Category Archives: faith

September 1, 2023 · 5:40 PM

God Is Everywhere

I haven’t purposedly listened to any contemporary Christian music since my 1980’s Michael W Smith era. I don’t have anything against it really; it just isn’t my thing. A few weeks ago though, Tegan was looking for another song for her Commercial Music category for this season’s competitions (she competes in singing competitions starting at the district level in November. Last year, she made it all the way to Nationals!) She came to me with a really pretty song she’d heard on TikTok: Rescue, by Lauren Daigle. Her voice teacher loved the idea. She still needed a ballad, the song is a great match for her voice, and contemporary Christian songs tend to be really competitive. Plus, it’s just a really comforting and lovely song. Listening to it feels like a big hug.

Because I didn’t know a lot about Lauren Daigle (I was aware of her popular song, You Say, but my knowledge ended there), and because I’m, well… me… I obsessively watched, listened, and read everything I could get my hands on for a few days. And it turns out that there’s a lot of controversy around Lauren Daigle.

Apparently, conservative Christians didn’t like that she appeared on Ellen Degeneres, and they didn’t like it when she refused to call homosexuality out as a sin. They were similarly bothered when she was asked if she considered herself a “Christian artist” and she answered that she preferred to just be known as an artist. The most damning though was this spring, when she performed a concert in New Orleans. There was an open bar, so people were drinking while they watched, and among the thousands of fans in attendance were gay people, transgender people, and even (!) people in drag. Christians are really, really mad about the alchohol and the LGBTQ+ folks.

I’ve expressed my frustration about people’s desire to police Christianity before…. the incessant need for judgment on what you consider to be a sin, or who’s doing Christianity “wrong”, or whose life or beliefs or performances make them a “fake” Christian. The overall practice is extremely disheartening, especially when entire populations are getting harmed because of your judgement. (I last wrote about that here.) It’s not my job – or yours – to declare that Lauren Daigle’s fans are somehow less than because they decided to raise a can of beer instead of a Pepsi, or because they are gay, or transgender, or like to dress in drag. It’s not my job – or yours – to unilaterally decide that someone else’s belief, or mode of worship, is any less valid or heartfelt or real than yours. We have no idea where someone else’s heart lies.

What bothers me the most though is a common thread I kept seeing in TikTok after TikTok complaining about the New Orleans concert. Over and over people were saying some version of “God was nowhere near that concert.”

What?

Why on earth would anyone want to worship a God that they genuinely believes only shows up at certain times and certain places? A God that is only present if they are doing everything “right” and checking off all the boxes? A God that they can only call upon when they are good enough, or holy enough, or pious enough?

Everything I’ve been taught and learned and come to believe is very much the opposite. God is everywhere, but He’s especially there when we’re struggling. When it’s dark. When we’re scared. When we’ve screwed up. When we’re broken. When we have nothing left. When we’re trying really really hard but we just can’t quite get it right. God meets us exactly where we’re at, at the exact moment that we’re there. God is not just there for the perfect people (spoiler alert: there are no perfect people). God is there for literally anyone who calls His name.

And God was ABSOLUTELY there for the Lauren Daigle concert. I don’t care what they were drinking, or who was in attendance, or how they were choosing to worship. That concert venue was filled with imperfect people who, like the rest of us imperfect people, just wanted to enjoy a night of fellowship with other believers, listen to some good music, and with any luck be entertained and inspired. God was there, with each and every person who wanted Him there.

Regardless of their beverage of choice.

45%

45%. That’s the percentage of LGBTQ youth who seriously consider suicide, including more than half of transgender and non-binary youth.

1.8 million. That’s the number of LGBTQ youth who seriously consider suicide each year, with an attempt being made every 45 seconds.

Only 1/3 of LGBTQ youth experience parental acceptance (1/3 experience parental rejection, and 1/3 do not feel comfortable coming out until they are adults).

Transgender and non-binary youths are 2 to 2.5 times as likely to experience depressive symptoms, seriously consider suicide, and attempt suicide compared to their cisgender LGBQ peers.

People of color are at an even greater risk. 59% of Black transgender and nonbinary youths seriously consider suicide, and more than 1 in 4 attempt.

Fewer than 1 in 3 transgender and non-binary youths find their homes to be gender affirming.

36% of LGBTQ youth report being physically threatened or harmed.

52% of LGBTQ youth in middle school or high school report online or in-person bullying.

73% of LGBTQ youth report discrimination based on orientation or gender identity.*

_______________________________________________________

Read it again.

I share this list because I want to believe most people are good. I want to believe that when faced with this information, most people would be alarmed and disheartened… most people would have compassion and empathy… most people would believe in their heart of hearts that this is a community of people that at a minimum – at a MINIMUM – deserves our love and respect. Deserves to be treated with tender care. This is a community of people that is hurting, and a community that is treated poorly by society at large.

