Category Archives: hot topics

August 2, 2012 · 6:00 AM

Dear Chick Fil A: I Love You, But…

Chick Fil A.

You’re sick to death of hearing about it.  I am too.  BELIEVE ME, I am too.  Two days ago, I vowed I would not weigh in.   Yesterday I realized I had no choice, if for no other reason than to preserve my own sanity and get it off my chest, if not off my news feed.

I am a huge proponent of respecting other people’s right to have their own opinions, and to voice those opinions as they see fit.  Let me just start there.  One of the things that has bothered me about this from the start (and there are so very many things that bother me about it) is that those of us who don’t agree with Dan Cathy’s stance are getting accused of not respecting his right to free speech.   Of course he has the right to speak.  Is anyone actually saying he doesn’t?  That’s an honest question…  I’ve read so many ugly words coming from both sides that at some point I started tuning them out.

Another one I’m seeing a lot of is a graphic that says:  “‘I disagree’ is not equal to ‘I hate you.'”  Absolutely.  Merely disagreeing, and harboring hatred are two entirely different things.

Here’s the problem…

I’m of the opinion (and remember, Dan Cathy gets to have an opinion.  I get to have an opinion.  We all get to have an opinion) I’m of the opinion that the Bible is not nearly as black and white on the issue of homosexuality as most of my fellow Christians would have you believe.  Setting that conversation completely aside, let’s say for the sake of argument that homosexuality is wrong.  There still remains the fact that the Bible is exceedingly clear on one thing.  We are called to LOVE. 

Of course, of course!  Love the sinner, hate the sin. 

No.  No, no, no.  Love the sinner (and we’re all sinners).  Period.   I believe that that “Love the sinner, hate the sin” admonishment is one of the most hurtful and damaging phrases ever to be uttered.  If we’re actively hating something about someone else, we believe they should change.   We’re making our love conditional, and half-hearted at best.   In essence we’re saying, “I love you, but…” Can any good come after that ‘but’?   To truly and completely love, we just have to LOVE.   With no strings, and no conditions.  Think homosexuality is a sin?  So is pride.  So is arrogance.  So is gossip.  So is judgement.

Love anyway.

Chick Fil A donates money – millions of dollars worth of money – to organizations whose whole reason for existence is to fight against, and ostracize, gay individuals… including groups that link homosexuality to pedophilia, groups that feel homosexuality should be outlawed, groups that think homosexuals should be exported from our country, and groups that believe homosexuality is something that can be “prayed away.”  One of these groups is the Family Research Council, which has been designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.  I ask you, implore you, in all sincerity …. if you were homosexual, or your child or your best friend or your brother were homosexual, would any of the above groups (or the organizations such as Chick Fil A that support them) make you feel particularly loved?

I’ll be honest:  I’ve never eaten at Chick Fil A, mainly because I just don’t eat that kind of food.  And I’m certainly not going to start now, not because I simply disagree (I want to be really clear about that) but because just as it’s their right to financially support blatantly anti-gay organizations, it’s my right not to.  And yes, I’m aware that I’m likely supporting other such organizations without even knowing about it…. but when you know better, you do better.   I want my dollars to support groups that promote love, not more division.

I have seen so much righteous indignation, name-calling, and judgment from both sides of the issue.   I’ve seen well-meaning Christians proudly boasting about their support of a company that they may or may not realize gives money to a known hate group; and I’ve seen detractors casually throwing out words like bigots, and homophobes, and haters.

I’ve seen people telling Dan Cathy in no uncertain terms where to go and how to get there.  And that’s clearly not the answer here either.

These are real people … people with failings and shortcomings to be sure … but real people, who are so much more than a cause or a principle or a religious or political crusade.  And as I’ve thought about it, and pulled it apart, and boiled it down, I’ve realized that my responsibility here is no more and no less than to love.  Simply.  Fully.  Unconditionally.

And man, it’s simple in premise but not always easy in practice.  It’s hard to love people sometimes.  Sadly, often sometimes, my fellow Christians are the hardest of all.  But I honestly do want to love like Jesus loved.  I don’t ever want to fall back on “loving the sinner and hating the sin.”  I don’t want to put conditions on my love.  I don’t want to be a hypocrite.  So I will say to Dan Cathy and to others who support groups that aim to oppress, disparage, and ostracize others,  “I love you”.

And then I’ll just stop talking.

