Category Archives: blogging

February 14, 2012 · 10:13 AM

When is it okay to “judge”?

Judgment.  It’s a word I’ve seen so many times over the past few days, it has lost all meaning.  “Who are you to judge?”  “Well aren’t we judgmental” “It is not our place to judge….”  My blog post about Tommy Jordan has the distinction of being the post that garnered the most comments I’ve gotten with this particular word, ever.

 

And I’m okay with that.

 

Here are a few of the definitions of judge by dictionary.com:

 

8.  to form a judgment  or opinion of; decide upon critically: You can’t judge a book by its cover.
9.  to decide or settle authoritatively; adjudge: The censor judged the book obscene and forbade its sale.

10. to infer, think, or hold as an opinion; conclude about or assess:

13.  to act as a judge; pass judgment: No one would judge between us.
14.  to form an opinion or estimate: I have heard the evidence and will judge accordingly.
15.  to make a mental judgment.

 

When people read my blog – or anyone’s blog – or read anything on the internet, they do all of the above.  They form an opinion, they infer, they think.   Ironically, all the people pointing their finger at me at shouting, “You’re JUDGING, shame on you!!” are doing the exact same thing they’re accusing me of doing.  They’re forming an opinion of me based on a snap shot of whatever words I’ve chosen to share.

 

I think we’ve gotten so wrapped up in a “to each his own” kind of world, that we’re so careful of not “judging”,  that we try so hard to be politically correct, that it’s suddenly not okay to point to something and say, “Wow.   That is messed up.”  Unless of course you’re pointing to the person who’s doing the pointing.   Then apparently it’s okay.  Then you’re a defender of justice.   “Who are you to judge this person??? I  would NEVER judge a person without knowing all the details.”

 

Yesterday, a friend on Facebook posted that she’d overheard a neighbor calling her 15 year old daughter a “stupid asshole.”  The first comment said, “Maybe her daughter was acting like a stupid asshole.  Teenagers are known to.”   It was followed up with, “doesn’t make it right.  But I wouldn’t judge a parent for one bad moment.”   That word judge again.  Are we really so afraid of judging that it’s not okay to hold the opinion that calling your child a “stupid asshole” isn’t a very nice thing to do?

 

It doesn’t mean I think I’m better than anyone.
It doesn’t mean I think this person is a terrible parent.
It doesn’t mean that I haven’t made my own mistakes.
It doesn’t mean I’m an expert on their family dynamic.
It doesn’t mean that I think I’m perfect.  (more things I’ve heard over the past couple of days)

 

It simply means that I disagree – strongly – with that particular decision.  And honestly?  If I ever reached that breaking point, that point where I felt I had no other recourse than to hurl insults and obscenities at my child, I would hope that someone would judge me.   I would hope that someone would stand up and say, “Whoa.  Stop.  Jen, what are you doing?”

 

A runner-up to the “judgmental” comments was “hypocritical”.  I’m a hypocrite because I advocate for respect, but I don’t respect Tommy Jordan’s parenting choices.

 

I want to be very, very clear when I say this:  I respect a lot of choices that are different from my own.   As a stay-at-home mom, I respect working parents.  As a homeschooling parent, I respect parents whose children go to school.  As a heterosexual married woman, I respect same-sex couples.  As a Christian, I respect other beliefs.

 

I do not respect Tommy Jordan’s “parenting choice” to publicly intimidate, mock, and insult his daughter.

 

I don’t need to know more details to fairly come to that decision.  He chose to show us those eight minutes of his life, and that was more than enough for me.

 

But I don’t wish him ill.  In fact I hope that someone, somewhere can touch his life and help him and his daughter.   I hope that he’s receptive to that help.  I hope that the insane amount of notoriety that this video has brought upon his family can be somehow used in a positive way.   I hope that what he chose to show us was just a man having a really bad day, and that it was not indicative of his parenting as a whole.  I hope that his family is more peaceful and more connected than they appear.

 

I’m not angry at Tommy Jordan.  I’m sad for him.  I’m sad for his daughter.  I’m sad that the great public movement that has come out of this seems to be not learning from his example, but instead focusing our energies on attacking those who dare “judge” him.

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Filed under about me, blogging, hypocrisy, judgement, parenting

February 1, 2012 · 6:00 AM

The journey of an attached mom

 

I’m a mom.