I wonder: Why, why, when the need for compassion is clearly so great, do people want to cast it aside in favor of grandstanding, of judgement, and of a tit-for-tat war of words and theology where literally nobody wins? “But it’s a sin!” people cry out again and again, inexplicably personally victimized by the gender identities and sexual orientations of people who have exactly zero effect on their own lives.

I’ve always found it odd too, that so many religious people choose this as their personal pet project. Why such an obsession with people’s personal lives? Why not the same amount of attention to people who lie or steal or drive drunk or actually harm others? Regardless of whether or not you think it’s a sin, what harm is being done to you if a man happens to love another man? What harm is being done to you if someone identifies as transgender? What harm is being done to you if someone asks that you refer to them using “they/them” pronouns?

No, the harm that’s being done is not coming from the LGBTQ community. The harm that’s being done is TO the LGBTQ community. These are people who, like the rest of us, are just trying to live their best lives and be who they are. People who are called out, disparaged, threatened, and marginalized just for existing. And the worst offenders? The people who claim to be all about God’s “love.”

I used to get so defensive about it too. “Not all Christians are like that!” And to be fair, they’re not. But by and large, historically speaking, Christians have treated the LGBTQ community objectively horribly for longer than I’ve been alive. And there’s no defense for that. There’s no excuse for that. It’s wrong and it’s harmful. Full stop.

I stopped calling myself a Christian a long time ago (for this and many reasons), but I never stopped identifying with Christ. And I don’t write this in spite of my beliefs but largely because of them. Jesus loved and welcomed all people, but he especially loved people who were marginalized by the rest of society. Also, fun fact: He had exactly zero things to say about being gay or transgender. Zero. It’s so bizarre to me because to hear people talk, you’d think He railed about it all the time. But He never mentioned it. Not one time. You know what He did talk about? Kindness, patience, gentleness, encouragement, grace… LOVE. Not “I’ll love you if you look like me and act like me and love like me.” But pure, genuine, unconditional love.

My heart has been hurting lately because there’s been such an influx of homophobic and transphobic memes and articles coming through my Facebook feed. As the world focuses on creating new laws and regulations, people are feeling emboldened to share their strongly anti-LGBTQ stance. And you guys? It makes me angry, but honestly it mostly just makes me sad. Because these are real people you’re talking about. Real feelings that are being affected. Real lives that are at stake. They’re not just hypothetical “sinners.” (This seems like as good a time as any to state for the record that I don’t believe it’s a sin, but that even if I did, it wouldn’t matter, and it wouldn’t change the way I treated you because at the end of the day we’re all just human beings.) I don’t pretend to know the motive behind sharing things like that, but all it really does is let everyone know that you are not a safe person.

I have been staring at these words for the last half hour. So much more to say, but too emotionally exhausted to say it. I have no neat and tidy way to end this, so I’ll just leave you with two more facts. (*All facts and figures are from The Trevor Project. They have links to all their sources*)

Having just one accepting adult can reduce the risk of suicide attempt in LGBTQ youth by up to 40%.

and

Transgender and nonbinary youth who have pronouns respected by all or most people in their lives attempted suicide at half the rate of their peers.

You can be the difference.

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Filed under acceptance, faith, hot topics

January 9, 2020 · 4:05 PM

Why I Stay Away From The Church Of Christ

*Disclaimer. I’ve obviously never been to every Church of Christ in existence, and I haven’t met all of its members. I know every church has its own “feel”, and that it is made up of individuals who, like me, are just trying to do the best they can. What follows is based solely on my own experiences at a handful of difference C of Cs, with a handful of members, over the course of a few decades. Keep in mind as you read this that I have been hurt by the church, badly, and that these words are deeply informed by that hurt.*

I almost titled this post, “Why I left the Church of Christ,” but then I realized that 1) I’ve already done that, and 2) that’s not really what this is about. It’s about why I continue to stay away. Why I’m continually reminded, years later, why I felt forced to make the decision that I did.

A very brief primer for those who didn’t follow me back then: I left the church because I was growing increasingly uncomfortable with the “We are the ONE true path to God” rhetoric. I left the church because I was being taught how to judge, not how to love. And I left the church because I found it hypocritical that some “sins” were elevated above all others (ie: homosexuality, which I don’t actually believe is a sin), while others were celebrated. Fact: I never truly understood what gossip meant until I joined a women’s “prayer circle.” Holy moly.

I was damaged by the church, and if you think that’s an exaggeration, I assure you I’m in good company. Many many people share my story, from many different congregations, and many different walks of life. And every time I think I’ve healed from that damage, something comes sneaking to the surface that tells me, “Nope, not yet.”

This time it was anger.

Because the fact is, one of the biggest reasons I stay away is because I’m not welcome, something I’m reminded of on a nearly daily basis.

