My Promise to My Children

I ignore a lot of traditional parenting adages that come through my Facebook news feed. But every so often, one pops up that I have a hard time ignoring. A few days ago, several friends had posted this as their status:

My promise to my children. I am not your friend. I am your mom. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do! Re-post if you are a parent and agree.♥


I’ve blogged in the past on my thoughts about being both parents and friends with your children, so I obviously wasn’t a fan right from the start of the quote. But it just got better as I read. Stalk? Flip out? Drive insane? Hunt you down like a bloodhound?

Am I a mom or a troubled suitor from a Lifetime TV Movie? And since when does making someone’s life a living nightmare equate to love?

Here’s my version, and my promise.

My promise to my children. I am your friend. I am your mom. I will protect you, listen to you, respect you, support you, be your strongest advocate & give you wings to fly when you are ready because I LOVE YOU. You will never find someone who loves, prays, and cares about you more than I do.

I’m not here to be the warden. I’m here to be the mom.

**Update:  I’ve gotten several comments suggesting that it would have been even better if I’d changed that last sentence to “I hope you do find someone who loves, prays, and cares about you more than I do.”  I absolutely agree!  I think that’s what we should all want for our kids.  🙂 **


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73 Responses to My Promise to My Children

  1. Gypsy Chaos

    Really? No comments again??

    I wouldn’t repost that promise when I saw it either. I objected to the tone, the word selection – ugh, the entire concept. I may or may not be my children’s friend. I will always love them – but not in that creepy, stalker-ish way that promise describes.

    What’s the name of that truly creepy {IMO} book? The one with the mother who crawls into her child’s room and creeps to his bed each and every night – including after he’s married?!?!? and says that rhyming thing about always loving him and how he’ll always be her baby??
    The kindergarten teacher read that during a mothers’ day tea. There may have been one other mother with dry eyes. I suspect I was the only one with huge, freaked out eyes. The storyline sounds so wrong! And the fb promise always brings that book to mind.

    • Dana122

      Yes, the tone might be tough, the words might be harsh, but there are times when nothing else works and, in our desperation, we are forced to take the “path less taken” because this might be the only one that could save your children’s life. My story is shocking and ugly – prepare to judge me – I still relive the same awful feeling over and over again – at just 18 years old, my daughter got a boyfriend, who was drug dealer (14 years older than her), quit school and began partying. My husband and I tried everything, but nothing worked. One day before she planned to move out of our house, we got one more chance to save her before being introduced to drugs – an ugly chance we got, but we were too desperate to not take it – We were rather ready to see our daughter in jail, than addicted to drugs or overdosed. Yes, we found drugs in her room and called the police. At the same time, we called the boyfriend and told him that we put our own daughter in jail and we would not hesitate to put him there too – if he comes within a mile of our daughter again. He swore on his life he would never see her again.
      After four days of jail, we got our daughter back. She was extremely traumatized, but nevertheless, it was our daughter, whom we loved very much. Needless to say she never touched drugs again.
      Yes, go ahead, judge me – anyway, you can never do it better than me – after this, I overwhelmed myself with guilt many nights – until one day – the summer of 2010 – the news that I was about to receive was meant to crash my guilt and doubts forever – my daughter’s ex- boyfriend was found shot in the head in a city dumpster. How can I feel guilty now? My action was infinitely milder when staring death in the face.
      Today, my daughter is happily married with a very smart, educated young man and – they love each other very much – She is working towards her Bachelor Degree in Psychology. I guess that life can be great, even after an ugly storm.

      • jen

        Thank you for sharing your story. I am very glad that your daughter is safe, sound and happy, and that you all made it through that difficult time. You’re absolutely correct in saying that I could not have done better in your situation, as you were the one going through it. Not sure why you’d need to assume I’d judge you.

      • Gypsy Chaos

         Dana – I just came across this and have no idea if you’ll ever see my reply….

        You did what you felt was best in a specific situation. How you reacted in one case may or may not reflect your typical relationship with your daughter.

