Category Archives: about me

November 21, 2011 · 12:01 PM

Nano, Thanksgiving, and a Favor

 

Ten days away from the end of November, which means ten days until Nano officially ends, which means ten days until I’ve actually written 50,000 words or I haven’t.  Each time I’ve done it, it’s been a journey… this year perhaps more than any other.  I love fiction writing.  I always have.  It makes me come alive, and it inspires and entertains me.  This year though, I don’t know that my heart was really in it.

I had a kernel of a good story, but unfortunately it’s heavily buried under a steaming pile of cow manure.  Such is the case most Novembers, but that’s sort of the point of the exercise…. to just get the story out, and worry about editing, slashing and re-writing later.  This year feels different though.   I’m not sure I care enough about the story to even want to finish it, let alone clean it up later.

And right now, ten days from the finish date, I’m faced with asking myself if it would be more personally liberating to just get the rest of my 14,000 words into the computer and finish what I started, OR giving myself permission to just say, “Not this year,” peacefully calling it quits right now, and appreciating the fact that I’m secure enough in myself to be okay with not finishing what I started.

In other news, I’ve spent the past 21 days working on something else as well.  Every time I felt burnt out on my story, and felt like I just couldn’t write another description or narrative or bit of dialogue, I worked on outlining – and eventually writing – a pair of e-books:  one on unschooling, and one on gentle parenting.  I am very excited about the project, and I can’t wait to share it with you all… hopefully in early 2012.

This is where the favor comes in.  One of the things I want to be sure to cover, in both books, is a good reader-friendly FAQ chapter.  I’m working with several questions I’ve gotten in comments, emails, etc, but if you have one (or two or three) that’s been burning on your mind that you’ve never seen me cover, I would love to hear from you!     Please feel free to either comment here, on Facebook, or send me an email.  And since I’m asking for favors, I would also love it if you share my blog with others (assuming you actually read and enjoy it :)).  I have gotten a couple of very nice emails the past few days from new readers, and I can’t tell you how much I love to have an excuse to procrastinate on the laundry even longer connect with all of you!  You guys are awesome.

And finally, Thanksgiving is in three days, and the holiday season is officially upon us.  I love Thanksgiving.  Love the feel, love the smells, love the food, love the laughter.  Last year, we ended up having to leave early because the little one was sick, so I’m mostly wishing for health this year  – says the person who has single handedly gone through an entire box of tissues in about 12 hours.

I wish you all a beautiful day on the 24th, whether it’s Thanksgiving for you or just another Thursday.

 

10 Comments

Filed under about me, blogging, holidays, writing

November 11, 2011 · 6:28 PM

Just So You Know

Just so you know, I’m not ignoring you when I don’t answer your comment (or your email or your text) right away.  I have four kids and a Mike and a house that need me.  I’m not good at juggling, and sometimes the more I have to do, the more I start to slow down.

Just so you know, if you visit my house, it will be messy.   I start to clean, only to hear a giant sploosh, followed by an “uh oh”, and the discovery that the 3 year old just spilled her paint rinse cup.  Again.  Or dumped out all 8836256 of her brother’s legoes, or smashed a cracker all over the couch, or shed her muddy clothes all over the kitchen.  And that’s okay.

Just so you know, as far as I’m concerned, people trump “things” every time.  Which means that if I’m faced with mopping the dirty floor and playing ring-around-the-rosy with the girl, or reading with the 7 year old, or talking “Minecraft” with the 11 year old, or watching a Nerf video with the 14 year old… the kids will win.  Every time.

Just so you know, my backyard is messy too.   Partly because my 6 chickens are like children to me too, and their ability to be able to roam happy and free is more important to me than tidiness…. and partly because right now, my kids need my attention more than my yard.

Just so you know, I don’t believe in putting people in boxes:

When you see my three year old screaming crying in the grocery store, please don’t assume that she is “defiant” or “manipulative” or a “drama queen.”   She is passionate and enthusiastic and full of energy, and I love that about her.  She is sweet and funny and loves to entertain.  She is awesome.

When you realize that my seven year old is not yet reading, please don’t assume he is a “slower” learner.   I can barely keep up with what he is learning on a daily basis, and he is continually amazing me with both his knowledge and his spirit.  He has a huge heart and gives great hugs.  He’s awesome too.

When you hear that my 11 year old is passionate about video games, please don’t assume he in any way resembles your misinformed image of a “lazy gamer.”  He is intelligent and active and well-rounded, and overall one of the coolest people you’ll ever get to be around.  He is awesome.

When you introduce yourself to my 14 year old, and notice that he sounds “different”, please don’t make assumptions about his intelligence or his abilities.  He is smart and skillful and creative, and he has a better sense of humor than just about anyone I know.  He’s the most loyal friend you could ever hope to make, and he is also one of my top 5 favorite people on the planet.  And oh yes, he’s awesome.