68 Comments

Filed under acceptance, bible, faith, hot topics, hypocrisy, kindness, life, perspective, rant, respect

February 10, 2012 · 8:22 PM

Not my idea of a hero

 

So by now, you’ve seen the video.  It’s gone viral ….  nearly 3 million views on my last check.  A father, angered by his daughter’s rant about him on her Facebook page, video-taped himself berating her, laying out her punishment, and ultimately taking his gun and shooting nine bullets through her laptop.

I don’t want to talk about that man.  All I can do is feel sorry for him.  Happy, well-adjusted people don’t go around taping themselves shooting holes in other people’s property.

I don’t want to talk about his daughter either.  I feel sorry for her too.  Being a teenager can be hard, and I can’t imagine that having a father who publicly humiliates you is helpful in that regard.   She obviously has an unhealthy, broken relationship with her parents.  And knowing first-hand what it’s like to have a GOOD relationship with my children… my heart breaks for her.

But no, the people I want to address aren’t the father or the daughter.  I want to address the people, the tens of thousands of people, who lauded him as father of the year.  Here are just a couple of remarks from his recent viewers:

This father ROCKS! Parents need to enforce more discipline with their kids these days instead of trying to be their friend or act their age.

This guy should be voted FATHER OF THE YEAR in the US and Canada!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAD OF THE YEAR! I think this is amazing!

Dude…you are my HERO.

Seriously, I applaud you. A parent who is a parent and not the subjugated slave to the child. Love it.

Awesome! Well done.

You’re my new, best friend!

Has the world gone completely mad?  I don’t mean that facetiously either.  I am quite literally shocked and sickened that this is the behavior we as a society hold up as model parenting.   I hear people crying that kids today are too entitled, too spoiled, too disrespectful…. and this is going to help with that?!   If this girl IS in fact acting too entitled, spoiled, and disrespectful, where might she have learned that?

Yes!  Let’s strive to be more like this man!  Let’s belittle and humiliate our children.   Let’s destroy their property.  Let’s respond to hurt and frustration with violence.  Let’s throw discussion and mutual respect and love out the window and grab our gun when it’s time for conflict resolution.  And let’s tape ourselves doing it!!  Let’s make parenting into nothing more than a schoolyard fight, a tit-for-tat war of words in which NO ONE wins, in which we stoop to the lowest common denominator, and we see who can throw the biggest tantrum.  Yes, let’s look to this man in awe.   What a hero.   What a father.  What a MAN. 

In all sincerity, I want to ask you this:  If you agree with this man’s actions, if you think this is something we should emulate… how would you feel if you were his daughter?   For that matter, how would you feel if he’d taken this action against you as a co-worker, or a relative, or a friend?

And if you tell me it’d make you see the error of your ways, if you tell me it’d make you have new respect for him… you’re lying.

All of us – as parents, as children, as friends, as citizens – respond to kindness, not to cruelty.  We respond to gentleness.  We respond to patience.  We respond to feeling that we are being heard.

This man was no doubt hurt by his daughter’s words on Facebook.   Was she wrong in posting them?   From the little that I can tell, this was a child venting to her friends, not unlike something one would write in a private diary.  Her words were strong, yes, which only shines light on how deeply she was feeling when she wrote them.     I saw many comments that said something to the effect of, “Oh she was just trying to get attention.”  And I agree!  She probably was.  It was a probably a last-ditch, desperate attempt to say, “Hey.  Mom.  Dad.  I’m hurting here.”  If that were my child writing that letter, I would first take a good long look in the mirror.  Then I would TALK TO MY CHILD.  I would try to heal that relationship before it was too late.   I would not put the final nail in the coffin (or the bullet in the laptop as it were) by publicly humiliating her, mocking her, and destroying her things.  I would not act with a knee-jerk reaction that would almost certainly ensure that she’d be pushed further away, possibly for the rest of my life.

Our job as parents is to protect our kids.  To love them, to guide them, and yes… to model appropriate behavior for them.  This man called his daughter disrespectful.  Were HIS actions respectful?  He called her immature.  Were HIS actions mature?

Parenting is hard!  I won’t argue that.  Just as with any other worthwhile relationship, there are bumps.  There are ups and downs.   There are tough spots, and sweet spots, and every-other-kind of spots in between.  It takes a lot of heart, a lot of patience, a lot of listening, and a lot of give-and-take.  What I saw in that video wasn’t heart.  It wasn’t patience.  It wasn’t listening.  It wasn’t give and take.  It was a bully of a man having a public meltdown, and making sure he took his daughter down with him.