        I too would certainly do whatever was necessary to jolt my daughter. There are times and situations when the actions of the promise are the best things a parent can do for her child.

        But I don’t see those actions as among the normal, everyday things I do with regard to my children. I don’t want those to be my automatic responses. Maybe that’s the difference – I don’t want stalking, etc to be my go-to responses. Some ‘tricks’ need to be reserved for extreme circumstances.

      • Heather Ginn

        Thank heavens you saved her!!!! What an inspirational story!! There aren’t many people who would be that brave to do what you did. What strength you have!

  2. Teresa Vinzant

    I absolutely love your version of promises to your children. I also shared it on my fb page. Hopefully that one paragraph will make a difference in another mom’s life.
    Thank-you for sharing your opinion.
    Teresa Vinzant

  3. VLA

    Each version has a place in the story of parental love. And the book you refer to is “Love You Forever” by Munch… he wrote it after the lost of babies… learn the story and then reread the book in a different light.

  4. Lynn

    I like both versions and have seen a third which I really like which is just a little different…
    I am your Parent 1st – your Friend 2nd. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU ! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find someone who loves, cares, & worries about you more than I do! If you don’t hate me once in your life – I am not doing my job properly.

    • Tink

      My children will NEVER hate me. Are you freaking kidding me right now? I never once hated my mother either. She raised me with kindness and compassion. I have 4 children. I have never nor will I ever flip out on them, stalk them, drive them insane, or be their worst nightmare that hunts them down. That is NOT words that should be used for parenting. Kindness and patience is key.

  5. Amy

    I am coming to this post late, but it is still interesting to read all the different responses. The part that bothers me in all three versions is “You will NEVER find someone who loves, cares, & worries about you more than I do!” What a sad thing to say to another human being. As much as I love my daughter (which is as much as I am humanly capable of loving), I would never tell her that. Because I hope she DOES find people to love her as much (and even more) than me. I would never be so fatalistic as to give her the message that finding a deeper and greater love than mine is impossible. Who knows what the world, the future, holds for her? I hope with all my heart that it holds true love, even after I am gone.

    • jen

      Amy, yes, you are not the first person to take me to task for the “never” part. I agree it could have been better written, and that a much nicer sentiment would have been, “I hope you find someone who loves, cares, and worries about you more than I do.” I wasn’t trying to be fatalistic. I’m human too. 🙁

      • Amy

        Jen, you are a leader in my heart for living an authentic life, one with faith and freedom. You were purposefully parroting the style of the original post, so people would recognize it. You are the opposite of a fatalist! And you are beautifully human. I love your spirit! The first version is trying to be funny (I guess), but it is sad. It breaks my heart to think that some children grow up without having their parent as a friend. I am so glad that you re-wrote it!

    • Tink

      I agree and disagree. I’m an adult. I have a mother, a father, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, friends, a spouse, nieces, nephews, cousins… You name it I probably have it lol. I love my children more than I have ever loved anyone ever. And I have loved and still love all those people I just named above. So I know what all those different loves feel like. The love you have for your child is completely different. Therefor I do not think anyone will ever love them as much as I do. But I wouldn’t say it to them like the meme does.

  6. Shantell McRae

    I personally love this quote.
    I am not my children’s “friend.” I am their parent which is a much STRONGER relationship than a friendship. Anyone who has ever had a teenager knows what the intent of this poem is.

    Teenagers will try to hide things from you, because their “friends” will temp them in to doing things they should not do. They will miss calls to their cell phones, sneak out, skip school, and party till they are drunk with friends. Our job is to limit this activity, with lectures about how it will effect their future lives. We should be their worst nightmare in some sense of the word. If your children don’t hate you from time to time. You are not doing your job.

    Cheers, good luck to you all. 🙂

    • jen

      I have a teenager. My teenager doesn’t hide things from me, because we have an honest, open relationship. He doesn’t sneak out or skip school or party with friends until he’s drunk. I think it’s a sad and pessimistic way to view teenagers personally, and it doesn’t have to be that way.