And while I’m on the subject of assumptions:

Just so you know, I don’t fit neatly into one of those boxes either.  I am a Christian who finds much of what’s cloaked in “Christian” labels abhorrent (especially when it comes to parenting).  I believe in kindness to all creatures.  I believe in freedom and acceptance and tolerance.  I don’t raise an eyebrow at obscenities, but you’ll see me react in a big hurry if you say something disrespectful about a child, or make a racial stereotype, or a homophobic slur, or use the word “retarded” (or any of its variants) other than in the way it was intended.

Just so you know, the fact that we homeschool does not mean we’re exactly like your neighbor or your friend or your cousin who homeschools.  We have our own reasons, and our own beliefs, and our own way of life.

Just so you know, you can change my mind about a whole lot of things, but not when it comes to God.  Not when it comes to my kids.  Not when it comes to parenting.  And not when it comes to school.

Just so you know.

12 Comments

Filed under about me, acceptance, homeschooling, kids, parenting

November 9, 2011 · 6:00 AM

Megachurch Myths


We recently started going back to church after another year-long hiatus.

I really love our church.

I say that with emphasis in part because I just honestly love it that much, and also because it is a first for me.  Having gone to church nearly every Sunday for my entire life, I never went to a church that I genuinely looked forward to.  Never went to a church that I felt excited about.  Never went to a church that I felt compelled to share with others.  Yes, there were specific people that I grew to love, and certain aspects that I enjoyed here and there… but I never truly loved a church until now (and if I’m being honest, there were churches in my past that I not only didn’t love, but that made me outright miserable)  Suffice it to say, my personal church history has made me very empathetic and understanding towards those who have sworn off church altogether.

The church we attend now is a huge church.  It has over 17,000 attendees over the course of its 5 weekend services.  It has a sprawling campus, separate children’s and teen buildings, a rocking worship band, a bookstore, a Starbucks, a cafe, an outdoor grill… all those things that for some reason make a lot of people really really uncomfortable.  Those things that make people come to a snap judgment in their head, and offer up a categorical, “Oh it’s one of those churches.”  We haven’t brought anyone to church with us recently, but we have in the past.  And with a few exceptions, their reactions were undeniably (and strongly) negative.  Which is weird, now that I’m thinking about it, because it would never occur to me to go someone else’s church as a guest, and follow it up with anything other than a “thank you for the invitation,” let alone a critique.

A think a large part of the problem is that in many cases, people make their minds up before they even step out of the car, based on preconceived notions and often times misconceptions.   We all hold these prejudices about certain things, and these so-called “megachurches” like the one we attend are seemingly high on a lot of people’s lists.   They’re judged sight-unseen because they’re …. too big.  Or too impersonal.  Or too irreverent.  Or too much like a cult.  Or something.  And if you go into a church – or into any new situation or circumstance – already having pre-judged it, it’s going to live up to your expectations for better or worse, every time.

The following are some of the biggest misconceptions or myths about megachurches that I hear the most often, along with my responses.  I’m just asking that you keep an open mind, and if you should ever find yourself a guest of a friend or a family member at one of these churches that you enjoy it for the unique experience that it is.  Remember that they have chosen to call that church home for a reason, and that they’ve chosen to invite you for a reason too (and it’s really not to bring you over to the dark side.)

1.  They are impersonal.  

How can you possibly make personal connections in a church with literally tens of thousands of members?  You show up.  You talk to people.  You join small groups.  You volunteer.  You get involved.  Even just taking the kids to their classes every week, we are starting to see the same faces, and get the same familiar greetings.  The pastor is outside the auditorium every Sunday before every service, greeting members, talking to people, throwing a football with a child, just like you’ll often see happen at a smaller church.  Is it possible to remain completely anonymous, go to services, and go home without having talked to a single soul?  Sure (although you’d admittedly have to be pretty rude and ignore the half dozen people that say good morning to you on the way from your car to the auditorium).  But it’s a choice that you are making.  It’s not the fault of the church!  And it shouldn’t go without saying:  I have attended small churches, with maybe 30 members, and have been utterly ignored.  Yes, I could have initiated conversation, but when you’re a 20-something newlywed in a mostly older congregation, it is far more hurtful and uncomfortable to feel rejected by 30 people than it is to be an anonymous member of a church of 1,000’s, where at the very least you can count on an honest and friendly “good morning,” or “good to see you” on your way inside.

2.  They are irreverent.

I went to another church once where was there a huge knock-down, drag-out (not literally) over whether or not it was okay to bring tables into the room that was used for worship, so that it could also be used for pot lucks.   People got so upset about it, they left the congregation.  The issue?  Some people felt it was irreverent to eat in a room that should be reserved for nothing but honoring God.  But here’s the thing.  It’s just a building.  That’s true if it seats 10 or 10,000.   God just wants us to come to him.  He doesn’t care if we do it from a small church or a large church or a mountain top.  He doesn’t care if we’re dressed in jeans or flip flops or our “Sunday best.”  He doesn’t care care if we drink our overpriced Starbucks coffees while we listen to the sermon.  He just cares that we showed up.

