Category Archives: about me

September 30, 2011 · 10:40 AM

Us Time

A little more than two weeks ago, I announced my inspired plan to institute a little bit of a schedule.  In this daily schedule (or rhythm or whatever you’d like to call it) was an entire block of time devoted to blogging, writing, and “me time” in general.  It was a brilliant plan, and it was going to be great.

Yeah.  Not so much.

And I could say I’m disappointed, and I could express some frustration, except … this is clearly the way it’s supposed to be right now, it really is:  Spending my days’ energy on the kids and their needs and their pursuits (and enjoying it), and stealing my moments to shower go to the bathroom rest blog or write or pursue some other passion whenever I can get them.   I know as well as anyone that they are only young once, and that this time in their life goes so quickly.  So, so quickly!!  And that right now, my own personal pursuits can wait, or be attended to bit by bit.  Theirs cannot, or should not.  And it’s not about putting myself last, or giving something up, but about putting my family FIRST.

There is such a huge societal push to get away from your kids.  You need “me” time.  You need “girl” time.  You need “couple” time.  Sign them up for classes, sign *yourself* up for classes, get them out of the house.  Get a sitter, get a sitter, get a sitter.   And I’m not saying that any of those things are bad in and of themselves… it’s just that my heart tells me there’s another way.  It doesn’t have to be “me” time or “kid” time.   It doesn’t have to mean, as has been insinuated to me by others, that my life is too kid-centric.  As far as I’m concerned, right now is US time.  Me and the kids and the husband.  Our family should be the priority… not me, not him, not the kids, but the family.  If, within that framework of family, something feels off-balance, then we deal with it.  But right now, while the kids are young, spending time with them comes first.

In our family (there’s my disclaimer – our family), that has meant not leaving them with sitters.   It has meant being creative about “couple” time and enjoying our literally once a year movie date.  It has meant spending vacations and weekends and days off as a family.  It has meant not leaving them even with relatives before they were ready, and yes, it has meant willingly postponing – oftentimes again and again – my own pursuits if it meant too much time away from them.   It’s not yet the time for me to spend the hours needed in a studio to get certified to teach yoga.  It’s not yet the time for me to spend the hours of study needed to take the personal trainer exam.  It’s not yet the time for me to spend the hours at the computer needed to turn my writing from a hobby into a career.

I have never, ever heard somebody get to the end of their life and say, “You know what?  I wish I hadn’t spent so much time with my kids.”  But I’ve heard the opposite far too many times, and I don’t want to be that person.

And it doesn’t mean that I won’t take time for myself, or time for my husband, or for writing or for blogging or for anything else that comes down the pike and strikes my fancy.  It just means that right now, in this season, I need to spend more time being fully present for this:

And this:

And this:


And perhaps having a little less time to write about it.

And that’s okay.

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Filed under about me, attachment parenting, parenting

September 20, 2011 · 6:00 AM

I Believe

I believe in God, and in  Jesus Christ.

I believe in family.

I believe in unschooling and other alternative forms of education.  I believe that people learn best when they are able to decide what, when, where, how, and from what or from whom they will learn.  I believe in learning and living in freedom.

I believe that children should be treated kindly, gently, and with respect.

I believe in mindful parenting and parenting without force, coercion, and punishment.   I believe in treating my children (and all children) the way I would like to be treated.

I believe in regular length breastfeeding (what most of the world refers to as ‘extended’ nursing).  I believe in co-sleeping, baby wearing, and informed choices about vaccines, circumcision, and health care.

I believe in natural and healthy eating.  And I believe in cupcakes.

I believe in making mistakes and learning from them.

I believe in playing in mud puddles, wearing pajamas all day, having ice cream for dinner, and slurping the milk at the bottom of the bowl of cereal. 

I believe that life is to be enjoyed.

You are welcome here exactly as you are, whether you agree with all, some, or none of the above.  I hope that we can discuss intelligently and maturely, and ultimately all learn from each other.  While you’re of course free to disagree with anything you read at any time, if it makes you feel the need to call me names and hurl obscenities, you should know that 1) I will no longer publish them  (unless it’s to point out your grammatical errors.  That’s always fun for me) and 2) it’s an incredible waste of your time.  While I’m flattered that you would want to hang out just to insult me, the internet is a big place, and there’s lots of room for all of us.   These are just my opinions… it’s not worth getting upset over.  There are plenty of blogs out there that won’t make you so angry, and I’ll wish you well while you go find one.

If you’re still here, I’m happy to have you!  I hope my words entertain, challenge and inspire.