      • Shantell McRae

        Maybe I should have been more clear.

        Some teenages will do those things, even if you have and open honest relationship. 🙂

        Everyone is entirely different.

        There’s another quote I like, “raising teenagers is like trying to nail jello to a tree.” lol, again not all teenagers. 🙂

    • Tink

      You should be your child’s friend AND their parent. As their parent you are Literally the only person in the world that can be both. Why not be that for your child? My mother is and has always been one of my best friends. We are EXTREMELY close. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. She was a wonderful mother when I was a teenager. I NEVER hated my mother, how awful!!! And my children will hopefully never hate me. Why would anyone want that??

  7. Karen

    I totally agree! Where did this quote come from, anyway?

  8. kelley

    As a parent who has worked hard at my relationship with my children, I always feel so defensive when people say that if you are just open and honest with your child then you don’t need to check up/look in their rooms/stalk etc. It makes me feel like a failure because my kids do NOT share things with me even though they are fully aware that I love them unconditionally and do not judge them. It reminds me of when I only had one child/baby and he was perfect. He didn’t whine for candy in the grocery store; he didn’t fight me about sitting in a stroller or car seat; he stayed in his crib/bed with no issues; etc. It was so easy for me to judge all my friends who had kids who did NOT do those things. Of course, I attributed my child’s behavior to my parenting. What a great feeling it was. And then….along came number 2 and I quickly lost that feeling of smuggness .
    I like the original FB post and I also really like Jen’s version.

    • Tink

      I have 4 children. And they have all been wonderful kids. And fairly easy babies. So yes I do attribute it to my parenting. Of course we have fights, misbehavior, etc. All kids do. But I get compliments all the time on how respectful and kind they are. We are VERY open and honest in our home, and already my children come to me with all sorts of questions. I do not lie to them though I may not always tell them everything depending on their age. Don’t take it the wrong way I’m not saying you aren’t a good parent, all kids are different and some require different parenting tactics, and it can be hard to figure out what they need from you as the parent. But I’ve found that when my patience is thin they are worse behaved! lol. Then I feel bad because I know deep down it was me and not them.

  9. Anne

    Out of curiosity, I am wondering what age everyone’s children are. In all honesty, had I read this when my kids were a few years younger, I wouldn’t have been a fan. Now that I’ve walked a mile in moccasins of a mom of a teenager, I love it.

  10. Dee

    I have three children, two of which are in their twenties and one of which is still a teenager. I had a very open, honest relationship with all of my children, my eldest, in particular. She shared everything with me, or so I thought. I considered myself a fairly liberal parent but I was strict when I needed to be. We ate dinner as a family, my house was always full of their friends, and I was actively involved in their lives. If my children were hanging out with people who were experimenting with alcohol and drugs I would only allow them to see those friends with supervision, but would not allow them to hang out with them unsupervised. It was not until my oldest children were in their twenties that they shared with me that they experimented with alcohol and mild drugs as well. Now my teenager has met someone who is pulling him in the wrong direction despite all of our best efforts to block this person from his life. All I can say is you NEVER know what your children are up to 24/7 and you can’t say that anything you will never have to stalk them or be their worst enemy. You never know what you’ll do until you’re faced with a situation.

  11. Dee

    How’s this slightly revised version:

    My promise to my children: I will always be your friend but first and foremost, I am your mom. If I have to I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. I hope someday you find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you as much than I do! Re-post if you are a parent and agree.♥

  12. Kristen

    My children will have friends but only one mother… Friends will come and go but I will always be the MOM!!! if that means I have to be the “warden” so my children are safe, raised right, and know right from wrong, that is what I will be. I do this because I love them more then my own life. I will be playful and we will laugh and have great times, but when it is necessary I will put my foot down.. this because I am the MOM, not a friend… It seems that most parents nowadays don’t want to be a “bad guy.”

