave away her virginity because I just wanted a boy to like me and say I was not fat. Did I mention I weighed like maybe 115!! I also remember her encouraging my sister and I to try out the latest fad diet she was on while telling us we needed to keep our weight down now so we wouldn’t be fat when we got older.
The way our spouse/significant other treats us is important too not only to teach our girls to love themselves but to teach them how someone who truly loves them should treat them.
🙁 Thanks for sharing your story. It’s sad when we sometimes have to learn lessons of what *not* to do with our own kids from our own upbringings. And great point about having a spouse that treats us right too!
Exactly my experience too Christy! I totally believe a girl’s self esteem and body acceptance comes more from how mom sees herself than anything else.
Well-said. I look back on my own innocence. I look upon all the other children forming their choices, decisions, and opinions whether through a parent’s influence or their own path’s course. Then, I look at that excited 7-year old’s face with an even more pleased mother and I feel sort of … heartbroken. You put this so well, thank you for sharing!
My young 7 year old stepdaughter is wearing training bras. She’s excited about the inevitable future of having boobs. She’s also happy with her own body and finds herself quite beautiful as she is. I pray that she continues to find that her body is beautiful, in every step of the way and growth.
As a sidenote; I’m a size D. From *my* perspective, I’m mildly envious of the Size A’s because they have finer and prettier designs than the granny big-bras that I typically find more often than not. I have to fish around a lot more to find a style and comfort that suits my size and dish out a bit more money than normal. However, I’m realizing maybe my perspective on bra-shopping may be skewed and wrong! Ha.
As another lady with a big rack I know exactly what you’re saying! It seems like there’s nothing above a C that’s not plain black, tan, or white. And honestly, I HATE bras. I envy the size As not because bra shopping would be easy but because I would be able to just never wear one. 🙂
I guess it’s a case of the grass always being greener. Or the boobs being better. 🙂
very empathetic view. I feel for the mother, but moreso for the daughter. I have 2 daughters. I fear my influence on them wont be enough. I praise their efforts, and they both seem to have a very natural positive self-regard. But, I am terrified that they will diet by age 7 or younger by peer pressure, or they will see other women going to extreme measure to alter themselves and decide that seems reasonable for them as well.
I think it’s important we protect the precious nature of our children. But, in that same thought, I think explaining to them why people choose to do things of that nature is a necessary evil now-a-days so our young have a fighting chance to rebel against that sort of “popular culture”.
Great points. It makes me sad that this is all something I even need to think about bringing up with my own kids… but I know that if I don’t talk with them about it, they will get a skewed version from somewhere else.
I fully agree, it’s so hard sometimes though. I will be the first to admit I’m self conscious about my weight… after popping out two babies seemingly right after one another things are just not snapping back into place the way I feel like they should. I have to be very deliberate about not saying anything bad about it or sighing with a depressed look on my face when I look in the full length mirror in front of Verona.
And hearing you talk about your little boobs cracks me up because I have the opposite (although equally humiliating while shopping) problems with my freakishly huge boobs. Whenever the little girl sees me changing she’ll exclaim “Mommy you boobs out of control!” Girlfriend needs to stop listening to her dad. 🙂
“Your boobs are out of control,” is a phrase I have never had the pleasure of having directed at me. lol
Kayla, Jenna
Where are you ladies bra shopping?
I went from a small B to a very full D after having my daughter. I have just as many cute bras now as I did in my B cup days.
Macy’s, Victoria Secret, Nordstrom all have great selections.
Great post btw. I have been thinking about this topic a lot the past few days since reading the story.
On that note, I feel sort of gypped. So many people talk about how they grew after having their children, and mine went from a barely A to….. a barely A. lol
I feel the same way. Mine went from a barely B to a barely B that need to be folded and tucked and formed to fit in a bra at all. I was an F while breastfeeding!
While I agree with what you have to say, I did learn something about this particular lady that might explain her particular mental problem with needing so much plastic surgery. She was a victim of domestic violence and had her face smashed in when she was much younger. She needed plastic surgery to start looking normal again link. It seems like she just didn’t stop when she was finally back to normal again.
This poor little girl. It’s really just beyond words sometimes. Obviously mom is getting something out of this, first and foremost being publicity. In our society, as long as you’re “famous”, it’s worth it (see all reality tv, sex tapes making people into stars, bad behavior being rewarded over and over and over). UGH!
And as a VERY large breasted woman, I so so so covet little perky cute boobies. I am a size H or I. Yep. My back hurts, there are literally NO stores around that carry my size, so I need to order online, and all my bras are the same. Bummer.
Macy’s and those other stores mentioned do not carry my size. I am a G 🙁 and HATE it! they are physically straining on me. and the sad thing is i would love a reduction but could never in a million years afford it. also it’s a major surgery. far more than an implant. and there’s a lot more to lose when getting a reduction. my back hurts all the time. bra shopping is ridiculous. and when ever i tell people about it they tell me to lose weight. when if they only knew that when im thinner my boobs don’t go anywhere so when i weigh less it’s actually even more painful on my body 🙁 sorry i know this wasn’t a post for every one to complain about their boobs but that made me feel a little better.
Its SO ok for Children to want to be like their parents, but another completely for that parent to offer them a voucher at SEVEN to fix a part of them that is perfect as it is AT SEVEN. Its Sad for that little girl that the image she has of the mother she adores is an unattainable perfection…THAT is what my issue is…Hopefully someone in that little girls life will love her fully and completely just the way she is…
I agree that it’s okay for children to want to be like their parents…. when it comes to things that are *positive*. But when they’re wanting to emulate things that are unhealthy, destructive, etc etc, then I think there is some major work to be done (by the parent!)
I feel the same way about circumsion…. But it is still widely believed that foreskin must be cut off at birth so the little boys penis’s “look normal”… Even though billions of men in the world live completely normal lives without having thier gentitals sliced
*Genitals