Yearly Archives: 2012

May 31, 2012 · 6:45 AM

Parenting a Two Year Old

Thanks to Meegs of A New Day for today’s guest post!

Parenting is an ever evolving process. No one would claim that parenting your newborn is the same as parenting your infant is the same as parenting your toddler and beyond. Every parenting style changes, but I think that if you consider yourself an AP parent, then you are especially in-tuned to your need to evolve.

My personal parenting style has definitely had to change a lot since Gwen turned 2 years old, and the biggest change has had to be to my expectations. I always knew 2 would be rough – I’ve worked with kids before, and I’ve heard the horror stories – but it is so very different when it’s your own, and I didn’t expect it to be so tough for me. I consider myself a pretty patient individual, and its not that I thought I would be immune to the ups and downs of toddlerhood, but its always a bit of a surprise watching your basically sweet baby have her first toddler meltdown.

Gwen has so much she wants to say, so much she wants to do (on her own, of course: “I DO IT!”), and heaven help the person who gets in her way. I haven’t gotten to pick out her clothes in AGES, but now sometimes she gives me such a hard time about even the little tweaks to make her outfits weather-appropriate. Foods she loves she sometimes decides she
hates. She’ll have a complete breakdown if you tell her there are no more of [whatever snack is the magic snack that she decides she must have today]. She wants to open/close every door, and put on her own diaper, and pee on the toilet but only if she feels like it and not if she doesn’t and sometimes for 20 more minutes even though she did the actual peeing as soon as she sat down and…

The ages of 2 – 3 (and 12, 17, 20) are “straddling” ages. My little girl is caught between the toddlerhood she is shedding, and the childhood that lays beyond. From what I’ve heard, the dawning of that childhood (4 – 5) is pretty magical and wonderful. But this coming of age part… well, i know its as hard for her as it is for me. She wants to be able to tell me everything, but sometimes she just can’t find the words… or I can’t understand them. She wants to be able to do everything, but she’s not quite big enough to reach, or strong enough to carry, or…

And Mama has her good days and bad days too. Some days I can read her, feel the frustration building, and head it off at the pass. I can weather any anger and yelling with a calm determination, “I see you are angry. You take a minute and let me know when you are ready to try
again. We can do it together.” Other days she catches me off guard with every outburst and and I’m left wondering what happened. Some days it’s all I can do to grit through my teeth, “Enough. We Don’t Hit.” Some days I want to push the fast forward button up to 16x.
BUT she is also bright, and happy, and loving… grabbing your face to kiss both cheeks and your forehead. I don’t want to fast forward that part, and I hope she doesn’t grow out of it!

Here’s what I’m working on to have more of the calm days and less of the frustrated ones.

1) Age realistic expectations. At two, she is only emotionally able to handle so much. She’s still learning what appropriate reactions are and how her actions cause reactions. And you learn by trial and error.

2) Expectations that match with what I want for Gwen in the future. A friend once told me about a very trying morning with her spirited, energetic, intelligent daughter. She delivered her to daycare and asked the teacher, “How do I raise a daughter who is strong,
determined, independent, comfortable with her feelings and voices her
opinions, but who also listens and always does what I ask her to?!” The answer, of course, is that you don’t! But a few tiffs now, as we figure all this out together, is well worth it to foster the independence and determination that will serve her so well in the future.

3) Name the emotion, for both of our sakes! When Gwen is frustrated or sad, I say as much… “I see you are frustrated/mad/upset because of xyz…” I do it to help her figure out her emotions, but I do it to remind myself of them as well. Do I love crying because she wants something she can’t have? Nope. But I do know what its like to be overly tired after a long day and have something be extremely frustrating and almost too much to bare. Naming her emotion helps me put myself in her shoes.

4) Evaluate if I really need to distract/dissuade/say no. Gentle/AP parenting is not (contrary to what some media might have you believe) permissive parenting in the negative sense. But at the suggestion of a smart mama, I started looking at the why I didn’t want Gwen to do certain things. Is it because of a safety reason? Then stay the course! Is it because it will be a little messy and I don’t want to clean up? Hmm, there are times this is valid, but many when it’s not a great reason.