      • Horizon2000

        I am a parent of two children and would just change a little this statement. Instead of saying “I am not your friend. I am your parent” I would say “I am not only your friend, but also a parent”. Reading these posts I have an impresion that your definition of parent is completely different from a definition of a friend. To me it looks like a definition of parent fully contains definition of a friend and then some more. A friend may not say something that should have because does not want to hurt the other person. Parent cannot have that. If a parent see something g that

  13. Coveness

    I must be reading these wrong because somewhere I saw it posted that all the versions say that you will NEVER find someone who prays, loves and worries about you like me but I could have sworn I read one version that said I hope one day you find someone who ……and well Im not going type out the whole thing as I seem to be reading what is not there, :(:(, personally people shouldnt be under verbal attack for opinions and quotes as to how they feel,im sure it wasnt meant quite as literally as it was written, people online need to lighten up and not all parents methods will be the same.AND before posting, notice exactly what was written.Bottom line is all seemed to care enough to have a say whethere from a so called “warden’s” perspective or not.

  14. Nicole

    The revised version is great for inexperienced moms, or moms of young children. As the mother of a teenage girl (and 3 other children), I can definitely say that the original is much more appropriate and accurate.

    I am not a fan of parents trying to be their child’s “friend”. I am their mother. I listen to them, I keep the communication open, I am their safe place. They know I will protect them, guide them, and teach them. They also know that I am not their “friend”.

    • pathlesstaken

      I have four kids, and my oldest is 15…. so I wouldn’t call myself inexperienced.  🙂   Also, you said, “I listen to them, I keep the communication open, I am their safe place.”  Wouldn’t you agree that those are all things that friends do?

  15. Nice!!! My sister actually posted this as her status update, and I wasn’t brave enough to comment!  🙂

  16. Insecure crazy hormonal mothers…nothing different. Most kids who have moms like this leave at the soonest possible chance. An overprotective, obsessive mother is a nightmare and an annoyance. Yes some of it is necessary to keep your kid safe, the rest is you being a control freak.

    • Heather Ginn

      you have no sense of humor. I posted this and my TEENAGE daughters “liked” it, and commented on it, she’s serious, don’t mess with my mom!!! Yea, they are RUNNING and sooo annoyed!! I will do WHATEVER it takes to keep my daughters safe. They tell people that with pride – boyfriends come over and ask about dad, they say you don’t need to worry about him, worry about my mom. She’s the one that will kill you if you hurt me.
      Who’s hormonal??? Have you ever heard of a papa bear?? LOL!!

      • Sam

        Heather with all due respect for all those billions of children ( and adults) out there that have controlling, manipulating, stalking, raging mothers….there is no humour in the first statement. All there is guilt, anxiety and loads and loads of therapy bills. I should know. So yes forgive me if I seem humourless about this topic..quite frankly when I read it, it made me feel sick to the core. Might I suggest that you also read Evans post further down. Great for you if you have a wonderful relationship with your kids and can laugh about this…..but sadly this is not a universal perspective.

  17. My promise to my mom. I’m not your friend, I’m your son. I will run away, I will argue endlessly, yell at you, ignore you and give you panic attacks and drive you insane when needed because I LOVE YOU!!! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible mother. You will NEVER find someone who means as much and who makes you worry as much as me!

  18. Kidgie

    I have 5 kids – 24, 22, 20, 9 and 6. I am their FRIEND first and foremost.a REAL friend. As in, they do something not safe, or unwise, they hear from me. I’m so, so sorry for you all that can’t or won’t be your kid’s friend. It’s the best thing EVER to be your child’s friend – and to have your parents as your friend. My parents are two of my best friends and have been for a very long time, and my kids, I hope, will have the same experience that I had. It’s comforting and safe to know your parents are your friends. It makes me angry to see and hear parents that invade their children’s lives like wardens. Damn! What ever happened to treat others as you want to be treated?! Give respect – GET respect. And a life-long relationship of that, plus love, plus trust. 