I’m an imperfect mom.  I’m a mom who makes mistakes, eats my own words, and vows to do better every. single. day.  I’m a mom who, if she read back in her own blog a year (or 2 years or 5 years) ago would likely cringe in embarrassment at some of her more strongly-worded posts.  I’m a mom who once thought she knew it all, and has since admitted – publicly and otherwise – that she knows nothing.

Do I have some strong opinions about how kids should be treated?  Yup.  Will I apologize for that?  Not a chance.  And while I of course would love for all my words to come across as fair and balanced and loving towards both kids and parents, when forced to take one side or another I will choose the child.  Every time.  And I won’t apologize for that either.

But one thing that I’m afraid often fails to come through in my more… uh.. passionate posts is that parenting is not an absolute.  It’s a fluid, growing, changing, learning JOURNEY.  For all of us.  I’m often reminded by so many of you that parenting is not black and white, that it’s hard, and that we’re all doing the best we can.  What I wish though is that it was understood that I’m just doing the best I can too!  Both as a person AND as a mom.  The only difference between me and any other mom reading this is that I – for reasons I’m forever questioning – have chosen to make much of my journey public.   For better or worse, my imperfect, disjointed, sleep-deprived and caffeine-fueled words are there in black and white… to agree with, to disagree with.  To pick apart, to ridicule.

There they are.

Have I ever regretted anything I’ve shared?  Yes, I have.  But I also pride myself on the fact that I haven’t removed any posts.  They were part of the journey.  I’m the mom I am now because of that journey.  I’m the mom I am now because of the mistakes I’ve made.  I’m the mom I am now because of the things I’ve learned.  Warts and messiness and ugly bits and all.  They make me human.

All this blog really is is my own personal journey.

The journey of a mom with four kids, each one more different than the last:

My first born, who never cried, slept 8 hours at a stretch from the time he was born, and was so continually laid back and content as a baby that I thought I had this parenting thing in the bag.

Number two, who screamed like his life depended on it every day for three years, despite how much I held, nursed, wore and carried him.  Who never slept more than an hour or two at a time, and who challenged me every day to be a better parent, a more patient parent, and a parent who was willing to #1 admit that everything I thought I knew was naught, and #2 do the work I needed to do to make it better.

My youngest boy, who was one of the happiest babies I’d ever seen, but who went through some rough patches at age 6 that had me so confounded that I found myself – as a third time mother – swallowing my pride and asking for advice from other like-minded parents, for the very first time.

And my girl…. my beautiful, strong, spunky, silly girl who is literally teaching me how to be a parent all over again… who is challenging me more than I’ve ever been challenged, and is teaching me more than I ever thought possible about what kind of parent I want to be.

I know they’re not done – all four of them – teaching me what this parenting thing is all about.  I know they’re not done showing me how much I can possibly love and ache and feel for another human being.  I know they’re not done challenging me to be a better parent.  I know they’re not done pushing me to be a better person.

And it’s a good thing.  Because I know I’m not done learning.

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Filed under about me, blogging, parenting

January 9, 2012 · 8:13 AM

The Unschooled Gamer

Did you know what you wanted to do with your life when you were eleven?

I did.  I wanted to be a writer.  Sure, there were moments growing up that I also wanted to be (in no particular order):  an Olympic gymnast, a hair stylist, a scientist, and a psychologist. But the one constant, the one thing that I always wanted to be – for as long as I can remember – was a writer.  I never knew the exact form it would take, which meant that I navigated a frustrating college experience consisting of, “Well you should major in English.  No, you want to take Journalism.  Let’s try Mass Communications.”  Until I finally admitted that none of them were really the right path for me, but that I still just wanted to write.

I am turning 38 tomorrow, and I am a writer.   No, I don’t earn a living writing (although it does very occasionally earn me at least a little bit of money), but I am a writer.  I am living out that eleven year old’s dream.

I write.

Sometimes a few people read what I have to say.

Sometimes a lot of people read what I have to say.

Sometimes people are even touched in some way by what I have to say.

Sometimes my words are for me and me alone.

But I am a writer.

Paxton, eleven years old at the time of this writing, wants to be a video game designer.

 

He has always wanted to be a video game designer.  Why, when I know from my own experience the reality of an eleven year old’s passion, would I not take that every bit as seriously as my own writing?  I don’t share his love of video games, but I have learned to appreciate them on a whole new level through his example.  I can see how much he loves them.  I can see how much he’s learning from them.  I can see how much it all means to him.

