Category Archives: life

January 10, 2014 · 7:00 AM

40 For 40

Today, I turn 40.

This is 40

I haven’t done New Year’s resolutions for a long time (although some of what follows will definitely sound resolution-ish) but I do so love a list of goals. This year, as I approached 40 and my brain started tickling with all the new things I wanted to experience this year, I decided that a “40 for 40” list was in order.

It’s a year of celebrating me. Of self-care. Of creativity. Of honoring the 40 years I’ve been on this planet. 40 years is a long time, and yet…. God willing, sooo much life still ahead of me! So much to do and see and try and taste and experience.

40 is also the year that I let go of the last few holds of perfectionism. The need to DO ALL THE THINGS, and do them all “right.” To that end, if I don’t do something on the list, it’s okay! If I decide I don’t want to do something after all, that’s okay too. Maybe it’ll get added to the 41 for 41 list. Or maybe it’ll get replaced with something even better. I have no doubt that it will all work out exactly the way it’s supposed to.

And without further ado, my list (and my commentary):

~~Start gauging my ears~~ – Mainly because it’s just something I always wanted to try. So I did, a week ago today. I’m a tiny little 14 gauge right now, and plan to go up to 0.
~~Get another tattoo~~ – That’s done too! Thanks to my lovely friend Erika coming to visit at the last minute. Tattoos are always better when you go with a buddy! It made tattoo #5.
~~Take a karate class~~ – Another thing I always wanted to do. My class started on Wednesday. It is fun and fast paced, and so much harder than I thought it would be! It made me feel so clumsy and uncoordinated, it’s amazing I can put my own pants on in the morning. I was telling my sister, who is taking the class with me, that it’s a good thing I waited till now to take it. The old me would have been too intimidated, too embarrassed to go back after my muddled first attempt… but the current me is shouting, “YEAH! A challenge!!” I can’t wait to learn more!
Go back to school – I’ve taken various classes over the past several years, took a nutrition program, earned my RYT to teach yoga, etc. Earning a degree has never held any importance for me (and it still doesn’t), but ASU recently expanded their online offerings, and I found something called Healthy Lifestyle Coaching which combines fitness, nutrition, yoga, anatomy… all those things I get super geeked about, all in one major. And well, given the fact that I get a ridiculous discount since Mike works for them, I just couldn’t NOT do it.
Put on a successful conference – I’m not gonna lie. I’m nervous. Possibly as nervous as I’ve ever been about anything.
Draw something. Hang it on my wall. – I took art classes all through high school, and a few in college. I liked painting, but I loved drawing and sketching. Pencil, charcoal, pen and ink… loved. I’ve missed it.
Knit a project from start to finish – I taught myself to knit a few years ago, but got bored before I actually completed anything. Thought it’d be fun to pick it up again.
Get back into doing a handstand – even if it’s against a wall. My shoulder’s ready. And,
Learn the scorpion pose – They worked on this a bit when I was in my teacher training a year and a half ago, but my shoulder injury dictated that I sit it out. 🙁 Fast forward through surgery, and a L O N G recovery, and I was never able to work on it. I’m ready for that now, too.
Sit down at the piano, and practice and learn a new song – One song, any song. And not just the intro.
Get back down to my drivers license weight – Okay, so, I am the first person to tell you to ignore the scale, don’t focus on numbers… that you should gauge your progress by how you feel, how strong you are, how your clothes fit, etc. But. There’s something powerful about having a specific, concrete goal (such as do x number of pushups, or run x number of miles) rather than a general, “get healthy.” Well, too many pushups blow out my shoulder. I only run when chased. But I can control my weight. Some of the 20 or so pounds I’ve put on over the past few years are due to a changing metabolism for sure… but much was also due to injury, depression, less activity, ::cough:: too much alcohol, and just plain not taking care of myself the way I should. I won’t beat myself up about the past. My body has – mostly – served me well exactly the way it is. But I’m ready to do something else with it now.
Finish my parenting book – It’s time.
Take myself on a date to the movies – Once upon a time, I would have been way too self-conscious and embarrassed to do something like that by myself. But last year, I accompanied Mike on a trip to Chicago for business, and needed to keep myself occupied when he was busy at his conference. I went to two movies by myself, and I LOVED IT. Seriously loved it. Like, “Why on earth haven’t I been doing this all along??” loved it. So I need to do it again.