His behavior is not something to emulate.

It’s not something to aspire to.

It’s not something to praise.

It’s a sad, angry spectacle by a sad, angry man.  It’s a cautionary tale about what not to do if you ever want to have a close, mutually respectful relationship with your child.

(If you want to read more, check out Demand Euphoria, A Bona Fide Life, and freeplaylife.  Thank you for being voices of reason in the midst of insanity)

 

 

155 Comments

Filed under hot topics, mindful parenting, parenting, rant

January 6, 2012 · 12:26 PM

You’re not good enough

I have been sitting on this post for two days now, and while I’ve certainly held onto posts for longer than that, this time I just can’t stay silent any longer.   I feel sick to my stomach about this.

‘Human Barbie’ Sarah Burge Gives 7-Year-Old Daughter Breast Implant Voucher

Now, setting aside any moral or parenting issues for a moment, I have to start off by admitting a bias.   Cosmetic plastic surgery in general sort of…. well, it confuses me.  It seems to me that successful plastic surgery should be no different than properly applied makeup, ie:  you shouldn’t be able to tell you even had it.  You should look like the best version of YOU, not like a plastic caricature of Barbie someone else.   So when it’s taken to the extreme and you’re walking around with a frozen, expressionless face that screams, “I had plastic surgery!” doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose?

I don’t want to judge this mother though, I really don’t.   I feel sad for her.  I can only imagine what kind of issues lead a woman to spend $800,000 in a quest to look like a Barbie doll.    Those are not the actions of a healthy, self-accepting, well-adjusted person to be sure.  But the fact is, this really isn’t about her.  This is about an innocent and beautiful and perfect-the-way-she-is child who is being robbed of the most important thing a parent can give:  unconditional love.  This is about a child who is being told,  “You’re not good enough.”

“Happy Birthday sweetheart!  When you’re sixteen, you can get big boobs like Mommy.”  You’re not good enough

“Come watch me get my next dozen procedures, and see what you have to look forward to.”  You’re not good enough

“I’m going to help you become beautiful.”  You’re not good enough

Mom is quoted in the article as saying, “Poppy begged me for a boob job, so I gave her the voucher so she can have it after she’s 16, when it’s legal” If that is in fact true, am I alone in thinking that it’s heartbreaking that a 7-year-old would be begging for a boob job?   I have a 7-year-old.  He thinks about video games, playing with his friends, getting ice cream from the ice cream truck, and what sport he’s going to try next.  He does not think about body-altering elective surgeries.

And my little girl….

Tegan is not quite four at the time of this writing.  She is strong, and funny, and intelligent, and beautiful.   I love her, and more importantly she loves herself, exactly the way she is.   The only thing that disturbs me more than the thought of her looking forward to a hypothetical breast-enlargement surgery a decade in the future, is the thought of knowing that it was something *I* made her think was necessary.   Something that I in fact gave to her as a gift!

God knows I have my own insecurities.  But I will be damned if I pass them on to my children.  Having children, and especially having a girl, has pushed me to examine my own sense of self-worth and my own acceptance of my body, flaws and all.   And,

(I’m going to talk about boobs for a minute, so you might want to turn away if that’s too much for you.  Or if you’re my dad)

I have small boobs.  Small, as in bra shopping inevitably turns into a humiliating exercise in “Yeah… you may be more comfortable in a double A”, at which point I’m directed to a tiny rack with exactly 4 styles of bras, of either the plain training bra variety, or with padding from here to Pittsburgh.   But you know what?   I’m perfectly okay with it.   Not only am I perfectly okay with it, I’m happy.   This is what I’ve been given.  They suit me.   They’ve nursed 4 babies.   Now, I truly hope that my girl continues to accept her body, and eventually her breasts, in the same way… whether they’re big, small, or somewhere in between.   And if she ever decides to change them, or enhance or nip or tuck any other aspect of her body, it will be her choice, and not a desire born out of a mother teaching her that she won’t be beautiful until she’s spent nearly a million dollars on cosmetic procedures.  It won’t be because she’s learned at SEVEN that beauty is something that you buy.