Having said all of that… The rock-style praise music that you hear at the start of the service (one of the biggest things that makes people nervous, along with the fact that people sometimes bring their coffee into the auditorium) gradually gives way to slower, more reflective songs.  When it’s time for communion – which undeniably IS a time for reverence – the room is quiet, the mood is appropriately contemplative, and everyone is able to partake in the manner that he or she finds most in line with their own personal interpretation of scripture.

3.  They are all flash and no substance /  They focus too much on entertainment

This is an odd one to me.  Yes, I enjoy the music during the first third of the service.  Yes, it’s nice that they turn it into a whole “experience” with the lights and the instruments and the video screens.  They have talented musicians leading the singing, and they always choose great songs with meaningful lyrics.  I appreciate it.  I appreciate that I’m almost always guaranteed to laugh at least once during each sermon.  I also appreciate the pretty grounds, and the big expanse of lawn where all the kids play between services, and the giant cross at the top of the hill.  But that’s not why I go.  I go because I know I’m going to be challenged each week, every week.  I know I’m going to hear a lesson that’s based not on one man’s opinion, or on tradition, but on the Bible.  I know that I’m going to learn a little bit more about what it truly means to “walk the walk,” and I know that I’m going to be given a practical and applicable “take away”  that’s real and relevant in my own life, right now.

Similarly,

4.  They preach a watered-down, “feel good” gospel.

First, the Bible is above all else, GOOD news.  If you’re going to a church that has neglected to mention that fact, then I think you’re going to the wrong church.  I’m sorry, but I do.  It IS good news.  It’s inspiring.  It’s joyful.  It’s filled with grace.  But that doesn’t in any way mean that all that’s taught is airy-fairy, feel-good, watered-down, spoon-fed nuggets of fluff.   In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been as challenged to grow as a Christian as I’ve been since we’ve started attending this church (and granted, that may have more to do with where I am in my own personal walk.  But still)  Our pastor never shies away from saying the hard things.  Never neglects to give us the whole truth.  NEVER fails to make me think, and think hard, about why I believe what I believe, and whether or not what I’ve always thought to be true is actually biblical.   It even sometimes makes me uncomfortable, in the best way, because that’s how you grow.  He preaches what we need to hear, not necessarily what we always want to hear.  Last Sunday, the lesson was on materialism, one that cut incredibly close to my core.  We’ve been worshiping money (albeit in a weird, opposite of materialism kind of way)  and it’s wrong.  I don’t know that I would have fully grasped how and why it’s wrong if I hadn’t heard that particular lesson on that particular day.  And while it would always be nice to live in a carefree la-la land where I can get all worked up over money all I want, I’m now facing it.  Precisely because my church does NOT preach a watered-down, feel-good gospel.

And speaking of money,

5.  They cost too much money to operate / They must carry a lot of debt / They are wasteful of God’s resources.

I’ll admit, this one really, really bothers me.  For many reasons.  For one thing, the pastor of our church never set out to create this huge Super Church.  That wasn’t his goal.  He was simply heeding a personal call to evangelize.  When he started this church in 1982, it met in a movie theater.  As it naturally and organically grew, and they needed more and more seats, they began meeting in an elementary school, and subsequently rented other buildings until they were finally able to secure their own land and build their own building.   As the church continues to grow, any time a need arises for new space or new buildings, the members all contribute their funds to make it happen.  When we first started going, they were taking donations for the children’s building that our three youngest so enjoy every week.   In fact we all got to write on the floor before the carpet was laid, as a dedication (which was pretty stinkin cool)    The church is growing and expanding so much that they now have two campuses, and have helped start 11 other various churches as well.

When you consider that as Christians we’re supposed to be winning people for Christ, I have a hard time viewing it as anything but a GOOD thing that this church has grown to the size that it has.  Churches are supposed to grow!!  People are supposed to be getting out into their communities and ministering to people in need.   People are supposed to be inviting their friends and family to church with them.  I personally wonder more about the churches that don’t grow.  The ones that struggle just to maintain their current membership year after year.

Oh, but the money!!  The electricity, the lights, the water, the paper!  Oh the waste!  That money could be ministering to needy people in other countries. 

Well, yeah, it could.  And while I can’t speak for other churches of this size, the church that we attend is actually quite heavily involved in overseas missions.  But the fact remains that this church is ministering to tens of thousands of people RIGHT HERE, who are then going out in to the community and ministering to tens of thousands more.  That is no small thing!!  Does it cost money to do it?  Of course!  And there are lots of people willing to step up and share that burden (or blessing, as the case may be)

