I love TikTok. I start there, because when naysayers hear of things like what I’m about to write about, they’re quick to say, “See?! This is why I won’t use those apps!” But TikTok is full of lovely creators sharing useful, inspiring, educational, and just plain funny content. I follow a variety of people from those in the mental health field, to gentle parents, to nutrition and wellness creators, to dogs, to people who just make me laugh. It’s a great app.
It is also a weird place, where trends go viral, take hold, and make people lose control of their collective senses. If you haven’t seen it, the latest trend involves inviting your child (usually just a toddler) to “cook” with you, only to surprise them by forcibly cracking an egg on their forehead. This is usually followed by a confused and hurt child, a hysterically laughing parent, and a video that is splashed about as though it were entertainment. Proponents argue that it is a harmless prank, and that those of us who don’t like it need to lighten up. But it is not a harmless prank, and these are just a few of the reasons why.
1. It hurts. A few minutes before sitting down to write this, I cracked an egg on my own forehead, with 15 year old on hand as a witness. I figured if I was going to write about it, I should know what I was talking about. And you have to hit it hard! It was unpleasant, at best. There’s a reason why so many of the videos show the child screaming “Ow!”. It hurts. And I’d imagine it hurts that much more when it is unexpected. Beyond that though, it hurts emotionally. It hurts feelings. I’d like to believe that most parents don’t want to deliberately hurt their kids. Jokes shouldn’t hurt.
2. It’s embarrassing. Nobody likes to be the butt of a joke. No one likes to be laughed at. While I did see a few videos where the child eventually laughed too, in most cases the adult was laughing while the child looked hurt, shocked, and confused. It is humiliating to be put in that kind of position, and I again don’t believe that most parents would want to embarrass their child.
3. It erodes trust. I think the saddest part to me is the fact that the whole premise is built on a lie. These kids are excited, looking forward to connecting with and doing a fun activity with their parent. More than anything, kids want to be involved, and to be invited into their parents’ world. The look on their faces when they realize they’ve been tricked breaks my heart: shock, confusion, and betrayal. The person they look up to more than anyone not only just broke their trust, but shared it online for clicks and views. Disappointment isn’t cute or amusing.
4. It’s bullying. This is literally the definition of bullying. The Anti-Bullying Alliance defines bullying as the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. The imbalance of power is key. You are causing intentional harm to someone smaller, weaker, and more vulnerable than yourself without their knowledge or their consent. If you don’t want your child to be a bully, you probably shouldn’t show them how it’s done. It’s not okay to harm or intimidate someone just because (or especially because!) they are your own child. If they were older, or a peer, it might be different – depending on the kind of relationship you have – but by and large, this is something that is being done to young, young kids.
5. It’s only “fun” for one party. I’m not a big prank person in general (I’m not a fan of April Fools), and one of the reasons why is that pranks so often happen at someone else’s expense. The prank-er gets to laugh, and the prank-ee gets to feel embarrassed and humiliated. But it doesn’t have to be that way. A true harmless prank is fun/funny for everyone involved. There’s an old picture of my now 15 year old that she finds really funny. She was probably 5 years old in the photo, and it’s just an extreme close-up of her face, with a big goofy grin. Every April Fools it is printed out and put in various places around the house… under toilet seats, inside cabinets, on computer monitors etc. It makes everyone laugh when they stumble upon it. That is a harmless prank. I’ve seen some kind-hearted mothers perform a twist on the egg trend and let their kids break it on their heads, or ask if they want to see them break it on their own heads. Mom and child both giggle at the absurdity, and no one is made to be the butt of the joke.
6. It encourages hitting. This is perhaps one of the weirdest ones to me. This “prank” is being done to kids who are 3, 4, 5 years old. These are kids who are still learning how the world works, how to get along with others, and how to resolve conflicts. Why would anyone want to show them that it’s okay to smash something on someone’s head, whether it’s in the name of a joke or not? Sure it’s “just” an egg. But what’s to say it will stop there? Maybe a remote control, or a Matchbox car, or a rock would be just as funny.
And please hear me when I say that I don’t think most of the moms doing this mean any harm. They truly do feel it is a silly, lighthearted prank. But any prank, any joke, any kind of mischief is only a win if everyone is laughing. Everything else is just a giant miss.