And I get it. I do. In this current political climate, people are drawing hard lines in the sand. God knows I haven’t been shy about my feelings about Trump.

But when friends (and by friends, I mean people I used to go to church with) are posting things like this:

Or proudly wearing their shirts that say things like this:

The message is clear. As a Democrat, as a liberal, I’m merely a punching bag. Something to insult. A butt of a joke. Their church welcomes conservative Republicans. Full stop. And honestly? Even if I did feel welcomed? It still wouldn’t change the fact they also don’t welcome LGBTQ members, or a host of other people, except under the guise of “praying for them” and helping them to turn away from their sinful lifestyles.

Another fun fact? I have dealt with depression my entire adult life, another thing I’ve been told isn’t “of God.” That if I’d just turn to God, he’d take it away. I still remember, over a decade ago, when a truly lovely and kind and Christ-like church member, someone I’d always looked up to, died by suicide. And the collective grieving that followed was not just focused on the loss of this beautiful soul, or the fact that depression had claimed another victim, but on how unfortunate it was that she was going to be permanently separated from God. That murder was a sin. That suicide victims could never go to heaven.

Judge and jury. Against everyone and everything they don’t deem as right. Or holy. Or pure.

Or just like them. And that’s really the biggest one of all. They cater to people who believe like they do. And think like they do. And behave like they do. Everyone else? Well, you’re welcome to come, as long as you’re fine with us telling you everything you’re doing wrong.

And let me be clear. I’m fine with like-minded individuals gathering to worship or to fellowship or to pat themselves on the back. Honestly. But don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Don’t pretend to be “bringing people to Jesus” when you’re pushing them away. Don’t pretend to be “spreading God’s love” when what you’re really spreading is judgment. Don’t pretend that “all are welcome” when you and I know both know that someone like me would not at all be welcomed… and would, in fact, be ridiculed, gossiped about, and/or eventually asked to change my ways or leave.

I love God (something I didn’t truly learn to do until after I left the church), and I wholeheartedly believe that He loves me too.

Even if I’m not, nor will I ever be, a conservative Republican.

Re-defining My Faith

Earlier this week, Tegan (11 at the time of this writing) expressed interest in a homeschool co-op. I try really hard to make whatever they want to do happen, but this time I just…. couldn’t.

I read through their website deeply. Looked at the rules, the FAQs, and eventually found their statement of faith, that I would have to sign should we become members. Jen of 20 years ago would have signed it without batting an eyelash. But 2020 Jen has grown and changed and evolved. 2020 Jen couldn’t in good conscience sign a statement that said, among other things:

Marriage is defined as being between a man and woman only.
Children must dress according to their biological gender.
People are inherently sinners.
There is only one God, and He is the only way to salvation.

I don’t know when I started to change, or what prompted it. All I know is that my beliefs are different now, and they certainly no longer fit into a traditional “Christian” box. I can’t even claim the Christian title anymore, as its been so perverted as of late, and associated with so many atrocious things. If pressed, I would call myself a Christ-follower.

I do still believe in God… but I also believe that God can look different for different people, that my God isn’t any better than your God, and that your beliefs – no matter what they may be – are just as valid as mine.

I do still believe in the Bible… as part metaphor/story/history book, and part blueprint on loving others (the New Testament).

I do still believe in Jesus… a Jesus who was a brown skinned, bleeding heart, long-haired, liberal, anti-establishment hippie. I believe that Jesus teaches us everything we need to know about love, kindness, and grace.

I believe that most people are inherently good, and that because of human-ness and free will, they sometimes do bad things.

I believe that love is love… and that LGBTQ individuals should have the same rights and privileges as their heterosexual counterparts.

I believe that gender, much like sexuality, exists on a spectrum, and that it’s not our place to tell people how they should or should not identify or dress. It also stands to be said that commenting on, speculating about, and otherwise concerning yourself with someone else’s genitals is generally weird and creepy.

Mostly I believe that we’re here to live out Matthew 22:39, the greatest commandment of all: Love thy neighbor as yourself.

ALL thy neighbors.

The white neighbors. The black neighbors. The refugee neighbors. The homeless neighbors. The gay neighbors. The straight neighbors. The addict neighbors. The Christian neighbors. The atheist neighbors. The Jewish neighbors. The Muslim neighbors…

I fail at this. A lot. But as hard as it is sometimes, it’s also the simplest doctrine that ever was.

My religion is love.

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May 6, 2019 · 9:20 AM

What I Learned From Rachel Held Evans

Rachel Held Evans died on Saturday, May 4th. She was only 37 years old.

If you didn’t know of Rachel, she was one of the good ones. She was a progressive Christian author, writer and speaker who challenged the evangelical culture so vocally that the Washington Post once called her, the most polarizing woman in evangelicalism.” She left evangelicalism herself in 2014, and started attending an Episcopalian church.