Last night, prompted in part by a discussion about this article, I told Paxton, “You know what you should do?  You should start a blog about video games, so that people can see what you’re doing, and see what you’re learning.”

And he answered, “I’ve been thinking about starting a blog!”

So last night, long after the rest of us had gone to bed, he did.  He is now, officially, Paxton The Unschooled Gamer.

And as it turns out, he’s a writer too.

 

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Filed under about me, blogging, Paxton, unschooling, video games

November 21, 2011 · 12:01 PM

Nano, Thanksgiving, and a Favor

 

Ten days away from the end of November, which means ten days until Nano officially ends, which means ten days until I’ve actually written 50,000 words or I haven’t.  Each time I’ve done it, it’s been a journey… this year perhaps more than any other.  I love fiction writing.  I always have.  It makes me come alive, and it inspires and entertains me.  This year though, I don’t know that my heart was really in it.

I had a kernel of a good story, but unfortunately it’s heavily buried under a steaming pile of cow manure.  Such is the case most Novembers, but that’s sort of the point of the exercise…. to just get the story out, and worry about editing, slashing and re-writing later.  This year feels different though.   I’m not sure I care enough about the story to even want to finish it, let alone clean it up later.

And right now, ten days from the finish date, I’m faced with asking myself if it would be more personally liberating to just get the rest of my 14,000 words into the computer and finish what I started, OR giving myself permission to just say, “Not this year,” peacefully calling it quits right now, and appreciating the fact that I’m secure enough in myself to be okay with not finishing what I started.

In other news, I’ve spent the past 21 days working on something else as well.  Every time I felt burnt out on my story, and felt like I just couldn’t write another description or narrative or bit of dialogue, I worked on outlining – and eventually writing – a pair of e-books:  one on unschooling, and one on gentle parenting.  I am very excited about the project, and I can’t wait to share it with you all… hopefully in early 2012.

This is where the favor comes in.  One of the things I want to be sure to cover, in both books, is a good reader-friendly FAQ chapter.  I’m working with several questions I’ve gotten in comments, emails, etc, but if you have one (or two or three) that’s been burning on your mind that you’ve never seen me cover, I would love to hear from you!     Please feel free to either comment here, on Facebook, or send me an email.  And since I’m asking for favors, I would also love it if you share my blog with others (assuming you actually read and enjoy it :)).  I have gotten a couple of very nice emails the past few days from new readers, and I can’t tell you how much I love to have an excuse to procrastinate on the laundry even longer connect with all of you!  You guys are awesome.

And finally, Thanksgiving is in three days, and the holiday season is officially upon us.  I love Thanksgiving.  Love the feel, love the smells, love the food, love the laughter.  Last year, we ended up having to leave early because the little one was sick, so I’m mostly wishing for health this year  – says the person who has single handedly gone through an entire box of tissues in about 12 hours.

I wish you all a beautiful day on the 24th, whether it’s Thanksgiving for you or just another Thursday.

 

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Filed under about me, blogging, holidays, writing

October 7, 2011 · 11:28 AM

Wall Street, politics, and other things I won’t blog about…

The other day, someone told me I should write a post about vaccinations, and what led us to our decision to opt out.  “You’re crazy,” I responded, “I”m not that brave!”  Regardless of how carefully I choose my words, it’s a topic that’s likely to get more heated than anything else I write about.  And it’s one thing to feel good and confident about your own choices, but quite another to open yourself up to the ire of the majority of people who’ve chosen differently.

I had a similar reaction when, a few months ago, someone asked why I’d never written a post about circumcision, if I feel as strongly about it as I do.   I’ve only mentioned it in passing, and while most people know where I stand on the issue, it’s not something I’ve ever written about in detail.  “No way.  Way too scary.”  You think vaccine discussions get heated?   Nothing compared to the circumcision debates I’ve seen.

I don’t want to say never though.  Both are useful discussions, and ones that I think a lot of people could benefit from hearing. Maybe one day, when I’m feeling particularly confident, I’ll put something together.

I don’t however, ever plan to write about politics (today excepted), and this is why:

I was completely apathetic about anything political until I was in my late twenties.  It was all too complicated, and it made people crazy, and it was just easier to rest in my ignorance.  Didn’t understand it, didn’t care that I didn’t understand it.  I couldn’t tell you the difference between a democrat or republican, and I only had vague ideas about being liberal or conservative (I’m not proud of any of this, by the way.  People should not be apathetic to what’s going on in their country.)

