By now you’ve all seen it: The Time cover with the young and beautiful mom breastfeeding a 3 or 4 year old boy, who for some reason is standing up on a chair as he nurses and stares down the camera. If you’re like me, you’ve in fact seen it over and over (and over and over and over) in your Facebook news feed, accompanied by commentary and opinion on both sides of the issue. Beautiful! Love it! Disgusting! Perverted!
I have my own opinions… on the photo, on the sensational “Are you mom enough?” headline, on the act of breastfeeding a 3 or 4 year old in general. But here’s the thing. My opinion, your opinion, the opinion of the zillions of people who are freaking out about this cover… none of it changes the fact that what’s shown on that cover is normal. It’s not wrong, it’s not disgusting, it’s not perverted. It shouldn’t even be controversial. It’s just…. biology.
I’m going to go over this one more time:
Humans are mammals. Let’s just start there. Humans are mammals, and mammals are biologically designed to get their early years’ nourishment from their mothers. And even if mom doesn’t initiate cessation herself, the child will eventually fulfill his/her need and wean, at whatever age is appropriate for that child. The appropriate age range is huge – just as it is for learning to walk, talk, and use the toilet – but being mammals, there are certain biological factors that point to what may be a natural and normal age for weaning.
You with me so far?
You may have heard that the worldwide average age for weaning is around 4. I’m quite certain I’ve touted it myself. But my recent readings have shown me that that number is not very meaningful, and in fact not necessarily even accurate. So forget that number. I’m not a math person, so words like “mean” and “median” tend to give me a headache anyway.
But I do love facts.
Here then are some facts about mammals and weaning*:
1. Larger mammals usually nurse their offspring until they have quadrupled in body weight. In humans, this happens around 2.5 to 3.5 years of age.
2. One study of primates showed that offspring naturally nursed until they’d reached 1/3 of their adult body weight. For humans, this means about 5 to 7 years.
3. Another study compared weaning ages and sexual maturity, and suggested a weaning age of about halfway to sexual maturity… around 6 years old for a human.
4. Still another study, conducted by Holly Smith on 21 different species of primates, showed that the offspring were weaned at the same time that they got their first set of permanent molars. In humans, this happens at 5.5 to 6 years.
*Read A Natural Age of Weaning by Katherine Dettwyler for more. She concludes a natural weaning age of anywhere from 2.5 to 7 years*
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends breastfeeding for at least a year.
The World Health Organization (WHO) now recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of two years.
And it should go without saying that the health and emotional benefits – both for mom and child – can’t be argued.
These are all facts. Your discomfort or disagreement doesn’t change them. It seems to me, given all of the above, that the question really shouldn’t be why or how moms like the ones on the cover of Time could breastfeed so long. It should be why so many people are in a rush to wean so early.
I completely agree– I’m glad all this “controversy” was stirred up because I did not know the facts about full-term BFing. I weaned my 1st child at 23 months, and hopefully will BF my 2nd child full-term as long as mutually desired. Hopefully, more moms (and dads) will read the facts and follow their instincts! Great post.
Thanks 🙂 And I didn’t really learn about any full-term breastfeeding facts until later in my motherhood too. I just followed my instinct, which had thankfully changed from before I’d had children when I agreed with the masses that there was such a thing as “way too old” to breastfeed!
My children weaned themselves by about 10 months old. To me, this was absolutely fine…I wasn’t about to try to keep breastfeeding them when they had each given very clear signs that they no longer required or desired my milk. In my opinion, they had discovered the wide array of tasty and healthy options available and, simply put–“out with the old, in with the new”. Always desiring something new or different or a variety of things to drink, and quite frankly, I can’t blame them for that!
Consider that my ‘polite’ response on the matter. 🙂
My children had all discovered a wide array of tasty and healthy options available by 10 months too, and they still loved their breast milk. 🙂 Continuing to nurse past one – or whenever – doesn’t mean that’s *all* they’re eating.
To each their own apron strings.
As the mother for four girls, I can say, without a doubt that each child weans at their own time.
My oldest was around 11-12 months and she just simply wasn’t interested anymore, I could have forced it and continued to nurse her, but she was ready.
Due to some medical issues with the second child, she stopped nursing around 6 months of age, but continued to take a bottle until about 15 months of age. We continued the bond with feeding until she no longer desired it.
Then came the third one, who broke all my “ideal” and she nursed until she was 18 months old. At that point my milk dried up and was no longer available to her. It was a sad day for both of us, and we still snuggled.
The fourth followed her older sister and self weaned around a year.
I would have loved to continue to breast feed them for longer, if they desired and if my body allowed. It is important to follow your child’s signals as well as your own body signals.
Oh Sam, of course! Spencer weaned at 18 mos. My point was not to say that weaning earlier didn’t happen…. but just to say that “later” weaning is not so late after all. 🙂
Amen!
I just may print this out and keep it in my pocket! With as often as I hear criticism for nursing my 30 month old, it might come in handy to have a handout. 🙂 Although, when it comes to this subject, the haters don’t seem to want to listen to facts.
Thanks for compiling such good info!
<3 this! Thanks.
Before I had children, I might have wrinkled my nose at the thought breastfeeding past one year old….but, as a mother, I cannot imagine stopping before two. For the first year, breastfeeding provides critical nutrition. For the years after that, it provides critical sweet moments of happy togetherness.
I am not at all proud to admit that before I had children I was one of those people who made ignorant comments like, “If they’re walking and talking, they’re too old!” Four kids and some 11+ combined years of breastfeeding later, thank goodness I came to my senses. 🙂
I read your last sentence and answered, “Because they want to go binge drinking!” That’s definitely not true for everyone, but I laughed because I’m questioning the same thing. I’m 23 weeks pregnant and my 2 year old still nurses everyday. Since I’ve conceived, the frequency and duration of nursing has dramatically decreased. I never refuse, but I also don’t offer like I used to. Following my child’s signals is bringing peace to me and to him.
Yes, as mine got older, I always use the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” as well. The end is always so gradual that I never know when the last nurse is going to be. It’s so nice to see how peacefully it all happens when you let it unfold naturally. 🙂
Thanks for this! It’s concise and straightforward, and I appreciate that it is all scientifically based. It’s an excellent resource that I intend to share 🙂
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what kills me is boobs are seriously EVERYWHERE in our culture, looking all sexualized and male-gaze-centric, yet this totally natural, *Purposeful* representation of the MAMMARY YO is such a GASP inducing “controversy”…gah. also – speaking of heads, i tried to find yer dready post, but didn’t see it…? maybe i didn’t go back far enough? i hacked my 5 year old, 2 footers and wrote about it…if yer interested! http://aftml.wordpress.com/2012/05/19/lockless/ hope yer dreadie-babies are doing awesome! breast-feeding dready mamas FOREVAH
Agreed! I was just talking with my husband about that this morning. Such a ridiculous double-standard. Here are the two posts I’ve done about my dreads. https://www.jennifermcgrail.com/?s=dreadlocks I’m going to check out your post now. 🙂
there they are! would love to see an update soon…have to say, they were lookin’ AWESOME for only being 3 months old. give them a little tug, in memoriam, for me 🙂
What a shame about the negative reactions to this; we have boobs every day in our page 3 newspaper, no-one is shocked or phased by this. I was reading this article as I was breast feeding my 18 month old, I know it will end one day, just hope its later than sooner.