It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5 style.

I feel I have a pretty good handle on being patient and gracious when it comes to interacting with children. It doesn’t generally rattle me when a child is behaving “badly.” It’s easy for me to keep my perspective, to tell myself that there is an underlying reason for their actions, that they’re behaving the way they are because they’re trying to communicate. That they’re tired. That they’re hungry. That they’re frustrated. That they’ve had a bad day. That they honestly don’t know any better. Yes, it’s easy for me to give them the benefit of the doubt.

But other MOTHERS behaving badly? Not so much with the patience. I was recently around a group of mothers and found myself somewhat… appalled… at the way they were collectively talking to their children, and talking about their children. They were being so rude and condescending; so disrespectful of their kids’ feelings (kids who, I might add, were not doing anything wrong) There were spankings threatened, and “Too bads” spat out. It made me angry, and it made me frustrated. How can they talk to their children like that? I did not say anything at the time, but if I’d voiced one of the conversations in my head, it likely wouldn’t have been very loving.

I think I’ve justified this kind of reaction in my mind by telling myself, “It’s just because I’m so passionate about treating children kindly.” (Because I am) “It’s just because I so badly want to advocate for children’s rights”. (Because I do) But… shouldn’t that make me want to be MORE patient with these mothers, not less? Shouldn’t that make me want to have more compassion, and more understanding, and more kindness? Shouldn’t it make me want to give those mothers at least the same amount of the benefit of the doubt that I so freely give to children?

I have no idea where another parent is coming from. I don’t know if they’re just parenting their children the way they themselves were parented, because it’s the only way they know. I don’t know if they are simply reacting to a bad set of circumstances in their own lives, and are coping the best they can. I don’t know if they possibly desperately want to change things… but just don’t know that there’s another way. I don’t know if they have the tools, and the support, and the resources they need to help them break the cycle.

What I do know (though I’ve been painfully slow to realize it) is that I can’t even BEGIN to tell other parents about having more compassion towards their children unless I first show it to them.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. ~Gandhi