6.  They are churches of “convenience.”

The first time I heard this, it was in reference to the fact that there were 5 identical weekend services (although at the time there might have been only 4) But I’ve heard it in other ways too:  The fact that you can go to the cafe and eat your lunch while you listen to the sermon on the big screen.  The fact that the outdoor grill seating area has the Sunday morning ball games playing on its many TVs.  The fact that you can sit in your PJs from the comfort of your home, and watch the video version of any sermon you happened to miss.   In essence, we’re back to the spoon-fed, no-effort-on-your-part assertions from #4.  Here’s my problem with that:   If you’re going to minister to 17,000 people, you’re going to need to schedule different times to fit them all in.  That’s not a matter of “convenience” but of practicality.  Having two services on Saturday and three on Sunday gives people options, and allows them the best possible chance to get the most people to church to hear that week’s message (which, after all, should be the whole point, shouldn’t it?)  As for eating in the cafe, and watching the service … well, as I said earlier, I really don’t believe God cares if we’re eating while we’re worshiping him.   I actually happen to think God likes it when we’re always worshiping him… whether we’re eating or showering or paying the bills.  The sports thing is a non-issue for me.  I don’t watch sports.  But I think it’s pretty darn cool for the people who do.  I see it as nothing more than another chance to hang out with other believers, bonding over a common interest while you eat your freshly grilled frankfurter.   And the video sermon at home?  How awesome is it that in this day and age we have that option when we have to miss a sermon?!    That’s not being spoon-fed.  That’s using the technology given to us by God to further study his Word.

* * * * * * * * * *

When the Bible was written, some 3,000 years ago, there weren’t 7 billion people on the earth.  There was no internet.  No electricity, no running water, no sound systems, no video recording capabilities.  There were no cafes, no Starbucks, and no bookstores.  In other words, there is no sound biblical reason to support the flogging of a church simply because it employs any or all of the above.   The Bible is silent on the specifics of modern-day worship facilities, because there was no practical need (or resources) for their existence.  What is the Bible NOT silent on?  Love.  Joy.  Peace.  Patience.  Kindness.  Goodness.  Faithfulness.  Gentleness.  Self-control.   There are no perfect churches…. not big ones, and not small ones.  But if your church is preaching – and more importantly, LIVING – these nine things, it’s on the right track, whether it has 17 members or 17,000.

 

15 Comments

Filed under about me, church, faith, misconceptions, religion, spirituality

October 21, 2011 · 6:07 PM

52 Ways to Have a “Time-In”

Anyone who regularly reads my blog, or knows me in person, will likely know that the girl and I have been experiencing some growing pains lately.   Tegan is amazing, and sweet, and energetic, and funny.  I thank God every day that I get to be her mom, just as I do with her brothers.  And oh, the good days are very, very good….. and the not-as-good days can be, well, hard.  I am learning things I never learned with my first three.  In fact, there have been many times over the past three and a half years that I’ve honestly felt that I’m a first-time parent all over again.  I have been challenged to be a better parent, and a more patient parent, more than ever before.

One thing I’ve discovered this time around is the importance of re-centering and re-connecting when things are getting squirrelly.  When one or both of us are out-of-sorts, when she’s tired or frustrated or overwhelmed, when that moment comes when traditional parenting advice would have you doling out some form of “discipline”…. that is the point that I know it’s time to take a deep breath, a step back, and a moment for both of us to have a break from the situation together.   Rather than removing HER from the predicament and/or the room, we change course and re-gather our bearings, together.  A “time-in,” if you will.

Here are 52 different things that work for us.   (Why 52?  Because that’s the random number that came to my head when I started typing the title.  And because, why not)

1.  Get wet.   Water is amazing at turning a mood around.  Water in a sink, in the tub, from a hose, in a kiddie pool … it all works wonders.  Is it raining?  Go dance in it!!


2.  Play some music.  The kids and I are all in love with the free music sites like Groove Shark.   Favorite songs, whether playing softly in the background, or cranked to high volume, are always a great pick-me-up.

3.  Go outside.  Or, if you’re already outside,

4.  Go inside.  Sometimes all you need is a change of scenery.

5.  Take a field trip.  It doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy.  My kids are thrilled to go to the Dollar Store.  They also love going to places like PetSmart to look at the fish.

6.  Dance.  Tegan loves to dance.   She doesn’t even need any music to dance to, but adding it to music makes it even more fun, especially when she does ballet to a rock song, or starts head-banging to a ballad.

7.  Yell.  Sometimes you have to let it out.   Go outside, or better yet, to a secluded spot in the desert (or forest or wherever you live) and yell your little hearts out.

 

8.  Throw something.  A ball, a frisbee, a wadded up piece of paper, a rock in a river….

9.  Bake something.  “Can we make cookies?”  is an oft-heard question around these parts.  (The answer, of course, is yes.)

10.  Grab a camera.  The other day, Tegan was tired and grumpy, and agreed to lay down with me in my bed.  I had my cell phone with me, and she was thrilled when I showed her the self-portrait feature.  She was happy, and relaxed, and entertained for a good hour while we took pictures like these:


11.  Watch a movie.  Don’t forget the popcorn.

12.  Clean something.  It may sound weird, but sometimes a good sweeping, mopping, or scrubbing is fun and relaxing for both of us.