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September 14, 2011 · 3:10 PM

Making Peace with a Schedule

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A few weeks ago, I got an email from someone looking to flesh out the concept of unschooling a little more. One of her (paraphrased) questions was “Do you ever feel like you’re just spinning your wheels, and/or putting out fires all day?”

My answer: Yes. And when I notice it’s happening frequently, I know it’s time for something to change. More specifically, I know it’s time for me to make a change. It’s not a good thing for me OR the kids if I’m scattered all day, flitting here and there and not really present for any of it. Unschooling shouldn’t be about reacting, but about being there, right there in the moment.

Since getting all renewed and re-inspired at the conference, I have sadly realized that I really have been doing all too much wheel-spinning lately. Further, I’ve realized that I have done the same exact thing when each of my boys was Tegan’s age (3) as well. When my kids are around 3 – not quite babies anymore – I sort of have a little life crisis. They are more independent, and playing on their own more often, and needing me in very different ways than before. I start to feel that itch of wanting to take on a new hobby, or start a new business, or devote some time to a certain passion. The difference this time though is that when the boys were her age, I was either about to have another baby, or I’d just had one. So the feelings would go away, and I’d happily immerse myself once again in diapers and onesies and dimpled elbows and chubby feet and sweet smelling baby heads. This time there is no pregnancy and there is no new baby. Which is in turns heartbreakingly sad, and strangely exciting.

Lately my heightened crisis has caused me to become suddenly interested in 20,000 different things. And of course I still want to be present for my kids, and fully invested in unschooling and hands-on parenting. I want to figure out this whole “homemaker” thing, and make (and keep) a nice home for my family. I also want to have some time for myself, and some time for blogging, and some time for pursuing my own interests. As a result, I’m sorry to say, I feel I’ve been only a little bit good at all of the above. I’ve also been anxious about the new season, which is suddenly thrusting us from having zero standing weekly plans to having basketball, gymnastics, scouts, church, and bible study meetings.

And so, I’ve decided to get organized and make a plan. Instead of a zillion personal pursuits, at the moment I’m going to focus on one. And you’re reading it. This blog is my fifth baby, my heart, and my soul. I don’t know what is going to happen in the future, but for right now, this is what I need to be doing. I need to be doing it so badly that I actually made myself a schedule.

I’m not a big schedule person (in fact I sort of hate them with a passion), but I also know that they work really, really well for me. They help me focus on what I’m supposed to be focusing on, and they help my scattered brain get a little less scattered.

Here then, is my – always flexible, always subject to change – schedule:

Morning: Coffee, emails, empty the dishwasher

Rest of the day into the afternoon: Leave the computer alone (instead of checking emails/Facebook in 2 or 3 minute little bursts all the live long day). Be present and focused and available for the kids…. for playing, for projects, for questions, for reading, for talking, for hanging out.

2:00-4:00ish (still working on this): Take time for myself to blog, answer emails and comments, and work on other writing-related stuff, without feeling guilty about it.

4:30 Pick up our messes for the day to get ready for the evening

5:00 till whenever we go to bed: Dinner, dishes, activities, television, playing, and hanging out (and maybe I’ll check emails and Facebook somewhere in there too :)).

The idea is that when I’m with the kids, I’m WITH them. When I’m doing something for me, I’m doing something for me. And so on. It’s still very much an experiment, because honestly, it’s something I’ve never really tried before. I had grand plans to start it yesterday, but instead had an unexpected (and welcome) outing with friends we haven’t seen for 3 months.

So we started it today. I did pretty well with ignoring my computer until 2:00, although I’m thinking I’m not so great with the cold turkey thing. The kids were all 100% on board with giving me my time at 2:00… but I spent 10 minutes of it in the tub with the girl, and another 5 explaining to the 14 year old about researching “completed” listings on Ebay to help price something he wanted to sell… both of which were momentarily more important than my own needs. At the time of this writing, it is 3:00, and all four kids have settled into a happy, comfortable groove. I’ll commit myself to giving it an honest try, and a fair amount of time, and we’ll see what it brings. I’m kind of excited at the prospect though, even if it means some adjustment, for all involved.

If you’re a stay-at-home parent, do you have some sort of schedule for your day? How does it work for you?

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August 31, 2011 · 2:21 PM

I CU

I CU = Intensive Care for the Christian Unschooler.