The first time I voted in a presidential election was in 2000, the year that Bush ran against Gore.  As the election grew closer, I still knew nothing about.. well, anything.. so I decided it was time I learned.  I didn’t want to be ignorant anymore.  I spent hours researching candidates and studying their platforms.  I asked myself – for the first time in my life really – how I felt about the things I was reading.  I took little online quizzes that asked questions about key issues and matched me up with who I most closely aligned.   I took notes.  I read voraciously.  I thought about little else.

And I voted.   I found the whole thing to be incredibly empowering, and I’d wished I’d done it sooner.

Sometime during the whole election period, I was talking to a friend on the phone, and she asked me how I was voting.  I didn’t want to tell her… partly because I hadn’t told anyone yet, and partly because I assumed (correctly as it turned out) that she was voting for the other candidate, and I didn’t want to get into a whole “thing” when I was feeling pretty darn good about the fact that I was even voting at all.  The fact that I’d made my own informed decision, and that I wasn’t following my parents or my husband or the media.   That for the first time in my life, I’d done the research, and I’d come to learn and appreciate and embrace what I thought.

“Oh come on, we’re friends, just tell me!”  Her voice was light and teasing on the surface, but she wasn’t going to let it go.

So eventually I told her.  And she snorted.   She laughed at me.  “Oh God, I wouldn’t vote for him if you put a gun to my head!!!  Are you serious?”

It was a light bulb moment for me:  Too many people get mean when they talk about politics.  People who are perfectly nice ordinarily suddenly lose control of their senses and can’t help but involuntarily lash out at those who disagree.     I don’t like it.  And it’s not about having strong opinions (I LOVE strong opinions).  It’s not about believing something different from me (If I stand for nothing else, it’s for freedom) It’s not even about being obnoxiously verbose about whatever your particular cause is (Um, I’m a blogger.  Enough said)  It’s about being mean.  It’s about attacking a whole other group of people just because they don’t agree with you.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen it as strongly illustrated as I have this past week on Facebook.   My news feed’s been all aflutter with people posting about Occupy Wall Street, and in many many cases I’ve felt … disgusted.   Yes, I’m disgusted.  People feel strongly about this – on both sides – and I get that.  I get sharing information and pictures and news articles.  I get sharing your opinion.   I do.  What I don’t get is the need to be cruel, the need to degrade an entire group of people because they feel differently than you.  Because they’re liberal.  Or conservative.  Or in the 99%.  Or the 1%.  I don’t get the need to be mean about it.     I think the saddest part to me is seeing fellow Christians suddenly acting in a decidedly un-Christian manner, hurling insults, subscribing to sweeping and hateful generalizations, and making distasteful jokes… all because they need to prove how right they are.  How kind.  How Christlike.   I see both sides, lumping everyone who disagrees together, making assumptions, attacking innocent people,  attacking each other.   I see people being really hateful in the name of standing up for what they believe in, and it makes me sad.   I want no part of it.  I don’t care if I agree or disagree or if you make a good point or a lousy point.   If you’re being mean, I don’t want to hear your point.

**Big, huge disclaimer here:  I’m not in any way saying that everyone’s being mean.  They’re not.  I’ve read a lot of interesting things from both sides of the issue.  I’ve enjoyed some thoughtful and respectful discussions, and appreciated gleaning some new information.   But.  There’s too much hate, and too much meanness.  It brings out a really ugly side of too many people, one I’d really rather not see.**

So that’s why I will continue to remain silent about Wall Street, and about the 2000 election, and about politics in general.  Yes, I have opinions like everyone else, and I’m more than happy to talk about them with people I trust.   But not with Facebook.  Not with the general public.  Not on my blog.  If you want to talk to me about politics (or about vaccinations or about circumcision or about overpriced coffee drinks) send me a message and we’ll talk!  The only caveat is that you have to be nice.

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Filed under about me, blogging, Facebook

September 14, 2011 · 3:10 PM

Making Peace with a Schedule

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A few weeks ago, I got an email from someone looking to flesh out the concept of unschooling a little more. One of her (paraphrased) questions was “Do you ever feel like you’re just spinning your wheels, and/or putting out fires all day?”

My answer: Yes. And when I notice it’s happening frequently, I know it’s time for something to change. More specifically, I know it’s time for me to make a change. It’s not a good thing for me OR the kids if I’m scattered all day, flitting here and there and not really present for any of it. Unschooling shouldn’t be about reacting, but about being there, right there in the moment.