I share that little bit of history for some background, but that’s not what I’m thinking about right now.

Rachel was honest about her own walk with God. About her struggles, about her doubts, and about her revelations. For someone I never knew personally, she was about as real as you could get. She wrote beautifully, with grace and with humor. She wrote like she was your girl friend, sitting next to you sipping tea, and not some untouchable leader from behind an ivory pulpit.

She provided a much needed bridge for people like myself… people, particularly women, who’ve left evangelical Christianity, and didn’t know what to do next. She asked the hard questions, she challenged the big topics, and her courage? My word, if she was ever afraid she certainly didn’t let it stop her. She just kept on going.

She gracefully took on conservatives. She wrote about racism, abortion, evolution, women’s roles, LGBTQ rights, Donald Trump. She shied away from nothing. She had a heart for truth, and love, and justice, and she wasn’t afraid to use it.

I didn’t know Rachel Held Evans, but I admired the hell out of her. She had that rare gift to be able to speak with truth and passion and authority…. and still be so kind, and humble, and lovable. She was adored by everyone from evangelicals to atheists alike.

And sure, she had her few detractors, like anyone in the public eye, but she didn’t let it stop her. She kept going. She just kept on going, right up until her death.

I’ve been hiding lately. Someone I have to see in 3D life told me I wrote as though I thought I was better than everyone else. For some reason, that comment hurt me more than just about any other unkind comment I’ve ever received (and there’s a large pool from which to choose from). I retreated into my introvert-writer-turtle-shell, and vowed to stay there.

But Rachel wouldn’t have let it stop her. She would have had a response that was likely both witty and gracious at the same time, and she would have moved on.

I don’t know what I’m doing with my writing. Hell, 99.7% of the time, I don’t know what I’m doing with my life in general.

But I know this.

Life is precious. Life is fleeting. Life is too damn short to be afraid to speak your truth. Rachel spoke her truth. Over and over and over again.

So until I’m ready to write for myself again, I’ll write in her honor. It just feels like the right thing to do.

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February 9, 2019 · 8:18 PM

The God I Know

A few nights ago, I went out for Mom’s Night Out with some friends from theater. (I know. The mind reels that I would do something so social. And I even enjoyed it!)

Besides our kids, we talked about politics, religion, and everything else you’re not supposed to talk about in polite conversation. It was glorious. But as I stumbled my way through a little bit of my journey and where I had landed: “I’m a bible-believing … No… A God believing … No… Not so much a Christian because I don’t like American Christianity … I like Jesus….” I realized I would, as is generally the case, do better if I wrote it down instead of trying to speak it.

So this is where I stand.

I’m a 45 year old refugee from a strict religious upbringing. I have since rejected just about everything traditional organized religion has to offer, and I don’t like the word, Christian. That part’s true. Too many people (DISCLAIMER! NOT all the people who claim the title… but too many) have made it stand for something really judgmental and hateful and ugly. If I absolutely had to choose a label, I kind of like Christ-follower, since I try to follow Jesus’s teachings (spoiler alert: Jesus was all about love), but in reality I’d choose no label at all. I’m just a girl who believes in a loving God, and thinks that Jesus was a really cool dude who has a lot to teach us.

The God I know (and his human form, Jesus), is not vindictive, or angry, or punishing. He is not hell fire and brimstone.

The God I know loves fiercely, with a deeper depth and a wider breadth than we can even comprehend.

The God I know loves ALL people. All races, all religions, all sexual orientations, all gender expressions. The God I know loves all people, but ESPECIALLY those who are maligned by the rest of society.

The God I know wants us all to love one another, to be kind to one another, to let people see us living out what we profess to be right and true.

But what about me? It’s nice and warm and fuzzy to believe in a loving God, but where’s my responsibility in all of this? I believe it’s no more simple nor complicated than this:

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, “I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me. (Matthew 25:35-40)

The God I know wants us to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, welcome the strangers, heal the sick, and visit the marginalized.

Everything else is just fluff.

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June 14, 2017 · 11:36 AM

Why I (Continue To) Take a Stand Against Organized Religion

I don’t remember when I broke up with organized religion.

It wasn’t like one big, a-ha moment. It wasn’t a cataclysmic event, or a major act of egregious affront, or a single person or a single church or a single event. No, it was something that happened over time. It was years of systemic conditioning and oppression. It was years of being okay with hypocrisy. It was years of being okay with self righteous indignation. It was a decision, over time, that I no longer wanted to prize being “right” over being compassionate, or being judgmental over being loving. It was an admission, over time, that I’d in fact gotten it very wrong. That I’d given into a system of beliefs and attitudes that were, at their core, contrary to the very God that I claimed to worship.

And the thing is, I never turned my back on my belief in God. I actually found God during this whole process, for perhaps the first time in my life.