13.  Play with your food.  It is soothing and relaxing to run your hands through and play with dry rice or beans or a little flour.   Not too long ago, I had some ground decaf coffee in the cabinet (which I don’t drink) so I spread it out on a cookie sheet, and the girl happily played, scooped and dumped to her heart’s content.

14.  Yoga, meditation, or prayer.  Or a little bit of all three…. whatever helps you and your child get calm and centered and connected.

15.  Wii Fit.   We use this a lot lately, and it’s a great way to move and have fun at the same time.  If you don’t have Wii, any sort of jumping around and exercising works just as well.

16.  Get your hands dirty.  If you’re Tegan, get your whole body dirty.

 

17.  Spend time with an animal. At the time of this writing, we have a dog, a rat, a tarantula, a fish, and 6 chickens.    If you don’t have a pet, borrow time with someone else’s.   My kids all love going to the grain store where we get our chicken feed, because they get to visit with rabbits, ferrets, baby chicks, and exotic reptiles.

18.  Build something.  Legoes and blocks are always fun, and if you’re feeling more adventurous grab some wood and some nails.

 

19.  Play cards.  We always have several decks – and partial decks – hanging around the house.  Even the littlest kids like to just play with, sort, and fling cards.   There’s Go Fish, War, and Crazy Eights.   And there are a million tricks you can learn to amaze and inspire.   Try this link for ideas.

20.  jacksonpollock.org  It’s just fun.

21.  Color.  Stay in the lines or not.  Your choice.

22.  Put on a costume.  Wear it with pride.

 

23.  Sidewalk chalk.  We like to draw murals, make hopscotch boards and obstacle courses,  and trace our bodies crime-scene style.

24.  Drive.  No need to have a destination.  There’s always a whole new dynamic in the car.

25.  Pull an old game from the closet.  An old favorite, or the one you never want to play because it has a million pieces.

26.  Do a puzzle.   Don’t have a real-life one handy?  Do one virtually.

27.  Play in the laundry.  Even the seven year old still loves it when I dump a clean basket of laundry on his head before I fold it.

28.  Take something apart.  My kids have taken apart everything from old VCRs to Playstations to lawn mowers.

29.  Go to the library.  We usually come home with dozens of books… but it’s always fun browsing and reading even if we don’t.

30.  Do a science experiment.  The boys have accumulated some really cool science kits and chemistry sets.  But even good old baking soda and vinegar works in a pinch.

31.  Have a carpet picnic.  It’s a very well known fact that food tastes better when it’s eaten on a big blanket spread picnic style on the carpet.   Watching the Oscars or the Super Bowl while you eat is optional.

32.  Have a carpet nap.  Because picnicking is tiring.

33.  Look at pictures.  Tegan especially loves it when I dig up pictures from my own childhood.  The older, the better.

 

34.  Call a friend.  My first inclination when I’m having a rough day is to hole up in my own house, and not see, talk, or otherwise socialize with anyone else.  But.  Sometimes it is very helpful for me and the girl to be around a kind and trusted third party.

35.  Read a book.  Or two or seven.  It’s kind of an obvious one, but I couldn’t leave it out.  Get comfy on the couch and read, read, read.

36.  Redecorate.  Hang some new pictures, rearrange the room, or draw on the windows with window markers.  We got an old children’s table and chairs for free, and the girl is sprucing it up herself.

 

37.  Laugh.  Watch a goofy movie, take turns telling corny jokes, or have a silly contest.

38.  Tie yourself in knots.  When I was little, my dad used to put one of his big flannel shirts on my sister and I.  He’d button it all up, then wrap the arms behind our backs and tie them up.  We’d laugh and laugh while we rolled around and tried to escape.

39.  Blow bubbles.  We’ve tried a lot of different fancy bubble blowers and gadgets, but I still think the plain old, inexpensive bottles and wands work the best.  And they make the girl deliriously happy.

40.  Make paper snowflakes.  It’s always fun, no matter what time of year it is.

41.  Replicate a favorite store-bought treat at home.  The internet makes it really easy to make a knock-off of your favorite confection from Jamba Juice, Starbucks, Cinnabon, or whatever strikes your and your child’s fancy.

42.  Playdough.   We also like clay and modeling wax, anything we can squish and mold and shape with our hands.

 

43.  Make an indoor tent.  Chairs + big sheet or blankets = great hideaway for reading, coloring, snacking, or hanging out.

44.  Do nothing.  Seriously.  Just sit, and breathe, and relax, and BE together.

45.  Write a letter.  Not an email (not that emails aren’t great, too)  but a letter.  On paper.    Or draw a picture, or make up a little package of stickers or other goodies, and mail it to a child that you love.

46.  Make a big, huge, list together.  Or, if you already have one, pick something that you haven’t done, and do it.

47.  Go for a walk.  Stop and look at trees and rocks and leaves and sticks.  Let your child lead.

 

48.  Sew something.  The kids love it when I have the sewing machine out, but good old needle and thread works too.  For tiny fingers, lacing with big beads is always fun.