5) Teach respect by modeling respect. Gwen is an equal member of this family. Yes, her dad and I have the life experience, and as her parents we will ask her to defer to our judgement many a time. However, she deserves our respect as fully as we deserve hers. So we listen when she talks, we say excuse me and thank you and please, and we try to give our reasons/explain our actions when we do need her to defer to us. “Because I said so,” or “because I’m the mom,” are not explanations.

Here’s the thing, and I’m sure this will shock no one… I’m not perfect. Not by a long shot. I do get overly frustrated, slip up and yell sometimes. That can be a learning time for us both though too, because when I catch myself, I excuse myself to calm down, then come back and apologize. No one is perfect, including this Mama, and I want my girl to know that. People make mistakes, and the fact that we can apologize, hug, and still love each other afterwards, just as much as we did before, well… I think that’s one of the best lessons I can give us all. Hopefully it is the one that will keep her coming to me when she makes her own mistakes.

When all is said and done, that’s what I want. A daughter who respects and loves me as much as I respect and love her (and treats others with respect as an extention), who talks to me and tells me the bad as readily as the good, who is kind-hearted and strong willed.

Two is tough, but the lifetime ahead of us is promising.
***

Meegs is an easy-going girl that loves tattoos, food, and the outdoors; but most especially her husband and daughter. She’s passionate about being greener, co-existing peacefully with animals/the environment, and LGBTQ rights. In her free time, she loves to read, go for long walks, cheer for the Eagles and the Flyers, cook, and spend time with her family and friends. A breastfeeding, babywearing, sometimes bedsharing mama, Meegs finds her online home at A New Day.

6 Comments

Filed under attachment parenting, gentle parenting, guest posts, mindful parenting, parenting

May 21, 2012 · 10:41 AM

Homework: The Battle over Busy Work

Today’s guest post is by Amy Travis, who last wrote for my blog with A Recipe for Disaster

One evening a few weeks ago, I was witness to a father and son fighting over homework. It was a heated fight, happening on the bleachers while others were practicing basketball. At one point the father even stabbed at the son with the pencil they were fighting over. He was frustrated and so was his son. The funny thing is that just several months before this scene I had a discussion with my doctor about homework. She was intrigued that I homeschooled and said she could never home school because it would just be a fight since homework is. a. fight. every. single. night!

During the interview for the last teaching job I had, I was asked, “What do you think about homework?” I was so excited when I felt brave enough to answer this question with complete honesty. I said, “I don’t believe in homework and I wouldn’t give it if it were up to me, but I understand the system requires it.” The principal followed with, “Yes, we do require that the children have homework every single night.” Truth be told I wasn’t really honest with myself, because I took that job and gave that homework that I didn’t believe in.

Now why don’t I believe in that homework? The question should be why do so many believe in it?

I have heard it said that we are preparing them for college. Seriously? In Kindergarten? And what college are we preparing them for? Because if I remember correctly, college classes weren’t five days a week for 6 to 8 hours straight. I had 2 to 4 hours of classes a day which then gave me time to do my work outside of class on my own time. Do we realize that from Kindergarten thru Senior year we expect students to attend classes and do school work all day long and then several more hours of paperwork into the evening and night?? That isn’t a college schedule! Sorry, I’m not buying that argument.

Just like my doctor, many parents will tell you that homework is a family fight most – if not all – evenings. Is this really how families should be spending their evenings? What about reserving evenings for throwing a ball, playing board games, swimming, eating dinner together, cooking or riding bikes? How about we let children decide what it is they want to learn, do, or create during the afternoon to evening hours? I have to think that families would be better off with this type of lifestyle. Homework is like having a 40 hour/week job and then bringing extra work home. How many adults really want to do that? Yet children are expected to do it from the age of 5.

What happened to just being a kid?

I think families should be given back their family time. Homework is just busy work that parents have bought into thinking it is good for their children. Don’t buy it!

The discussions that that father and son could have while they wait for the sister to finish basketball practice could be priceless. Instead they are heated and strained, and so are the memories they are making.

Amy Travis is a former teacher, and an unschooling mom. When she isn’t writing blog posts for other people, she enjoys throwing parties, making cake balls, and ~~forcing~~ encouraging this introvert to get out and be social every once in awhile.

