I blame Flylady. Well, Flylady and my good friend Jess.
If you’re not familiar with Flylady, it’s basically a housekeeping system that teaches you to get in the habit of doing a morning and evening routine every day (dishes, laundry, swooping the bathroom, etc), along with one bigger chore, with the goal of getting and keeping your house running smoothly. It’s the exact opposite of anything I’d naturally be drawn too… but it’s actually quite perfect for people like me: people who’ve admitted to themselves that they function a lot better in less chaos, but who tend to make a mess everywhere they go.
Anyway, on Friday my job was to mop the floors. Actually, it was technically just to mop the kitchen floor. But if I had out a wet mop all ready to go, why stop at the kitchen? Why indeed. So I get my mop ready, fill the sink with water, and get started on the kitchen (which, if I’m being honest, was WAY overdue for a mop). That’s when all four kids – who’d been happily involved in their own projects up until that very moment – suddenly desperately needed me, in four different directions. It turns out that mopping is sort of like going to the bathroom in that regard.
I put out their fires, with less patience than I would have liked, and went back to mopping. I was grumbling for no reason before I even left the kitchen. There were spots everywhere, I kept having to stop to put something else away, and there was another *&%$ fruit sticker stuck to the floor in front of the fridge. If I could get some help once in awhile… grumble grumble grumble.
By the time I’d made it out through the pantry into the other room, I lost it. I was tripping over Tegan’s latest 27 costume changes all over the floor. I needed to put in another load of laundry. Someone had to clean the mice cage. Something had clearly been spilled and only halfway wiped up, and there was another something that I can only guess was once gum or Silly Putty that had hardened into a black, concrete mound of glue under Spencer’s desk.
Before I knew what had happened, I’d had a totally unwarranted Jekyll and Hyde/Bruce Banner and the Incredible Hulk transformation. I was snapping at everyone, I was flinging stuff around, and I nearly burst into tears when I found one of my favorite pens without its cap. Spencer was – rightfully – looking at me like I’d gone crazy, and Paxton was still staring straight ahead at his computer screen… his only defense sitting as absolutely still as possible.
And that’s when I saw my raving lunatic self, took a (rather mortified) big breath, apologized to the kids, and said to myself, “What is wrong with you??”
Then I remembered.
The day before, I’d just begun a juice fast.
I like to do a good cleanse/fast a few times a year. It’s really important to detox, especially if you’ve been eating a lot of sugar or processed foods (or, in my case, a ton of NSAIDS) Plus, it’s February, and the new year, and I was still carrying 5 holiday pounds. I knew from experience that a week or two of juicing would do wonders. So when my friend Jess said, “Hey, want to do a juicing blitz with me??” I said “Sure, sign me up!”
Now if you’ve ever done any type of cleanse, you know that the first few days are unpleasant: I get headaches and a host of other physical detox symptoms. I crave things. I feel foggy. I sometimes get dizzy.
All child’s play compared to just how GRUMPY it makes me.
By day four or five, I feel fantastic. Lighter, mentally clearer, more energetic, ready to take on the world. But day two? I’m a beast. And I always forget that part. So while Jess was writing a lovely blog post about the juicing and all its benefits, I couldn’t write anything, largely because I was too focused on wanting to inflict major bodily harm on any and all inanimate object that got in my way.
So, my advice to you, should you ever choose to do a juicing fast (and you really should; It’s so good for you. And I’m on day 5 now, so I’m very much in the zone of “WOOOO HOOOO, juicing ROCKS!!”): Go easy on yourself and the people around you. Treat yourself gently, and with patience, and with grace.
And for the love of all that is good and holy, don’t even think about mopping.