Category Archives: Tegan

September 22, 2012 · 3:18 PM

Rolling in the Deep

Tegan loves Adele. And when I say she loves Adele, I mean she really, really loves Adele. I find Adele very refreshing, because she can actually SING, rather than relying on smoke and mirrors and spandex and pyrotechnic woo-woo stuff like so many of the other popular performers today. But Tegan… she’s just enamored. Adele’s the only thing we’re allowed to listen to in the car, and the girl only pauses in her singing long enough to sigh and say, “Oh that voice! It’s just so beautiful!” She’s often asking me to show her pictures of Adele online, and her imaginative play includes going to Adele’s house, drinking tea, and playing dress-up together. 🙂 She knows all the words to all her songs, although this particular performance is more about the entertaining than the singing…

I love her.

2 Comments

Filed under random, Tegan

July 2, 2012 · 6:00 AM

Early in the Morning

One of my very favorite times of day is early in the morning, sometime between 4:00 and 5:00 AM. That’s around the time that Tegan usually wakes up and makes her way into our bed, to sleep for a few more hours snuggled between us. Like her three brothers before her, she slept exclusively in our bed as a baby and toddler, and it’s only been recently that she’s started choosing to start the night in her own bed. As I think most any cosleeping parent would tell you, it’s a bittersweet milestone to be sure.

But we still have our mornings.

I always wake up as soon as she’s out of her bed… partly because of mother’s intuition, but mostly because she’s so dang loud. How a tiny 40 pound girl can make herself sound like a herd of elephants just coming down a hallway is beyond me, but she does. Every time. Once into our room, she almost flies onto our bed as if possessing super powers, and nestles herself in between her father and I. If we’re sleeping too close together, she simply burrows her way in. Not an eighth of a second after she lands, she’s asleep once again.

As our fourth and final child (our “caboose” as one of my friends likes to say), her fading babyhood is all the more poignant. At four, she is so busy, so active, so big… but in those early morning hours, she’s still my baby. And as I lay there in the dark, waiting for sleep to come again and loving her so fiercely it almost hurts, I drink it all in: the soft, rhythmic sound of her breathing; the faint scent of coconut in her tousled curls; the warmth of the little hand she’s wrapped around my back.

In those moments, nothing else matters but me and my baby.

I am home.

3 Comments

Filed under attachment parenting, parenting, Tegan

February 22, 2012 · 10:00 AM

Four Awesome Things

Four years ago today (four years!) my life was forever changed for the better yet again, when I was blessed to become a mom to a little girl for the very first time. Tegan has brought so very much to our family, and our lives, and I couldn’t imagine this world without her. Here are the top four things that make her the wonderful, unique, and amazing person that she is.

1. She is beautiful. I’m not talking about the big brown eyes and the long curly hair either. She has a beautiful soul, and a kind, loving heart. She walks into a room, and it lights up. She radiates. She shines. She sparkles. She is simply beautiful, inside and out.

2. She is funny. Very, very few people make me laugh as hard as this girl. Period. Whether she’s making up a silly song, performing a one-woman play into the bathroom mirror, or bursting out into a full-on belly laugh because she woke herself from a deep sleep by passing gas, she is one of the most naturally funny people I know.

3. She is confident. I talk a lot on my blog about being true to yourself. Tegan doesn’t need to learn how to do that. She knows who she is. This is a girl who will go to the store in two different neon socks, a loud polka dot skirt, striped tights, a Tinkerbell pajama top, fairy wings, a string of pearls, and marker all over her face. She not only pulls it off, but she ROCKS IT. She is perfectly, authentically, 100% Tegan, and proud of it.

4. She’s creative. She turns our tile floor into hot lava, our living room into a castle, and a stick into a fairy wand. She transforms herself into Dora, me into a flying dragon, and her brothers into zombies. She whips up her own special blends of tea, and coffee, and smoothies, and dinner in her little kitchen. She weaves stories of adventure, and humor, and intrigue, and heart.

And my life is sweeter from of all of the above.

3 Comments

Filed under birthdays, Tegan

February 3, 2012 · 9:21 AM

My Mom, by Tegan

(Just about 3 weeks before her 4th birthday)

1. What is something mom always says to do?

I think you tell me to put my clothes back on before we go to the park. (ha ha, I do. I have to ask her to put her clothes back on often)

2. What makes mom happy?

Tegan.

3. What makes mom sad?

When she’s without Tegan.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

Tickle me.

5. What was your mom like as a child?

I don’t know. I can’t guess a thing like that. (LOL)

6. How old is your mom?

38 (She knows because I just had a birthday)

7. How tall is your mom?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

Nail polish

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?

Clean up

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

Because you’re a king

11. What is your mom really good at?

Races (she then proceeded to challenge me to a race across the house – the only kind of racing I ever do – to see if she was satisfied with her answer)

12. What is your mom not very good at?

Hide and Seek

13. What does your mom do for a job?

Cleaning up

14.What is your mom’s favorite food?

Cupcakes 🙂

15.What makes you proud of your mom?