I know that opting out of everything God-related is a common thing for many people with my background. I see it every day. People feel just like I felt: disillusioned, angry, burnt-out, betrayed… and they decide they don’t want anything to do with any of it anymore. And honestly, I can’t say as I particularly blame them. The damage runs DEEP. I have a friend who grew up in a very strict Catholic church who used to say something to the effect of, “Want to ensure your kid grows up to be an atheist? Force them to go to church every Sunday.” (By the by, she’s an adult now and is, in fact, an atheist) But for me, it was two separate issues. My beef wasn’t with God. My beef was with a deeply flawed and broken man-made construct. One of the most defining moments of my life was when I was able to say – to myself, to the people around me, to the world – “You know what? I want Jesus. I don’t want religion.”

Lest I forget why I made that decision, I have articles like this to remind me. This article, titled Worship Leaders Must Take a Stand Against Homosexuality, was proudly shared by someone from my former life. And as I read it, that little voice in me screamed, “THIS! This is why I left. This is why I’m opting out.”

Too many churches have become about turning people away. They’ve become judge, jury and executioner. They’ve become hurtful, vitriolic clubs of exclusion. Strong words? Sure. Deserved? You bet.

My mind automatically wants to fix it, to substitute other words for homosexuality. Worship Leaders Must Take a Stand Against:

Lying
Stealing
Hatefulness
Pride
Arrogance
Gossip
Adultery…

You know, things that actually hurt people. But we never see those articles, because people are too busy thinking about, and writing about, and preaching about those darn homosexuals. I ask you – in all sincerity – if you nod your head in agreement with articles like that one, how does someone else’s sexual orientation harm you? The world is full of problems, to be sure, but is who someone happens to love really one of them? No one’s threatening you or the sanctity of your heterosexual relationship, I promise. Your neighbor or your co-worker or your family member who’s gay? They’re just trying to make it through the day like the rest of us. The difference is, they’re trying to make it through a day in which churches have made it their mission to ostracize them, in which churches have decided that their mere existence is so objectionable that they must write entire articles about how we must Take A Stand against them.

Instead of loving people like they’re commanded (Matthew 22:39. This is covered in Christianity 101. Or at least it should be), they’ve cherry-picked an already maligned segment of society, and they’re taking a stand.

Well I’m going to take a stand too.

I’m taking a stand against bigotry cloaked in religion. I’m taking a stand against keeping people out instead of inviting people in. I’m taking a stand against judging people instead of loving them. I’m taking a stand against discrimination, in all of its shapes, forms, and flavors. I’m taking a stand against a man-made system that does the very opposite of showing others a God that is full of grace, and love, and mercy.

And as I sit here, getting ready to hit that “publish” button, I do so knowing that this post is going to earn me unkind comments, and bible verses used as weapons, and (if the past is any indication) offers to send me books that’ll save my poor, misguided soul. I’m okay with that. Truly. Because it all serves to remind me where I came from, and why I chose to leave it behind.

I can’t control what anyone else chooses to believe, or do, or follow. This much is true. But I can control me. I can control where I stand.

If ever I’m given the option (and let’s be real for a second here: we’re always given the option) I’m standing on the side of love.

Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

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May 6, 2016 · 1:15 PM

My God Won’t Leave You Stranded On The Side Of The Road

SONY DSC

Christianity has a bit of a PR problem.

As I type that, I want to laugh (except of course that I’m so sad I want to cry), because it’s just about the biggest understatement I could possibly make.

Christianity has a really really huge, colossal PR problem. The word – and concept – of Christianity has become such a marred and dirty word that I don’t know that it’s likely to ever recover. In fact, many God-loving people are abandoning the word altogether, because they’re sick and tired of having to follow the statement of “I’m a Christian,” with a hastily uttered addendum of “But not one of those Christians.” I actually started calling myself a follower of Christ a few years ago, because I felt like it more accurately described my position.

And really, who wants to be associated with… well, those Christians?

People hear the word Christian these days and they think of people like Phil Robertson. They think of people freaking out about coffee cups. They think of people freaking out about bathrooms in Target. They think of people freaking out about the phrase, “Happy Holidays.” (Are you sensing a pattern here?) They think of people petitioning and boycotting and generally spending their collective time and energy on being negative. They think about people withdrawing their funds for starving babies – literally taking food away from hungry children – because of an administrative policy that wouldn’t discriminate against gay people. They think about bakers refusing to make wedding cakes. They think about hatred. They think about prejudice and bigotry and judgement.

And as of this week…. they think about tow truck drivers proudly taking a stand and refusing to tow the car of a disabled young lady who’d just been in accident… all because she had a Bernie Sanders bumper sticker on her car.

People hate Christians.