(photo by apdk)

22 Comments

Filed under homeschooling, school, unschooling

May 18, 2012 · 7:41 AM

Extended Breastfeeding – Let’s Get Real

By now you’ve all seen it: The Time cover with the young and beautiful mom breastfeeding a 3 or 4 year old boy, who for some reason is standing up on a chair as he nurses and stares down the camera. If you’re like me, you’ve in fact seen it over and over (and over and over and over) in your Facebook news feed, accompanied by commentary and opinion on both sides of the issue. Beautiful! Love it! Disgusting! Perverted!

I have my own opinions… on the photo, on the sensational “Are you mom enough?” headline, on the act of breastfeeding a 3 or 4 year old in general. But here’s the thing. My opinion, your opinion, the opinion of the zillions of people who are freaking out about this cover… none of it changes the fact that what’s shown on that cover is normal. It’s not wrong, it’s not disgusting, it’s not perverted. It shouldn’t even be controversial. It’s just…. biology.

I’m going to go over this one more time:

Humans are mammals. Let’s just start there. Humans are mammals, and mammals are biologically designed to get their early years’ nourishment from their mothers. And even if mom doesn’t initiate cessation herself, the child will eventually fulfill his/her need and wean, at whatever age is appropriate for that child. The appropriate age range is huge – just as it is for learning to walk, talk, and use the toilet – but being mammals, there are certain biological factors that point to what may be a natural and normal age for weaning.

You with me so far?

You may have heard that the worldwide average age for weaning is around 4. I’m quite certain I’ve touted it myself. But my recent readings have shown me that that number is not very meaningful, and in fact not necessarily even accurate. So forget that number. I’m not a math person, so words like “mean” and “median” tend to give me a headache anyway.

But I do love facts.

Here then are some facts about mammals and weaning*:

1. Larger mammals usually nurse their offspring until they have quadrupled in body weight. In humans, this happens around 2.5 to 3.5 years of age.

2. One study of primates showed that offspring naturally nursed until they’d reached 1/3 of their adult body weight. For humans, this means about 5 to 7 years.

3. Another study compared weaning ages and sexual maturity, and suggested a weaning age of about halfway to sexual maturity… around 6 years old for a human.

4. Still another study, conducted by Holly Smith on 21 different species of primates, showed that the offspring were weaned at the same time that they got their first set of permanent molars. In humans, this happens at 5.5 to 6 years.

*Read A Natural Age of Weaning by Katherine Dettwyler for more. She concludes a natural weaning age of anywhere from 2.5 to 7 years*

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends breastfeeding for at least a year.

The World Health Organization (WHO) now recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of two years.

And it should go without saying that the health and emotional benefits – both for mom and child – can’t be argued.

These are all facts. Your discomfort or disagreement doesn’t change them. It seems to me, given all of the above, that the question really shouldn’t be why or how moms like the ones on the cover of Time could breastfeed so long. It should be why so many people are in a rush to wean so early.

20 Comments

Filed under attachment parenting, breastfeeding, parenting

May 16, 2012 · 12:35 PM

What I Learned on my Summer Vacation

Or rather, on my spring camp-out. In no particular order:

And finally, three days is a long enough break from real beds, real toilets, and hot showers… but not nearly long enough from housework, voice mails, and Facebook.

I can’t wait for the next trip.

(More pics are here)

4 Comments

Filed under camping, life, random

May 15, 2012 · 7:52 AM

Unschooling: My moment of doubt

The room was nearly silent. The awkwardness was palpable. Even the speech therapist … bubbly, outgoing and friendly until just a few weeks prior, absolutely refused to look us in the eye, instead staring down at some imaginary spot on the table. I remember looking at the clock – a standard issue, one-in-every-room school clock – and watching the second hand slowly sweep around until I heard the audible click that signified that another excruciatingly long minute had gone by.

Hop on over to Christian Unschooling to continue reading.

Daydreams

Today’s guest post is from my friend, Alice, who last shared her story of her twin baby girls in Surprises. Thanks, Alice, for another beautiful and honest post.

When I daydreamed as a girl about having a family of my own, I can’t say I envisioned the choices I would eventually make. There was no wistful sighing over a future homebirth, or longingly imagining how awesome it would be to homeschool. But there’s one choice I imagined that did become my future; I always knew I wanted a large family. But the reality of life with lots of small children? Not part of the dream. As our family grew, our views on parenting flexed and changed, and what we ended up choosing was the path of peaceful parenting.

