My kids have never gone to school. In fact, with the exception of my oldest, who spent a couple of years in speech therapy as a toddler, they have barely even set foot in a school. So I guess one could argue that I have no skin in the game, and therefore my opinion is pretty much irrelevant. But I assure you, I share your horror over the questions faced by parents and administrators surrounding school right now. Is it safe for them to go back to in-person classes right now? Should they wear masks? Should they socially distance? Should they stay home? Should they do virtual learning? Should they do a combination? Should they, should they, should they.

And what does it all mean for teachers? For librarians and cafeteria workers and janitorial staff? What does it mean for those at higher risk? Or for those going home to high risk family members? A lot of questions, and very few cut-and-dried answers.

If all of that wasn’t enough, many parents are worrying about their kids’ education itself, or about them falling behind. To those parents, I want to say, without a shred of hesitation:

The kids will be alright.

The school’s timetable is arbitrary. There’s no set body of knowledge that a kid must have at 8. Or 12. Or 17. There’s no such thing as falling behind. Every single kid at every single age knows more about some things and less about others. Every single kid at every single age has his own interests and her own passions. If you lined up 100 5th graders, each one would be plotted on a different spot on the knowledge scale. And that’s by design! Learning is individual, and unique to the learner. Learning styles are different, pace is different, timing is different. It doesn’t matter if someone can’t do complex fractions by a certain (again, arbitrary) age. It just doesn’t.

It should also be noted, for those who dismiss my words as nonsense, that John Taylor Gatto – a former New York City public school teacher – tells us that “reading, writing, and arithmetic really only take around 100 hours to transmit, as long as the audience is eager and willing to learn. ”  100 hours. A few months, or a year, away from formal education will not hurt your child. I promise. We somehow trust that adults who are out of school are able to continually learn on their own, but we often fail to give the same consideration to children. Your kids are always learning, regardless of what four walls they’re surrounded by.

And please hear me when I say I know that there are other things we’re collectively worried about. I know that some parents need to work, and are unable to stay home with their kids. I know that for some kids, school is the only place where they can get a decent meal. I know that in some families, school is the option that’s best for their safety. I know. These concerns are real, and valid, and important. THESE are the conversations that need to be happening right now. These are the problems that need solving and addressing. Not whether little Suzy is going to fall behind in social studies. There’s too much focus on the wrong problem.

I know people are worried about their kids mental health, and I hear that too. But I truly don’t think that being thrust into a strange new environment with masks and distance and hand sanitizer is going to help. The fact is, this pandemic and its resulting isolation is hard on all of us, adults and kids alike. It’s hard! I’m not even a particularly social person, and I am lonely. I’m aimless. I’m distracted. I’m anxious. I miss people and hugs and face to face conversations, and I know that kids are no different.

But your kids have something that you and I might not have. They have YOU. They have someone who supports them, who cheers for them, who has their back. They have someone who loves them unconditionally, who cares for them, who sees to it that they have everything they need. They have someone who can be their rock through the uncertainty, their port in the storm, and their safe place to fall. You get to be the person who takes them by the hand, and gives them a sense of safety when the rest of the world feels like it’s falling down around them.

I know that not everyone is able to stay home with their kids, but if you can … if you’re finding yourself in the position of choosing between sending your kids into a situation you’re uncomfortable with or doing school virtually … know that there’s another option. Know that you can opt out. It breaks my heart to see so many parents lamenting how miserable their kids are trying to do distance learning, because it doesn’t have to be that way. YOU CAN OPT OUT. You can, today, right now, submit an intent to homeschool (and depending on your state, you might not even have to do that. Check here for your state’s laws) and just stop. Stop the stress, stop the pressure, and just learn together. No fancy curriculum or arbitrary schedule needed. Live together. Play games, bake cookies, read books, watch movies, do science experiments, play music, write music, explore YouTube, build things, take things apart, make art, make videos, virtually chat with friends… Make life as interesting and sparkly and happy as possible.

It’s okay to opt out.

I don’t know the answer for the bigger picture, and I don’t know the answer for those who need the schools. I wish I did, but I don’t. What I do know is that we’re all learning all the time, and that there is no timetable for success. I know that if one of your concerns right now is whether or not your child is going to fall behind, that you can take a breath. Take the pressure off yourself and off your child. At this time of uncertainty, give yourself one less thing to worry about.

The kids will be alright.