And not because, as some would have you believe, they’re doing God’s work à la Matthew 10:22 (“You will be hated by everyone because of Me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.”) No. They’re hated because too many of them have been behaving like horrible, horrible people – and it could stand to be said: not at all Christ-like – and then proudly claiming God as their justification.

And I get it. I struggle with my love for my fellow Christians too. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to desperately yell, “We’re not all like this!!” Yes, 98% of my writings on Christianity have been born of straight-up frustration. No question.

But I realized something.

In the time it took me to decide to write about this, to find the perfect picture, and to brew the perfect cup of coffee, it dawned on me:

This is not about Christianity at all. It’s really not. It’s about select individuals making bad decisions, and using “God” as their cover. I’d like to believe (really, I need to believe) that people are smart enough to see the difference. That anyone with a working, thinking, rational brain can recognize that a Christian, as in a follower of Christ, is NOT synonymous with a “Christian”, as in “I’m going to leave an innocent girl stranded on the side of the road BECAUSE GOD TOLD ME TO.”

Am I horrified by this behavior? Yes. Do I find it absolutely disgusting that anyone would bring God into something so ugly? Yes. But my ranting and raving and general defensive word-spewing only serves to bring me down to their level. I’m not the spokeswoman for Christianity at large. Beyond that though, I can’t control what anyone else does. I can’t control what anyone else thinks. If someone wants to behave like a complete and utter jackass and delude themselves into thinking it’s what God wants them to do, it’s their choice to make. If someone wants to lump all Christians together and label them all as horrible, bigoted, self-seeking sycophants, so be it.

None of that changes my faith. None of that changes my God.

Have you met my God?

(Ack, I just heard the way that sounds. Please don’t stop reading. I do NOT mean that in a door-to-door, “Brother, have you accepted the LORD JESUS as your personal savior??” kind of way. What I mean is… do you know who it is that I – and others like me – personally follow? Because let me perfectly clear: It is not a deity who would ever… ever ever ever… ask me to turn my back on someone who needed my help. In fact, my God is very much the opposite)

My God has more love, and grace, and patience than humans can even comprehend. Love and grace and patience for ALL people …. Black people and white people. Gay people and straight people. Christians and atheists and Jewish people. Sanders supporters and Trump supporters. Able-bodied and disabled. People who spend Sunday morning at church. People who spend Sunday morning at Target.

My God wants me to feed the hungry, to clothe the poor, and to stand up for the oppressed. It’s kind of the whole reason I’m on earth. I really believe that. All this other stuff… it’s just noise and distractions. And make no mistake; I miss the mark, a LOT. (More on that later) But what I strive for? This is it.

My God wants me to use my powers for good, not evil. I realize I’m a person and not a superhero, but it’s far more interesting to think of our skills, talents, and gifts as super powers, don’t you think? I like to think that my super power is writing, but, you know, I’m not God, so…. A few years ago, I thought I heard God to tell me to get trained to teach yoga, so I did. And I’ve spent many moments since then wondering if that was the right decision. I had two shoulder surgeries in two years. I have had chronic physical illness, chronic pain, and the worst anxiety and depression I’ve ever experienced. I’m clearly supposed to be learning something from the experience, and I’m still not sure what it is. Maybe one day I’ll go back to teaching. Maybe I’ll shift my focus elsewhere. But I digress. We’ve all got powers, and we all get to decide how we use them. My God wants me to use them for good, whatever they ultimately end up being.

My God wouldn’t ask me not to bake a wedding cake. If wedding cakes were the way I brought to the world my skills and my heart and my love of Christ, He would ask me to bake two. He would ask me to make the best damn gay wedding cakes that ever existed, and to do it with love. He would ask me to throw in some free cookies too. Not the day-old ones that were sitting out in the case and starting to get dry around the edges, but fresh cookies. Beautiful cookies, made with the finest ingredients I could get my hands on.

My God wouldn’t ask me to spend my time and my energy and my blood, sweat, and tears on picketing, petitioning, and boycotting. My God tells me that my time is so much better spent doing the work I need to do on myself so I can live out my faith to the best of my ability. So I can show people what Jesus actually looked like; so I can show people how Jesus actually behaved.

My God wouldn’t ask me to leave anyone stranded on the side of the road. The entirety of what I feel, and believe, and know to be true about my God and my faith tells me that the moment someone is in need is in fact the very moment that we’re here for. As a follower of Christ, as a person with a heart and a soul, as a human sharing this earth with other people, I am here to help my fellow man. This is it. This is what it’s about. Forget the fact that it was his job as a tow truck driver to tow his car. Forget that. He was there to do a job, and he chose not to do it. And I don’t know… maybe he hates his job. Maybe he’d had a bad day. Maybe he had a traumatic Bernie Sanders bumper sticker incident in a past life. Setting all that aside…. no matter who or what he may believe in, or why he was there, or why the woman needed help in the first place: as a human being, with values and morals and a sense of right and wrong, there was only one thing to do. And he didn’t do it. And then, he blamed God.