When you know how you want to parent – and I don’t mean the impossible ideal of never making mistakes, but in general the kind of parent you want to be – it’s discouraging to feel like you fall short. There was a brief period in 2010 where not only had I found my parenting niche, but I was living it every day. Radically unschooling and parenting peacefully in harmony with our 3 boys; our home was like a little utopia. There was enough of me to go around, there was enough time in my day for my boys AND my husband AND myself.

I would read articles and blogs about gentle parenting, and what to do as alternatives to traditional authoritarian methods, and I would think, “Yup! Got that down!” My boys were 6, 4 and 1 year old; life was good. So good, in fact, that we decided to add one more baby to our family. Surprise! We added two baby girls and became a family of 7. And life was great – and it was hard, scary, frustrating and overwhelming. Nowhere could I find help and advice for my situation. It’s all well and good to redirect a toddler when you actually have free hands – what about when you’re sitting on the couch with a baby attached to each breast? It’s fine to not get upset when said toddler dumps a whole box of baking soda on the steps when you have time to clean it up – but what about when you haven’t even cleaned up the last 3 messes, there’s no food in the house, and a mountain of dirty laundry is threatening to take over?

How in the world do you parent peacefully when you are so overwhelmed you just want to yell?

Oddly enough, I never found any articles with that title. In my stress I found myself reverting to authoritarian parenting; setting arbitrary limits, losing my patience, and yelling. Lots and lots of yelling. I felt like a failure – not because I was yelling mean or abusive things (I wasn’t) but because that was not the kind of mother I wanted to be. I knew how I wanted to parent, but I could no longer see how to do it. I was barely making it day to day, going on little sleep. Patience was a thing of the past. Fun was an impossible dream.

With five kids 7 and under, I needed to find a way to implement peaceful parenting in a frequently less-than-peaceful environment.

My first step in stressful situations became choosing to give myself a timeout if I felt like yelling. It’s important to know that this didn’t change what was happening around me; during my timeouts, sometimes the babies were crying. Sometimes my toddler was crying. Sometimes I was crying. But in the 30 seconds, or 3 minutes, whatever I needed to get myself under control, I gave myself a talk and came up with a plan. “Ok. When I go back out there, I’m not going to yell. I’m going to ignore the mess, and we’ll go play outside.” Changing me and my attitude was frequently the key. If I could keep my cool, we could get through whatever the problem was without someone melting down.

Next, I lowered my expectations. A lot. If we all made it through the day and everyone was safe and had their physical and emotional needs met – success! Who cared if the house was a mess? If I managed not to yell and lose my patience – victory!

Once I changed my attitude and my expectations, the next step was creating safe zones for everyone to coexist. Baby gates became my new best friends. With my 5 and 2 year olds hitting each other, and my 2 year old not grasping the need for being gentle with babies, this was critical. I wasn’t punishing or banishing anyone, and I made sure the boys knew that. But my most basic job is to keep all of my kids safe. I gated off sections of the house, and knew that when my toddler was alone he was safe, and he couldn’t hurt anyone else. I could sit in another room and safely nurse the babies, and even if everyone wasn’t thrilled with the arrangement, it was a temporary fix.

On the absolute worst days, when I had to get out of the house, I would load all 5 kids into the car and drive for hours. The boys would watch a movie, the girls would sleep, and I would breath and enjoy the peace.

The past year has been really long. It’s contained a lot more yelling and crying (by all of us) than I would care to think about. But there’s a lot that I’m proud of too. I kept everyone safe and happy. There were no trips to the ER, no injuries. I didn’t yell hurtful or abusive things. I didn’t spank anyone. I always, always apologized when my parenting fell short, and each morning I chose to start over and try my best to parent in partnership.

I can see glimmers of the old utopia ahead. The girls turn 1 on May 19^th, my boys are 8, 6 and 3. Our life has developed a smoother rhythm, and with my arms more often free I can finally be more proactive. Our days once again have more laughter than yelling, more joy than frustration, and more peace than chaos.