  19. Pingback: John Taylor Gatto, Email Control and Catching People Being Good | Truth Freedom Love

  20. Queenofmisty_80

    I have copied and pasted this.. thank you I needed this atm.. A reminder of what I am and what I will continue to be.. although I never have had this.. I will make this possible thru my children. <3

  21. you guys are arguing the same points, but what you really need to establish is what the definition of “friend” is to you.  When I was 14, I didn’t want a 45 yo friend in the terms of what a friend means to me.  My son is 15, daughter 13.
    If you do not have teens, then you are not qualified to make a comment.  The statement above is obviously meant for teenage children.  Most teenage children’s largest concerns are about their friends and that does not included a parent.  If your teenager considers you a friend in the way that the author of “the statement” does, they really need to get out more.

    • Heather Ginn

      I think the real question is what the definition of a parent is? A warden?? A bloodhound?? I used to go to my mom and ask her questions about sex, she told me it was the difference between a male and a female. So I got my sex education from my “friends”. Lord knows it was not a good education. I vowed to be open with my kids, and to make sure that they could come to me about that kind of stuff. I also vowed to have a realistic approach to what a teenager is. I educate them on every drug I have knowledge of – what it does, how it is done, and the consequences. So yes, we have conversations that I suppose most 45 year olds probably don’t have with 14-15 year olds would have. I’m only 35 but, not the point. I don’t want someone in high school offering my kids something and them thinking they are going to just have a “good time” and end up on a psychiatric unit having a psychotic break from bath salts that someone bought at a gas station. Yes. I have a twitter account, a pinterest, instagram, tumblr, facebook, etc. etc accounts and I do check in on them a couple times a week. But I know my kids, and I know that they are very well educated. And I know their friends, I don’t chose them or put restrictions on them, because I know as a teenager as soon as I was prohibited it was the VERY first thing on my to do list. But by golly they don’t go in blind. So – is that considered a friend?? Or a parent??

    • turtlegirl784

      I can tell it was originally aimed at parents of teenagers… but it doesn’t say that those behaviors are going to end when the kids actually are responsible adults. My mother-in-law has shared this on Facebook multiple times over the last year or so, and her kids are grown up and happily married. At that point, it’s a little weird and irritating.

  22. scaredgirl

    Dear every parent on here,

    Please please please don’t do the things in that first “promise”. Take it from me. I have a mother who stalks me, who hunts me down if I don’t call her every day, who lectures me about everything I do, and who is one of my worst nightmares. And, you know what? My life sucks. I’m 24 years old, and terrified of my parents. I was a straight A student, never smoked, drank, did drugs, or even had sex. I have a university degree and a great job. And I still get sick with panic every time I know I have to call my parents. I can’t tell my parents anything, and I feel so alone a lot of the time. I’ve gone through so much in my life that I just wish I could have gone to my mom about, but I was so scared of her that I never did.

    Please, parents, promise your kids what is written in the second promise. Love them, support them, care for them, and always be there for them. You don’t want your kids to have to go through what I do.

    And when they grow up, let them go. Let them be themselves, and love them no matter what. We do still need you, even if we are big. But we need you as a friend to help us, not to control us.

    Love shouldn’t involve fear.

    • Tamara

      Nice words I agree with you Im a parent with 4 kids and I know what you meant sorry for you that you feel that way I hope and pray that it gonna be better for you someday !!

  23. Carrie

    I really love your blog post on this. So many people say, “I’m going to be my kid’s PARENT, not their friend!” as though the two were mutually exclusive. What crazy, blind thinking. Some parents equate being their child’s “friend” with negligent discipline, but where did that come from? I hope my children will come to me as a friend. Yes, I am their mother first, which means I have an authority and a specific relationship that their friends who are their peers do not, but I am so grateful that I am able to consider my mom my “friend.” I think loving motherhood lends itself to having a kind of “friendship” with your child. That doesn’t mean I don’t take all my parenting responsibilities seriously. Actually, it means I take them MORE seriously.

