I lost a good handful of followers yesterday. This neither surprised me nor upset me. It’s part and parcel with writing something controversial. Some of them were kind enough to make parting speeches, but I eventually stopped reading the comments, so it’s likely I missed a few. We’ll call that bonus number 11: I don’t always respond to comments, and sometimes, out of self-preservation, I don’t even read them.

To be completely frank though, you don’t need to wait for a controversial post to unfollow me if you want to. I can save you some wasted time and let you know there are lots of reasons to unfollow me right now! Here’s a handy dandy list in case you need one:

1. I lived in New England for over 30 years of my life, and I cannot stand the Patriots. I actively root against them every time they are playing.
2. I’ve never read any of the Harry Potter books, nor watched the movies. At first it was just disinterest, but now it’s sheer stubbornness along with the fact that I enjoy the look of horror on people’s faces when I tell them.
3. I don’t like nuts in brownies, and I think Nutella is grossly overrated. I don’t GET Nutella. I mean, is it sweet, is it savory? What on earth is it? It’s ground nuts and chocolate. If I’m going to have nuts and chocolate, the nuts are going to be in the form of peanut butter and the chocolate is going to be in the shape of a cup.
4. I have a tenuous grasp on grammar. I know, I know, I’m a writer and probably shouldn’t admit that. But I leave out words, I virtually stutter, and I rarely have the patience to properly proofread.
5. I never stick to one topic, despite some people’s dismay. It’s blogging 101: You’re supposed to stick to one niche. But I’ve never been much for rules, my thoughts are all over the map, and your guess as is as good as mine about what I’ll write about next.
6. I love Ellen Degeneres, and one of my favorite favorite Ellen moments was when she had an elderly caller who said, “You know, I love Jesus, but sometimes I drink a little.” Ellen about died laughing, and I’ve never related to someone so hard. I’m a Christ-follower (not a fan of the word Christian) but sometimes I drink a little. I’m also fond of the F word.
7. I like my dogs more than most people. So listen, I LOVE people, I do. I’m all about spreading the love. But liking people? I’m about as big introvert as you’ll ever meet, I’m awkward and sometimes shy, and people tend to… well, they stress me out.
8. I’m a hypocrite and I contradict myself, sometimes in the very same post. I’m not proud of this mind you, but it’s true. I’m human, and we tend to be a fickle bunch.
9. I watched the Fault in Your Stars and I didn’t cry. I tend not to cry over movies unless they’re happy tears. Or unless something bad happenes to a dog. (See number 7)
10. You’re eventually going to disagree with me over something. If 1 through 9 didn’t bother you, I assure you something eventually will. We’re not wired to agree on everything. In fact it weirds me out a little when I get comments that say, “I agree with everything you write!” Because 1) It’s probably not true, and 2) If it is true, you just haven’t been hanging around long enough. We’ll disagree. It’s okay! My best friend doesn’t like coffee. DOESN’T LIKE IT. And you know what? I love her anyway.

There are all kinds of reasons to dislike, disagree, or unfollow me. If you really must leave and don’t like any of my reasons, one will be assigned to you. There’s really no requirement to make an exit speech (It’s easy! Just click a button!), but I do so love to read a good juvenile flounce.

To those who are still here, thanks for sticking around. 🙂