Spend an afternoon drinking coffee and wandering around Barnes and Noble – Because books. And coffee.
Re-read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance – I was in my early 20’s the first time I read it, and am curious how my 40 year old self will relate in comparison.
Read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking – I’ve only fully embraced my introvert self in the past few years, and have been recommended this book over and over.
Read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Just because everyone’s always shocked that I’ve never read it. So I put it on my “see what the fuss is about” list.
Paint a picture – Hang it on the wall, with my drawing.
Take an overnight trip by myself – I just need to decide who I’m going to visit!
Take an aerial silk class – Because it’s awesome
Learn how to make a really good homemade pad thai – Because it’s delicious
Get some new eye makeup and learn how to use it – I’m 40, and have no idea how to use makeup. I’ve been a mascara and lipgloss girl forever, if I can be bothered to use that much.
Spend a day at the zoo, just to take pictures – my favorite place to play with the zoom
Get rid of all my clothes I don’t love/don’t fit – My drawers are stuffed, and I wear just a few favorite things. This makes no sense?
Hike at least 20 new spots in the valley – It’s sort of criminal that I live here, surrounded by all these great views and hiking trails, and I barely venture out of the house unless it’s in the truck to go off-roading. And, bonus, this is one my family can enjoy with me.
Make a blogging schedule, and stick to it… whether it’s once a week, every day, etc – I try to give up blogging sometimes, but it keeps calling me back…
*Don’t* do Nano, and feel good about skipping it – For the past 4 years, November has meant I was writing like a crazy woman, trying to get in my 50,000 word novel before the month ended. I loved it and hated it and got a lot out of it… but this year I’m focused on other things.
Go to a concert – Christina Perri is coming to Tempe. I’m a little bit obsessed with her.
Sew something – Finish it.
Make myself a chain mail necklace and/or bracelet – So far I’ve only made them as gifts, but I really love doing it.
Aim to do yoga *every* day… but feel no guilt if I skip it – I need to do this if I’m going to be successful at #8 and #9
~~Go back to a paper planner, and do this with it.~~ – I’m on week two so far, and loving it!
Actually cook/bake/create some of the things I’ve pinned on Pinterest – Because there’s too many cool/delicious/fun things on there to let them just languish away on the interwebs.
Get Melt: The Art of Macaroni and Cheese and work my way through it – Don’t care that’s it’s all carbs and dairy. Sigh. Garrett of Vanilla Garlic. I’m a little bit obsessed with him too.
Get some Earth Boxes and grow some vegetables. Try not to kill them – I’m sadly the only one in the family who was not blessed with a green thumb. I kill Christmas cactuses. I kill things that are supposed to be impossible to kill. I’m not going to get crazy, but ~~surely~~ maybe I can grow some tomatoes.
Do the purging challenge at least for one month http://www.theminimalists.com/game/ – DO IT.
Take the Personal Trainer test – I’ve had the book for at least a couple of years now. I just need to study it.
Find a really perfect pair of jeans and a really perfect hoodie – Everyone should have jeans and a hoodie that they really love and feel great in. I don’t currently have any that fit that criteria. 🙁
Ditto for a skirt – I’m not a skirt person. But I think it’d be fun to be one sometimes.
Pay off one credit card – Because, ugh. Enough already.

And there’s my list. Phew. I can’t wait to cross the next thing off! Happy birthday to me.

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Filed under about me, birthdays, dreams, goals, learning, life, random, self image

December 13, 2013 · 1:16 PM

Keeping It Real

A cute picture that has nothing to do with this post

There are twelve days till Christmas. I am in tears (those two thoughts are not really related).

When I started this blog… 8, 9 years ago? It was a journal. A fun little way to capture and remember the things I was doing with the kids. It was called Unschooling Chronicles back then, and it was read by mostly family and a few friends. I enjoyed it.

Over time it morphed and changed into something else… and right now, I don’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy having every word getting picked to shreds. I don’t enjoy getting told what a horrible person I am. I don’t enjoy getting called names. Again. And again. And again. AND AGAIN. I don’t enjoy getting told how I should do things differently, and say things differently, and post things differently. I don’t enjoy getting told I just need to suck it up, that’s it’s just the nature of the beast. I don’t enjoy people who don’t even know me making snap decisions about what kind of person I am, or am not.