Which brings me full-circle to the beginning of the post, and the agony of people behaving badly, and the sadness and frustration of people lambasting Christians as a whole for believing in a God (except they usually words like “imaginary sky ghost”) that would ask them to do something so awful.

Let me say again that my God wouldn’t want me to leave anyone stranded on the side of the road. Whoever or whatever those people are talking about is not my God.

And I’ll be perfectly clear (and honest). God knows, I don’t always do the right thing. I want to; I do. But I’m a fallible human. Sometimes I let fear, or pride, or ego, or laziness, or just plain selfishness keep me from doing what I know in my heart is the right thing to do. I’m a work in progress, like everyone else. But when I drop the ball, when I do something unkind… IT’S ALL ON ME. And when you drop the ball and do something unkind, it’s all on you too. Not God.

My God wants me to love my neighbor. He doesn’t want me to be an asshole. Full stop.

I’m tired of having this discussion over and over. I’m tired of people behaving badly. I’m tired of the emotional gymnastics I always go through when people rail about how horrible Christians are… when half of me wants to agree with them, and the other half is cut to my core at the hatred, wanting to curl up and cry, “But… but… we’re not all like that!!!”

Mostly I’m tired of all this ridiculous noise, distracting us from doing what we need to be doing, and what we need to be focused on: Doing the right thing, loving our neighbor, and standing together to say we won’t tolerate bad behavior. I don’t care who you are or what you believe in. If you stand for love and kindness, I’ll stand beside you.

I’ll stand beside you, with my God, and work on me. Work on my patience, work on my compassion, work on my love…. both for the person on the side of the road, and for the person who left her there. Both for my fellow Christians, and for the people that aim to hurt us. It’s hard sometimes. But I’m working on it. I want to work on it. God wants me to work on it. Because my God? He only wants goodness, not bad. Lightness, not dark. Love, not hatred. Anything else is not God. It’s user error. It’s humanness. It’s the dark side of humanity.

But I’ll work on me. And you (if you choose) can work on you. In the meantime…..

If you’re going to be a bigot; If you’re going to do something disgusting and inhumane: At least own up to the fact that you’re doing so out of your own moral shortcomings, and leave God out of it.

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Filed under faith, God, headlines, hot topics, rant, religion

November 9, 2015 · 3:11 PM

An Apology

So, it’s been brought to my attention that I “write regularly to condemn other Christians for what (I) see as flaws in their character.”

This was not on a recent post (in case you go looking for it, which is exactly what I would do), but an old one. You guys widely shared my Starbucks post – thank you for that! – which brought me a lot of new traffic. The nice thing about that happening is that I get a lot of new traffic. And the really crummy thing about that happening is… well, that I get a lot of new traffic. People poke around, old posts get dug up, and new comments get left. It’s all part of the blogging experience, and I accept that.

I didn’t respond to this man (or woman… they used what I’m assuming is a fake name and email) because they were very sarcastic and unkind, and in my experience responding to that kind of person never goes well. However, to anyone reading:

It has never, ever been my intention to condemn Christians – or anyone – for what I see as flaws in their character. I stand before you the most flawed person one could ever meet.

I actually never intended to write about any of the things I write about at all… not parenting, not unschooling, not Christianity. When I originally started this blog, it was just a little snapshot of my life; a “look what fun sorts of things the kids and I did today” daily journal. How and why it morphed and changed over the years I don’t know.

But here’s what I know. Those posts that that commenter is referring to you, the ones where I specifically address my fellow Christians (and I’ll concede for sure that I’ve gathered a lot of them), those posts come from a place of PASSION. I care – too much I’m often told – about how people are treated, about how we’re doing as Christians… and as people and as humans… and I write those posts as a reminder to all (INCLUDING MYSELF) to have more kindness, and to have more compassion. Is it possible that that passion sometimes comes out sideways, sounds offensive, or paints a different picture than I’d intended? Of course! I’m human, and, as I said above, so unbelievably flawed. It’s so easy, for all of us, to be brave and bold and outspoken on the computer when it’s just us and our words. It’s so easy, for all of us, to forget that on the other side of those words are real, living, breathing, flawed people just like ourselves.

I’m just a girl, ~~standing in front of a boy, asking him~~… Wait, sorry. Wrong speech.

I’m just a girl who wants people to be kinder to one another. That’s all.

And you guys, I truly am sorry for those times I’ve missed the mark. Please know that I am far harder on myself than I’ve ever been on anyone else.

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Filed under faith, Uncategorized

November 8, 2015 · 11:07 AM

Silly Christians, Cups Are For Coffee

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Take a good, deep cleansing breath. (In through your nose, out through the mouth for the uninitiated.)