Playing with me

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

Rosie, Caillou’s sister

17. What do you and your mom do together?

Swing, play hide and seek, play everything.

18. How are you and your mom the same?

We both have hair in our nose. (ha!)

19. How are you and your mom different?

Nose ring, earrings, your watch, freckles.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

Because I love you.

21. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?

San Diego. How’s that answer? (Perfect answer, baby. :))

11 Comments

Filed under about me, random, Tegan

November 10, 2011 · 12:57 PM

Conversations with a Three Year Old, Part 637

“Mommy, how do you make love?”

The question was honest, and innocent. I absolutely believe in talking about such matters frankly, so I did what any self-respecting parent would do. I stalled.

“What do you mean, like a drawing?” I thought maybe she meant a heart. When Everett was her age he used to always (adorably) call hearts “kisses”.

“No. No. Not a drawing. I said ‘how do you make love?” She repeated it as if I were hard of hearing, and followed it up with “Like, with your body.”

“Uh…. your body?” Stalling, stalling. I’m cool, I’m calm. I can handle this.

“Yes,” She paused, and much to my relief, rephrased. “Well, no. With your hand.”

“Oh….” I wasn’t sure that was better. And then I realized. “OH! You mean this?”:

“Yes!” And I helped her make the sign with her own fingers, and she was happy. “I love you Mommy,” she told me, with both her hand and her words.

I love you too, baby. More than you’ll ever know.

9 Comments

Filed under humor, life, Tegan

October 12, 2011 · 1:47 PM

Mom, he’s helping me again…

Everett was bored this morning and I asked him if he wanted to play a game. He liked that idea and returned a few minutes later with Herd Your Horses. It’s a fun game, and one we haven’t played in a long time, so I was more than willing to play with him. Tegan wanted to play too, and she came to join us as we were getting everything set up. The problem with playing a board game with a three year old is that while she’s definitely old enough to really want to play, she’s often not quite old enough to really get it. And that’s fine…. we don’t ask her to adhere to the same rules, and we don’t expect that she’s going to do everything “correctly”. We wing it, and we have fun, and we keep it light.

Except….

The seven year old takes games very seriously, and he doesn’t like bending the rules. He also (understandably) doesn’t like it when his sister tries to take his cards or move his piece or tell him what to do – none of which are ever out of the realm of possibility. Sometimes we figure it all out and we meet a happy compromise.

Sometimes, like today, it goes more like this:

E: Tegan, that’s a six, not a five.

T: Stop helping me! Mommy, he HELPED me!!

E: I’m sorry, I’ll stop helping you. Give me back my card!

T: Who’s winning??

E: That’s my piece, not yours.

T: YOU SAID YOU’D STOP HELPING ME!!!

E: Why are you yelling?

T: Because this game is STUPID if Everett keeps helping me, and He. Keeps. Helping. Me.

E: I won’t help you anymore.

T: Am I winning??

E: Oooo, eeee, ooo, ah ah. Ching Chang….

T: Stop singing!

E: Why?

T: It’s annoying me. You sound like a monkey. I’M WINNING!!!

T: Heh heh heh, I’m going to steal Everett’s horse.

E: Tegan. You can’t steal a horse unless you land on me.

T: Are you still helping me???

E: Yes! A six! I win!

T: I win too!!! That was SO FUN. Let’s play another game!!

So we did. But I poured another cup of coffee first.

2 Comments

Filed under Everett, life, Tegan, unschooling

October 10, 2011 · 9:02 AM

People Who Won’t Bounce

Yesterday afternoon, we were over at some some friends’ house for a birthday party. There was food and swimming and eventually trampoline jumping. The boys decided that they’d had enough jumping, and went off to play basketball in the driveway. Tegan still had a lot of bounce left in her though, so she started campaigning for partners. I jumped with her for a short while (as long as my pizza and margarita filled stomach would tolerate), and so did her 11 year old friend as well as her father.

She was still unhappy.

“Why can’t Hannah bounce with me some more??” she asked with a scowl on her face as she sat on the edge of the trampoline.

“Maybe she will if you ask her, instead of fussing about the trampoline,” Mike told her.

“I am not fussing about the trampoline. I am fussing about all you PEOPLE who won’t. bounce. with. me.”

Three year olds are awesome. Seriously. How cool is it that she was able to identify, and then verbalize, exactly what (or in this case, whom) she was upset about? No Daddy, I’m not upset with the trampoline, I’m upset with people, and I’ll tell you why. How many adults could stand to learn from that? I know I could. We grumble around when we have an issue with a spouse or a friend or a family member or a random person on the internet… and instead of identifying it, we simply internalize it and then take it out on the dog or the computer or any nearby unsuspecting victim.