This little seven-year-old girl has had the choice taken from her.  She’s never had the chance to know what it’s like to accept and love her body just as it is.   She’s never had the chance to know what it’s like to have her own mother accept and love her just as she is.  And that’s inexcusable.  She should be told, and shown, that she is perfect just the way she is.  She should be told, and shown, the truth in the old adage about “beauty coming from the inside.”  She should be told, and shown, that your value and worth as a human are not dependent on your outward appearance.  A seven-year-old should be innocent, soaking up the world, goofing off with her friends, running around the playground, dreaming of becoming a doctor or an astronaut or a world class equestrian.  She should not be dreaming of getting a big set of silicone boobs.

To this mom, I want to say that I feel for you.  I do.  You’re chasing after something that you’ll never grasp.  You’re telling yourself day after day that you’re not good enough either, and that is undeniably sad.   But it’s not about you anymore.  Once you become a parent, it’s never just about you again.

Yes, you’re an adult, and you make your own decisions.  Make yourself look like Barbie.  Hell, make yourself look like a Squinkie.  But telling your 7 year old she should aspire to do the same thing is not okay.

22 Comments

Filed under acceptance, being happy with what is, hot topics, mindful parenting, parenting

November 25, 2011 · 12:27 PM

‘Happy Holidays’ and other four letter words

The cashier was pleasant and friendly.  He joked around with the kids, and easily made small talk while he lovingly rang up our toothpaste and toilet paper.  He carefully bagged our baubles and breakables, and he made sure to ask if we wanted the drinks we’d just grabbed from the cooler left out.  He offered the three year old a sticker.  He smiled amiably while he handed me my cash register receipt, and he told me to come again.

And then, he said it.

The thing that would cause me to roll my eyes and hurry home to write the store a scathing letter detailing exactly why I would be hereby boycotting their store forever.

He said, “Happy Holidays.”

In front of my children.  How dare he say such a thing to me?  How dare he try to take the Christ out of my Christmas?  What is the matter with our stores, and our society, today??  I felt so offended and disrespected that I couldn’t even utter a word.  I angrily snatched the receipt from his hand.  I gathered the kids as quickly as I could, grabbed my groceries, and hightailed it out of there.  I vowed never to return again.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

No.  What I actually did was smile – sincerely – and thank him.  I wished him a happy holiday as well.  I got my groceries, counted my kids, and went about the rest of the day…. feeling good about a friendly and positive interaction with a kind stranger.

To be clear, I celebrate Christmas.  I have celebrated Christmas all of my life.  I love Christmas.  But it doesn’t even begin to bother me when somebody – be it a person or a website or a store – says Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.  For that matter, it wouldn’t bother me if someone mistakenly thought I was Jewish and wished me a Happy Hannukah.  Why?  To begin with, I take it for nothing more than it is: a hopefully sincere and friendly good wish from one person to another.  They’re showing me a kindness and they’re wishing me happiness.  Which really, is supposed to be the whole point of the season (and for the whole year, if we’re living the way we should aspire to be living)

More than that though, is the fact that nothing anyone else says can take away MY meaning of the holiday.  Nothing anyone else says will change what I believe.  Nothing anyone else says will damage my own personal walk as a Christian.  “Happy Holiday” wishers are not – as so many believe – “taking the Christ out of Christmas.”   The only one who can take my Christ out of my Christmas is me.

Let me say that again, rephrased:

The only one who can take your Christ out of your Christmas is you.

How do you take Christ out of Christmas?  You take Christ out of Christmas every time you:

Don’t take the high road.

Are less than loving, and patient, and kind.

Gossip, complain about, and judge others.

Are slow to listen and quick to anger.

And yes…. grump and moan and cry about everyone taking Christ out of Christmas, instead of simply showing the people kindness and goodwill and grace, and letting them see through your actions that Christ cannot be taken out of your Christmas because Christ is living in you.  No one can take that away from you, no matter what they believe or what they celebrate or WHY they celebrate.

And if you’re going to split hairs about who should and should not celebrate Christmas, it’s worth noting that 1) Jesus was most likely NOT born on December 25th, and 2) most of what we all do at Christmas time – even as Christians – are things we borrowed and adapted from pagan traditions, not the other way around.

Every year I hear more and more people complaining about what’s become of Christmas, how commercialized it is, how far it’s gotten from its true roots…. which very well may be true, but is making a big stink about it really the answer?  If, like me, you believe in Jesus and His birth, then simply live it.

If you believe in having a simple Christmas, then have a simple Christmas.   If you believe in giving, then give.  If you believe in kindness, be kind.  If you believe in boycotting big businesses and Black Friday sales and midnight deals, then by all means, stay home.