And those daydreams I had as a girl about my beautiful and happy large family?

I’m living them.

Alice Davis is an Army wife, mother of five, and probably the last person on earth who doesn’t have a blog. She loves to talk about unschooling, attachment parenting, and mothering multiples. In her copious amounts of free time, Alice sells handmade baby hats and tutus in her Etsy shop, Alice’s Handmade Crafts.

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Filed under gentle parenting, guest posts, mindful parenting, parenting

May 4, 2012 · 6:51 AM

Common Sense Parenting

I think sometimes as parents, we make things way more complicated than they need to be. I read a blog post the other day that referred to the “moral gymnastics” involved in everything from the food we buy, to the way we diaper, to the decisions we make about school. It’s a term that resonated with me, and if your emails and comments are any indication, it resonates with many of you as well.

I seem to write a lot about how I parent from the heart (because I do), and how I’ve never regretted any parental decision that’s been made by following my instinct (because I haven’t) but there’s another component that I regularly rely on. A big one.

Common sense. And it never steers me wrong.

I get some sort of … odd … objections every time I challenge the traditional, authoritarian, way of doing things. Objections that often make me wonder if we’ve lost sight of our collective common senses altogether. Whenever I write about parenting without punishments and coercion, I’m met with something that sounds like this: “But, but, they need to learn to obey you! They need to hear the word ‘no!’ What happens if they’re about to reach for a hot stove or run out into a crowded street?” As if the assumption is that a gentle parent wouldn’t dream of intervening when their child was in harm’s way. It’s a silly, silly argument. Common sense (not to mention parental instinct) tells us to protect a child who is in imminent danger. Common sense tells us that with a loving and attentive parent as their partner and guide, that kids will naturally learn not to play in traffic, and learn not to touch a hot burner, and learn not to stick a fork in an electrical outlet. We can give children choices, autonomy, and freedom; we can say YES as much as possible; and we can still trust that with gentle and compassionate guidance, that they will learn to navigate their world both safely and confidently. Common sense.

Another one I’ve heard a lot of, especially after my Spilled Milk post, is that if there is not some punitive measure taken when the child commits some infraction, that they will never learn to respect other people and/or their belongings. Common sense tells us that children learn how to treat others by watching how we, as their parents, treat others. Common sense tells us that when we demonstrate appropriate boundaries, that they will learn. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve brought Tegan with me to Paxton’s Physical Therapy appointments for his ankle. There are no separate rooms… just one big, open room, with a few beds, exercise equipment, mirrors, and a small waiting area with chairs. On any given day, there are never less than three other patients being worked with. Tegan is four, and it’s hard for four year olds to wait quietly. She’ll busy herself for a short amount of time with games on my phone, and then she’ll start to get antsy and loud. It’s normal for a four year old to get antsy and loud in a boring waiting area, but her needs to be four don’t supersede anyone else’s needs for a reasonably quiet and undisturbed session. So outside we go, where she can be loud and, well.. four, and the Physical Therapy patients can concentrate on what they came for. Common sense.

Recently, I posted about what I felt were the benefits of not placing arbitrary limits on the media that our children use. I’ve written about limits before, on everything from bedtimes, to food, to media. Naysayers immediately jump to extremes, but the fact is, no limits on bedtimes does not mean that the kids just stay up for 72 hours at a time. No limits on food does not mean that they’re existing on a diet of Ring Dings and Ho Hos. No limits on media does not mean that the 4 year old is playing a shoot-em-up game on the xbox, while the 8 year is watching Debbie Does Dallas in the other room. Common sense tells us that when we make sleep a safe, happy, thing when the kids are little, that as they grow they will trust themselves, listen to their bodies, and have a healthy relationship with both rest and wakefulness. Common sense tells us that when we fill our house with lots of good, whole, interesting foods; when we don’t let food become a battle of wills, a punishment, or a reward; when we let our children follow their own cues of hunger and thirst… that they will eat when they are hungry, stop when they are full, and appreciate food for both its nourishment and its enjoyment. Common sense tells us that the most important consideration when it comes to what they are watching, playing, & listening to is not controlling our kids, but knowing our kids, listening to our kids, and maintaining an open line of communication with our kids. Common sense tells us to watch things that may be frightening, confusing or disturbing to our young kids when they are asleep/not around, and it also tells us that they wouldn’t be interested in watching it anyway. Common sense.