49. Shoot a Nerf gun.  We have a LOT of Nerf guns laying around our house.  I’m always surprised at what a stress reliever it is when I pick one up and shoot it.  For the older boys, we also have bb guns and bows and arrows.

50.  Massage.  Even lots of babies enjoy massages (It’s a good idea to be versed in infant massage first)  You can massage your toddler, or have her give YOU a massage.  Tegan loves walking up and down my back while I lay on the floor.  Win/win.

51.  Let them cry.  No, not in the leave them alone in a room, and make them cry-it-out way.  But sometimes, a person just has to cry.  There have been times when I’ve done absolutely everything I can possibly think of, and the girl is just so tired or frustrated or disappointed that she just needs a good cry.  So I let her know I’m there, hold her if she wants me close, and I let her cry.

And finally,

52.  Break the rules.   We don’t really do rules in our house.  We do principles, and they generally just apply to treating ourselves, and each other, with respect.  But I know a lot of people do have rules, and rather than viewing those difficult days as a time to more strictly adhere to the rules, I think the opposite is in order.  Let that be the one time you have cookies before dinner, or stay up past bedtime, or jump on the couch.

“One day at a time – this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”

20 Comments

Filed under about me, gentle discipline, gentle parenting, mindful parenting, parenting

October 20, 2011 · 9:35 AM

Plank Pullin’: My big mouth

It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5 style.

 

I try really hard not to gossip or complain about others.  It’s not nice, of course, and I don’t like listening to other people doing it.   The other day though, a situation with one individual had gotten the better of me, and I unloaded a torrent of frustrations onto a faithful friend.  This person wasn’t doing anything to me personally mind you, but just – in my ever so humble opinion – being generally obnoxious to mankind as a whole. They were wrong (because, you know, everyone is supposed to be perfect all the time and never do anything unseemly). I didn’t like it, so I complained about it.  I stood there and complained about it, and judged someone, and said unkind things….. and basically did all the stuff that I find so distasteful in others.

The very next day, this person did something that not only made me regret my words, but also completely and utterly proved me wrong.  With a capital W.  (Insert some cliched, but true, adages here about putting my foot in my mouth, or about pots and kettles and how they’re both black).  I was wrong.  And aside from the obvious “See, it serves you right for gossiping about someone!!”  it made me feel very small.  I was judging the situation, and the person, unfairly.  I was making assumptions.  Funny how we have to learn the same lesson over and over and over again until we get it.   This is basic stuff here, not rocket science.  Even the kids know what happens when you ASSume.

But I learned my lesson (um, again) and maybe it’ll actually stick this time.

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger ~ James 1:19

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October 18, 2011 · 7:26 PM

Today, by the numbers

Field trip to a (free) children’s heart museum:  About $10 in gas.

A nice lunch for 6 at Big Fat Greek Restaurant:  $65

Redbox late fee for the movie we never even finished watching Sunday night:  $1.20

Standing in line to return said movie, chatting with a bunch of people, and only discovering that the zipper on my pants was wide open AFTER I got back into my car:  Priceless.

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October 14, 2011 · 7:35 AM

Things I Love

Yesterday, I was unloading the dishwasher  in that ho-hum, autopilot fashion that I think most of us employ when tending to mundane tasks.  Grab the cups, stack the plates, sort the silverware…  Grab, grab, stack, stack, sort, sort.  This mug was the last thing I took out of the top rack, and as I set it on the counter, it made me smile.  This mug makes me happy  – seriously, how can you not be happy when you look at the Life is Good guy?? –  and I don’t use it often enough.  It occurred to me as I was looking at this mug that it was one of just a very few items that I’d taken out of the dishwasher that I really loved.  (My striped mugs still fall into the “love” category as well)

As I looked around the kitchen, and then the rest of the house, I started asking myself how much of what I was seeing did I love.    Not what was “nice” or expensive or fancy, but what I really loved… for whatever reason.  It didn’t take me long to realize, “Dang, we accumulated a lot of extra ‘stuff’ again.”  It’s stifling, and suffocating, and I don’t want to live that way anymore.  I want to love what’s in my house.   Now granted, I know I’m not going to love everything.  I don’t jump for joy every time I open a new package of q-tips or kitchen sponges, but I use them.  If it’s not something I – or something else in my family – love OR use, what on earth is it doing in the house?

It’s not the first time I’ve done this either.  I’ve been struck with inspiration before, determined to de-clutter and simplify…. but somehow the extra stuff creeps back in.  I don’t like it.  So, starting today, I’m going to purposely change that. I’m going to streamline.  Simplify.   I’m going to take the next week, or month, or six months or however long it takes and go through my house room by room.  If it’s not loved or used, it goes.  I want my home to be mindfully filled with things that make us happy, not a receptacle for so much accumulated extra stuff that we can’t even find the things we love.  Thankfully the kids are all helpful and discerning when it comes to decluttering as well.  They have no problem parting with old toys and clothes they no longer use, especially when they know they’re going to go to another child who will enjoy them.   They always get into the project once it begins, and are excited by the new, less claustrophobia-inducing house once progress is made.  Tegan, at three, tends to be more of a saver than the others, but who am I to question her love for a stick or a rock or a gum wrapper from 6 months ago?   And the husband is even more supportive than the kids.  Any time I’ve suggested the possibility of less stuff, it’s always been met with a resounding, “Yes.  Throw it away!  Get it out of the house!!”

