When the kids were little, we made the weeks leading up to Christmas a very big deal. We had an adorable advent activity calendar (hand-sewn by yours truly), and had a different activity planned for every day of December. We baked and crafted and made ornaments and went to the zoo and to parties and to gift-exchanges. We sent cards, we volunteered, we visited Santa. We were busy , and it was tiring and chaotic and lovely. It’s 2023 now, the baby of the family is 15, and life is … different.

And it’s okay.

It’s four days until Christmas, it’s one in the afternoon, and I’m sitting in my pajamas. The house is a mess and there’s about 6 loads of clean unfolded laundry piled in the laundry room. Shopping is done – mostly – but we haven’t wrapped a single thing. There’s a long list of supplies to buy before I start baking. I stopped sending Christmas cards years ago, and the only real traditions we’ve hung onto don’t take place until Christmas Eve.

And it’s okay.

I am turning 50 (!) in twenty days. It has made what is already an introspective time of year ramp up by a factor of ten. Instead of reviewing the past year (which, if I’m being honest, was not the best year of my life), I am reviewing the past decade. It has also allowed me to take a big step back, put things into perspective, and look at the holidays in a way I haven’t done before. I am calm. And I’m almost never calm, especially four days before Christmas.

All of the extraneous “stuff” – presents and lights and cookies and Christmas carols and holiday parties – is all just noise. Pleasant noise at times, to be sure, but still noise. And don’t get me wrong! I love Christmas. I do. I’ll spend it at home with my extended family, and we’ll eat, and exchange gifts, and drink Jingle Juice, and play games into the evening. There’s a lot of privilege involved in being able to say that, and I’m aware of it. For so many, too many, the holidays are unbearably hard.

No matter where you stand, whether you go all in or you just hold on and try to make it through to New Years, I see you. There is so much pressure around the holidays, and it’s okay to handle it in whatever way is best for you. It’s okay to take the pressure off. It’s okay to breathe. It’s okay to be gentle with yourself, and with the people around you. It’s okay to spend the holidays in unconventional ways. It’s okay to ignore the holidays completely.

And honestly? Holidays and birthdays and special occasions are nice and everything, but all we’re really guaranteed is right now. I know it sounds trite, but it’s true. One of the lessons I have learned over and over and OVER in the past 50 years is that true happiness is felt when you’re in the present moment, not living in the past or looking forward to the future.

So I won’t wish you a Merry Christmas. God willing, Christmas is four whole days away. What I WILL do is wish you a sincere and heartfelt Merry Right Now. No matter who you are, or what your life looks like, or what you do or do not celebrate. I hope today is gentle for you. I hope something made you smile. Mostly I hope that you know that just because you exist: you matter and you’re important. I’m glad you’re here.

Much love,