    • pathlesstaken

      Yes. What I can never understand is that when parents say, “I’m the parent, not the friend!” is that the assumption is a friend is somehow a bad thing… someone who’s going to get them into trouble, give insincere advice, encourage reckless behavior, etc. That’s not a friend. One person who always likes to argue this point with me says, “I’d much rather be the MOM and have them mad at me, than act like a friend and just say or do what they want to hear just so they like me.” That’s not a friend either! I think the problem here is that people don’t know the meaning of an actual friend.

  24. Julie

    Awesome post! I just wrote my own post on Fb…I just felt it was time to make a statement totally different than that stalking post. My kids are 18, 20, and 23. Here is what I wrote with names withheld: I love my kids. I love how they get along, love and respect each other, and want to be around each other, and us. It’s awesome. And they are good, decent, nice people, and I expect them to be successful in life. It might not be easy, but they will figure it out. And what do you know? A liberal parenting style worked. I didn’t have to hunt them down, yell at them, hit them, put them on restriction or take away privileges left and right. I showed love and respect for them. I always thought of them as little people first, young but deserving of their say, not second-hand citizens where we had all the power and they had none. And yes, I am friends with them. I totally disagree with people who say you should not be friends with your kids. I’ve been great friends with my mom, for as long as I can remember, which is how it should be. She is awesome!!! And the way we raised our kids made for a more peaceful, loving home. It was far from perfect, and the kids were not perfect, and neither are/were we as parents. But I’ve enjoyed the ride, and feel good about how our lives are turning out. There are things I’d change like making them clean their room, but that’s minor. They had a good childhood, not much stress or anger, and are enjoying life over 18. Wish authoritarian parenting would die out. I love you (insert names of my kids and husband) Life is good!
    I added comments: Mellow parenting makes for mellow kids. Children learn what they live. If parents stress them out, they take it out on others. And it’s weird how so many
    parents are into punishing and lecturing their kids. Kids, like adults,
    often feel pretty badly on their own if they screw up, especially as
    they get older. Saying nothing goes a long way. It makes them be respon
    for feeling bad. When you punish them, it also exonerates them. They
    look to someone else to punish them so it’s over. It’s actually better
    to let them deal with it themselves…natural consequences! I see many parents thinking it’s like the 50s still, or yelling/hitting/belittling, etc., it drives me crazy. They have an old-fashioned notion childhood should be hard, or parents
    know everything, or kids should obey blindly and respect elders even
    when they don’t deserve it, or if it was good enough for them, it’s good
    enough for their kids. Or how about: I lived through it and wouldn’t be
    the person I am today unless they had that exact relationship.
    Machavellian thinking. The ends do not always justify the means. And
    then they wonder why their lives are not happy, or why their kids get
    out of line, or even worse, why they really rebel at some point. I am
    for peaceful, kind existence with your own family. Lots of people are
    kinder to everyone except those closest to them. And I know I fall short
    in many ways. But this is still my philosophy and what I strive to put
    forward, and after 23 years of parenting and seeing how it’s worked out,
    I decided I’m allowed to rant a little.

  25. Gala522

    I hope you can still say this when your children are teenagers. More power to you!

    • pathlesstaken

      I have a soon to be 16 year old, and a 12 year old who is coming up right behind him. And yes, I can still say this. 🙂

  26. stacey

    I love the original. You must not have teenagers, yet.

  27. Tammy McAbee Brookover

    Your version is great….but trust me…tweens and teens still hear the first version even when you are saying your own version.

  28. You have not a clue...

    My mother was my friend.. I can’t tell you how many times I just wanted her to be my mother.. My husband was my step sons friend, I can’t tell you how many times he just wanted a father..
    Its a fine line and from my own personal expearance.. I really rather of had a mother..