I’ve been ignoring this weekly meme for awhile now, mainly because at the time I first read about it, it felt like another thing to add to my to-do list.  I know me, and I know that if I did it even once, I’d feel the need to do it again and again (not unlike the weekly Plank Pullin’ posts, which I finally did just to “try it” and somehow continued, week after week, through some kind of force akin to compulsion.)  But I digress.  It’s still a fun idea, and this week I decided to participate because 1)  I’ve been feeling more than a little uninspired, and could use a writing prompt, and 2) I’m in desperate need of some intensive care.  So without further ado, my first I CU…

“This week we want to…” get healthy!!  Although, that’s using the word “we” loosely.  I.  I want to get healthy.  But I’m sure the kids would like it too, because it’s a whole lot more fun having a mom that’s up and about and running around, than one that’s sitting on the couch feeling miserable about the fact that she feels miserable.


“The kids are…” discovering new passions, and re-discovering old ones.  They have been making boffer swords, and have recently gotten out their guitars again.  Spencer’s still researching small engine repair, and our kitchen counters are once again taken over by disassembled Nerf gun parts.  Everett is looking forward to scouts and basketball in a couple of weeks, and the girl is excited about gymnastics.


“I am learning….”  that I’m still learning.  And that just when I think I have things figured out, I get a giant, metaphorical, “Ha ha, fooled ya,” and I realize that not only do I NOT have it figured out.. but I that I don’t even know what it was that I was supposed to be figuring out in the first place.  I’m also learning that the times when I’m experiencing the most growing pains are the times when I’m doing the most growing.


“I am struggling with…”  balance.


“This week is the first time….”  I’ve shown the movie Gremlins to the kids.  I love that they loved it.


“I am grateful…” that my caffeine withdrawal headache has finally gone away, after 3 days.  I’m grateful that my coffee beans, grinder, filters, and maker are still there – waiting – for when I’m ready to embrace them once again.


“I’m looking forward to…..”  the Good Vibrations unschooling conference, a week from tomorrow!!  It’ll be the first time we’ve been around a whole group of unschoolers in 5 years, and I cannot wait.

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August 22, 2011 · 11:33 AM

Sewing, My Daughter, and Breakthroughs

I sewed diapers for Tegan’s Baby Alive doll yesterday. Prior to yesterday, the last time I sewed anything on a sewing machine was around ten years ago. I didn’t own a sewing machine then, so I had to borrow one when I wanted to make some curtains. A couple of years later, my mom gave me a brand-new sewing machine because she’d somehow wound up with an extra…. and it has sat, untouched, in my garage until yesterday. Partly because that’s just the way I do things, and partly because I had a bad association with sewing.

When I made the curtains on that borrowed machine, there was an… incident. There was an incident, I got my feelings hurt, and I haven’t sewed since then.

Is that not the stupidest reason not to do something? But there it was.

I’ve wanted to conquer my sewing machine for awhile now, and when my daughter needed baby diapers, I knew it was time. So I sewed. And it was fun.

I sewed four diapers in all, and will be making some more today. They’re not pretty… they’re uneven and messy and quite clearly shout “A novice made me.” But my daughter is thrilled, and that makes me happy. It felt good too, to do something I hadn’t done in a long time; to do something that I’d been avoiding.

When I’d finished for the night last night, still on a post-project high, I told Mike how glad I was that I’d finally gotten out the sewing machine. And that part of the reason I hadn’t done it sooner was because of old feelings from the last time.

“I know.”

And then I said, as if it wasn’t the millionth time I’d realized it, “I do that a LOT.”

Again he said, “I know.”

I have spent way too much time letting pride, old wounds, and fear stop me from doing things I want to do. As my friend Jessica says, That’s stupid, so I’m not going to do it anymore. That’s not an example I want to set for my kids.

Am I going to become a master seamstress? I doubt it, only because there are lots of other things I want to do too. But I’m not afraid of my sewing machine anymore. And the next time Tegan – or any of my children – ask me to sew something, the answer will be a confident, joyful and resounding,

YES. Yes I can.

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Filed under about me, life, projects, Tegan

August 18, 2011 · 5:16 PM

Plank Pullin’: It’s not you, it’s me…

It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5, style. 

I have a smart phone. I don’t have an iPhone (I tend to be anti-Apple in general). I have an Android, and I love it. I don’t actually need a smart phone, but it’s one of my very few splurges, and I do like to be able to read my emails, check my Facebook, have access to my Googlemaps, etc etc when I’m on the go.

The one condition – which I put on myself – was that when I got a smart phone, I wouldn’t become one of “those” people. The people who choose their phone over actual interactions with the people around them. The people who get so wrapped up in their phones that they are being rude to the waitress who’s just trying to give them the daily specials, that they are ignoring their kids who only want a minute of their time, that they are missing out on being present for anything because their relationship with their phone comes first.