This blog is still small according to the blogging world, tiny compared to most, and yet it’s still too big. I don’t know how people like Single Dad Laughing and Matt Walsh do it, I really don’t.

My heart is heavy and my soul is tired.

And it is so, SO easy to say, “Who cares what other people say?” (mostly said by people who don’t have their own blogs, and therefore haven’t opened themselves up to daily public criticism and don’t know what it’s like)

The past week I’ve felt like I’ve been kicked while I was down way, way too many times. It eventually caught up with me. So five minutes ago, I unpublished my TPLT Facebook page – what was once one of my very favorite things, and recently had become a boxing ring – and will be taking a good long break. I don’t know yet that I’ll unpublish my blog altogether, but for now I step away, at least from the kind of writing I’ve been doing.

For now I focus on:

My beautiful family
Christmas
My sweet little cat
The advent calendar, which I FINALLY got up, a mere 10 days late
Supportive friends
Writing for ME again.
Things that make me laugh
Yummy food
Yoga
Working on the conference
Parties and celebrations and fun outings
God

You could say that I’m backing down and letting “them” win I suppose. But walking away from something that’s not serving me and is making me unhappy? That’s ME winning.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and have a safe and happy and peaceful holiday season.

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Filed under blogging, life

August 8, 2013 · 11:52 AM

Eight Things and Twenty Years

Yesterday, Mike and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. Twenty years is a long time. And as is often the case on these monumentous occasions, I’m finding myself doing a lot of reflecting, reminiscing, and nostalgic wallowing. It’s funny though (funny in a happy, delightful, life-is-full-of-surprises kind of way) because none of the defining characteristics of my life right now are anything close to what I would have envisioned or hoped for twenty years ago. In fact, in the grand tradition of the detours in life being far better than anything you might have planned, my life is in many many ways the total opposite of what I would have mistakenly chosen for myself.

Here are just eight points – of dozens – that I would never have believed if you’d showed them to me on a crystal ball on that day I said “I do” twenty years ago.

1. Living in Phoenix – I was a country girl, spending my formative years on 30 acres of animals and trees and trails. For most of my life, I would have found the idea of living in (and driving in) one of the highest populated cities in the country TERRIFYING. We lived in Worcester, MA for the first six years of our marriage, and I didn’t particularly enjoy it … so … Phoenix??? But that’s where we landed, and we’ve found happiness here. Neither one of us thinks we’ll stay here forever. We’d like to move north a little bit out of the city eventually, and I am still a country girl at heart, but we love Arizona, love the desert, love the openness, and love the life we’ve created here. Moving to Phoenix was one of the single best and most defining decisions we’ve made for our family.

2. Being a Stay at Home Mom – Before I first got pregnant, I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. It sounds strange to say that out loud, given the importance of the role it’s played in my life for the past 16 years, but I didn’t. I never actually thought about it really… just assumed I’d have a great job that I wouldn’t want to leave, and would get right back to it after a standard-issue maternity leave. But God had other plans for me, and I am so thankful for that!

3. Being a yoga teacher – Yoga wasn’t on my radar as a young newlywed. I was aware of the existence of yoga of course, but that was where it began and ended. I never thought about yoga, was never interested in yoga, never tried yoga. Besides, I was going to have some fancy, high fallutin’, big deal career. When would I have time for the training?

4. Homeschooling – Yeah. Homeschoolers were, you know, weird and stuff. I would never.

5. Parenting – Here’s the parenting knowledge I had before I actually was a parent: I knew that I wouldn’t be the kind of parent who would pick my kid up every time he cried. Or “give in” to a tantrum. Or the kind of parent that would wear my baby or sleep with my baby (these kids need to learn to be independent!) I wouldn’t be the kind of parent that would breastfeed in public, and I most certainly wouldn’t breastfeed a child who was old enough to be walking and talking. Yes, I knew a lot back then.

6. Dreadlocks – And four tattoos (and counting..) and a nose ring. Nice girls didn’t do those things. But guess what? I’m still a nice girl. And I like myself a whole heck of a lot better, because I realize now that you absolutely and unequivocally cannot categorize people by their outward appearance.