Since getting all renewed and re-inspired at the conference, I have sadly realized that I really have been doing all too much wheel-spinning lately. Further, I’ve realized that I have done the same exact thing when each of my boys was Tegan’s age (3) as well. When my kids are around 3 – not quite babies anymore – I sort of have a little life crisis. They are more independent, and playing on their own more often, and needing me in very different ways than before. I start to feel that itch of wanting to take on a new hobby, or start a new business, or devote some time to a certain passion. The difference this time though is that when the boys were her age, I was either about to have another baby, or I’d just had one. So the feelings would go away, and I’d happily immerse myself once again in diapers and onesies and dimpled elbows and chubby feet and sweet smelling baby heads. This time there is no pregnancy and there is no new baby. Which is in turns heartbreakingly sad, and strangely exciting.

Lately my heightened crisis has caused me to become suddenly interested in 20,000 different things. And of course I still want to be present for my kids, and fully invested in unschooling and hands-on parenting. I want to figure out this whole “homemaker” thing, and make (and keep) a nice home for my family. I also want to have some time for myself, and some time for blogging, and some time for pursuing my own interests. As a result, I’m sorry to say, I feel I’ve been only a little bit good at all of the above. I’ve also been anxious about the new season, which is suddenly thrusting us from having zero standing weekly plans to having basketball, gymnastics, scouts, church, and bible study meetings.

And so, I’ve decided to get organized and make a plan. Instead of a zillion personal pursuits, at the moment I’m going to focus on one. And you’re reading it. This blog is my fifth baby, my heart, and my soul. I don’t know what is going to happen in the future, but for right now, this is what I need to be doing. I need to be doing it so badly that I actually made myself a schedule.

I’m not a big schedule person (in fact I sort of hate them with a passion), but I also know that they work really, really well for me. They help me focus on what I’m supposed to be focusing on, and they help my scattered brain get a little less scattered.

Here then, is my – always flexible, always subject to change – schedule:

Morning: Coffee, emails, empty the dishwasher

Rest of the day into the afternoon: Leave the computer alone (instead of checking emails/Facebook in 2 or 3 minute little bursts all the live long day). Be present and focused and available for the kids…. for playing, for projects, for questions, for reading, for talking, for hanging out.

2:00-4:00ish (still working on this): Take time for myself to blog, answer emails and comments, and work on other writing-related stuff, without feeling guilty about it.

4:30 Pick up our messes for the day to get ready for the evening

5:00 till whenever we go to bed: Dinner, dishes, activities, television, playing, and hanging out (and maybe I’ll check emails and Facebook somewhere in there too :)).

The idea is that when I’m with the kids, I’m WITH them. When I’m doing something for me, I’m doing something for me. And so on. It’s still very much an experiment, because honestly, it’s something I’ve never really tried before. I had grand plans to start it yesterday, but instead had an unexpected (and welcome) outing with friends we haven’t seen for 3 months.

So we started it today. I did pretty well with ignoring my computer until 2:00, although I’m thinking I’m not so great with the cold turkey thing. The kids were all 100% on board with giving me my time at 2:00… but I spent 10 minutes of it in the tub with the girl, and another 5 explaining to the 14 year old about researching “completed” listings on Ebay to help price something he wanted to sell… both of which were momentarily more important than my own needs. At the time of this writing, it is 3:00, and all four kids have settled into a happy, comfortable groove. I’ll commit myself to giving it an honest try, and a fair amount of time, and we’ll see what it brings. I’m kind of excited at the prospect though, even if it means some adjustment, for all involved.

If you’re a stay-at-home parent, do you have some sort of schedule for your day? How does it work for you?

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September 1, 2011 · 1:08 PM

A Year Without Mirrors

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Have you seen this blog?

Mirror, Mirror… OFF The Wall

I came across this the other day, and I found it absolutely fascinating. Like really fascinating. I can’t stop reading. You’ll definitely want to spend some time there when you’re done here (you’re welcome), but in a nutshell:

It’s written by a woman who formerly worked in the fashion industry, and is currently studying the relationship between “beauty” and equality. The blog is about her year-long experiment – begun 6 months before her wedding – in which she completely gives up mirrors.

I love it. Love the concept, love her writing, love how it makes me think.