I vowed I would never become one of those people, and I haven’t. I use my phone, I enjoy my phone… but never at the expense of real-life interactions. I use it, and put it away, sometimes not to look at it again for several hours. And it’s oh so easy for me to look down my nose at those attached-at-the-hip smart phone users. Pssssh, I’m not so glad I’m not like that with my phone.

But. Um. I also have a laptop.

My laptop is open all day.  Every day. I am on it – off and on – all day.  Every day.  And it doesn’t matter what I logged on to do, whether it’s respond to an email or look something up or work on a blog post….. I always end up at the same darn place……..

A word about Facebook, if I may:

I think it’s invaluable.  I do.  Especially for someone like me, who (partly by design and partly by circumstance) has very, very few “real life” friends who really GET me.   Someone like me, whose default mode of operation is to withdraw from everyone when I’m feeling off.  Someone like me who  – thanks in large part to sites like Facebook – has found the importance of a tribe, and the importance of meaningful interactions with other people.   Through mediums like Facebook, I have been supported, uplifted, and challenged.  I am continually meeting interesting people and reading thought-provoking things.   Especially now that I’ve brought my blog to Facebook, I am often overwhelmed with gratitude for all the amazing people that it’s allowing me to come in contact with. 

But (and seriously, grab this plank with me.  It’s a big one)  It is a huge distraction for me.  Huge.  I spend a lot of time – not long periods of time, but three minute here and ten minutes there, that ADD UP – that could be much better spent.  And it’s not all sunlight and roses either.  Much of it is, if I’m being honest, time-wasting drivel.  For every good article, interesting blog post, and enlightening video is an inane and off-color Obama joke.  Or another person re-posting the same, “99% of you won’t repost this” status update.  Or a request for boards to build your barn, or money to fund your mafia, or coins to unlock your secret wonders of the universe. (Disclaimer:  I have nothing against games, or the people who play them)  It’s all just a reminder that, despite my best intentions, I have become one of those people.  It just wasn’t with my phone. 

I know a lot of people leave Facebook for those very reasons.  I have done it myself for brief periods of time.  I don’t think that’s the answer (for me) though, because it would be like the proverbial “throwing the baby out with the bath water.”  I do think that there’s a lot of good to be had from Facebook, to be sure.  But there’s a negative too.  I need to tip the scale back to the positive, cut back – waay back – on letting myself get sucked into the drivel, and let the negative fall off the other side. 

And so Facebook, I’m not breaking up with you. But I do think it’s time we start seeing other people.



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August 4, 2011 · 6:30 AM

Plank Pullin’: The one where I feel judged

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It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5, style. 

Let me start with a general confession:

People bug me.

I mean, I’m as personable and easy to get along with as the next guy when everyone’s being nice and reasonable and friendly… and I truly enjoy interacting with others who are happy and open-minded and interesting.  But.  I am an introvert through and through, and I get “peopled out” very easily.  Unfortunately, the internet (which is, of course, an invaluable source of those happy and open-minded and interesting people I do like talking to) also provides a veritable and unending stream of frustration in the form of the rude, the arrogant, and lately, the judgmental.

I have felt a lot of judgment lately…. not judgment aimed at me specifically, but aimed towards people like me:  those of the “more Jesus, less religion” ilk.  People like me who truly love God, but who, for one reason or another have rejected the traditional path of organized religion.  Those who have found freedom in the relationship, even (or especially) outside of church, and those who have eschewed a lifestyle built on rules.

It has been following me – and frustrating me – all week.  First was the conversation I happened on about unschooling.  Then it was parenting. Then it was what kind of statuses are inappropriate to post on Facebook. Then it was clothing.  Then it was television. Then it was the proper way to talk to God.  Then it was the proper way to talk ABOUT God.  Then it was the proper kind of church to go to.  “People who know and love God would not xyz.  The bible is clear that we’re commanded to xyz.  You are not a good Christian woman if you xyz.”  Is it any wonder that when, a few days ago, a non-Christian friend bemoaned how judgmental she found Christians, I could do nothing but commiserate?

I don’t fit into a box, Christian or otherwise.

I don’t go to church regularly.
I unschool.
I love tattoos.
I put weird colors in my hair.
I sometimes laugh at inappropriate things.
I sometimes SAY inappropriate things.

…..

And I know that God loves me anyway.