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    i have been married for 4years and i have a break up with my husband 3months ago and i was worried and so confuse because i love him so much. i was really going too depressed and a friend directed me to this spell caster Dr. Laco and i made all my problems known to him and he told me not to worry that he was going to make my husband to come back to me and in just 48hours i receive a call from my husband and he was appealing that i should come back to the house. i have never in my life believe in spell and but now it have just helped me and i am now so happy. All Thanks to him and if you also want to have your Husband back to yourself here !! his email Address i am so happy to testify of your work and kindness

  31. Evan

    I am 14 and I have a overbearing control freak mother and I genuinely hate her for it. I have read some comments and I agree with a lot of them. My parents are split and have been since I was around one years old. And the two different promises in this post are my parents. My dad is a great parent, he is always my parent AND my friend. I come to him with everything. He gives me advice from the mistakes he made in life so that I don’t make the same ones because he loves me and he wants better for me. Unfortunately I live primarily with my mom. Who I am disgusted with. The way I found this “Promise to my children” is because I found it taped to my door when I came home from school. I think she did this because she is trying to justify her terrible parenting techniques. I resent her for all the mental abuse she has put me through because she is a control freak who does stalk me and does hunt me down like a blood hound. I think I understand this post quite well since I have a parent for both types and I can see the differences and the first promise (the controlling one) doesn’t work. And my dad who uses the second promise (the more friendly one) is the only parent who I really love because he isn’t overbearing and controlling and crazy about things. And I do think people are taking the whole “friend” thing the wrong way. A friend is someone who you care about and who cares about you. Not someone who will go and make irresponsible decisions. I don’t know. I’m no expert. But I have the kids perspective and I know I don’t have to be lorded over in order to be trusted. And I have a lot of resentment towards my mom because of how she made me feel anxiety and such. But that’s just my personal experience. Everyone’s different.

    • Sam

      Hi Evan

      I have just read through all these comments and I was just blown away by your comment. It was so beautifully written and honest. I am so grateful that you have an awesome dad that shows you what love should be like. I know how hard things must be with your mum but I have no doubt that you will grow into a wonderful, compassionate adult because of this painful experience. Just hang in there…and keep writing!;-) I truly believe you kids are our greatest teachers.
      With Love

    • Cheri


      I too understand what it is like to have an overbearing, controlling Mother. I had so much resentment towards her for many years. Probably from ages 13-27…. lol Then as I slowly became a responsible adult – I finally I began to understood her. I finally saw her side of things and realized how MY behavior and MY actions were what caused much of the turmoil. She was simply doing her job just as the quote points out. I think once you are older and become a responsible adult, you will likely start to see things differently. You will start to see what you have done in the past instead of simply blaming your Mother. Please don’t take offense, it is mostly an age thing. You will mature over the years and you will start making things easier on your Mother once you find out life is much easier that way. lol It doesn’t happen over night though, so be patient and please, don’t hate your Mother, its obvious that she truly loves you.

      My promise to my children:
      I am your Parent 1st – your Friend 2nd. You will have many “friends” that will come and go, but I will always be your MOM. If that means I have to be thought of as the “warden” so my children are safe, raised right, learn to choose right instead of wrong, then that’s what I will be. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane & hunt you down like a bloodhound when ‘needed’ because I LOVE YOU! I do this because I love you more then my own life. I will be playful and we will laugh and have great times, but when it is necessary I will put my foot down.. I will set you straight, when you are on the wrong path. I will do this because I am your MOM. If you haven’t felt like you hated me at least once in your life – I haven’t done my job properly. When you understand all of that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will then realize just how much I have always loved you, cared for you, worried about you and always wanted the very best for you. You will then finally understand that a MOM will do anything to protect, guide and direct her children so that you safely grow up to be the best person you can be. Just because I spend most of my time being your MOM 1st, always know that I am also your friend. I am the friend that will always be here for you. I will protect you, respect you, support you, be your strongest advocate & give you wings to fly when you are ready, because I LOVE YOU. Once you have your wings, I will hope and pray everyday that you find someone who loves, prays, and cares about you as much as I do and that you do the exact same things for them.