7. College – Nice girls DO finish college. It was important to my parents, so by extension it was important to me. But again, God had other plans for me. My one college regret? It’s not that I didn’t finish. It wasn’t the right path for me. No, my only regret when it comes to college is that I wasted as much time and money on it as I did. I do occasionally think of going back sometimes (to further my studies of the things I realized I was passionate about after I left college) but if it’s not in my immediate future, that’s okay too.

8. Marriage itself – It’s strange. It’s not that I didn’t think we’d be married for twenty years. I did. It’s just that it was through a young, naive, theoretical filter. Almost like life was a fairy tale to be observed rather than lived. “Of course we’ll be married in twenty years! And life will be beautiful and lovely and we’ll all live happily ever after…” I didn’t take into account the fact that sometimes life could be sucky and difficult. Or that we’d go through phases when we didn’t really like each other very much. Or that growing up and “finding yourself” whilst simultaneously being a wide-eyed, innocent, and broke (oh so broke) newlywed was hard. Would one or both of us have bailed if we really knew what marriage meant, especially those first ten years? I don’t know. I hope not.

But I know this: Twenty years in, I feel like I “get” marriage now. Not as much as I’ll get it in another twenty years, or even another ten years. But I get it. It’s harder than the fairy tale, that much is true. But my marriage, much like the rest of my unexpected and wonderful and beautiful and crazy life, is also better than the fairy tale.

So, so much better.

Here’s to the next 20 years, and whatever detours they may bring.

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Filed under about me, anniversaries, Arizona, life

July 25, 2013 · 5:34 PM

Slowing Down

My kids are my greatest teachers.

One of the biggest lessons that my daughter has taught me (and continues to teach me, again and again) is to slow the heck down. Breathe. Live in the moment. Forget about life’s distractions. It’s strange to me, an introverted homebody, that this is a lesson I would so desperately need to receive over and over… but I do.

The past two months have been incredibly busy ones, and I’ve sort of prided myself on rising to the occasion. Keep moving. Keep checking. Keep doing. Go, go, go. I’ve become very adept at taking care of Very Important Things while simultaneously tending to other Very Important Things. Is it weird to balance your checkbook sitting on the wings of the community pool while your kids are in swimming lessons? Or work on your grocery list while waiting for your son in physical therapy? I don’t know. But I’ve been doing them both, in my – mostly successful – quest to stay on top of everything when I’ve got a million balls in the air. Can’t stop moving. Can’t drop the balls.

This morning Tegan got up early. Well, it wasn’t exactly early. It was 8:00. But that’s early for her lately, because she’s been staying up late, and sleeping in the next morning. Which works out well for me, because it gives me plenty of time to work on my ever-growing to-do list before anyone gets up. But this morning she got up at 8:00, and in her sleepy little stupor, immediately sprawled herself out on the couch. I knew she was about to fall back to sleep, so I asked her if she wanted me to get her blanket.

“No,” she told me. “Come back to bed with me.” Her eyes were nearly closed already.

“You want to go back to bed?”

She nodded with her eyes closed. “Yes, but I want you to come with me. Come lay with me.”

I knew if I waited about 30 seconds before I got up that she would just fall back to sleep again on the couch. I also knew that it was a moment I wouldn’t get back.

“Come lay with me.”

My first instinct was to grab my tablet (I’d been catching up on emails) so that I could use it in bed after she’d fallen asleep, but I knew she wouldn’t like that.

My daughter.

My need to do. all. the. things.

I acted before I could debate it. I left my tablet on the couch, and walked her back to bed. I tucked us both in, her little body happily curled against mine. It was only a matter of minutes before she was asleep, her head heavy against my arm, her breathing deep and even.

I slowed down.

I breathed.

Her timing was, as always, impeccable. In many ways, life is about to slow down for the next month or so. Swimming is officially over, ballet ended for the summer last week, karate ends on Saturday. And with so many of my clients with travel plans, even my yoga class has taken a hiatus for at least the next month. But because this is, well, the real world, in many ways life is about to pick up as well. Lots of plans, lots of projects, lots to do.

But not this morning. Not right now. There’s a place for stillness too. A time to slow down. A time to breathe. I laid with my sleeping girl for a long time, savoring the moment, drinking in the lesson.

Slow down.

Breathe.