Body image and self image and how we perceive beauty in general are such a huge part of our culture. I like to pretend that they aren’t, but turning on a television or picking up a magazine or walking just about anywhere in public tells me otherwise.

My kids tell me otherwise too, in ways that break my heart. My 14 year old starting to worry about shaving and acne and what girls will think of his appearance. My 11 year old, who has finally stopped cutting off all his curls because he thought that straight hair was cooler. My three year old little girl, who’s already been told by a proud 5 year old cousin: “You’re not as skinny as me.”

It all makes me sad, and certainly isn’t a subject that can be covered (or covered well anyway) in one single blog post. I think I just might write about it some more in the future. In the meantime, check out her blog, and be inspired.

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Filed under blogging, life, random, self image

August 8, 2011 · 6:30 AM

Happy 1,000 Giveaway

Last weekend, I hit 1,000 fans on my Facebook page. I promised that when I reached 1,000, I would do a giveaway to celebrate. So here it is! I am humbled and thrilled to have so many of you reading along. I would write regardless, but having you all here makes it a whole lot more fun. 🙂 Thank you all – all 1038 of you – so very much for being here, and for sharing my blog with others.

And without further ado, the giveaway! There’s a lot of really cool stuff here, so make sure you read all the way to the bottom to see it all, and to see what you need to do to enter.

1. Jaimee, who runs the blog and etsy store, Craft Interrupted, says:

Hello Readers! My name is Jaimee and I am a stay-at-home mom to three boys. Much of my time is spent playing Batman, assisting with tree climbing, and helping defeat Bowser. More of my time is spent refilling juice cups, collecting muddy clothing, and reading piles of Curious George books. In the midst of the madness, I nurture my art degree and love of creativity by blogging craft projects and inspirational ideas at Craft, Interrupted. I also sells handmade baby toys and children’s art wallets in my etsy store, By Craft, Interrupted. I’m so excited to participate in this awesome giveaway! You can visit Jaimee’s Facebook page here.

Jaimee is giving away one Scribblet, a great (and adorable) take-along kids’ wallet. It comes stuffed with crayons, notepad, and activity book, and is perfect for waiting rooms, travel, or any time your kids are bored 🙂 Winner can choose a boy or girl themed print:

2.  Next is Bonnie, from Inspired Occasions. She makes delicious – and beautiful – cakes, cupcakes and other custom treats here in the Phoenix valley. You can visit her Facebook page for more.

Bonnie is a homeschooling mommy to three kiddos, ages 9, 4 and 2. She started her business 8 years ago to have a flexible schedule and stay home with her kids. The fact that she loves what she does is icing on the cake!

Bonnie is giving away one dozen dress or cake shaped cookies, (or mixed OR if you need another shape let me know). These are the yummiest sugar cookies! The icing is hand piped and made to match your theme or colors. Please allow at least 2 weeks for your order.

3.  Heather is a fellow unschooler who (when she’s not busy encouraging people to be awesome over at her blog, Swiss Army Wife), is the creator of beautiful and unique chain maille jewelry which she sells on Etsy as Misty Island Armory.  In addition to her website, you can find her and her jewelry on Facebook as well.

She says:

I recently rekindled my love of making and designing jewelry. After discovering chain maille techniques I haven’t been able to turn back. I love the pieces I create and I think you will too.

Heather is giving away one pair of these rainbow byzantine earrings:

Her write-up says “They are brightly colored and super light weight. Perfect for someone who doesn’t like long heavy earrings or for a child who loves rainbows.”  You can visit their listing in her store for more.

In addition, she’s generously offered a 15% discount for my readers for the rest of the month of August!  Definitely take some time to check out all the great pieces in her store, then use the coupon code MCGRAIL when checking out.

4.  Next up, is an offering from Handmade by Tara

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Tara says:

As a full time working Mom I found myself needing an outlet for myself, a way to calm myself and just be me. About a year ago I went to a jewelry workshop and found that exact thing. I have never considered myself creative, and still don’t, but this tapped in to my creative side that I never knew was there. I enjoy doing the birthstone necklaces/bracelets because there is nothing more important to me than family and any way I can show them off I will! My pieces are not perfect but they are unique to you and your family. 

Tara is giving away one basic birthstone necklace.  The birthstones (of your choosing) hang on a 24 inch sterling silver chain.

 
I wear this necklace myself, and it is beautiful!