Finally, common sense tells us that children, like all people (common sense tells us that children are people, too) respond to – and learn from – kindness, empathy, and love. NOT from coercion, shaming, and punishing… and certainly not from this current trend of public humiliation via the internet.

It’s not rocket science. It’s just common sense.

21 Comments

Filed under gentle discipline, gentle parenting, kids, learning, life, mindful parenting, parenting

May 2, 2012 · 6:00 AM

Eight Awesome Things

Eight years ago today, after a scary labor and delivery, we were blessed with our third beautiful boy. In honor of his eight years, here are eight things (in no particular order) that I just adore about Everett:

1. His laugh. You know how some kids just naturally have a deep, soulful, belly laugh that just sort of bubbles out of them? The kind that when you hear it, you can’t help but feel happy yourself? That’s Everett.

2. His enthusiasm for trying new things. He loves, I mean he loves, to try new things. New sports, new hobbies, new field trips, new people, new places. Sign him up. He’s currently our busiest kid, between guitar lessons, Cub Scouts, gymnastics, basketball… and all the other things he’s teaching himself in between.

3. His personal style. Pink mohawk. Purple mohawk. Green mohawk. Bleached mohawk. He rocks them all, with more confidence than most adults I know.

4. His loyalty to his friends. He’s had the same best friend for years, and if it were legal for 8 year old boys to marry, I’m pretty sure there would have been a wedding by now. It doesn’t stop him from making other friends though, and once you’ve befriended him (which is not a hard thing to do) you’ve a friend for life.

5. His adaptability. Changes in plans never rattle him. He has the ability to flow with the circumstances better than just about anyone else I know. When we go to a Friday park day, and I don’t see someone I know well, I panic a little inside. Not Everett. He happily runs off with whatever kids happen to be there. If he doesn’t know them? No problem. He makes new friends.

6. His positive attitude. He went an entire season and a half playing basketball without making a basket during a game. Not once did it get him down. When the subject came up, he was undeterred, simply saying, “As long as I keep throwing it up there, eventually it’ll go in!” And it did. This season, he’s scored several times.

7. His freckles. Yeah, I know it’s superficial, but I’m in love with his freckles. He gets so many comments on his eyes (and he really does have absolutely beautiful blue eyes) but it’s that smattering of freckles that does me in.

8. His love of magic. Not just the David Copperfield type of magic – though he loves that too, currently more than ever – but the magic of LIFE. At eight, he’s still so full of wonder, so appreciative of dreams and mystery and miracles and beauty. I don’t just love that about him, I admire it. It’s something so many of us could learn from!

Happy Birthday sweet Everett. You are AWESOME, and I am so proud to be able to call you my son.

4 Comments

Filed under birthdays, Everett

April 30, 2012 · 8:09 AM

Walking On Egg Shells

I hate the internet. I mean, I love the internet. But sometimes… I really hate it. That has never been more true than it has the past couple of weeks. I guess maybe I shouldn’t admit that, being a blogger, but there it is. And it’s kind of the crux of my whole point today: The things I shouldn’t say.

A few days ago, I saw a video going around Facebook. It was a home video of a dad and his three kids singing Bohemian Rhapsody in their car. We’re big Queen fans around here so I thought it was cute. I was about to share to it, when I started skimming through some of the negative comments. First there was horror that one of the little girls was sitting in the front seat. Then there was something about the toddlers strap on his car seat. That was all followed up with “What an inappropriate song to be singing with your kids!” I thought about my own page, and how I’ve seen the same kind of comments on even the most innocuous seeming posts. I didn’t really feel like getting into a lengthy and exhausting “thing” over a silly video.

So I didn’t share it.

And the more I thought about it, the more ticked off (at myself!) I felt. I was really irritated that I wouldn’t post something that I liked, on my page, just because I knew there’d be negative reactions. But the truth is, I’ve grown tired.

Lately there has been a barrage of videos, articles, and other posts about discipline that I’ve strongly disagreed with. I have to really weigh whether I want to opine on them though, because doing so always gets me called judgemental. And critical. And hypocritical. And why can’t I just “support other parents no matter how they do things?” That goes doubly for when I talk about spanking. Or crying it out. Or dads shooting their daughter’s laptops.