I don’t like feeling judged. But – and this is the part where I finally get around to pulling my plank – my feeling frustrated or angry towards the ones doing it is really no different than the judgment itself. If I’m all indignantly yelling, “How DARE she judge me?” aren’t I judging as well? And how about that… it doesn’t feel nice coming or going.

Whatever journey they are on is just that: theirs. And this one is mine. And I can ignore their existence love them and learn to sincerely wish them well, and rest assured in the peace that comes from knowing that nothing anyone else says can affect my own personal relationship with God.

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August 3, 2011 · 6:30 AM

20 Years

Mike and I met on August 3rd, 1991. Two years and 4 days later – on August 7th, 1993 – we got married. I mention this lest you get confused if, in four days, I make note of an anniversary again. “Didn’t she just talk about that??”

I don’t really have any special posting planned for our wedding anniversary, but I didn’t want to let today go by without at least a brief mention, because 1) It’s been TWENTY years, which is really really cool, and 2) in some ways, I remember the day we met with even more fondness than our wedding. Don’t get me wrong, our wedding was nice and lovely and everything, but I don’t know. I was wearing a big poufy dress, and everyone was looking at me. It’s taken me a long time to admit it, but I’m just not a wedding person. MARRIAGE, I like. Weddings, not so much.

I digress.

But that day we met! When everything was so new and exciting and full of butterflies and hope and promise and all those other mushy things? That’s the stuff of a romance novel right there.

Weren’t we cute?

 

I first saw him on the porch of the main building at camp.  I liked his eyes.  His friend pointed me out to him, not because he found me in the least attractive, but because “Hey, look.  You can see through that girl’s shorts.”

And The Path Less Taken was born.  Romantic, no?  By the end of that week, we both knew we’d met “The One.”

It drives me crazy when people publicly gush about their spouses (no idea why, probably for the same reason that I don’t like weddings, whatever that is) I don’t want to be the person that announces on Facebook, “20 years ago, I married my best friend.”  But, since it has been twenty years and all….. and twenty years is a big deal….

He’s my rock.  And the love of my life.

 

And he really is my best friend.

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July 31, 2011 · 9:43 PM

Yup, I’ve got Boys

So, Jessica of Bohemian Bowmans told me I should check out the M.O.B. Society (Moms of Boys). Since I generally trust her judgment, I heeded her advice. They are having a blog hop, and since I’ve never blog hopped before, I thought I just might give it a whirl. So I went, I saw, and I hopped.

Welcome to those who are here from the MOB Society (and to everyone else who is here for the first time!)

I am a mom of boys, three of them in fact.

Me, almost 11 yr old, 7 yr old, and 14 yr old.  They’re awesome.

For the first 11 years of my parenting journey, I was a mom to ALL boys. Lots of matchbox cars, legos, and testosterone in this house.  I loved having all boys!! I still love having boys, but I have since been blessed with a beautiful little girl as well:

She’s awesome too.

I am a full-time unschooling mom.  Four kids, one husband, 6 chickens and one dog … plus various other assorted creatures that make their way into our house.  It all keeps me pretty busy, but I’ve recently become re-acquainted with the concept of “me time.”  I became certified in nutritional consulting earlier this year (and I continue to study natural health and fitness), but these days I’ve been spending all my extra energy on blogging and building my little online community.  I mostly blog about gentle parenting and unschooling, but topics may also include my kids, my adventures, my own quirky views on the world… and cupcakes.  I really like cupcakes.

Finally, to steal verbatim from my ‘about’ page:

I try really hard to live in the moment and not sweat the small stuff, because I have a million and one little neuroses that make me perfectly imperfect.  I also have 4 things that bring me total, unadulterated joy.  My kids are my heart and my soul.

If you’re just here for a visit, I hope you’ll stick around!

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July 19, 2011 · 5:17 AM

Day Seventeen: My Souvenir

The kids have been collecting little souvenirs as we’ve traveled: a couple of stuffed animals and seashells for Tegan, new baseball caps for the boys. Today, thanks in large part to peer pressure a co-conspirator a supportive friend, I got my own souvenir: a little stud in my nose. I hadn’t really planned to pierce my nose on the trip… I actually wanted to do it before the trip, but Mike talked me out of it, concerned about the possibility of dealing with complications/infections/problems when we were away from home. But the timing felt right, I was inspired by being with a kindred spirit, and I rose to the occasion.

In other news:

The boys are thoroughly enjoying being around other hardcore video-gamers.
Spencer mowed the lawn at his own request.
I relished a whole lot of baby-holding, as did the kids:

And we braved the heat and humidity for a short walk and bike ride down the street, where Everett rode a two-wheeler sans training wheels for the very first time.

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