After she woke up, we hung out in bed for another hour, to-do list be damned. We watched TV, read about 7 Dora books, and talked about the important things moms and daughters talk about. I snuck out of the room just once when she was asleep, but I came right back.I just had to take a picture, to remind me.

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Filed under about me, kids, learning, life, mindful parenting, not sweating the small stuff, parenting, Tegan

July 8, 2013 · 2:32 PM

On Being a Quitter

I stand in front of you a quitter, and an unabashed one at that.

Just a few of the bigger things I’ve quit in the past couple of decades:

I quit college when I realized it wasn’t the right path for me. I was going to college for all the wrong reasons (mostly having to do with other people’s expectations), and I realized that I was spending a lot of money on a degree that I didn’t actually want, and certainly didn’t need. So I quit.

I quit my job to become a stay-at-home-mom. This one surprised me, because prior to getting pregnant with Spencer I took for granted that I’d just take a maternity leave and head straight back to work. But then I got pregnant and I suddenly knew – with 100% certainty I might add – that I was meant to stay home. I KNEW. And that was it. So I quit.

I quit going to a church that wasn’t meeting my needs. People leave churches for all kinds of reasons, and I was no exception. There were many many factors at play for sure, but the main one was that it eventually came to light that the particular church we were going to made me feel like I was getting further away from the loving nature that God would desire from me, rather than closer to it. So I quit.

I quit living in a place that no longer felt like “home.” Again, lots of factors. And an undeniably huge decision, especially since it was one that affected a family of five (soon to be six). I’d tried to make it work. I did. But we weren’t happy, and we needed to be somewhere else. So I quit.

Perhaps more important than any of the above, I quit letting other people’s opinions matter more than my own. I quit letting others have a definitive say in what path was or was not right for me. Of what did or did not constitute success. Of what I would try or what I would start… or what I would discontinue or what I would stop… or when, or where, or for what reason. I quit letting others tell me what my parenting should look like, or my marriage should look like, or my faith should look like. I quit letting my worth be defined by my mistakes, and I quit letting my breakthroughs be overshadowed by my failures.

I hear so much today about kids and quitting, and what we’re really teaching them if we “let” them quit the baseball team that they no longer enjoy, or the Sunday school class that isn’t what they were expecting, or the violin lessons that were never their idea in the first place. They need to learn to see things through to the end! They need to learn to persevere in the face of adversity! And the thing is, when they feel confident and safe and supported, they will learn both of those things, when it’s important to them. Forcing a child to finish something that is no longer right for them may very well teach a very different lesson than the one you’d intended.

Sometimes I think that letting your child know that there are times when it’s not only okay to quit but that it’s sometimes GOOD – and healthy and smart – is one of the most important things you can ever show them.

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Filed under about me, life, parenting

June 10, 2013 · 9:21 AM

The Summer of George

There’s a Seinfeld episode where George gets let go from his job just before summer starts, and he’s given a 3 month severance package. He decides to live it up, makes grand plans, and declares it “The Summer of George.” Of course because it was Seinfeld, the summer doesn’t go quite as he anticipated… he ends up sitting around doing nothing, getting so weak and atrophied that when he falls down a flight of stairs and breaks his leg, he’s told he may never be rehabilitated enough to walk again. His friends respond with their usual level of compassion, leaving him alone at the hospital while they go off to the diner for a cup of coffee.

I miss that show.

I think of that episode, or at least those words, (“But it’s the Summer of George!!”) every time summer rolls around again. Good, bad, planned, spontaneous…. in my head, it’s always the Summer of George.

This year, the prospect of summer – especially this month – brought with it a fair amount of stress. It meant Spencer’s surgery (which went very well!) and recovery and physical therapy, it meant daily swimming lessons for Everett and Tegan.. and more ballet and karate and gymnastics. It meant I was to be a single mom for a week while Mike went away. It meant baby sitting and dog sitting and house-sitting. It meant another month of dealing with pain, which would likely bring with it another month of not sleeping.

It meant I would once again get myself so worked up that I’d have to hit bottom before I could start de-tangling and sorting and making sense of it all. In the past I would have blogged about it, made a big proclamation about Taking better care of myself! Getting organized! Eating better! Employing healthier ways to deal with stress! Finding peace in the moment! And Blah Blah Blah. An epic recipe for eating your words if ever there was one. Instead, I decided I’d just sort of quietly do it.