But don’t forget that “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.”  (Emerson)

Just a couple of hours ago, I saw a Facebook photo of a group of tents set up and camped out at the entrance to a Walmart, waiting for the Black Friday sales.   One of the commenters said, “People like that are nothing more than disgusting, materialistic losers.”   That there is some real holiday spirit.  Now I can think of about 7,253 things I’d rather do than camp out in front of a Walmart (or in line for a Twilight movie opening) but you know what?  If that’s your thing, I love you just the same.  I happen to think that the world is big enough for all of us, with all our beliefs and our differences and our traditions and our celebrations.

The best thing I can do to honor my God and my beliefs and my Christmas is to live my life the way I purport to want to live it, and not worry about what anyone else is, or is not, doing.  There are actual problems in the world, and whether someone says “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” is not one of them.

And don’t get me wrong.   Since you know that I celebrate Christmas, I would love and appreciate a “Merry Christmas” from any one of you.   But I would love and appreciate a sincere “Happy Holidays” just as much (and the diehard Seinfeld fan in me would be ever indebted if you wished me a “Happy Festivus” while you were at it.)

The Christmas cards we send every year say “Peace, Joy, and Love” on them…. partly because that was the default greeting on the design we chose several years ago and it resonated with us, and partly because it just sums up the meaning of the season – and our lives – in three simple words.

I know it sounds trite, but I really do wish you peace, joy and love… whether you’re a believer, a non-believer, or even a Walmart parking lot camper.

336 Comments

Filed under about me, Christmas, faith, holidays, hot topics, perspective, religion

September 23, 2011 · 9:43 AM

To the bullies

(photo by trixer)

Yesterday, I read about another teenage suicide… a gay 14-year-old student named Jamey Rodemeyer who was bullied and tormented so relentlessly with homophobia and hate that he felt that taking his life was his only option.

I want the parents of this child, and others who have tragically taken their lives under these circumstances, to know that you have my deepest and sincerest sympathies.   My heart breaks for anyone who endures the pain of that kind of loss.

I want the parents of other bullied children to know that this is real.  This is serious.  Never stop fighting for your child, and never stop thinking that you have more options to keep him safe.

I want the children who are victims of bullying to know that they are loved.  I want them to know that there are people who care;  people who would give their life for their happiness.  I want them to know that they ARE NOT defined by the hateful words and actions of their tormenters.

And to the ones doing the bullying:

I don’t believe you are evil.  I don’t believe you really want this other child to die.  I know that you are scared, and insecure, and in pain yourself, and that the only way you know to make yourself feel better is to try to inflict pain on someone else.  It doesn’t work.  So you do it again and again and again, hoping that eventually your heart will match your carefully cultivated exterior.  That you’ll feel strong.  That you’ll feel tough.  That you’ll feel superior.   And hey, in that moment, maybe you will.   But it’s a lie, and it won’t last.

There’s a scene in the movie The Breakfast Club, where Emilio Estevez’s character – a popular ‘jock’ – is talking about the offense that landed him in detention.  He’d bullied and physically assaulted another student in the locker room.  It was supposed to be a “comical” assault, and at first the description was played for laughs.  But as he talked about the incident, and his reasons for it, his own hurt and guilt began to surface.   He talked with regret about the kid’s humiliation.  He talked about how his parents must have felt when they heard.   He talked about remorse.  Now, because it’s a movie (and a John Hughes movie at that) it was all neatly tied up by the end.   He’d seen the error of his ways, had a new found love in the girl who ate Captain Crunch and Swizzle Stick sandwiches, and went about his day, never to bully again.  Life’s not a movie.  I get that.  But there’s a fundamental truth in this story.

You might not be racked with contrition immediately, but eventually you will.   And that sincere feeling of remorse is more gut-wrenching than anything you could ever inflict on someone else.

And here’s what The Breakfast Club doesn’t tell you:

It doesn’t tell you that when you are grown and have children of your own, that seeing your own children hurt in any way will be a bigger pain than any you’ve ever experienced.   That you’ll see your children hurt and would do anything to take away that pain.   That you’ll see your children hurt and you’ll realize, either little by little or all at once, that that child you bullied in grade school was somebody’s kid too.  And you’ll feel sick about it.