Let me just start there.

People can get a little… is there a polite way to say tightly wound?… this time of year, and taking a good step back, a good stock on our priorities, and essentially getting a grip is always an appropriate first line of defense. It seems like this sort of thing used to happen around Thanksgiving, but it appears to be coming earlier and earlier every year. Pretty soon we’ll be having this conversation the day after Easter. In any case, it’s November 8th, and the time to address it is now.

So, let’s talk about those Starbucks cups.

Apparently every year Starbucks unveils a new holiday-themed cup. A cup: A disposable, cardboard conduit for your hot beverage that’s going to end up in the landfill later, just to keep this in perspective. Anyway, past cups have featured things like snowflakes, ice skates, Santas, and what looks to me like some sort of spaceship that maybe was supposed to be a modern version of a sleigh?

All fun and festive stuff. This year, they decided to go with something simpler, do away with the illustrations altogether, and chose a streamlined red design in an Ombre style. Cool. As cool as a cup can be I guess. We’re still talking about a cup.

And a select group of Christians collectively lost their ever-loving minds.

The best I can tell, snowflakes represent Christmas, and Christmas represents Jesus … so a plain red cup obviously signifies the removal of Jesus and is thus really, really offensive. Hide your kids, and hide your wives, it’s the (invented-by-Christians) WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!

When I first heard that people were freaking out about the cups, I honestly thought it was a big joke. I assumed that the early rumblings were either from a satire site or a super creative marketing job from Starbucks themselves. (As a side note, how completely sad is it that our society is such that one can’t even tell the difference between real life and satire anymore? The real-life shenanigans of the I’m-offended-by-everything folks are often more ridiculous than anything even the Onion can imagine). And yes, I called them ridiculous. My choice of that word in a past post – also aimed at my fellow Christians – earned me a snotty comment calling me rude and judgmental. But you know what? Sometimes people are ridiculous. Whining about everyone “taking the Christ out of Christmas” when the only one who can take your Christ out of your Christmas is you, is ridiculous. Flipping out over a red cup is ridiculous. SO ridiculous in fact, that it couldn’t possibly be real. Except it is. There are real, live people out there losing it over a cup.

I’m just wondering, when did “peace on Earth and goodwill to men” turn into spending the entire holiday season – which as I already stated, is starting earlier and earlier every year – pissed off and competing to see who can carry the biggest chip on their shoulder?

A quick Twitter search of the hashtag #MerryChristmasStarbucks will give you a vast sampling of people’s collective ire, but my favorite one is this, by a user who describes herself as a Christian Conservative American Constitutionalist:

Starbucks can take ur plain red cups & shove them up ur #liberal asses! I’ll never step foot in a #starbucks again

Isn’t that sweet? Nothing says Christmas spirit like telling people to shove things up their asses. Nothing shows the love of Christ like telling people to shove things up their asses.

You guys, this is embarrassing.

Christmas was never supposed to be a battle for the title of the biggest, loudest bully, but that’s exactly what it has become. How inspiring. How Christ-like.

And you know what? Forget Christmas for a minute. Can we bring Christ back into Christianity? Let’s bring back gentleness. Let’s bring back kindness. Let’s bring back grace. Let’s bring back loving our neighbors. Can you imagine the change that could happen – the GOOD that could happen – if we replaced the outrage over holiday greetings and cup choices with compassion? With a little old-fashioned generosity? With actually LIVING what we claim to believe in? Let’s show people what it means to be Christ-like.

If there’s not enough Jesus on your Starbucks cup (and, psst, snowflakes and ice skates and space-ship sleighs are not specific to Jesus either) bring Jesus with you! Be kind to the people around you. Offer the barista a genuine smile. Pick up the tab for the next person in line. Don’t be a grumpy asshat.

Our faith should be a little bit bigger than a disposable coffee cup.

Don’t want to go to Starbucks, for whatever reason? That’s cool too. I actually don’t go all that often myself, for the simple reason that I spent a lot of past years broke, so it pains me a little to spend $5 on something I can make for pennies at home. Use your could-be-Starbucks-money on something else! Share it with the guy on the corner. Give to a cause you believe in. Heck, surprise your kids with a new toy. But stop using a company’s marketing decision as an excuse to turn your “faith” into something ugly and off-putting. Believe it or not, God’s not giving out prizes to the people who can throw the biggest irrational tantrums.

Let’s get a grip here, and save being offended for the things that are actually offensive.

And to you dear Starbucks, I apologize on behalf of the small – but loud – group of Christians obnoxiously ushering in the holiday season in the only way they know how. I assure you they don’t represent all of us. I will be in soon for a grande caramel macchiato, and to spread some actual holiday cheer (with zero requests that you shove anything up your ass)

Sincerely,

The girl who couldn’t care less what your cups look like

26 Comments

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