So I have.

And now we’re already ten days in to June, and I feel good. Calm. Happy. Excited about a new project. Spencer’s surgery is over, and PT will start soon. The little ones are loving swimming. Paxton is happy and enjoying his own pursuits. The busiest part of the month will be over in less than two weeks. It’s all good, even in its unpredictability. But really, how could it not be? It’s the Summer of George.

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Filed under life, random, Uncategorized

May 9, 2013 · 8:01 AM

A Moment

Day 9, Thursday: A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)

Today we took the kids to the local aquarium. It was a good time (it always is), as was the nice Mexican dinner we went to afterward at a little delicious hole-in-the-wall place that we hadn’t been to for years. Neither of those were the best part of the day though.

After our early dinner, we had to wait around for a call from the shop that was working on Mike’s Land Cruiser, to let him know it was ready. We’d gone down in two cars in the morning, and dropped it off before we headed to the aquarium. I guess the kids and I could have gone home without him, and let him wait on his own, but that’s not the way we roll. Plus, we were way down in Mesa – a good 45 minute drive – and it seemed a shame to waste so much of his day off by driving apart when we didn’t have to.

So we found a nearby park with a playground, and settled in to wait. Now, I take the two little ones to the playground all the time, but I can’t remember the last time we were at a playground with all four kids… at least not when the boys weren’t off on their own with friends. Hanging out at a playground as a family was a treat that didn’t go unappreciated. Tegan played on the slides and jungle gym till she tired of it, Everett pretended he was doing a “Survivor” style obstacle course on some of the equipment, we all took turns on the swings, and we eventually retired to a shady spot in the sand where we buried the kids and chatted about everything from haircuts to summer vacations to starting your own business. The shop finally called to tell him the truck was done (and, bonus: at $100 less than estimated! When does that ever happen??), and we slowly made our way out. On the way, the kids decided to stop at those bouncy animals, the ones on giant springs, designed for very little kids. Paxton, who’s nearly 13 and already six feet tall, started riding on one and laughed so hard he almost couldn’t breathe. Everett joined in on another one, and not being able to resist, I hopped on the last one – a squirrel – to see what the fuss was about. Instant laughter as I flopped back and forth. Paxton nearly fell off his dinosaur.

And we headed to get the truck and start for home… tired; happy; with dirty, sandy feet; full bellies; and full hearts. Now that’s a moment.

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Filed under family, life, parenting

May 6, 2013 · 8:16 PM

What I Do

Day 6, Monday: If you couldn’t answer with your job, how would you answer the question, ‘what do you do’?

Last month when we were in Florida, we took a day-long tour of the Everglades. Shortly after we got into the van with our six fellow-vacationers, our guide (a fun and enthusiastic Floridian by the name of Rick) asked us to go around and introduce ourselves to the group. Mike and I were sitting in the very back seat, so I was the last to go. As I listened to everyone pretty much give their resumes, I wondered what I would say. They were all talking about jobs, and I hadn’t worked for an outside job in over 16 years. Even when I did, I was never really defined by it. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to mention it when I introduced myself, even back them. So what would I tell them? I would tell them I was a mom, of course, and maybe even that I taught yoga – mainly because it’s still relatively new, I worked hard for it, and it still gives me a little thrill to say it out loud. I like to think of myself as a writer, but I wouldn’t tell them that.

Mom and yoga teacher. That would be fine.

And it was. They all appreciated that I was a mom, especially when I said that we had four kids, and that we homeschooled. The yoga was a hit too, as it launched Rick into a funny story about how he took a yoga class to impress a former girlfriend and that it hadn’t ended well.

But are any of those things what I do?

THIS is what I do:

I make mistakes, and I hope to learn from them.

I laugh, often at myself.

I cry, just as much happy as sad.

I make grand plans, and I dream big dreams.

I start things I never finish, and finish things I never imagined.

I sometimes struggle and sometimes soar and sometimes sink and sometimes swim.

I breathe, in and out. I fall down, and I pick myself up.

I do real.

I do love.

I do LIFE.

Really, isn’t that what we all do?

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Filed under about me, life

May 1, 2013 · 11:10 AM

The Story of My Life

Harry: Why don’t you tell me the story of your life.