5.   Fellow unschooler Alice, who is a busy mom of 5 (including brand new twin baby girls) owns and operates Alice’s Handmade Crafts.  She makes childrens’ tutus, hats, and accessories, as well as custom embroidered products for adults.  Alice says:

I’ve always felt a need to create things, and this is the perfect outlet for me. My biggest seller is definitely the hat with flowers on top, with tutus as a close second. My newest items are the flower accessory and the elastic headband with flower, and I’m hoping they’ll be popular as well. But my favorite projects, and the ones I’m most proud of, are my embroidered products. They are my most intricate items, and the ones I feel like I can really put myself into through design and color…

Today Alice is offering either one free custom flower headband, sized to fit whatever head you want, with your choice of color flower and either pearl or rhinestone center; OR a $10 gift certificate to put towards anything else in her shop, including custom items.  Here is what the headbands look like:

Cute baby girl not included 🙂

Visit Alice’s Etsy Shop and Facebook page to see more.

6. Tara Mauger is an empowerment life coach who has generously offered to donate one free session to one of my readers.

Not sure what life coaching is all about? From her website:

I help people, like you, discover their true self empowerment. I guide you through the steps to take for you to lead a more empowered life in all areas of your life – usually working on one particular area at a time. I’m a firm believer in the ‘Laws of attraction’ and I work with you to be an empowered ‘attraction magnet’ for all your desires.

….

I help many people form different walks in life discover their true self empowerment in all areas of their life like: Financial (desired income etc), Relationships (with partners, children family and friends), Health & Wellness (weight loss, motivating fitness, healthy eating, dispelling sickness etc), Parenting, just to name a few.

Be sure to visit Tara’s website and Facebook page to learn more.

7.  Jerry owns and operates Rural Toys, which creates and sells beautiful hand crafted wooden toys and doll furniture, as well as bowls, cutting boards and cutlery. He’s been a toymaker since 1992, and “believes that toys need to “do” something, so most trucks, trains, animals, hop, waddle, etc. And they must be sturdy. Most furniture pieces get stood on to make sure that everything is ready for shipment.”

I started making toys in 1992 for a local Christmas giveaway. When I showed friends samples, I pretty much sold all the items to them – fortunately, the charity gladly accepted cash but they also appreciated the wooded items I did have left.
In 2006 I started making Noah’s ark animals for a local vacation Bible school craft project. We added a nativity plaque the following year.
In 2008 I started making beds and other furniture for the 18” doll as a sturdy, low cost alternative to the non-solid wood imports.
Due to the actions by the Consumer Product Safety Commission, I no longer add any finish to the items I create for children.
I also create bowls, cutting boards, and cutlery using exotic and domestic hardwoods and participate at four or five art and craft shows each fall.

Today Jerry is giving away one hardwood (poplar) stool/bench for that extra height for toothbrushing. Sturdy (he stands on each of them before they are “approved”) and NOT Imported Nor MDF! This is an older version of this stool/bench, and can be personalized up to 8 letters.

Bench Mode

The seat back rotates forward to the floor to convert it a step stool.

This measures approximately 13 inches by 11 inches by 12 inches tall. The seat is approximately 6 inches from the floor. The step is about 3 inches from the floor.  Shipped to continental US only.

In addition, he’s also offering a one-time 10% off coupon for all my readers at his Etsy Store and website! Please go check out his wagons, Noah’s Ark toy, and wooden doll beds. (Use coupon code Blessed4 on Etsy. If ordering from his website – which he describes as ‘new and evolving’ – he will provide a 10% rebate if you let him know you came from my site) 

8.  And finally, the last item is lip balm lovingly made by yours truly

Yours will be brand new and sealed with plastic 🙂

Before I spent all my free time blogging, I made homemade lip balms.  These are 100% vegan, and come in 1/3 oz metal tins so they are nice and slim and easy to slip in a pocket.  This is the only thing I use on my lips!  The winner gets three tins (I have several scents/flavors to choose from) so you can have one for purse, pocket, and bedroom.  Just don’t leave them in the car if you live in a hot climate like me.

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Want to win something?!  Here’s what you need to know:

I will keep this open for one week, and announce the winners on Monday, August 14th… so send your friends!  I am going to work it like a raffle.  Everyone who enters will be entered to win any of the above offerings.  One person will be randomly chosen (using randomizer.org) to win each item.  To enter:

1) Leave a comment on this post, and be sure to leave your email address so we can easily reach you.