So I’m gonna.  Now.  And I can’t wait.

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October 9, 2011 · 1:53 PM

Gratitude

I usually don’t post anything on the weekends, in part because I’m too busy running to and fro and hanging out with my family… and in part because I just need a break.  But today, I decided that from now on (or until I get tired of it), Sundays will be for posting about what I’m thankful for that week, both large and small.  After the sort of negative space I’ve been in lately, I need it… and maybe some of you reading need it too.  They may be large or small, lighthearted or serious.   And I hope you’ll join me!

So without further ado, the top five things I’m thankful for this week (in no particular order):

 



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October 7, 2011 · 11:28 AM

Wall Street, politics, and other things I won’t blog about…

The other day, someone told me I should write a post about vaccinations, and what led us to our decision to opt out.  “You’re crazy,” I responded, “I”m not that brave!”  Regardless of how carefully I choose my words, it’s a topic that’s likely to get more heated than anything else I write about.  And it’s one thing to feel good and confident about your own choices, but quite another to open yourself up to the ire of the majority of people who’ve chosen differently.

I had a similar reaction when, a few months ago, someone asked why I’d never written a post about circumcision, if I feel as strongly about it as I do.   I’ve only mentioned it in passing, and while most people know where I stand on the issue, it’s not something I’ve ever written about in detail.  “No way.  Way too scary.”  You think vaccine discussions get heated?   Nothing compared to the circumcision debates I’ve seen.

I don’t want to say never though.  Both are useful discussions, and ones that I think a lot of people could benefit from hearing. Maybe one day, when I’m feeling particularly confident, I’ll put something together.

I don’t however, ever plan to write about politics (today excepted), and this is why:

I was completely apathetic about anything political until I was in my late twenties.  It was all too complicated, and it made people crazy, and it was just easier to rest in my ignorance.  Didn’t understand it, didn’t care that I didn’t understand it.  I couldn’t tell you the difference between a democrat or republican, and I only had vague ideas about being liberal or conservative (I’m not proud of any of this, by the way.  People should not be apathetic to what’s going on in their country.)

The first time I voted in a presidential election was in 2000, the year that Bush ran against Gore.  As the election grew closer, I still knew nothing about.. well, anything.. so I decided it was time I learned.  I didn’t want to be ignorant anymore.  I spent hours researching candidates and studying their platforms.  I asked myself – for the first time in my life really – how I felt about the things I was reading.  I took little online quizzes that asked questions about key issues and matched me up with who I most closely aligned.   I took notes.  I read voraciously.  I thought about little else.

And I voted.   I found the whole thing to be incredibly empowering, and I’d wished I’d done it sooner.

Sometime during the whole election period, I was talking to a friend on the phone, and she asked me how I was voting.  I didn’t want to tell her… partly because I hadn’t told anyone yet, and partly because I assumed (correctly as it turned out) that she was voting for the other candidate, and I didn’t want to get into a whole “thing” when I was feeling pretty darn good about the fact that I was even voting at all.  The fact that I’d made my own informed decision, and that I wasn’t following my parents or my husband or the media.   That for the first time in my life, I’d done the research, and I’d come to learn and appreciate and embrace what I thought.

“Oh come on, we’re friends, just tell me!”  Her voice was light and teasing on the surface, but she wasn’t going to let it go.

So eventually I told her.  And she snorted.   She laughed at me.  “Oh God, I wouldn’t vote for him if you put a gun to my head!!!  Are you serious?”

It was a light bulb moment for me:  Too many people get mean when they talk about politics.  People who are perfectly nice ordinarily suddenly lose control of their senses and can’t help but involuntarily lash out at those who disagree.     I don’t like it.  And it’s not about having strong opinions (I LOVE strong opinions).  It’s not about believing something different from me (If I stand for nothing else, it’s for freedom) It’s not even about being obnoxiously verbose about whatever your particular cause is (Um, I’m a blogger.  Enough said)  It’s about being mean.  It’s about attacking a whole other group of people just because they don’t agree with you.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen it as strongly illustrated as I have this past week on Facebook.   My news feed’s been all aflutter with people posting about Occupy Wall Street, and in many many cases I’ve felt … disgusted.   Yes, I’m disgusted.  People feel strongly about this – on both sides – and I get that.  I get sharing information and pictures and news articles.  I get sharing your opinion.   I do.  What I don’t get is the need to be cruel, the need to degrade an entire group of people because they feel differently than you.  Because they’re liberal.  Or conservative.  Or in the 99%.  Or the 1%.  I don’t get the need to be mean about it.     I think the saddest part to me is seeing fellow Christians suddenly acting in a decidedly un-Christian manner, hurling insults, subscribing to sweeping and hateful generalizations, and making distasteful jokes… all because they need to prove how right they are.  How kind.  How Christlike.   I see both sides, lumping everyone who disagrees together, making assumptions, attacking innocent people,  attacking each other.   I see people being really hateful in the name of standing up for what they believe in, and it makes me sad.   I want no part of it.  I don’t care if I agree or disagree or if you make a good point or a lousy point.   If you’re being mean, I don’t want to hear your point.