I can’t express my opinions about schools either, because apparently that’s not fair to teachers (and the fact that I’ve never had a disparaging thing to say about teachers is of little consequence)

I have to be careful about writing too many happy, good-day stories about the kids, because those always invite the snarky, “Oh it must be so nice to have such a perfect life” comments.

I can’t write too many downer posts either, because those bring the admonishments to get over myself and Just Focus On The Positive.

When Kirk Cameron made his remarks about homosexuality recently, I was shushed before I even began to give an opinion. (I disagreed with him, for whatever it’s worth) I couldn’t say it though, without getting screamed at about how unfair I was being, and how mean it was, and how he was being unnecessarily bullied. Besides, I was told, it was too controversial of a topic anyway. It would alienate too many readers. I should stick to writing about parenting (as long as I’m not being judgemental) or homeschooling (as long as I don’t mention school) or stories about my kids (as long as they’re not too happy. Or too sad.)

I don’t like walking on egg shells. Or writing on them, as it were. I can’t write my blog to please other people. I learned a long time ago that living your life to try to please others is a painful lesson in futility anyway. I don’t want this space to become some watered down version of itself simply because it’s more comfortable. I ultimately started it for myself, and while I’m very thankful that a few people seemed to read it and pay attention, at the end of the day I’d rather have a blog that’s authentic and read by 10 than a blog that’s “safe” and read by 10,000.

I was recently unfriended and subsequently blocked by a longtime Facebook friend. I don’t know why. I’m not welcome or able to contact her to tell her this, but I have to thank her in all sincerity. Getting dumped as a friend – again – painful though it was, served as an impetus to once again renew my conviction to just be me. I can’t do anything else. How people respond to me, to my blog, to the things I share…. that’s their business, not mine. I will fully admit that I haven’t gotten this blogging thing all figured out yet. Or this parenting thing. Or this life thing. But I can also tell you – promise you even – that what you see here will be real… the good, the bad, the ugly; whether you agree, disagree, or just don’t care. It’ll be messy. That’s real life. And that’s me.

And to prove it, here’s that Queen video that I convinced myself not to post. Enjoy it, or not. 🙂

57 Comments

Filed under about me, blogging, Facebook, life, rant, writing

April 27, 2012 · 8:02 AM

Where I Need to Be

“Life goes by pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” ~ Ferris Bueller

One week ago today, we were packing up our hotel room in Chicago. Saying goodbye to our little four-day getaway, and getting ready to board a plane back to Phoenix.

It was a perfect excursion, one that I hadn’t realized how much I needed. From the nightly Happy Hours, to the wonderful restaurants, to the walking and touring of the beautiful city… it was a literal breath of fresh air. Everyone’s asked me what I did every day when Mike was at his conference, and the fact is, I just was. I walked. I nursed a huge cup of coffee at Starbucks while I watched all the passers-by. I did yoga. I took myself to the movies. I sat(!) I took a nap (if like me, you’re unfamiliar with that term, it means to lay down and voluntarily sleep. On purpose. In the middle of the day.) It was an introvert’s dream vacation. The best part though, was that both when I was alone and when I was with Mike, time just stood still. There was no where to be, nothing to do, no one who needed us. For four days, time stood still.

Now that we’re home, there’s no easing back into real life. As if a switch has been flipped, it’s once again full-speed ahead. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. It’s basketball practices and gymnastics classes and park days and cub scouts and physical therapy appointments. It’s life. And I’m reminding myself – again – to breathe. God’s got this. I’m finding myself having to trust, more than I ever have before, that no matter where I am… whether it’s driving to another appointment, sitting in the bleachers, racing the four year old across the park, running an errand, or swirling around in the housework that just. doesn’t. end… I’m exactly where I need to be. Right there, in that place, in that moment, in that point in time.

One week from tomorrow, I’ll add another giant helping to my plate when my yoga teacher training starts. Right now though, I’ll breathe. I’ll sit.

The house is quiet. The birds are singing. I’m exactly where I need to be.

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Filed under about me, being happy with what is, life, not sweating the small stuff, perspective, vacation

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