It doesn’t tell you that one day you’ll be 37, and while you’ll still remember having been bullied at 13, what you’ll REALLY remember, what you’ll still feel as an indelible scar on your soul are those times when you were the bully.   Those times when you went along with your  friends even though you felt bad about it.  Those times when you could have stood up for what was right and you didn’t.    You’ll still see the face of the sweet sweet kid from 24 years ago.  A kid who didn’t deserve to be treated unkindly, whose only crime was not being part of the “cool” crowd.   You’ll see his face and you’ll think of your own son, or your own daughter, and you will feel a shame that will take your breath away.

There are no do-overs when it comes to bullying.  You can’t take back those words, and you can’t take back those actions.  In the case of Jamey Rodemeyer, and others like him, you can’t take back that life.

But you can stop bullying.  Today.  Right now.  If you can’t yet do it for the people around you, do it for yourself….. your present self and your future self.

10 Comments

Filed under bullying, hot topics

August 17, 2011 · 6:30 AM

Breastfeeding in Public: Can we stop being stupid?

Fact: Breastfeeding in public is legal in all 50 states.

Fact: 45 states (including Texas) have specifically expressed, written laws further clarifying that a breastfeeding mother has the right to breastfeed her child anywhere and everywhere that she, the mother, has a legal right to be. (Check this link if you’re interested in state-by-state laws)

Fact: When employees at the Pure Fitness for Women club in Spring, Texas, asked a breastfeeding mother to move to a more “private” area, they were in fact breaking the law.

Those are facts. This is my opinion: I think it is completely and utterly ridiculous that breastfeeding moms are still, in 2011, having to deal with such ignorance and discrimination. Mothers have only been feeding their babies in this way since THE BEGINNING OF TIME. Long before the modern advent of formula and bottles, long before uptight misguided fitness club employees declared it inappropriate (while fellow patrons looked on in their barely-there lycra and spandex), long before we as a society lost sight of what was good and healthy and normal and right.

We are mammals, and that is how mammals feed their young. That’s a fact too. Your personal feelings of disagreement or discomfort can’t and don’t change biology. It bothers me – literally almost pains me – that people fail to recognize it for what it is: a mother feeding her baby in the way that her body was intended to feed a baby.

In an official statement following the incident, Pure Fitness made the following remarks:

“We have thousands of members’ children that do not understand,” the club stated. “At that age it is the discretion of the parent to determine if at a kids club age the child should learn about the benefits and reasons for breast feeding. We feel that children should not be exposed to these events without every parent being ok with their child being exposed to the action.”

I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but am I the only one who recognizes how ignorant – even stupid – these comments sound?

“We have thousands of members’ children that do not understand”. Such a tough thing to understand… A mom feeding a child. It’s a wonder my non-college educated brain could wrap itself around the concept soon enough to feed my own children. If a child asks, the answer is: “That’s how she feeds her baby. It’s how I fed you (or if you didn’t breastfeed, how Aunt Suzy or Grandma or the neighbor or someone else your child knows fed their baby)” It’s not rocket science, folks.

“At that age it is the discretion of the parent to determine if at a kids club age the child should learn about the benefits and reasons for breast feeding.”
Benefits and reasons? Sure, a 5 year old doesn’t necessarily need a detailed list of the physical and emotional benefits of breastfeeding for the mother and child, nor would he even understand it all. But the act of eating and getting nourishment is something even a baby can understand. It is, again, a biological necessity, and one that is appropriate for discussion with any and ALL ages. Is there honestly a mother out there who would not want her child to know about the “benefits and reasons” for breastfeeding?

“We feel that children should not be exposed to these events without every parent being ok with their child being exposed to the action.” I feel like I’m just repeating myself now, but “these events”, this “action” in question was a MOM FEEDING HER BABY. Can I say that again?

This was a mom feeding her baby.

She was exercising her right – both her human right and the right given to her by law – to feed her hungry child.

She wasn’t doing anything wrong.
She wasn’t doing anything indecent.
She wasn’t doing anything inappropriate.
She wasn’t doing anything illegal.

She was feeding a child. And she was asked to leave.

It’s 2011. I’d like to think I live in the real world, most of the time, but I’m having a very hard time understanding why we haven’t come further than this. We should be informed by now. We should be enlightened by now. Can we please, please, stop being so stupid?