**Big, huge disclaimer here:  I’m not in any way saying that everyone’s being mean.  They’re not.  I’ve read a lot of interesting things from both sides of the issue.  I’ve enjoyed some thoughtful and respectful discussions, and appreciated gleaning some new information.   But.  There’s too much hate, and too much meanness.  It brings out a really ugly side of too many people, one I’d really rather not see.**

So that’s why I will continue to remain silent about Wall Street, and about the 2000 election, and about politics in general.  Yes, I have opinions like everyone else, and I’m more than happy to talk about them with people I trust.   But not with Facebook.  Not with the general public.  Not on my blog.  If you want to talk to me about politics (or about vaccinations or about circumcision or about overpriced coffee drinks) send me a message and we’ll talk!  The only caveat is that you have to be nice.

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Filed under about me, blogging, Facebook

October 5, 2011 · 9:30 PM

Plank Pullin’: The one where I’m fine

It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5, style.

This week’s Plank Pullin’ post isn’t really a plank.  It’s a …. I don’t know what it is exactly, other than a big heaping scoop of reality.  It’s hard to write about though, so I’m totally counting it as a plank.

Do you watch the show Friends?  I’m of the opinion that Friends was one of the greatest TV shows of our generation.  Part of its genius was its ability to get me to relate in some integral way to each of the very different members of the ensemble cast.  Monica with all her neurosis; Phoebe with her free-spirited, hippy ways;  Joey with his love of food…

Well, I could go on, but I’d fear I’d forget my point.  So Ross.  What I love about Ross – besides his incessant need to correct everyone’s grammar – is that he’s this absolutely intelligent man who still sort of bumbles through life getting into one weird predicament after another.  He’s also a huge geek, to an almost embarrassing degree, but rather than running from it he embraces it.  In the episode I’m thinking of tonight, he walks in on Joey and Rachel kissing, and of course it devastates him because Joey’s one of his best friends, and he’s still in love with Rachel (seriously, if you haven’t watched it, you’re missing out)  They keep asking him if he’s okay, and he keeps insisting he’s “fine”, when he’s very clearly NOT fine.   It’s at once hysterical and painful, and his level of “fine” just increases as the episode plays out.

Here, watch a great clip of the highlights on YouTube.

I have been Ross lately, except it’s not as funny in real life as it is in a sitcom.  No, I didn’t walk in on my best friend kissing the girl I loved – although, wow, this would be an entirely different blog if I had, wouldn’t it? – but I’ve been busily playing “fine” the past several weeks, when everything around me is screaming, “You are SO. NOT. FINE.”   With very few exceptions, my whole life I’ve always tried to keep pushing through the muck when I’m feeling depressed or stressed out.  “Keep pushing, keep pushing”, I’ll tell myself, “and eventually you’ll get clear”.    But it never works that way.  I push and I push, and eventually it all catches up to me.  I end up overwhelmed, exhausted, and uninspired.  So deluged by the vast amount of “to-do’s” on my list that I can’t bring myself to do anything.   Not sleeping well, not eating right, and just slogging away as though I’m under water.

Oh, but I’m fine.

And then I wake up one day and I realize that it’s been two weeks since I’ve had the slightest desire to leave the house, or see a friend, or be in any way social at all.  I realize that I’m having a disproportionately difficult time dealing with people in general.  I realize that I’m thinking about going back to bed from the time I get up, but I know that it won’t be restful because I won’t be sleeping anyway.  I realize that I’m not taking much pleasure from the things that I usually enjoy, and I realize that I’m just very, very, very tired.

And I finally admit it to myself :  Crap.  I’m not fine.

The silver lining? (In what has turned into a rather depressing post.   Sorry about that)  Once I admit it, I can immediately start taking the steps to turn it around,  to take care of myself, to work on once again getting to a place where things aren’t just “fine”, but great.   Now is the time to be excited about life again, to be grateful for each new day, to appreciate all the little things.   And life is filled with SO MANY wonderful little things!

Today was a good day.  I spent a long time coloring with the girl in her new Dora coloring book.  I walked with all four kids around the block (the first time it’s been cool enough to do so in a LONG time).  I watched them grinning from ear to ear as they whizzed down the hill on their scooters, and it made my heart smile.  I drew on the driveway with chalk.  I vacuumed and folded laundry and mailed something special to a good friend.

And it was all better than fine.

Philippians 4:13- NAS
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me

 


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