Sally: The story of my life?

Harry: We’ve got eighteen hours to kill before we hit New York.

Sally: The story of my life isn’t even going to get us out of Chicago. Nothing’s happened to me yet. That’s why I’m going to New York.

Harry: So something can happen to you?

Sally: Yes.

Harry: Like what?

Sally: Like I’m going to journalism school to become a reporter.

Harry: So you can write about things that happen to other people.

Sally: That’s one way to look at it.

Harry: Suppose nothing happens to you. Suppose you live out your whole life, and you never meet anybody, you never become anything, and finally you die one of those New York deaths, where nobody notices for two weeks until the smell drifts into the hallway.

Sally: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.

Harry: That’s what drew her to me…

~from When Harry Met Sally, one of my favorite movies of all time.

When I first saw that the theme for May 1st was “Your Life Story” (from the Blog Every Day in May challenge by The Story of My Life) , I immediately thought of this quote. It kind of IS the story of my life: My brain thinks in movie quotes. Always. And also because I can relate to the “nothing’s happened to me yet” sentiment. But not in a bad way! In the absolute best kind of way.

In eight months, I’ll turn 40. I’m actually really excited about that. I see all those “boo-hoo I’m turning 30 (or 40 or 50 or whatever)” posts, and I don’t get it. My 30’s were far better than my 20’s, which were far better than my teens. My teenage years were filled with angst. In my twenties, I was a newlywed, broke and confused and sort of floundering through life. I “found” myself in my 30’s. I also found self-respect and self-confidence. I found my voice. I found ME. I have absolutely no reason to believe that my 40’s aren’t going to be even better.

My childhood? It was … fine. Lovely even. Lots of fun. Lots of happy memories. A close, all-American family in New England; a (mostly) good experience in school; plenty of friends and pets and play. But my life story? My favorite part of the story is NOW. Today. This moment.

In the words of Natasha Bedingfield, “The rest is still unwritten.”

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April 30, 2013 · 10:02 AM

Getting away, real life, and perspective

Last week at this time, I was drinking my morning coffee here:

And walking here:

And exploring here:

And admiring these:

It wasn’t technically a vacation for Mike, who was there for a TIAA Cref conference … but for myself, who tagged along just for the fun of it, didn’t have to sit in on any sessions about benefit options, and never once uttered any words like “fiduciary”… it was ALL vacation.

Vacations are weird. There’s no better way to say that. We got on a plane, we flew across the country… and real life ceased to exist. For nearly an entire week our biggest problem (um, except for my temporary crisis that shall not be talked about) was deciding between Mexican and Italian for dinner. Or what movie we were going to watch. Or how much we should tip the tour guide. Or which seashells we’d be taking home as a souvenir.

It was lovely and relaxing and it renewed my spirit.

Things like bills? Doctor’s appointments? Errands? Housework? Crazy schedules? Nope. They were forgotten. Existing only in some alternate reality that applied to other people. Not me.

The night before we headed home from Marco Island, I started getting grumpy. That same grumpy feeling I get on Sunday evenings when Mike’s been home for a particularly nice long weekend and has to go back to work the next morning. That. But multiplied by a factor of ten.

I couldn’t wait to see and hug my kids (who’d been enjoying their own vacation with their grandparents), but the real life…. stuff… that was also waiting for our return? Not quite as excited for that part.

It wasn’t until we were on the plane, somewhere between Ft Myers and Minneapolis, that it hit me. The only reason I hadn’t worried about any of life’s little distractions going on at home was that I chose (whether consciously or subconsciously) not to. And if I could choose to do that in Florida, couldn’t I choose to do it in Phoenix?

The world hadn’t stopped spinning. Nothing had changed.

My mortgage still has the same number of zeroes no matter what side of the country I’m on.

It wasn’t the first time I’ve had such a realization (and I’m sure it won’t be the last), but I found my sudden epiphany freeing. I don’t need white sand or palm trees to rest… in either mind, body, or soul. It’s a choice, and it’s always been a choice.

When we’d landed safely back in Phoenix, I breathed in the dry desert air with gratitude. Home feels good. And when we walked in the house and were immediately met with an ant situation, I couldn’t help but laugh. It’s all part of the experience.

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