Earlier this week, I was at the gym when I got the above text. 18 year old was at school and had one class left. I was just finishing up and about to head out the door. He’s not driving yet, so I serve as his Uber a few days a week. His college is about 20 minutes from the house (which leaves an awkward amount of time if I bring him there then go home in between) so my usual Tuesday routine is drop him off, hit the nearby gym, run errands if I need to, go to Starbucks, then pick him up.

I love getting requests like that. For one thing, they serve as a simple little moment of connection that brings me back to planet Earth when I’ve gotten too wrapped up in All The Things. Beyond that though, they give me a chance to do something nice for someone I love. They give me an opportunity to make someone else’s day just a little bit better. They allow me to continue the practice I started when the kids were all bitty:

Saying yes.

Despite the world’s insistance that, “Kids need to hear the word no!” I have very much based a large portion of my parenting philosophy on the exact opposite premise. I say yes as often as I am able. I say yes with abandon, and my relationships with my kids are all the better for it. One thing I’ve learned as the kids have gotten older is that while the asks change, my answer doesn’t have to.

We’ve just transitioned from “Can I have the blue cup?” and “Can I stay in the bath five more minutes?” and “Can I jump in the mud puddle?” to “Can you bring me to Josh’s for D & D tonight?” and “Can we get the stuff for me to make a pie this weekend?” and “Can we go thrifting after class so I can get a costume for the Renaissance Fair?”

Yes. Yes. And yes.

We recently got to say yes to a very big ask when Everett came to us with a study abroad opportunity. The answer wasn’t exactly immediate (studying abroad costs a bit more than a pistachio creme steamer) but I knew as soon as he asked that I wanted to be able to give him that yes. What a cool opportunity! I told him that we’d talk about it, and I told him that I’d love for him to be able to go. We got more details, we figured out logistics, and last week we paid his tuition. He’ll be spending the month of June in Ireland, and I am so, so excited for him.

And please understand, I recognize there’s a certain amount of privilege involved in some “yeses.” Sometimes we simply can’t say yes. Sometimes yes is easy – and free! But sometimes it means money, and money is finite. Truth be told, there was a time when the Starbucks request would have been too much on our budget. But whether they are 6 or 16, we can still empathize with the asker, take their requests seriously, and hold space for their interests, even when we can’t say yes right away.

“That’d be really cool. I can see why you would want that.”

“We can do that after payday.”

“Let’s put it on your wishlist.”

“We can check Facebook marketplace!”

“Are there scholarships available?”

“Let’s brainstorm ways to earn the money.”

“Maybe we can use the tax return.”

Etc.

The world can – and does – tell my kids no. But I never want to be that person for them… the one that stands in their way, that dismisses their desire, that minimizes their interest and dreams. I want to say yes, to the best of my ability, no matter the ask, large or small. And when I can’t immediately say yes? I want to be the one to help them problem-solve, to listen, to support, and to be their soft place to fall.

Whether the request is a drive across town, or a trip to another country.