And as it turned out, I could have benefited from following my daughter’s honest example. I was upset last night, and didn’t feel like admitting it or verbalizing it or talking about it at all. So I ended up breaking the cardinal rule of marriage 101 and went to bed angry, which in turn led to a night of fitful, broken sleep, nightmares, a stomach ache, and bad infomercials at 2:00 in the morning. (Are you versed on the wonders of the latest and greatest diet aid that is Sensa? I could tell you all about it)

Tegan, however, had her problem solved right then and there, because she was willing to put it all out on the line. Granted, if she had a few more years and maturity, she could have done so a little more… politely… but there’s something to be said for a three year old’s authenticity to be sure. It is innocent, and pure, and TRUE, and I love that.

So the next time I’m upset with someone, I’m going to try to remember my daughter, and remember the benefit (for all involved) in honesty. ‘Cause let’s face it: It rarely IS about the trampoline.

7 Comments

Filed under life, Tegan

August 22, 2011 · 11:33 AM

Sewing, My Daughter, and Breakthroughs

I sewed diapers for Tegan’s Baby Alive doll yesterday. Prior to yesterday, the last time I sewed anything on a sewing machine was around ten years ago. I didn’t own a sewing machine then, so I had to borrow one when I wanted to make some curtains. A couple of years later, my mom gave me a brand-new sewing machine because she’d somehow wound up with an extra…. and it has sat, untouched, in my garage until yesterday. Partly because that’s just the way I do things, and partly because I had a bad association with sewing.

When I made the curtains on that borrowed machine, there was an… incident. There was an incident, I got my feelings hurt, and I haven’t sewed since then.

Is that not the stupidest reason not to do something? But there it was.

I’ve wanted to conquer my sewing machine for awhile now, and when my daughter needed baby diapers, I knew it was time. So I sewed. And it was fun.

I sewed four diapers in all, and will be making some more today. They’re not pretty… they’re uneven and messy and quite clearly shout “A novice made me.” But my daughter is thrilled, and that makes me happy. It felt good too, to do something I hadn’t done in a long time; to do something that I’d been avoiding.

When I’d finished for the night last night, still on a post-project high, I told Mike how glad I was that I’d finally gotten out the sewing machine. And that part of the reason I hadn’t done it sooner was because of old feelings from the last time.

“I know.”

And then I said, as if it wasn’t the millionth time I’d realized it, “I do that a LOT.”

Again he said, “I know.”

I have spent way too much time letting pride, old wounds, and fear stop me from doing things I want to do. As my friend Jessica says, That’s stupid, so I’m not going to do it anymore. That’s not an example I want to set for my kids.

Am I going to become a master seamstress? I doubt it, only because there are lots of other things I want to do too. But I’m not afraid of my sewing machine anymore. And the next time Tegan – or any of my children – ask me to sew something, the answer will be a confident, joyful and resounding,

YES. Yes I can.

1 Comment

Filed under about me, life, projects, Tegan

June 11, 2011 · 8:48 AM

Reconnecting

I haven’t been here lately. I’ve been here physically, but mentally I’ve been somewhere else. I haven’t been as present as I need to be… for myself, for my spouse, and especially for my kids. So wrapped up in my own stress and fatigue, I realized that I’ve been guilty of “going through the motions.” Doing all the things I’m supposed to be doing, but not feeling them.

And I don’t want to be that mom.

I want to be connected… not just THERE, taking up space.

Yesterday, the girl asked me if I could make some biscuits. So I got everything out, and started measuring and dumping, not even thinking about what I was doing. Just a few seconds later, I heard the little voice:

“Can I help?” followed by the unmistakable scraping sound of a kitchen chair being eagerly pushed over to the counter.

The fact that she even had to ask (ordinarily I would have offered) struck me out of my selfish monotony.

She wanted to bake with her mom, and I was going to be there.

And when we were done with the biscuits and the last crumb had been eaten, we didn’t seal our reconnection with a hug or a snuggle on the couch.

Instead she wanted to check on the chickens.

Three year olds don’t over-think things the way we do. They already know how to live in the moment. As far as Tegan was concerned, she had my full attention, and that was exactly as it should be. It was just her and mom, doing what we do.

We checked on the chickens, gathered the eggs, and rinsed out their water container. I was just about to turn off the hose when she stopped me. “Wait! Don’t turn that off!”

So I didn’t.

For the next hour and a half, I forgot the rest of the world, and focused on reconnecting with my daughter. We hosed the chicken poop off the patio (which, as strange as it sounds, is oddly cathartic), made it “rain”, and talked and talked. It took at least three times as long as normal to get the patio clean, because for every spray the patio got, the girl got two. And with every squeal, every smile, and every burst of laughter, my world got just a little more right again.

Life shouldn’t be about treading water, spinning your wheels, and going through the motions. It should be about the moments. The people. The connections.

It should be about bonding over biscuits and chicken poop.

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The Girl

I tell a lot of stories about my youngest, but you just can’t truly appreciate her unless you see her in action. Now, I know that kid videos are never as cute to anyone else as they are to the child’s parents, but if you need a quick break from life, take a look at this original Tegan song and dance. She was inspired by watching the American Idol finale, so we paused it to give her our full attention. She makes me smile, and last night I needed it.

You have to watch the whole thing though, because the very end is my favorite part. 🙂

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