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1 Comment

Filed under attachment parenting, breastfeeding, hot topics, parenting, rant

August 2, 2011 · 7:58 AM

Blame the Video Games

Photo by phr3qu3ncy

Chris Staniforth was 20 years old, loved playing Xbox, and had been accepted into a Game Design program at Leicester University. His recent death, determined to be from a pulmonary embolism, came after what was described as a “marathon session” of gaming.

To be clear, the unexpected loss of a 20 year old is a tragedy no matter what, and my heart goes out to his parents and loved ones. But I see headlines like this, and I can’t help but think there’s an injustice being served.  Doing a quick Google search of his name brings it up again and again.  “Xbox addict.”  “Game addict.” “Halo addict.” Addict, addict, addict.  Article after article warns against the dangers of excessive game playing.

Deep vein thrombosis, which caused the pulmonary embolism that killed Chris Staniforth, can occur during long periods of immobility, such as bed rest, long flights, or simply sitting in the same position for a long time.

When I was a kid on summer vacation, I used to spend entire days (days upon days) sprawled on a hammock or lawn chair, reading a book.  If I didn’t have four kids and adult responsibilities, I still would.  Does that make me a reading addict?  Does that make reading dangerous?

My husband has had a desk job ever since he entered the work force nearly twenty years ago.  Sometimes when he’s involved in a project, he doesn’t move from his chair for several hours at a time.  Does that make him a workaholic?  Does that make working dangerous?

Yes, I could have gotten up occasionally and taken a break from reading.  Yes, my husband could walk down the hall occasionally and get a cup of coffee.  Yes, Chris Staniforth could have interspersed his video game playing with shooting basketball or walking around the block.  But what happened to him was a rare and tragic accidental death, one that could happen to anyone, doing any number of things.  It’s not the fault of the video game.  It’s also not the fault of his parents (something I saw over and over in the comments of these articles)  They should have stopped him from playing so long!  They should have made him do other things!  Besides the fact that this was a 20 year old who should have been able to make his own decisions, we know nothing about his parents other than the fact that they are grieving the loss of their son.

He was following a passion. This poor kid was not doing drugs, not doing anything illegal or immoral or wrong, yet his death is being used as a dire anti-video game cautionary tale.  He was an addict, these articles warn.  Don’t let this happen to you!

I have a child who is passionate about video games.  At ten, he already knows that he wants to study video game design, just as I already knew at ten that it was the written word that I loved.  I want to support him in that endeavor, just as I would in any other.   I know people who work in this field for a living… people who love what they are doing.  People I respect.

But video games can kill you!  Absolutely they can. So can riding in an airplane, stepping off a curb, or slipping in the shower.  The video games are not at fault here.  Neither is the airplane, the curb, or the shower.    These are accidents.

I wouldn’t want Chris Staniforth’s death to be in vain.  I want to continue to have awareness, and knowledge, and common sense.  Of course.  But I never want to live in fear, and I never want my kids to do so either.

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Filed under hot topics, life, unschooling, video games

May 18, 2011 · 9:03 AM

Things That Make Me Go Hmm

The news stories that have been popping up on the internet lately have been coming from a veritable pool of craziness. Just when I think our world can’t get any more absurd, I read things like this that prove me wrong.

Isn’t this offensive?  Shield your kids!

Really?

This is not even about extended nursing (or as I like to call it, “regular length” nursing) In fact, I’d love for it be a non-issue altogether. This is just how we were designed. No matter how you personally feel about it, nursing a two year old is normal. The worldwide weaning average is still 4 years, so in many houses, nursing a five or six year old is normal too.

This is about an utterly ridiculous, and illogical, law whose goal it is to exert more control over the masses.  It’s not about nudity (as it claims) because if it were, short shorts would have to be outlawed too.  They show far more skin than a breastfeeding mother.  Tube tops, tank tops, anything cleavage-baring: a million times more revealing than a nursing mom.

Heck, let’s pass laws about flip-flops and hem lines and sheer fabrics.

Is it about someone feeding or comforting their child?  Maybe the-powers-that-be feel that becomes inappropriate once the child is two?  Then outlaw pacifiers in public too.  Outlaw sippy cups.  Outlaw those little round snack containers packed with Cheerios.   You probably ought to outlaw hugs too, and holding your child all together, lest anyone get the wrong idea.  And for pete’s sake, have your child’s birth certificate readily available, because they reserve the right to verify their age at any time. 

Such a bold and productive new step for our country.  Way to go, Georgia.

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Filed under attachment parenting, breastfeeding, freedom, hot topics, parenting, rant