  32. hannah promise

    Hello Every one out here!!
    I want to share my testimony and my happiness with you all in this site, last year my husband left me for another woman in his working place and he abandon me and my 2kids, everything was so hard for me because i love him so much, so i saw the testimonies of Dr.ukpoyan how he has been helping ladies in getting there husband back so i contacted him and he help me to cast a return spell for my husband and in 2 days my husband left the other woman and he come back to me with so much love and caring. i will never forget this help that Dr.ukpoyan gave to me and my children.if you are here you need help to get you lover back you can contact him through this email, i am proud to be on his testimony page?

  33. hannah promise

    want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to DR ukpoyan for bringing back my husband who left me and kids for almost 2 years within the space of five days after following all instruction given to me. i am very much grateful for restoring peace in my marital home’ i pray God almighty give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. for help you can
    CONTACT HIM on this email

  34. hannah promise

    I have been rejected by my husband after 8 years of marriage just because another woman and he left me and the kid to suffer. One day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Dr ukpoyan a spell caster.have helped a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his email address and he told me that a woman casted a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. I believed him because of his polite approach and sincerity and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back because i am now happy with my husband.

  35. Mrs Joyce Patrick

    I am Mrs Joyce Patrick from Canada, I have great joy in me as i am writing this testimony about the great man called Dr.Ekpiku When my lover left me i never taught that i will be able to get him back after all he has put me through, But i am so happy that after the interference of Dr.Ekpiku i was able to get my lover back after 24hours and i can proudly to say, that who ever need help in getting there lover back should contact Dr.Ekpiku on these contact details below for proper understanding of what i have just witness. And i promise that he will help you as he help me.

  36. Emilly Thompson

    Are you feeling sad, lost,depressed? Experiencing sleepless nights, lonely days? Confused,
    lost? Need assistance dealing with a broken heart?Has your life been full of
    upsetting changes?
    Setbacks in your personal and financial life? Having trouble dealing &
    getting control back into your daily life? ,I am Emilly Thompson and I Feel
    your pain. You are not alone, and I was in the same position too! Kindly check on They will help you, guide and give you useful tools
    to help comfort you. They will further listen to your thoughts, feelings and
    emotions. Their clairvoyant and intuitive gifts help you to find the map
    contained within your soul to give you direction and clear choices for you to
    reach your destiny, they can further help you become fully attuned and

  37. Haunted

    I am a survivor of one of these.

    I skipped lunch while she starved me to save the quarters for the day I’d get away, for I realized early on that I couldn’t last forever under this. Of course, she watched my every move – and much of it she found and blew on cigarettes.

    She watched me bathe. Criticized everything from the way I spoke to the way I wiped my own ass – in front of my peers at that. She humiliated me at every possible turn.

    Today, hundreds of miles away, she still calls the cops on me with false ‘missing’ reports, sending me birthday cards telling me how ‘worried’ she is. Today I still quake with fear whenever my birthday comes along. I still see her critical gaze in the shadows. I still struggle having sex with the lights on; sometimes my mind forgets, but my body never will.

    This is something straight out of her book; the book that raised a golden rapist; the book that my grandmother raised an uncle who masturbates at his nieces and allowed her to stand by idly while her mother in law molested my mother and sexually harassed my uncle; the book where my grandmother disowns me instead of a torturer and child molester.

    I’m not saying everyone who thinks this way will do this, but it does make those lines a lot thinner to cross. What’s your limit? Why are “love” and control, “love” and abuse words that seem so interchangeable here?

  38. Shelly

    OK, I actually liked & used the first quote with my kids. But, now that they are grown, okay…almost all are grown, I realize I have always been their friend, too. Have to be. Sometimes, as parents we still have to do what’s best, when they need us too. But, in that time, we need to teach them the skills to use when their own time arrives. I hope it’s okay to borrow this quote? I will try to tag back to this page. One thing for my own sanity, that I have to add….because of my own PTSD, I may have to hunt them down like a bloohound, until they do meet that other person.

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