For additional, optional entries:

2) Check out the websites and Facebook pages listed above, and “like” at least one of them on Facebook.

3) Share the link to this post on Twitter.

4) Share the link to this post on Facebook.

5) And just for fun (and because I’m in a movie mood), tell me your all-time favorite movie for a final bonus entry.

You don’t need to come back and leave separate comments for each method…. just leave me one comment and let me know which of the above that you’ve done.

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Thank you to each and every one of you.  I appreciate you all more than you know.  And a huge thank you to all the beautiful people who’ve generously donated to the giveaway as well!

Good luck!!

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July 31, 2011 · 9:43 PM

Yup, I’ve got Boys

So, Jessica of Bohemian Bowmans told me I should check out the M.O.B. Society (Moms of Boys). Since I generally trust her judgment, I heeded her advice. They are having a blog hop, and since I’ve never blog hopped before, I thought I just might give it a whirl. So I went, I saw, and I hopped.

Welcome to those who are here from the MOB Society (and to everyone else who is here for the first time!)

I am a mom of boys, three of them in fact.

Me, almost 11 yr old, 7 yr old, and 14 yr old.  They’re awesome.

For the first 11 years of my parenting journey, I was a mom to ALL boys. Lots of matchbox cars, legos, and testosterone in this house.  I loved having all boys!! I still love having boys, but I have since been blessed with a beautiful little girl as well:

She’s awesome too.

I am a full-time unschooling mom.  Four kids, one husband, 6 chickens and one dog … plus various other assorted creatures that make their way into our house.  It all keeps me pretty busy, but I’ve recently become re-acquainted with the concept of “me time.”  I became certified in nutritional consulting earlier this year (and I continue to study natural health and fitness), but these days I’ve been spending all my extra energy on blogging and building my little online community.  I mostly blog about gentle parenting and unschooling, but topics may also include my kids, my adventures, my own quirky views on the world… and cupcakes.  I really like cupcakes.

Finally, to steal verbatim from my ‘about’ page:

I try really hard to live in the moment and not sweat the small stuff, because I have a million and one little neuroses that make me perfectly imperfect.  I also have 4 things that bring me total, unadulterated joy.  My kids are my heart and my soul.

If you’re just here for a visit, I hope you’ll stick around!

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June 13, 2011 · 5:04 PM

You’re a Terrible Mother

Yes, you. You are a very bad mother. You’re still figuring things out. You’ve made mistakes. You’ve lost your patience. You’ve yelled. You’ve spanked.

Therefore, you are a terrible mother.

You didn’t breastfeed. You did breastfeed. You breastfed too long. You home school. You public school. You vaccinate. You opt out. You use cloth diapers. You use disposable diapers. You use no diapers. You do things differently than me.

Clearly, you are a terrible mother.

I recently watched yet another online forum implode, in part because someone asked for advice and subsequently got her feelings hurt when she didn’t like the advice given to her. She cried that everyone was making her out to be a bad mother, sides were taken, and BOOM. Another perfectly lovely community unraveled like the waistband on an old pair of underwear.

This is not unique of course. Everyone who’s ever been part of a moms group in any fashion (but particularly on the internet) has seen it happen and again and again and again. People feel challenged. They feel judged. They get defensive. They want to blame the people around them.

“How dare she think I’m a bad mother!!”

But the fact of the matter is, she probably doesn’t. And if you didn’t already think it about yourself, chances are you wouldn’t be projecting it onto her either. If you feel confident and peaceful about your own decisions, why would what anyone else says bother you anyway?

When I read something that challenges me as a parent, something that makes me react strongly in some way… whether in anger, hurt feelings, or defensiveness… I know that it’s something I need to examine and respond to in myself, not to the messenger. Maybe it’s something I know deep down that I need to work on. Maybe it’s made me think about something in an entirely new light. Maybe it’s struck a nerve on one of my own deep-seated regrets or insecurities. Maybe it’s simply reminded me of my own mistakes.

None of the above makes me a bad mother.

And it doesn’t make you one either. Self deprecation helps no one… not you, and certainly not your children. If something you read (here, or anywhere) strikes a nerve, ask yourself why. Made a mistake? Move past it. Need to make changes? Make them. Don’t use your own guilt or frustration or insecurities as an excuse not to ask yourself the hard questions, or as an excuse not to do better.

Make choices intelligently, and make choices consciously… both of which are something a terrible mother – if such a thing existed – would never do.

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