Bad Days

One week ago I decided, and announced, my little challenge to myself to write a new blog post for every day in November.  I like to challenge myself, and I always think that 30 days is the perfect amount of time… long enough that you feel like you accomplished something when you’re done, but not so long that it feels unattainable.

The problem with 30 day challenges, of any type, is that they don’t take into account the sick days, or the bad days, or the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, VERY bad days.

Today is a bad day.

It didn’t start out bad.  It actually started out kind of nice.  Mike took the morning off because my Land Cruiser needed new tires.  He didn’t have to go to the tire place until 10:00, so we had a lazy morning drinking coffee and watching a show I’d just discovered on HBO.  (It’s called The Leftovers, and it’s pretty interesting).

He drove my truck over, I picked him up, and then I dropped him off again a little while later on my way to therapy.

And then… things didn’t go as planned.  It was all my doing, and it was one of those things where it was fine fine fine (good, even), and then somewhere along the way I derailed it.  I don’t know why or when I did it exactly, but I caused things to go south.  Things went south really hard and really fast.  And the problem with knowing that YOU are the one who precipitated things going bad, is that not only are you then dealing with the bad day, but you’re also dealing with the guilt at having caused it, and then the guilt of feeling guilty when you know you could choose to let go of it.

And before you know it, it’s just a yucky, yucky, gross day, and you feel almost powerless to stop it.  Sometimes it seems like it’s okay to just let it be a bad day.  And let it be enough to just say, “Yup.  Today’s a bad day.  Tomorrow will be better.”

I have a migraine, and I can’t remember if I had it before the terrible horrible day started, or after.  I think it was before though, and I think that crying for an hour probably didn’t help. ‘

Today’s a bad day.  And I have a migraine.  But tomorrow will be better.

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2 Responses to Bad Days

  1. Hang in there Ms. Jen.
    I am a duel diagnosis, Bipolar/Borderline.
    Some days are simply excruciating.